Fx Penguin Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 So I'm a 26 year old female living with my parents and my partner is a 28 year old male also living with his mum, we are an hour and 45 minute drive away from each other and have been together for 11 months, we only get to see each other 1 day a week for half the day. Almost everything in our relationship is perfect except I have never met a single member of his family, his mum doesn't seem to like me or want to meet me because we kept our relationship quite for the first 2 months and the fact she didn't know is apparently unforgivable, so I'm told. I'm told it's hard to meet his brothers because they have special needs, but I'm kept a secret, only his older brother knows about me and cannot tell the rest of the family, if his mum found out he knew there'd be hell to pay. My boyfriend has meet all my family, even been to family weddings etc and gets on really well with everyone, it's just the secrecy around his side of the family I don't like. My dad seems to think he has another girlfriend, which sounds crazy, but then again I only see him once a week in the evenings, he can't see me any other time because his mum has him on a tracking app and she would freak out if she knew he was at mine, because he has younger special needs brothers who need him more. We're saving for a house and often talk about having kids in the future, he's very mature, except when it comes to his mum and me asking if I can meet her. I don't know if it actually is his mum being controlling or if he is hiding something. Any thoughts? Link to comment
SGH Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 He has another girlfriend. You've been "together" for almost a year and there's been no progression. Even if you're not a side piece, the fact that the relationship isn't deepening is a huge red flag. Maybe find someone local who doesn't keep you a secret from their friends and family. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 How is he going to secretly marry you and have children with you? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? Are you from a different culture? Is he married? Listen to your father. It sounds like "mum" is his wife. You can do much better than this guy. Listen to your family and your instincts. I have never met a single member of his family. if his mum found out he knew there'd be hell to pay. My dad seems to think he has another girlfriend. his mum has him on a tracking app and she would freak out if she knew he was at mine. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Do you seriously want to get involved with a 28 year old man who allows his mummy to track him with an app? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 This guy is either married or has a girlfriend he is living with. All this stuff about mamma having a tracking device on him is ridiculous. You are foolish to believe this. He's got something hidden in his life that you just dont know about. Find a guy who lives close to you and is an open book. Link to comment
ninjabib Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 This does not sound good and he does not sound trustworthy OP. Sorry. All his talk of marriage and kids and living together sounds great but as someone already said for this to happen you have to stop being a secret to his family so currently it's just words. They don't mean anything. If I were you I would end it or give him a deadline for him to tell his family about you so you can meet them. If he refuses you know hes full of it. Link to comment
Fx Penguin Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 The thing is I'm online with him most nights and he'll facetime me almost every night before we go to sleep and Ive seen his room, he's definitely not living with a wife or girlfriend. We met at my best friends wedding, my best friend is also his best friend so we do have friends together and hang out with them often. It's literally only his mum that I'm kept a secret from, no one else, but the tracking device is really annoying me and he won't get rid of it. Link to comment
MaybeThen Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I have heard stories like this involving adult children whose parent(s) were clinical narcissists. It's typical narcissistic abuse, and the children never actually "grow up" and are controlled by the parent(s). This is a possibility. But there's no way I would carry on assuming this was the case, you need to know the truth to be able to move forward as this behavior is stunting. Even if he's a victim of narc. abuse, it takes years and years of therapy to break the cycle. Look up the term, "Echoist" Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 Don't get involved with a guy beyond two months who won't let you into his home. He probably has a girlfriend/wife there that he would not like you to meet. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I only see him once a week in the evenings, he can't see me any other time because his mum has him on a tracking app and she would freak out if she knew he was at mine, Are you sure it's his mum who would be freaking out? What sought of 28 year old's mother has a tracking app on him? Sounds dodgy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 The point is there is no future with someone like this. Trust your family.The thing is I'm online with him most nights and he'll facetime me almost every night before we go to sleep and Ive seen his room, Link to comment
Fx Penguin Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 He was abused as a child and his mum is his adopted mum so I think that he believes he owes her a lot and he's been through a lot of loss, had 2 siblings die so I think that's why his mum is so protective Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 Nonetheless, do you see a future with someone who has a folie a deux style shared dysfunction with his mother? Keep in mind a normal man would never acquiesce to being tethered and kept hostage by any of this. It's not only about this foster mother, it's about his actions as well. This is not 'protective', it's abusive.He was abused as a child and his mum is his adopted mum so I think that he believes he owes her a lot and he's been through a lot of loss, had 2 siblings die so I think that's why his mum is so protective Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I don't GPS my kids lol. They are adults. I presume I raised them well enough for them to know where they should and shouldn't go. Does his mother plan to do this forever? How is he going to marry you in secret? Will your children be a secret too if you have any? Link to comment
Fx Penguin Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 Yeah I do understand, thanks for the advice guys Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 Let's say he breaks free from mom. What you'll have is a man with a trunk full of issues. That along with mother issues it very likely makes having a healthy relationship with a woman challenging for him. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 It sounds like this woman is his lover.Yeah I do understand, thanks for the advice guys Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 No matter how you slice it, the guy is not capable of an honest adult relationship. So what's in this for you, but misery? Link to comment
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