Is he on rebound?

[greendots]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out, but good news is you dodged a bullet for sure.

[TanyaJo]

I thought I'll give an update on this. Yes! dodged a bullet for sure.

 

Something happened that hurt and upset me so much, it even made me question if I was at fault.

 

We never met for a 3rd date as I was unsure. Surprisingly he went quiet too and all of a sudden texted me that, "something shocking has happened in his life and it is alarming". He said his ex wife gave birth to a baby. At this point, I was laughing out loud of shock and surprise not sure what to do as he already has a 2 year old. I wanted to be a nice human being at this point and I said, Pls take all the time you need and sort this thing out as he was unsure if the baby was his (later it turned out to be his). I did not appreciate the fact that he did not trust his ex wife on this part. I wanted him to be supportive to his family instead of dating at this point. His ex wife needs support for sure.

 

A week and two has gone, next week he texted me that he isn't feeling very well otherwise we could have met for a 3rd date. At this point I was very sure the date isn't happening and this will slowly go cold. I was okay with it and texted him back to take care of his health. Next few days I see him online all the time but he has not replied to my message of "How is your health?". I assumed that he is ghosting me and I confronted him that "you said you would be upfront if you have met someone new, but despite seeing you online for a couple of days you ignored my text" .

 

 

 

Then he came back with this massive accusation of "He is dealing with family issues and instead of asking him if everything is okay, I am being impatient and I also have trust issues and I assume bad out of any situation" to which I replied,

I have met you only twice and honestly this dating phase is supposed to be fun but it isnt. I am being understanding of your situation and trying not to leave you at your worst but "trust issues and impatience" is the tag I got in return for it. He instantly, right when I am typing blocked me. This has never happened to me and I am unsure what I've done to cause this and Who deals with family issues at 12.00 am in the night? Has he met someone? or has he decided to sort things with his ex wife as now he is a father of 2?

 

I am not hurt about the fact that we did not proceed with the date as this had a lot of red flag right from the start. What hurts me more is, do I deserve to be blocked for being supportive?

Usually it is understandable that if you block someone who repeatedly sends texts and you don't appreciate it. I sent just one text the day before and one yesterday asking about his health. Do I really deserve this?

 

Sad part is, I lost confidence in going back to the app and starting a conversation with anyone :(

 

It is not about losing this guy but about the bitter experience like this making me lose faith in man kind.

[Wiseman2]

Go ahead and keep dating. This was a great lesson in identifying red flags and cutting your losses asap. Next time, just say " we're not a match" , delete, block and happily move forward.

 

Dragging out drama because of sheer curiosity unfortunately will burn you out and make dating very unpleasant not to mention futile.

 

Keep in mind dating is not social work or reality TV. If you want to end it, end it not drag it out with chitchat about his health , wife, kids, etc.

[Jibralta]

do I deserve to be blocked for being supportive?

 

Don't read too much into it. He doesn't seem to be dealing with a full deck. He got his wife pregnant three months before their divorce was final. Obviously he doesn't make logical decisions.

[TanyaJo]

True but being blocked is so hurtful :(

[Wiseman2]

After 2 dates and worse, this recent announcement that he and his wife just had a baby, this should be a blessing.

True but being blocked is so hurtful :(

[SherrySher]

This guy treated his ex wife poorly. He comes to the date going on and on about it.

 

Why are you even bothering with him? Seriously.

 

Huge red flags here. He's not a good partner and secondly, no, he's not over her if all he can talk about is her. If he truly were over it all, she wouldn't have been mentioned at all.

 

But truthfully, the reason why they broke up would have me running the other way. No way would I be willing to date a man who treats a woman badly. If someone shows you who they are, or you hear about it...BELIEVE IT.

[SherrySher]

What hurts me more is, do I deserve to be blocked for being supportive?

 

I mean this in the most supportive way, you should have expected this.

 

As soon as you hear someone ranting about their ex, run. This guy was worse than that. He was a total liar. I would bet he's got more than one woman on the go. He most likely is useless father who is not responsible and doesn't take care of his family right. He blames everyone else, but himself.

