Tired of this situation

[WithLove]

I didnt led him. He assumed i wanted more. Eventhough i was chrystal clear.

 

Doing anything intimate with him, like kissing/making out, is pretty confusing since you said you didn't want sex. It's still over the "friendship only" boundary. Next time, I would stick with your "no sex" boundary by, well, not kissing the dude or talking about sex, since those kinds of things you did say you only do in a committed relationship.

[maryam]

I think a no is a no. As a matter of fact before this started I even emphatically told him that I am not keeping him on a leach. He understood. So he said. But this dude is a narcissist. He cant admit his wrong or disrespectful.

[maryam]

I dont think or believe that kissing or talking about sex is a free pass for assuming someone also wants sex.

[ThatwasThen]

I think a no is a no. As a matter of fact before this started I even emphatically told him that I am not keeping him on a leach. He understood. So he said. But this dude is a narcissist. He cant admit his wrong or disrespectful.

Sorry, luv but I can say the same thing about you. He's not a narcissist, he's just a horn dog who was given the impression that you were up for it and were just looking to be coerced into it so you didn't look like you were easy.

 

Anyway, I say you have learned a lesson and that you won't be talking sex in the future so that at least is progress.

 

All the best to you in your adventures in dating.

[maryam]

Sorry, luv but I can say the same thing about you. He's not a narcissist, he's just a horn dog who was given the impression that you were up for it and were just looking to be coerced into it so you didn't look like you were easy.

 

Anyway, I say you have learned a lesson and that you won't be talking sex in the future so that at least is progress.

 

All the best to you in your adventures in dating.

Thats a way of thinking about it.

[Hollyj]

I didnt led him. He assumed i wanted more. Eventhough i was chrystal clear.

 

Your actions showed differently. Plus, some guys will continue to push no matter what is said.

 

The bottom line, you should have been able to identify him as a creep. And, I do think that his employer should be aware of his behavior. I wonder how many women he has done this to.

[maryam]

Your actions showed differently. Plus, some guys will continue to push no matter what is said.

 

The bottom line, you should have been able to identify him as a creep. And, I do think that his employer should be aware of his behavior. I wonder how many women he has done this to.

 

Ofcourse some will push through. I dont think he is a creep. He is just not a decent guy. Life is just not perfect. We make mistakes. Im glad i know what i know now. Without it getting to a really bad thing. Rape or something. My weakness is that i like guys who really step up. And most that dye are not the good guys unfortunately.

[Cope]

That's because she led him to believe that she was up for it if he were to pursue further.

 

How? By kissing? I'm not saying that it's not a dangerous society, I'm just saying that she too was crystal clear, yet he continued to pursue. It's fifty fifty

[ThatwasThen]

How? By kissing? I'm not saying that it's not a dangerous society, I'm just saying that she too was crystal clear, yet he continued to pursue. It's fifty fifty

Yes, and we've acknowledged that he's a turd for behaving the way he did. I quoted you this, in part:

Hey, to be fair, he was misleading too

He wasn't misleading, he was clear that he wanted her sexually. She was the one whose actions didn't match words. The "kissing" was just one part of her misleading and being unclear.

 

I'm just saying that she too was crystal clear

After telling him that she only had sex when in a relationship, Instead of waiting to see if he liked her enough to ask her out on a proper date and see where things went, she went on to talk to him sexually, flirt and even kiss him. She was very, very far from being "crystal clear" about not having sex prior to being in a relationship when she was giving the impression that she was. She said this:

Lately he started talking about sex. Want us to have sex. I told him that I only have sex within a commited relationship. He said he understood etc.. but we keep flirting and its fun to just talk about it.

 

If I seem to be targeting you, cope I'm not, I just don't want the op to think she was a crystal clear as you have surmised she had been because she was clearly not.

[Cope]

Oh no no, I don't feel like you targeted me. You're actually right. She did proceed to talk to him about sex.

 

I just want men to start being accountable for their actions too and got carried away! All good!

[ThatwasThen]

I just want men to start being accountable for their actions too

For sure! :o)

[maryam]

Yes, and we've acknowledged that he's a turd for behaving the way he did. I quoted you this, in part: He wasn't misleading, he was clear that he wanted her sexually. She was the one whose actions didn't match words. The "kissing" was just one part of her misleading and being unclear.

