My wife is lying to me on her eating habits need some advice.

[shellyf62]

I'm wondering if she is eating the junk food to "punish" you as retaliation for you pushing the healthy foods on her?

Sounds like you are being the over bearing father & she is being the defiant child.

[greendots]

Batya, I definitely agree with you! Policing doesn't work at all. It's controlling. If his wife is genuinely struggling and she claims to want to change, then why not help in a manner that's encouraging. Certainly, someone can be overweight due to medical reasons, emotional overeating, etc. It's for them as a married couple to find out. And for him to be supportive to his wife throughout her journey.

 

 

- Find an approach that works? What, is she a pet cow?!

 

An approach that works means to be able to communicate your concerns to your wife in a way that resonates with her and to be able to help her in a way that she responds positively to.

 

I admit I'm not a health-nut, but I do know how it feels when concerning complications arise because a person you care for eats unhealthily on a regular basis and the struggle it is to change some habits. I also know from personal experience that policing them doesn't work. So, you need to find a different approach to help them. One that works and said person responds positively to.

[Batya33]

I think the approach should be him offering his support as in "you let me know how I can support you - I can find a good nutritionist, I can pick stuff up at the store if you're too busy, I can ask around if you want to join a gym or take classes - just let me know and I'm on your side." Then retreat.

[Pinkcircle]

You sound extremely controlling and judgemental . You are treating her like a child .

Do you have a right to an opinion. ? Yes

Do you have a right to tell her how you feel in a calm and measured way ? Yes that’s called encouragement !

Do you have a right to make her follow your direction , wat what you set out for her or demand she meet your expectations ???? NO NO NO

She is an adult . She has a right to eat what the hell she likes regardless of whether you think it’s healthy , unhealthy or anywhere in between

Sure , you may have preferences as her spouse and you do have a right to say ‘ honey I prefer you to eat healthy and here is why .....’

You also have the right to leave the marriage if you don’t like her choice to continue eating how she likes

What you DO NOT have the right to do is to behave as if you know best . To behave like an arrogant know it all and treat her like a child by laying her food out for her and complaining

that she doesn’t say how high when you say jump

Quite simply if you can’t live with HER RIGHT TO EAT however she likes then it’s up to you to make your own choices about how you will respond and an adult and enact your own boundaries . You cannot control anybody but you

[boltnrun]

Nutrition information for Lunchables:

Oscar Mayer Lunchables Turkey & Cheddar with Crackers 3.2 oz Tray

Calories 260.

Calories from fat 120.

Total Fat 13g. 20%

Saturated Fat 7g. 35%

Cholesterol 40mg. 13%

Sodium 670mg. 28%

Total Carbohydrates 22g.

 

Are you checking the fat and sodium content or just the calorie count? Because those things are unhealthy AF and full of preservatives. NOT "healthy".

[Pinkcircle]

Yes I too was wondering why you were giving her such unhealthy food ( although my first thought as I pointed out was why you were GIVING her food you had decided on

Your lack of nutritional awareness makes me wonder whether you have ever experienced any type of weight struggles yourself , not the odd one two or five pounds but serious weight struggles ?

Or are you one of these people who sits back and eats what they like whilst maintaining your weight ? . In my experience these types are often extremely judgemental and have zero understanding of why everyone isn’t ‘like them ‘ and doesn’t just ‘ have some control ‘

Look up some of the recent literature by actual gastroenterologist on obesity and genetists . I’m not saying that what we eat is not part of the puzzle but it’s more complex than food in food out

If it were that simple NOBODY would have a weight problem nobody would overeat and you would have a Nobel prize

[Batya33]

Nutrition information for Lunchables:

Oscar Mayer Lunchables Turkey & Cheddar with Crackers 3.2 oz Tray

Calories 260.

Calories from fat 120.

Total Fat 13g. 20%

Saturated Fat 7g. 35%

Cholesterol 40mg. 13%

Sodium 670mg. 28%

Total Carbohydrates 22g.

 

Are you checking the fat and sodium content or just the calorie count? Because those things are unhealthy AF and full of preservatives. NOT "healthy".

 

I agree AND if she chose to eat that to work on portion control I'd have a different opinion - meaning rather than buy herself a whole box of chips or crackers, she'd eat that to sort of see what makes her full, plus there is protein at least and calcium etc. -and some people working on weight loss need to divide their food into pre-made portions (easy enough to do with foil or plastic bags but also more convenient to start with something like that or "lean cuisine"). My issue is he is giving that to her like a parent who packs lunch for their child so there's no benefit at all and huge detriments -the controlling behavior, etc.

[Tinydance]

I'd like to just jump in with a last comment and say...Also not everyone minds dating someone chubby/overweight. I eat fine but I probably drink too much wine s sometimes. I've always been a bigger girl. I'm size 16 Australian (12-14 US?). I'm like 14 kg (28 pounds?) overweight. Since I've been this size, none of the people I dated told me to lose weight or anything. I'm even on a plus size dating app now and I'm getting plenty of messages. My point is that OP's wife doesn't have to slim down for him or whatever. She can find men who actually like a voluptuous woman. I mean, unless she's gained weight over time? People do put on weight though when they get older, it's because their metabolism slows down.

 

I also think that there are kind of extremes of eating. So one extreme is eating junk food, but the other extreme is eating smoothies, protein shakes, green juices. I mean it's OK to have them but to me it just seems like a "health nut" approach. It's also fine just to eat normal meals, like a stir fry, roast chicken with roast vegetables, healthy stuff that's not crazy. Just drinking a smoothie is also not that filling. So makes sense why someone would eat more food afterwards.