The problem is totally HIM.

 

I really do hope that you've learnt a lesson though. Don't let the start of a new relationship and all the rush of feelings that make you feel on cloud nine, make you not see things sensibly and have you looking past obvious red flags.

This guy was always one that should have been thrown back. He was never a good one.

 

Next time (if/when you do decide to date). Instead of jumping into things, building it up to be a romance, step back a bit and focus more on getting to know someone without getting to caught up in emotions. Try to be more sensible and really get to know someone BEFORE you decide that they are 1.) Someone who is worth dating long term 2.) Someone that deserves your time and attention.

(I would give it until at least the fourth date). Not meeting for online chats 4 times, mind you. But actually meeting, sitting down together and having a date. Only then will you get a clearer picture of who they are.

 

If at anytime you start hearing about an ex, (especially bad mouthing them), or if they show sides of them that are not attractive, (such as being a jerk, thoughtless, etc)...or treat others this way. Really take notice as this will save you a lot of time and emotions over someone who is not worth even speaking to, nevermind dating.

[TanyaJo]

Thank you very much for your advice on this. It really gave clarity.

 

Thinking about it now there were a lot of red flag. The first nice thing he told me was "Just for the record, I'll miss not seeing you. Don't let that get to your head". Though this felt nice and weird at the same time, now I can see how it could be very controlling later.

[MissCanuck]

It is a blessing that you've been blocked.

 

The moment he told you his ex-wife had his baby was the same moment should’ve cut all ties. There is zero reason to inquire about his health; you barely know this man and you saw red flags from the beginning. I don’t see the need to extend sympathy in his direction. My guess is that he's not being honest on all the details of his current situation, either.

 

Time to close this door forever.

[TanyaJo]

Yes I agree. I am starting to feel better but will take time to be fully over this. He either got back to his ex after the news of his second baby or found a new woman and blocked me. Either way, lots of unknowns and lies.

[Wiseman2]

Why were you so invested after a few dates? Were you intimate and falling for him?

[TanyaJo]

Why were you so invested after a few dates? Were you intimate and falling for him?

 

We started chatting a month ago and met twice. No, we did not get physical at all. We both agreed to take things slow and see where it goes after a few dates.

Our conversations and connection was really good right from the start. He always followed up on how my day was and even things related to work that bothered me. He was too good to be true and hence being blocked came as a shock.

Also to give you a perspective I am 34 and he is 40 and we also worked in similar industry (work wise) so we had a lot in common.

[MissCanuck]

He was too good to be true and hence being blocked came as a shock.

 

Was he really, though? You started this thread for a reason, remember.

 

You only had two dates and were already wondering if he wasn't over his ex. That is not too good to be true. I think your hurt over being blocked is clouding your memory about this man.

 

My sense is that it felt so good to have a man being somewhat attentive to you that you let those flattered feelings overshadow the obvious red flags - and that is what you miss: the feeling of being liked and admired, rather than the man himself.

[TanyaJo]

Was he really, though? You started this thread for a reason, remember.

 

You only had two dates and were already wondering if he wasn't over his ex. That is not too good to be true. I think your hurt over being blocked is clouding your memory about this man.

 

My sense is that it felt so good to have a man being somewhat attentive to you that you let those flattered feelings overshadow the obvious red flags - and that is what you miss: the feeling of being liked and admired, rather than the man himself.

 

Yes, that seems right sadly.

I had a lot of question marks about him, but yet to give him the benefit of the doubt I let it play out.

I enjoyed chatting and meeting him despite the red flags. He gave me the attention and affection I needed.

[Wiseman2]

Ok live and learn. Never get this cozy with someone you know nothing about especially that he and his wife were expecting. Just move forward and look before you leap.

[MissCanuck]

I enjoyed chatting and meeting him despite the red flags. He gave me the attention and affection I needed.

 

This is where everyone needs to be careful in dating. That attention and affection needs to come from a viable and honest source.

 

If it's coming from someone who is waving red flags, it's going to hurt that much more when the inevitable crash-and-burn happens.