Facebook Relationship Status

[Camber 2019]

An I'm sure you will be fine... very attractive woman (IMHO) for "our " age.... Very attractive regardless!

[katrina1980]

An I'm sure you will be fine... very attractive woman (IMHO) for "our " age.... Very attractive regardless!

 

I could not send a notification, so will say it here.

 

Your compliment^^ was meant for the OP obviously, but wanted to say you're such a sweetheart Camber, welcome to the forum!!

[FraniMar22]

An I'm sure you will be fine... very attractive woman (IMHO) for "our " age.... Very attractive regardless!

 

Thank you so much! Very nice of you to say :)

[Camber 2019]

I could not send a notification, so will say it here.

 

Your compliment^^ was meant for the OP obviously, but wanted to say you're such a sweetheart Camber, welcome to the forum!!

 

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.........

[bluecastle]

An I'm sure you will be fine... very attractive woman (IMHO) for "our " age.... Very attractive regardless!

 

I'm going to use this little flirt fest to get super meta. Buckle up.

 

So I'll pour on the attention too, seconding, in all sincerity, Camber's assessment here—nice pic, OP, strut it!

 

But on that note I'm going to pull back the curtain and invite us all to step into the fifth dimension so we can land, in the end, back in the third dimension. I'm going to saunter out on a limb and imagine something just happened, is happening right this second, in OP's brain: a little rush of dopamine, the sweet nectar of validation working its magic, because two pixilated dudes (one hiding behind Vince Vaughn, the other inside his motorcycle helmet) just said you are attractive.

 

I bet something similar happens when, say, you change your FB status from nonexistent to "in a relationship." Cue "likes," cue sparkly comments from people you haven't seen in 3D in years, cue emoji strings of hearts, fireworks, the mythic dancing woman in the red dress, maybe even (OMG!) the fabled fluttering pink double heart. Cue the release of dopamine.

 

It feels good, in short. And good feelings, we all know, can be addictive if not indulged in responsibly.

 

Because thing is? Camber or me thinking your attractive? It's essentially meaningless. It's fluff. It's noise. It brings nothing of usable substance to your life. There's a place for fluff and noise in our lives, of course. I love me a loud dance floor, and I've been known to post some elliptically Mr. Cool pics on my IG page (see one at left; do I look intriguing and mysterious?) when I'm feeling a little less than cool and want a pick-me-up provided by some little hearts from my "followers."

 

But the key is to keep perspective on it—to not mistake fluff for substance, to not make it the barometer of our worth, and to not make it a stand-in for the genuine intimacy of good ol' IRL. Because when we lose that perspective we kind of lose ourselves, entering a hall of mirrors in which we connect so hard that we forget what connection feels like.

 

Vince Vaughn up top? He gave me some props a minute ago with my reputation. Felt good! (Dig you, brother! Love your vibe! Welcome aboard!)

 

But know what felt really good, a little earlier today? A quiet, undocumented (till now) moment I shared in 3D with a very special someone I don't want to say too much about on here. Suffice to say she's a big part of my life, and I feel very lucky to know her and proud to call her my girlfriend. And—gasp—she has never liked a single post of mine on Facebook because we're not friends on there. Hasn't even crossed my mind to send her a request because I'm too busy reveling in the mystery of her in 3D.

 

I'll tell you straight up, OP, what I've enjoyed most in this little back and forth. It's not when you added your picture, and we all saw how elegant you are out there in the world, wherever you're living your life. It's when you softened up a bit, got vulnerable, looked inward with clear eyes and gentle hands. That is real power. Remember that, make that your compass in exploring these hiccups in life and love, and it's all going to work out whichever way the coin lands.

[FraniMar22]

I'm smiling after reading this twice, because I loved every word of it. You have awesome insight and good advice. You also got it totally spot on about the momentary fluff of the attention getting post, like you were literally looking at my FB page, lol. I think I'm going to put that status right where it belongs, in the "only me" category.

[Wiseman2]

Hiding a profile means you won't show up in searches. It does not mean the account is deleted or that communication from the site stops. Most of the communication from the sites are what you mentioned. However that does not address your overall suspicions. Were you cheated on in the past? Are you self conscious dating a younger man?

 

Have you considered short term therapy to help you sort out whatever issues may be lingering? You are dating him, yet fraught with unhappiness because of social media monitoring and this lens of insecurity.

We met on a dating site. After we both agreed we were a couple and going to be exclusive, we decided to delete both of our profiles.

[Sportster2005]

Don't stay with people unless you're happy with them. There is no 'getting to the bottom of this.' His behaviour is not going to change. If you can't accept it, you need to leave. You cannot change certain situations and behaviours. You have to leave them, or endure them. Why endure them?

 

I would also caution you on looking for trouble where non exists. People have a right to privacy. If for any reason a person wants their relationship status to remain private, you have to respect that.

 

If you find yourself often jealous with a man who 'likes' other women, you may want to consider where your jealousy falls on the reasonable continuum. His 'likes' may have nothing to do with low cut shirts and boobs hanging out. Don't be a mind reader.

[maew]

We met on a dating site. After we both agreed we were a couple and going to be exclusive, we decided to delete both of our profiles. A week or two ago he was showing me something in his emails and I saw an email from the site notifying him of either new matches or messages. He told me he did delete his profile and hasn't a clue why he still gets notifications. I haven't gotten an email since I deleted mine. So, that made me a bit suspicious.

 

In his defense, it isn't (or at least I haven't figured out how to yet) possible to completely delete your profile on some dating sites. POF still sends me those emails... even though my account has been deactivated for several months now and I have only used it a handful of times... I just looked in my junk mail and I see they are still coming twice a week

 

No idea if that's what is going on at his end but just an FYI.

 

I happen to love what bluecastle said and I don't think there is any other reason why anyone posts ANYTHING on social media to be honest. It's all about validation and attention seeking.

[Nickel Speed]

In his defense, it isn't (or at least I haven't figured out how to yet) possible to completely delete your profile on some dating sites. POF still sends me those emails... even though my account has been deactivated for several months now and I have only used it a handful of times... I just looked in my junk mail and I see they are still coming twice a week

 

No idea if that's what is going on at his end but just an FYI.

 

I happen to love what bluecastle said and I don't think there is any other reason why anyone posts ANYTHING on social media to be honest. It's all about validation and attention seeking.

 

 

You can delete it. It's just in some very small print on the deactivate page.