Is it bad to be too trusting in a relationship?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you have an open relationship and this is a fantasy of yours.

She said for 6 years she's been unsatisfied physically and that I shouldn't take that away from her. she wants to feel satisfied and that it's not cheating if I understand. I think I just agreed to someone banging my girlfriend.

[bluecastle]

I wouldn't call this direct in the least. Direct would be expressing her feelings, her desire for some kind of sexually non-exclusive dynamic, in a conversation before acting on all that. What she did is just act out on all that, assuming he'd go along with it—or, perhaps, not really thinking about him one way or another.

 

Sure, she was "direct" when he brought it up. She was also controlling, deflecting, so openly manipulative that it's kind of hard to even call it manipulation. Had he stayed silent? The Cuba trip would have been an extension of the club nights with the guys: same song, volume turned up a notch or two. I suspect, in her mind, this arrangement has been tacitly understood, and tacitly in place, for quite some time.

 

OP, now you know the relationship you've been in. This has not happened "quickly." You get to decide if it's the relationship you want to continue being in.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't call this direct in the least. Direct would be expressing her feelings, her desire for some kind of sexually non-exclusive dynamic, in a conversation before acting on all that. What she did is just act out on all that, assuming he'd go along with it—or, perhaps, not really thinking about him one way or another.

 

Sure, she was "direct" when he brought it up. She was also controlling, deflecting, so openly manipulative that it's kind of hard to even call it manipulation. Had he stayed silent? The Cuba trip would have been an extension of the club nights with the guys: same song, volume turned up a notch or two. I suspect, in her mind, this arrangement has been tacitly understood, and tacitly in place, for quite some time.

 

OP, now you know the relationship you've been in. This has not happened "quickly." You get to decide if it's the relationship you want to continue being in.

 

Oh I mean she was direct as far as what she now plans to do with other men and that she is not ok with him being with other women. Meaning -he now has direct information on what the arrangement will be. How she went about it before this point was not direct, I agree.

 

OP - I don't buy your excuses for staying. Many people leave right away if there is a dealbreaker or at the very least separate from the person to get space and let it settle in. And sure people who have children might not move out that night but they are not "staying" with the person they are remaining in the household until they can figure out logistics particularly when a child is involved.

 

You are staying because the benefits outweigh the downsides -whether the benefit is you can tell yourself you're "not alone" or whether you're turned on by the idea of other men wanting her, doesn't matter. You're staying because you choose to just like she's planning on being sexual with other men because she chooses to.

[camnicko]

It sounds like you have an open relationship and this is a fantasy of yours.

 

It's not a fantasy to be openly on. When your friends make a group chat called "Jenna" and talk about how much better she has it now. This includes my future best man who was the first to call dibs on Jenna. Neither is it to have to be last in the pecking order to your own girlfriend it is a nightmare.

[boltnrun]

It's not a fantasy to be openly on. When your friends make a group chat called "Jenna" and talk about how much better she has it now. This includes my future best man who was the first to call dibs on Jenna. Neither is it to have to be last in the pecking order to your own girlfriend it is a nightmare.

 

So, why again do you want to continue?

 

Other than her getting slammed by other men and people around you publicly making a fool of you (her included), everything's terrific!!!

 

Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?

[Batya33]

It's not a fantasy to be openly on. When your friends make a group chat called "Jenna" and talk about how much better she has it now. This includes my future best man who was the first to call dibs on Jenna. Neither is it to have to be last in the pecking order to your own girlfriend it is a nightmare.

 

Of course that's not acceptable and you have the choice to not consider her your girlfriend anymore. Let her enjoy the male attention and promsicuity and you live your life.

[milly007]

She’s a horrible person. For 6 years she’s been acting as though she was committed to only you, and now you find out she’s been having intimate relationships with gosh knows who.

 

And further to her dishonesty, she’s a controlling hypocrite. She can do whatever she wants, but gawd forbid you do the same.

