Can I forgive him

[figureitout23]

When we are together he is very loving and affectionate, we can have a laugh together , I suppose he makes me feel special telling me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world (which I’m aware isn’t true lol) tells me every day how much he loves me. How I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. We go out for no be meals etc. It’s just bad when I go out or I’m working so cannot get to see him Etc that’s when he’s different x

 

The good times don’t erase the fact that he lies to you or attempts to control you or attempts to manipulate you.

 

But honestly it is your life.

 

I don’t have to live with any of the decisions you make, you do.

 

Do you want to stay with him, despite all that’s happened?

[Camber 2019]

When we are together he is very loving and affectionate, we can have a laugh together , I suppose he makes me feel special telling me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world (which I’m aware isn’t true lol) tells me every day how much he loves me. How I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. We go out for no be meals etc. It’s just bad when I go out or I’m working so cannot get to see him Etc that’s when he’s different x

 

This guy is insecure, a manipulator, and a big baby! You DO NOT want to continue being involved with him... he will only get worse and you will pay for it. Find a MAN who can respect you and be there for you.. not a big whiny baby who wants someone to feel sorry for him. Tell him to throw his own pity parties, you aren't attending!

[DancingFool]

When we are together he is very loving and affectionate, we can have a laugh together , I suppose he makes me feel special telling me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world (which I’m aware isn’t true lol) tells me every day how much he loves me. How I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. We go out for no be meals etc. It’s just bad when I go out or I’m working so cannot get to see him Etc that’s when he’s different x

 

So you will put up with an abusive, psychotic, manipulative, controlling, lying psychopath in exchange for a meal, a few laughs, and some very mundane meaningless compliments? How low have you sunk and why? If this is worth clinging to, I can't help but wonder just how low your self esteem is. What is going on with you? What do your friends and family have to say about this or are you afraid to share with them because you know this is wrong. It almost sounds like you need an intervention - your personal judgment is that far off normal.

[Wiseman2]

Stop being manipulated by this guy. Lies are like cockroaches if you see one there are probably thousands. Your son is who you need to feel sorry for. Where is his father? Pity parties are very common in abusers. It's usually in their bag of tricks.

I know Iv got to put my son first and that’s the main thing.

[Kimberly8619]

I’m completely torn. Honestly I really am. I love him to bits and feel so and for hurting him and wondering if it’s right thing to do will I regret it. On the other hand I keep thinking about what he’s done and can I really have that around my child. Thinking of all the lies and the trust which is completely broken. Like Iv said I don’t feel I have the right to hurt anybody and hate to think Iv done that to someone I know I sound pathetic I know I do I’m just so torn of what to do but all your answers have helped me a lot to think it’s not me going crazy when he says it’s not a reason to break up if u love someone u work through things together etc

[Kimberly8619]

I have spoke to all my family and they have told me to leave him so I needed advice from people out of the situation to give me a clearer take on it. As all you guys have helped me loads you really have. He is also saying the fact his daughter sees me as a mum and I’m taking that away from her as Iv spent so much time with her playing with her for hours on end, yet he spends no time with my child which I have bought up on occasions. I feel horrendously guilty towards all parties, my family and child if I stay, him and his daughter if I don’t

[Wiseman2]

Please get your priorities in order. Your son and family come first, not a snake like this guy. His kid has a mother. Just stop.

I have spoke to all my family and they have told me to leave him I feel horrendously guilty towards all parties, my family and child if I stay, him and his daughter if I don’t

[Rose Mosse]

I'm getting the feeling that you're needing to feel wanted/needed and it makes me wonder if you have been abandoned before in your past. Have you experienced any abandonment issues in the past or people close to you leaving that shouldn't have left?

[Kimberly8619]

Iv has abusive partner and a partner that was into things I won’t go into as it’s embarrassing 😬. But I dunno maybe I like to feel wanted like he makes me feel , but I know what he’s done is bad but I needed to hear it off people out of the situation to confirm it really. My family and friends are going to be biased aren’t they so I just needed confirmation , it’s like he’s happy when me him and his daughter are in our own little bubble. Outside of that he is different. Even my child I feel but he Denys gets in the way of what he wants. And that has me doubting my own gut feelings

[Rose Mosse]

That sounds difficult enough, having an abusive partner in the past.