 

After telling him that she only had sex when in a relationship, Instead of waiting to see if he liked her enough to ask her out on a proper date and see where things went, she went on to talk to him sexually, flirt and even kiss him. She was very, very far from being "crystal clear" about not having sex prior to being in a relationship when she was giving the impression that she was. She said this:

 

If I seem to be targeting you, cope I'm not, I just don't want the op to think she was a crystal clear as you have surmised she had been because she was clearly not.

 

Thats your opinion. I know what i felt and how it came across.

[ThatwasThen]

Thats your opinion. I know what i felt and how it came across.

Its clear how it came across, mary. You don't see it but that is how people who are in denial process things... with tunnel vision.

 

Ciao!

[maryam]

Its clear how it came across, mary. You don't see it but that is how people who are in denial process things... with tunnel vision.

 

Ciao!

 

So if i dont agree im in denial? Because your truth is the ultimate truth?

[ThatwasThen]

So if i dont agree im in denial? Because your truth is the ultimate truth?

 

No. Its just very clear from your opening post what transpired, why it transpired and why it ended up like it has.

[maryam]

No. Its just very clear from your opening post what transpired, why it transpired and why it ended up like it has.

According to you.

[ThatwasThen]

According to you.

 

Me and everyone else who participated in your thread. I hope, if nothing else you've learned what NOT to do. I wouldn't want you to be the way you were with this guy, with someone who doesn't stop when you ask him to.

 

Good luck.

[maryam]

Me and everyone else who participated in your thread. I hope, if nothing else you've learned what NOT to do. I wouldn't want you to be the way you were with this guy, with someone who doesn't stop when you ask him to.

 

Good luck.

 

Apparently you didnt read my posts very well. I already said that i learned from this experience.

[Wiseman2]

He never asked you on a date. You flirted and kissed, etc despite telling him you wanted a "committed relationship". Next time shut someone down who "wants to talk about sex", no less help him with his penis unless you really are in a committed relationship.

 

Avoid him ignore him go to another gym and definitely block and delete him from all social media and messaging apps.

Lately he started talking about sex. Want us to have sex. I told him that I only have sex within a commited relationship.

 

It came to a situation where we were making out and he took his penis out. I kind of helped him put it back in his pants.

[maryam]

He never asked you on a date. You flirted and kissed, etc despite telling him you wanted a "committed relationship". Next time shut someone down who "wants to talk about sex", no less help him with his penis unless you really are in a committed relationship.

 

Avoid him ignore him go to another gym and definitely block and delete him from all social media and messaging apps.

 

I didnt want a relationship with him. We knew that about eachother. Like I said just kissing was what we discussed. Verbally I very clearly told him multiple times I DONT want sex.

[Wiseman2]

Ok, next time don't let "It come to a situation where we were making out". You're not a victim. Make yourself crystal clear with actions..including cutting off sex talk and leaving immediately if a guy whips out his penis. Expect more for yourself and from yourself. You're in charge of how things go down.

Verbally I very clearly told him multiple times I DONT want sex.

[maryam]

Ok, next time don't let "It come to a situation where we were making out". You're not a victim. Make yourself crystal clear with actions..including cutting off sex talk and leaving immediately if a guy whips out his penis. Expect more for yourself and from yourself. You're in charge of how things go down.

I m not making myself a victim. My initial question wasnt about who's fault it was. I was asking for advice about whats next. Leave the gym or just stay ignoring.

 

And by the way.. there is no single truth. Ofcourse we have to be careful that things dont get out of hand. But we cant predict that. You can be overcautions or take risks with the possible consequences. People here are all about playing it safe. Which is fine. But my opinion is that as long as you think over your actions before you act on them and be willing to take the responsibility it is OK. In this case I have learned for my own safety to take distance when people start about sex and dont take no for an answer. I am talking with this guy for 2 years now. This happened just recently. So it wasnt like he was just there in an instant.. it was a gradual process. But yeah things happen. And im okay with it and now im moving forward with no grudge but with a lesson learned once more.

[Wiseman2]

Only you can decide if you can deal with him or rearrange your life/different gym. Do whatever you need to do. It's up to you, not him.

Leave the gym or just stay ignoring.

[maryam]

Only you can decide if you can deal with him or rearrange your life/different gym. Do whatever you need to do. It's up to you, not him.

 

True. But i like to hear how others think about it. I dont want to just run away. It can make me stronger to stay at that gym and be able to keep my peace even if he' s there. What would you do?