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Upset at my gf for selling my ticket. How to deal?


poster566

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Hey guys I’m in a long distance relationship with my gf for about 4/5 months. My gf and I were talking over FaceTime one day and she wanted to go to a concert that is coming up in a couple of months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it so she said she’ll get me the ticket and if I find out later that I can’t make it, she’ll just sell my ticket. At the time I didn’t show toooo much interest in that concert but I still agreed to that because her siblings were going and I wanted to spend time with them all. And she knew I wasn’t too interested in it as well.

 

Fast forward to last week when I brought it up she said she gave my ticket to her friend because she thought I wasn’t too interested in the concert and her friend was a super fan. We had an argument the day before and I didn’t want to argue again so I told her it’s ok and I thought I was fine, but in fact I was not. I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to argue with her again. She offered to return her friend the money and stuff but I said nah it’s ok. But the reason I wasn’t ok was because she didn’t ask me before giving it to her friend and that made me upset

 

So now I asked her if it’s too late to give her friend the money back and give me the ticket because I realized I was going to be there in the city that week anyway. She asked her friend and her friend said that she really wanted to go. And my gf said “I take blame for giving it away but that doesn’t mean she(her friend) can’t go just because I screwed up”. I was like it’s ok I’ll just try to see if I can get a ticket to the concert.

 

I’m upset because she first didn’t ask me before giving away my ticket to her friend. And I’m also upset that she isn’t trying to make it up by offering to help me find a ticket. I’m also upset that she didn’t explicitly say “I’m sorry” but I’m not sure if her saying that she “takes the blame” is her way of apologizing.

I want to bring it up but I don’t want her to ask me why I didn’t mention all this before or why I’m bringing this up over and over again(because I’m not good at thinking on the spot and I figure out why after thinking about it) so how do I deal with this? I thought it wouldn’t bother me as much but it’s bothering me a lot.

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She already acknowledged that she screwed up and you can either accept that or not, but you can't demand that people use the exact words or language that you want as that becomes punitive behavior on your part.

 

Overall, I think you both share the blame for this. Your lack of interest is coming across loudly even just through this post when it comes to going to that concert. I kind of can't quite blame your gf for opting to give the ticket someone who actually really wants to be there even if she should have double checked with you. It reads like she pretty much had to twist your arm to agree to go even conditionally and then you only got upset after you found out that the ticket is gone. It's like you couldn't care less about it, but now that the option is gone and you feel out of control, you got mad and suddenly desperately want to go. A bit disingenuous on your end here.

 

It really comes down to is this the hill you want to die on?

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Yeah I'd be incredibly surprised if it's still on to begin with.

 

So the whole OLD lecture and SARS-2 aside, a rule of thumb for me is that even if someone does something I feel is a slight, I do still factor in the damage in how much I let it affect me and consequently them. So while yes, it'd be nice of her to at least ask, at the end of the day it was a concert you weren't thrilled about, which is probably one of the worst venues you could attend to get to know her family even if you were excited about the bands.

 

It doesn't sound it was your money, and the gift was pretty tentative on its own. It'd suck if she had to eat the cost of an extra ticket because she waited on your confirmation and suddenly didn't have any friends who could go. At the end of the day, she gets to enjoy a concert with people who actually have a genuine common interest in it. Personally, so long as she admitted she should have asked and it wasn't her former high school crush she was bringing along instead, I'd be happy for her and drop it.

 

And while it admittedly isn't a great position to put you in, she did ask if you'd like her to return her friend's money and get the ticket back. Whatever vague reason you could use justify your resentment pretty much ended right there. Coming from someone who sees a glimpse of his former self in your behavior, I'm telling you that you gotta learn to let it go. It's not worth it for her or you. ESPECIALLY for what's almost definitely going to be a useless ticket to a canceled show.

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Considering how wishy washy you were about going to the concert right from the start you should not be so annoyed that your gf sold or gave away your ticket. You come across like a big baby which is very unbecoming. Had you been excited from Day One, this would not likely have happened but you didnt appear to care. Time to let this go. Odds are the concert is cancelled anyway.

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I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it so she said she’ll get me the ticket and if I find out later that I can’t make it, she’ll just sell my ticket. At the time I didn’t show toooo much interest in that concert but I still agreed to that because her siblings were going and I wanted to spend time with them all. And she knew I wasn’t too interested in it as well.

 

Fast forward to last week when I brought it up she said she gave my ticket to her friend because she thought I wasn’t too interested in the concert and her friend was a super fan.

 

Well, I really don't blame her if she was trying to recomp her money. She gave you this caveat ahead of time, so it's not like you weren't aware that she would do this. If you continued to express disinterest and/or indecision knowing that you could lose your ticket, that's on you.

 

I told her it’s ok and I thought I was fine, but in fact I was not.

 

If you told her it was fine when it really wasn't fine, you lied.

 

I see that you tried to couch this lie in a bunch of deflections and excuses, but no matter what she or her friend did, you still misrepresented your true feelings to her.

 

People aren't mind readers.

 

If you don't like the outcome that you got, then stop lying to yourself and to others. I guarantee your life will improve immediately.

 

I’m upset because she first didn’t ask me before giving away my ticket to her friend. And I’m also upset that she isn’t trying to make it up by offering to help me find a ticket. I’m also upset that she didn’t explicitly say “I’m sorry” but I’m not sure if her saying that she “takes the blame” is her way of apologizing.

 

Finally we get to some honesty. These are all valid and understandable feelings (notice that I did not describe them as sound). However, you could have avoided most of this dilemma if you'd been honest about your feelings from the beginning.

 

When she says that she "takes the blame," I think she is saying that she is assuming responsibility for your failure to communicate your actual wishes.

 

I personally think she is assuming more responsibility than she should, given the circumstances. However, it does show a generosity of character on her part, and that is not a bad thing for whoever her partner will ultimately be.

 

I don't see how you deserve an apology when you weren't actually clear about what you wanted. But if you expect an apology from her, you should tell her so.

 

You need to be forthcoming. Now is the best time to start.

 

I want to bring it up but I don’t want her to ask me why I didn’t mention all this before or why I’m bringing this up over and over again(because I’m not good at thinking on the spot and I figure out why after thinking about it) so how do I deal with this? I thought it wouldn’t bother me as much but it’s bothering me a lot.

 

Yes, you may have an argument on your hands. Yes, you may be outmatched. But you may also be understood.

 

Shying away from conflict is not going to help you.

 

It sounds like you get in your own way a lot. You should try to relax and trust other people a little bit. And trust yourself.

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It's a moot point since there isn't likely going to be a concert. Grow from this into someone who can see the bigger picture and pick your priorities. There are far, far larger concerns than one event that you weren't even thrilled about in the first place.

 

You can choose maturity over pettiness, or not. It's a decision.

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