 

It seems like he excludes your son or doesn't make as much of an effort to get to know him. How can he anyway if you've been the one consistently traveling out to meet him and he doesn't travel to meet you or spend time in your home. Do you live with anyone else or is there a reason why he can't see you? Does he have a vehicle or mode of transport for him and his girl?

[abitbroken]

I have spoke to all my family and they have told me to leave him so I needed advice from people out of the situation to give me a clearer take on it. As all you guys have helped me loads you really have. He is also saying the fact his daughter sees me as a mum and I’m taking that away from her as Iv spent so much time with her playing with her for hours on end, yet he spends no time with my child which I have bought up on occasions. I feel horrendously guilty towards all parties, my family and child if I stay, him and his daughter if I don’t

 

You are not a mother to his daughter. you see her 1-2 a week if that. you don't get her ready for bed, you don't take care of her when she is sick, etc, you don't go to teacher conferences. He is telling you that to guilt you. At this point you are a nice lady who plays with her, but nowhere near a mother to her.

 

I suggest after you cut all ties, you take time for yourself. The women's shelters have resources to find counseling for victims of abuse and since you were abused before, you need to take advantage of those resources to figure out how to heal - as of now your radar is broken and you only pick unsafe men. you need to change that for you

[Kimberly8619]

Just me and my son live together, he has a car but he says he can’t come on Tuesdays as he’s working a professional job and can’t be tired for work , on the weekend he has his daughter every weekend Saturday to Sunday , my son and his daughter have met and he seems fine with it but she hurts my son constantly which is why I don’t take my son often to his wheb Iv got him on the weekend as I have keep on telling her to stop and she don’t, Iv talked to him about that he says it’s because his daughter wants my sons attention. But there’s a big age gap and he does play with her but he’s in to football she’s into pepper pig , so she will hurt him because he’s not doing what she wants but that another story. Iv said he could come here on Friday nights when I have my son and he doesn’t have his daughter but that hadn’t happened yet because he wants a lie in on the Saturday morning🙄. And when he has holidays he said he will come and spend the day here with me and my son and take him out for day but the one time he did he turned up at 6 o clock afternoon and was asking when my son is going to bed but right or wrong on a Friday is normally mine and his time and I let him stay up and we watch a film it’s not right of me to send him to bed earlier because I have visitor. He hadn’t made the effort coming here and getting to know my son but I have made so much effort with his daughter I play with her 6 am until 7 pm bed time every other weekend when I’m there

[abitbroken]

Just me and my son live together, he has a car but he says he can’t come on Tuesdays as he’s working a professional job and can’t be tired for work , on the weekend he has his daughter every weekend Saturday to Sunday , my son and his daughter have met and he seems fine with it but she hurts my son constantly which is why I don’t take my son often to his wheb Iv got him on the weekend as I have keep on telling her to stop and she don’t, Iv talked to him about that he says it’s because his daughter wants my sons attention. But there’s a big age gap and he does play with her but he’s in to football she’s into pepper pig , so she will hurt him because he’s not doing what she wants but that another story. Iv said he could come here on Friday nights when I have my son and he doesn’t have his daughter but that hadn’t happened yet because he wants a lie in on the Saturday morning🙄. And when he has holidays he said he will come and spend the day here with me and my son and take him out for day but the one time he did he turned up at 6 o clock afternoon and was asking when my son is going to bed but right or wrong on a Friday is normally mine and his time and I let him stay up and we watch a film it’s not right of me to send him to bed earlier because I have visitor. He hadn’t made the effort coming here and getting to know my son but I have made so much effort with his daughter I play with her 6 am until 7 pm bed time every other weekend when I’m there

 

Sorry, it does not matter how much you "do" for someone - if they are a controlling entitled person, no matter what whatever you do won't be good enough. His daughter is horrible to your son. You should protect him and not let her anywhere near him. He is training her to be a bully. No more excuses. Just end it. And that's not normal to play with his daughter 13 hours a day! He has you as her nanny, not a girlfriend.

