Fiance of 8 years, two small kids, stepson, neverending issues/resentment

[tattoobunnie]

Dating a megalomaniac never helps especially when they trap you when your young.

 

Don't let this guy destroy you, which is the path he has been leading you down.

 

He is unaccountable for anything he does. A few more years, he'll become a solid dead beat. Don't waste your best years on him.

 

And don't worry, megalomaniacs and narcissists don't kills themselves. They are too busy thinking how amazing they are.

[Andrina]

He has no problem making me look like an idiot in front of people. We were at a Halloween party and he told a girl we’re both friends with, but don’t know super well, that “he’ll get in trouble from me if he talks to her”. I could hear it and said that is absolutely not true and he made it seem like I’m a controlling b---h. At that same party, he told his friend that his cousin (who is my good friend) is so hot that all his friends probably wanted to sleep with her and that he (her own cousin) probably also did! While I’m standing right there looking around awkwardly.. He also joked about my family being inbred because their from the east coast while I stood there and everyone laughed. Tells me I can’t drive a standard even though all 3 of my vehicles I had before getting an SUV were standard and I drove them just fine.. like he wants me to feel stupid.

 

And you want to be so kind as to pay his Internet/cable for 2 months? You're being too kind for your own good. And being that you are willing to pay half his rent for 2 months without you and the girls there, I'm going to guess you won't ask for child support payments because you don't want to upset him. As for your parents, I'd assume they'd like some rent, but wouldn't they want you paying less to them and saving more for a down payment on an apartment?

 

You're going to have to develop more of a spine and do what's best for you and your girls, not appease a jerk who doesn't know how to treat you right.

 

Yes, separate yourself financially, see a lawyer to get the ball rolling on custody and child support agreements, and meet him in a public place without the children that is secluded enough for a private talk but not so secluded that you could shout for help if needed. Strive for supervised child custody visitation if you think it's warranted. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[abitbroken]

Honestly, I would not "tell him what is happening".

I would just tell him you are going to your parents to spend time.

I would ASK your parents if you can live with them until you get things sorted out.

You can't just show up and expect to live there.

Nope, end the $650. Transfer internet into his name or shut it off.

I would use my time off to see an attorney while you have the benefit of your kids spending time with your parents.

I would use my time off to get your personal possessions out of the house.

I would in fact ahead of time, take all your personal papers and most valued personal possessions (photo of great grandma, jewelry, personal momentos that cannot be replaced, baby photos of girls and their prized possessions) and take a little out each day before your time off. You can easily put your birth certificate, other personal papers in your purse and none will be the wiser.

 

Know that everything else is just stuff and if you have to leave it, you do.

 

I would file for physical custody of the girls - i would imagine because you are not married, it would be a lot easier than if you were married.

Then i would let him know that you are not coming back and make sure if you do go back to get your stuff, a friend or parents are with you - either out in the car or actually with you, so you do not cave.

 

If he is on Opiods, he should not drive i would imagine. and he will have the right to visitation to the girls. Not having consistent employment should not be a reason that he cannot see them

[tattoobunnie]

My buddy got things prepared, looking for a new place, etc. Then, when her husband went on a work trip, she and her friends moved out. Sometimes, when you are stuck in a volatile position, you need to play along until you can safely leave. People like him, if they get word you are leaving, will try to cripple you beforehand by stopping to pay bills, anything to ruin your credit. Hide your things, sell things. You do not need to tell him face to face you are leaving them.

[Wiseman2]

Don't expect child support. But be careful about visitation.

 

." He seems to not have a lot of ambition or drive to work in a long term, stable job."

[HeartGoesOn]

Keep in mind that the most dangerous time for a woman, is when her abuser knows she's moving on. With that said, be very careful to cover your tracks and avoid feeling that you have an obligation to explain your choices.

[Hollyj]

Why would you have children with someone like this? He is a terrible parent, lazy, and an abusive loser! So many red flags.

 

Cut off the services in your name and don't give him any money for anything. You need to only think of the needs of you and the girls. You have been enabling this this creep long enough.

 

Do not tell him you're leaving, just get what you need and stay with your folks. You also need to file for full custody,as he is an unfit parent. Seek out a lawyer and go through the courts for visitation.