Fixing my relationship with a close friend and "ex"

[criminey]

Some background, I had a "thing" with a close friend about a year ago. It was great up until I started to have doubts about myself and was afraid she would no longer like me after I opened more to her. So I told her that I wanted some time to think things over, but as time went on it was harder and harder to bring it up and I was just so scared to talk to her about our relationship. So I unintentionally ghosted her for 5 months, not completely cutting contact but just avoiding talking about what had happened.

 

Then I'm pushed to clear things up and I send her a message trying to explain everything. I don't think I managed to communicate myself fully and should've just talked to her in person. All this time I still have very strong feelings for her. In the time after sending that message I get the feeling there's more of a wall between us than before. I end up telling her that I still have feelings for her but she tells me she no longer has feelings for me and doesn't want to try again with me.

 

I try and move past things but I can't, and seeing her be close with another guy is rough on me and leads to me getting drunk one night and sending a long text to her. She ends up stopping interacting with me from then on; it's been a few weeks and it's eating me up inside badly, but I'm trying to give her time to just heal and think by herself. I'm just waiting for her to send me a message or talk to me to let me know that she still wants to be friends. I want to talk to her in person and really try to address everything maturely and see how she feels about everything.

 

I've summarized a lot otherwise it would be really long and maybe unnecessary. I can edit in more information if need be.

 

I'm open to any advice, should I give her space until she contacts me? Should I talk to her in person and if so how should I approach things? I feel like I'm getting close to a breaking point and just need some pointers.

[Hollyj]

I think you should leave her alone. She was very clear. I'm sure she was very hurt. Put yourself in her place.

 

Ghosting is a terrible thing to do. How did you do it "unintentionally" for five months?

 

You need to deal with your inability to communicate with people so this does not happen again.

[RayofLighten]

You don't approach anything or anyone. You let it go. You handled things badly and she no longer has any feelings for you and no longer wants a relationship with you because it. Learn from it and move on.

[Andrina]

After trying twice with someone to reconcile and she is unwilling to, trying again would be called stalking. What have you done to work on your inner turmoil? If nothing, you will never have a successful relationship. I don't know what your issues are, but seeking therapy or at the very least, reading self-help books might get you to the place where you are actually ready to date again. I don't recommend dating again until this happens.

 

Sometimes you don't get what you want in life and sometimes it's for the best. She's not the only special woman in the world. Work on yourself so you can be worthy of a different special woman--one you can start fresh with, without a bitter past.

[Rose Mosse]

I'm not really sure what your end goal is here. You want to be friends again but you cannot be a friend when you have feelings for her. You want romance with her but she doesn't want romance with you.

 

There's nothing to do here at all. The mature thing would be to step back and respect her and yourself. Don't contact her again.

[Gary Snyder]

When you love somebody but they don't love you back, it's a miss-match. You either need to cut contact, find another lover, or both.

[Afireblue]

. So I unintentionally ghosted her for 5 months, not completely cutting contact but just avoiding talking about what had happened.

 

Then I'm pushed to clear things up and I send her a message trying to explain everything. I don't think I managed to communicate myself fully and should've just talked to her in person. All this time I still have very strong feelings for her. In the time after sending that message I get the feeling there's more of a wall between us than before. I end up telling her that I still have feelings for her but she tells me she no longer has feelings for me and doesn't want to try again with me..

 

I'm sorry but you scr*wed this one up my friend. Just imagine how she felt when you disappeared for 5 months... probably unwanted, confused, rejected... that's only a general guess since I don't know her, but I think any woman would.

 

You have owned up to what you did, however, important things should never be handled by text ( I am assuming that's what you did when you say "I don't think I managed to communicate myself fully and should've just talked to her in person") anyway, you owned up to it, confessed your feelings, she no longer has feelings for you. You now need to leave her alone. If she wants to be friends with you again, she will let you know.

[criminey]

Reading all the replies confirmed my feeling that I should leave her alone unless she decides she wants to be friends again. I have been taking steps towards working on myself and making sure this won't happen again in the future. Thank you to everyone who replied and gave me a huge reality check, I'm going to use this mistake as a chance to learn and mature as person.

[Rose Mosse]

Reading all the replies confirmed my feeling that I should leave her alone unless she decides she wants to be friends again. I have been taking steps towards working on myself and making sure this won't happen again in the future. Thank you to everyone who replied and gave me a huge reality check, I'm going to use this mistake as a chance to learn and mature as person.

 

Happy to hear this. Yes, onwards and forwards. Remember, if a person doesn't add to your life (and I mean in a positive way either with their kindness, consideration or way of being) they simply shouldn't belong in it.