 

I hope you break up with her and never look back. Can you imagine marrying this person? The things she would do behind your back.

 

She’s atrocious.

[camnicko]

So, why again do you want to continue?

 

Other than her getting slammed by other men and people around you publicly making a fool of you (her included), everything's terrific!!!

 

Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?

 

Because it's only one aspect of this. I don't think there's anything emotional and it's just a physical urge so she still comes home to me. She still has a real relationship with me. We still have what we had before except now it's more complicated. I think over time it will become less weird if that makes sense. My friend said that marriage is good I can be the husband and take care of life stuff while he can take care of Jenna.

[milly007]

Because it's only one aspect of this. I don't think there's anything emotional and it's just a physical urge so she still comes home to me. She still has a real relationship with me. We still have what we had before except now it's more complicated. I think over time it will become less weird if that makes sense. My friend said that marriage is good I can be the husband and take care of life stuff while he can take care of Jenna.

 

The whole reason you started this thread is because you had concerns about your girlfriend being involved with other men, which as you recently discovered she clearly is, and now you’re saying you’re okay with it?

[camnicko]

The whole reason you started this thread is because you had concerns about your girlfriend being involved with other men, which as you recently discovered she clearly is, and now you’re saying you’re okay with it?

 

I was concerned about trust as in is she telling the truth. When she came out and said what she wanted it was honest. I am not okay with it at all but I'm just trying to see the other side. I would rather not be open but if this is what it takes to work that makes me live with it but not necessarily okay.

[boltnrun]

Because it's only one aspect of this. I don't think there's anything emotional and it's just a physical urge so she still comes home to me. She still has a real relationship with me. We still have what we had before except now it's more complicated. I think over time it will become less weird if that makes sense. My friend said that marriage is good I can be the husband and take care of life stuff while he can take care of Jenna.

 

No, that does not make sense.

 

She becomes pregnant and then what? You get to go on Jerry Springer to play "Who's the daddy"? You end up with an STD and get to have to be treated. You go out and every other guy has had your wife.

 

I can't imagine what happened to you for your self esteem to be so low.

[camnicko]

No, that does not make sense.

 

She becomes pregnant and then what? You get to go on Jerry Springer to play "Who's the daddy"? You end up with an STD and get to have to be treated. You go out and every other guy has had your wife.

 

I can't imagine what happened to you for your self esteem to be so low.

 

She has an IUD and goes to get tested even before she did... I don't like that the guys are from our circle that is definitely not helpful. Most of them would attend the wedding, etc.

[Batya33]

IUD is for pregnancy. Every single time she has sex without a condom (or even if they use a condom) she exposes herself and then you to STDs.

 

I can't give more input as I can't relate to someone who as others wrote would be concerned about their girlfriend sharing a room with another man and actually consider staying with that person upon finding out that she plans to have sex with other men. Who cares if she was being "honest" - that gives her a pass to have sex with other men? Sex that she says is just physical (and what if it turns into something else on either side?) - do you respect that to her sex is like scratching an itch? She's going to come home to you smelling like them. Lovely.

[ThatwasThen]

It's not a fantasy to be openly on. When your friends make a group chat called "Jenna" and talk about how much better she has it now. This includes my future best man who was the first to call dibs on Jenna. Neither is it to have to be last in the pecking order to your own girlfriend it is a nightmare.

I'm sorry but where I come from, your partner would be referred to as the "town bike" because everyone gets to ride her. Please get yourself into therapy to find out why you accept such degradation within your relationship. If you are into being cuckholded as a fetish then she's certainly fulfilling your 'needs' otherwise, why do you accept it?

[milly007]

I was concerned about trust as in is she telling the truth. When she came out and said what she wanted it was honest. I am not okay with it at all but I'm just trying to see the other side. I would rather not be open but if this is what it takes to work that makes me live with it but not necessarily okay.

