Pleasedonot5 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Hello Everyone, I haven't written to this forum in a while. During 2018, I had a pretty rough time. Although I was not overweight by any means, I led a fairly unhealthy lifestyle. I gained weight, had high cholesterol, above average blood pressure, and succumbed to some pretty severe stress and anxiety. I had many monogamous FWB relationships, but nothing committed. Due to the anxiety, I often saw conspiracy and hostility where there were only small slights or nothing at all. At that time, too, I had started a new job, and not being the "expert" in my field in combination with catty/petty coworkers had me very low. Because of these stresses, I consider that the lost year. The stress and unhealthy behaviors caused me to not feel like myself. My fairly incessant brain-fog caused memory and retention problems. During this time, I was often off-and-on mopey about my long-time ex-girlfriend, Danielle. At that point, we were broken up for 2-3 years after dating just short of a year. It didn't help that the relationship ended with some trauma during the break-up period. Now it's been around 4 years give or take. Fast forward to more recently - in February I sent Danielle a letter that finally fessed up to my continual feelings (this was in February 2019, and it was a very respectable letter -I'm proud of myself for showing my feelings in a healthy and respectful way). I needed to do that to move on - after no response happened for several weeks, the dreams and pining stopped. I changed doctors and started Buspirone, a long-term anti-anxiety agent, which has done wonders for my mental health. I've started running again, and while not at my collegiate racing times, I feel healthier, dropped weight, and I'm almost certain the other health indicators have improved. I'm excelling in my job, and presented a policy-change to our local board that was successfully adopted 7-0; I may have been the youngest person to do so. Additionally, I've gained a steady girlfriend (became more committed in like May/June, declared it official/exclusive in August), and she's very pretty, charming, and sweet. Despite this, off-and-on in this last week, I've had dreams about the ex. Last night, my dream was about Danielle and I hanging out. In the dream, I asked if she had read the letter, and she said yes, she just didn't know how to respond. We then simply had a fun time joking around with each other, and sharing the warmth that we once did. My question is - why am I still dreaming about her? Why am I still experiencing an achy morning now and again? She's gone. She's been gone. It's been years, and there has been more than enough grieving and getting over her. I'm with someone new who is very valuable to me. What do these dreams mean? :/ Link to comment
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