taking the next step with someone who has been single for a long time

[Billie28]

OP you said you have shared a lot good and bad.

 

You met him 45 days ago, only!

There should be no “bad”

 

I fail to see how someone that claims to be so independent with numerous close friends has suddenly the time regardless of desire to see someone she barely knows 4-5 times per week?

[abitbroken]

OP you said you have shared a lot good and bad.

 

You met him 45 days ago, only!

There should be no “bad”

 

I fail to see how someone that claims to be so independent with numerous close friends has suddenly the time regardless of desire to see someone she barely knows 4-5 times per week?

 

I think she meant they shared in conversation the good and the bad about their pasts.

[katrina1980]

Damn you guys might be right.

 

I guess I meant he’s been single for a while and dated around but wasn’t looking for anything serious before he met me.

 

 

BCC, please try and stay away from "guessing" what a guy meant when he flat out tells you something.

 

Pay attention to what he actually says rather than tell yourself stories according to what you want and hope for.

 

In this case, he said he has no intention of committing to someone (your initial post).. He senses you are, which worries him.

 

Pay attention to that! What that means.

 

Not what you want it to mean..

 

Edit: Also, I think he told you about the other women pushing for more after 1-3 dates to pump himself up to make himself sound more attractive to you.

 

In realty, telling you this suggests he's quite insecure and unsure of himself.

 

Men who are secure and confident have no need or desire to share w a new woman how attractive other women find them.

 

Personally I find men who do this a big turn off.

[figureitout23]

He also said this (below):

 

 

 

So he tells you he has no intention of committing to someone but then tells you he sees a future with you. But that he needs time? Come on now, you know better than to believe this.

 

Anyway, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is what is known as your classic "double message" quite common in dating today.

 

He tells you where he's at (he doesn't want a commitment) but then follows up by telling you he sees a future with you and acts like a boyfriend but needs time -- all to keep you around until he gets bored or starts liking another woman, take your pick.

 

Like I said, your choice to believe whatever message you want, for me I always listen to the first message, as more times than not that is the correct message.

 

Just read this forum if you don't believe me. Many many threads from women in the same exact position as you, who ended up getting their hearts broken by some guy who was acting like her bf, telling her he sees a future, but in the end, never had any intention of committing to her.

 

In any event, good luck to you, I hope it all works out the way you hope.

 

So just to take this a step further, having a healthy sense of self is a good, a great thing even, except when its used to hurt ones self, then its not a true healthy sense of self but rather an inflated ego thats masking some hard core issues.

 

Kinda like the mistress that believes shes different, that she’s somehow going to be the one to get the man to leave.

 

Ego is a helluva drug... you’re doing what many do and believe you’re different, that you will change him so you’re ignoring the core of these ‘sweet words’ that really are warnings and red flags. You get to hide behind this excuse of well people trust me and open up to me, which I’m sure is true but that doesn’t mean you let snakes in too.

 

I’m not going to say that I know with 100% certainty that he’s lying or being manipulative, but I will say his actions don’t match his words, sex and sleeping over so quickly is not cautious, I’m not saying either of you did anything wrong, but I will say neither of you is acting cautiously and probably one of the BIGGEST red flags. Not only is it not the best idea to share such deep information so quickly but he’s now using it against you, not cool. He’s okaying a game that has only become so easy to do because well ego...

[Wiseman2]

Always read the small print and heed the warning labels.

The way he explained it was that he would go on 1-3 dates with these girls who’d try and pressure him into more and he’d bounce.