[Kimberly8619]

I work nights and my son goes to his dads 2 nights per week and ever my other weekend, I work one to two nights per week so every night I’m not with my son or working I’m with him I literally have no other time to get to him but he says I don’t care because I don’t go and see him enough

[Kimberly8619]

I know he says I’m a mother figure and that’s why she was so upset I couldn’t make her party but I know it’s not that I’m a mother figure it’s that I spend the time to play with her she likes that and would like anybody who did that for her I also don’t believe she was so upset as she has all family cousins etc around her at her party

[Kimberly8619]

also When I told him it was over because of the cancer lie he told me his daughter is depressed , so the cancer thing he says is due to stress and he actually believed it himself , so over all is this unfirgiveable?

[Wiseman2]

Why did he pick someone as far away as you are? Have you googled 'pathological lying'? Or 'Hare Psychopathy Checklist'? Try looking that up to see what you see. Also have you googled him?

 

You need to keep you child away away, not be a martyr/victim. You're not the child here. It's your job to protect your child.

also When I told him it was over because of the cancer lie he told me his daughter is depressed , so the cancer thing he says is due to stress and he actually believed it himself , so over all is this unfirgiveable?

[Rose Mosse]

also When I told him it was over because of the cancer lie he told me his daughter is depressed , so the cancer thing he says is due to stress and he actually believed it himself , so over all is this unfirgiveable?

 

There are some things that are forgiveable but the extent to which he lied about his health is very strange... do you really see any type of future with someone who's able to do this? Imagine if you left your son alone at home with this person?

[Kimberly8619]

When you put it like that I can’t imagine ever leaving my son alone with him. I couldn’t do that not now. I kind of wish he didn’t know where I lived then he can’t turn up making me feel u believably guilty

[Wiseman2]

Does he just show up like that? You can end things. Make sure you are not worried about your past. keep your eye on how bad this guy is.

When you put it like that I can’t imagine ever leaving my son alone with him. I couldn’t do that not now. I kind of wish he didn’t know where I lived then he can’t turn up making me feel u believably guilty

[Kimberly8619]

Yes since all this and I say it’s over he will just turn up out of the blue. Iv gone out the house if I know he’s going to turn up but when I don’t know I can’t. And as he has travelled 60 miles I can’t ignore the door I feel too horrible

[Wiseman2]

He sounds dangerous. Call a neighbor, friend or family to come over if he pulls that stuff. Stop acting like a victim. Can you get a restraining order? Or call the police if he pulls a stunt like that? Stop acting as if you have no control over his creepiness. How much do you actually know about him?

Yes since all this and I say it’s over he will just turn up out of the blue. Iv gone out the house if I know he’s going to turn up but when I don’t know I can’t. And as he has travelled 60 miles I can’t ignore the door I feel too horrible

[Rose Mosse]

Yes since all this and I say it’s over he will just turn up out of the blue. Iv gone out the house if I know he’s going to turn up but when I don’t know I can’t. And as he has travelled 60 miles I can’t ignore the door I feel too horrible

 

That's strange too. I thought you've said that he doesn't normally come over or drive to your place because of his 'professional job'? When does he usually turn up without telling you? How many times has he done it so far? Has your son been at home during these times?

[Kimberly8619]

He has holidays like school so he is off this week he turned up Friday Sunday and feeling maybe tonight! He wouldn’t if he had work in the Moring. It’s been this week he has turned up. Maybe I do sound pathetic I’m sure I do I struggle with empathy for other people far too much. I can’t stand to see anybody upset or hurt and it affects me a lot. Which is why I’m such a push over and I’m very aware of that. I’m not a victim I have been strong enough to not let him set up me doig things I just feel the guilt afterwards. I’m strong in some ways but not in others. We all have our weaknesses and mine is how much I can feel sorry for someone to t he extent it affects me a lot. I could catch him in bed with someone and I would still feel sorry for him. Not a good trait I know

[boltnrun]

Yeah I know Iv got to put my son first and that’s the main thing I also feel so sorry for him he is begging me telling me he can’t live without me and he may aswel be dead with out me I hate to hurt anyone and feel I have no right to do that to somebody , it hurts me more that he’s hurting more than the fact I am hurting and that is the hardest part I keep trying to think of what he’s done telling me with his symptoms he is nearing death and what that did to me it’s so hard x

 

He didn't seem to mind hurting you by lying and manipulating you.