 

But she wasn’t honest. She’s been feeling this way and doing these things it seems for the duration of your relationship. You called her out, which is when she made her admissions. There’s no honesty here; just lies, disrespect, & deception.

 

You admit that you’re not okay with it, so the best thing you can do for yourself is break-up and move on.

[camnicko]

I'm sorry but where I come from, your partner would be referred to as the "town bike" because everyone gets to ride her. Please get yourself into therapy to find out why you accept such degradation within your relationship. If you are into being cuckholded as a fetish then she's certainly fulfilling your 'needs' otherwise, why do you accept it?

 

No not a fetish, I just listen to her. First she was exclusive so I wondered about the hotel room, then she said open for her so I listen. Our anniversary is next week and I still am excited.

[Wiseman2]

Are you trolling? Your question not only seems rhetorical but almost like you are just having fun even writing down your gf's adventures.

No not a fetish, I just listen to her. First she was exclusive so I wondered about the hotel room, then she said open for her so I listen. Our anniversary is next week and I still am excited.

[camnicko]

IUD is for pregnancy. Every single time she has sex without a condom (or even if they use a condom) she exposes herself and then you to STDs.

 

I can't give more input as I can't relate to someone who as others wrote would be concerned about their girlfriend sharing a room with another man and actually consider staying with that person upon finding out that she plans to have sex with other men. Who cares if she was being "honest" - that gives her a pass to have sex with other men? Sex that she says is just physical (and what if it turns into something else on either side?) - do you respect that to her sex is like scratching an itch? She's going to come home to you smelling like them. Lovely.

 

But she's still coming home to me. I still cuddle her. I still kiss her and hug her.

[ThatwasThen]

But she's still coming home to me. I still cuddle her. I still kiss her and hug her.

 

Then have it. What are you looking for from your thread?

[Rose Mosse]

Are you trolling? Your question not only seems rhetorical but almost like you are just having fun even writing down your gf's adventures.

 

My thoughts too.

[milly007]

Are you trolling?

 

Can’t help but wonder about this as well.

 

 

What are you looking for from your thread?

 

Good question. Curious to know, OP.

[camnicko]

The purpose of this thread was something else and now it has changed. I think you all unanimously think I'm making the wrong choice but ultimately that's what I want to do. I want to make her happy and this is my way of appreciating her, by accepting her wishes. I think personally it is easier to deal with than socially. No one gets it but I just try to mind my own business and if guys think that I'm a loser then they can think that. I don't have the ability to stop this. I can't get a guy to stop because I can't be assertive and Jenna always makes it happen. I'm proud she has a job in sales, she does really great and we are working towards something. The wedding night I will be the last one but that's okay. I won't stop loving her or staying committed even if she is with everyone I know. My Jenna, comes home to me. I hope someone gets it out there.

[Wiseman2]

So you're a cuckold and proud and want to display your fantasies here?

I want to make her happy and this is my way of appreciating her, by accepting her wishes. I won't stop loving her or staying committed even if she is with everyone I know. My Jenna, comes home to me. I hope someone gets it out there.

[ThatwasThen]

The purpose of this thread was something else and now it has changed. I think you all unanimously think I'm making the wrong choice but ultimately that's what I want to do. I want to make her happy and this is my way of appreciating her, by accepting her wishes. I think personally it is easier to deal with than socially. No one gets it but I just try to mind my own business and if guys think that I'm a loser then they can think that. I don't have the ability to stop this. I can't get a guy to stop because I can't be assertive and Jenna always makes it happen. I'm proud she has a job in sales, she does really great and we are working towards something. The wedding night I will be the last one but that's okay. I won't stop loving her or staying committed even if she is with everyone I know. My Jenna, comes home to me. I hope someone gets it out there.

I "get it" You are the epitome of a man with a penchant to be cuckholded. Have at it. *shrugs* its your life.

[bluecastle]

So you're a cuckold and proud and want to display your fantasies here?

 

This has to be what’s happening. And, sincerely, I hope you’re enjoying yourself.