I’m not wrong, am I?

[Metaltwin70]

'But you came onto a message board to ask advice'

____________

 

So let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and YES, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should I do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do. I am not at all surprised by the OP's reaction.

 

OP, I am very happy to hear that you've ended things with him. A relationship that's been on and off for 10 years is not what you want to be part of. I do wish you all the best.

[SherrySher]

My take on this? I am surprised that he has not proposed marriage after 10 years. That to me would be a huge red flag and would show how committed he was.

 

Secondly, after 10 years I do feel partners should take care of one another, even financially. It's 10 years for god sakes not 10 months. And this cheapskate can't help you out?

That's where I would say with a "friend" like that, who needs enemies? He's not exactly a friend either, a partner is meant to be more. Someone you can count on and hope has your back..YES EVEN FINANCIALLY. If he has the means to help you, why wouldn't he?

 

Miranda, I think he's been very honest with you in letting you know he has nothing much in a relationship to offer you. He mentioned money but even that has fallen short.

 

Bottom line is, you can't count on him and he is not offering to be a husband. I think this clearly tells you that the sun has set on this relationship and it's time to move on.

I'm sorry he has been such a disappointment.

[figureitout23]

..........

'but you came onto a message board to ask advice'

____________

 

so let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and yes, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should i do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do. I am not at all surprised by the op's reaction.

 

Op, i am very happy to hear that you've ended things with him. A relationship that's been on and off for 10 years is not what you want to be part of. I do wish you all the best.

 

k

[SarahLancaster]

'But you came onto a message board to ask advice'

____________

 

So let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and YES, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should I do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do. I am not at all surprised by the OP's reaction.

 

OP, I am very happy to hear that you've ended things with him. A relationship that's been on and off for 10 years is not what you want to be part of. I do wish you all the best.

 

I don't know that you can talk for all posters who come here. Some really DO want advice, and not everyone who comes here already has figured out what he/she is going to do. Of course this is 'a place to talk,' but talking about a subject doesn't always solve it. Hearing various points of views from people who have had more life experience can have a great influence on your thinking

[Jibralta]

So let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and YES, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should I do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do.

 

Right on!!!

[maew]

'But you came onto a message board to ask advice'

____________

 

So let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and YES, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should I do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do. I am not at all surprised by the OP's reaction.

 

OP, I am very happy to hear that you've ended things with him. A relationship that's been on and off for 10 years is not what you want to be part of. I do wish you all the best.

 

Yep lots do come hear hoping that the other members will just listen, pat them on the back and say “there there”... and lots of others genuinely come here for advice, objective opinions, and tough love.

 

At the end of the day as much as the OP feels judged she is also passing judgment on everyone here and assuming that our lives are perfect which is most definitely NOT the case.

 

OP I am sorry it didn’t work out with your BF and hope you find happiness with someone that appreciates you. [emoji1317]

[figureitout23]

Right on!!!

 

Really? You’ve never given anyone on here constructive criticism and advice? Really? Like really?

 

Well I guess if this is the route we’re being guilted into following many many many people will be stuck going in circles because all we can do now as responders is pat people on the head since they already know what they want to do, they just want someone on the internet to tell them they is good they is kind they is special. Geez Louise I can’t...

 

Metal is being her typical self and the original poster was rude to people who took the time to give her advice. The whole thing didn’t even need a response from me it was so ridiculous

 

But to clarify -

 

 

At the end of the day as much as the OP feels judged she is also passing judgment on everyone here and assuming that our lives are perfect which is most definitely NOT the case.

 

This is why I responded to the OPer, I actually didn’t even give her advice originally. I was simply backing up the same people who were kind enough to take time out of their days to help me in multiple situations. The advice I was given was honest and at times critical, and honestly not always welcomed, but I needed to hear it because at the end of the day, I didn’t want to stay stuck, I didn’t want to stay unhealthy and if I felt something was off and I wanted outside perspective I’m glad posters weren’t afraid to tell me their honest outside perspective. I’m not going to deny people that because some random poster has her own ideas of right and wrong. I stand by every word I responded to the OPer and I hope for her sake she grows up, she can’t live her life as an adult expecting others to save her, it’s a very reckless and irresponsible way to live and she was told that by many wise posters and if she doesn’t like being told reality, she’s going to have a hard time.

 

Sorrynotsorry

 

And I’m not sorry that the OPer broke up with her boyfriend. He sounded like a jerk, he would pinch her boobs to wake her up and when she asked him to stop he ignored her. That’s abusive. It sounded like a horrible situation and I’m glad the OPer got out. Although I’m surprised this is what caused her to walk away.

[ThatwasThen]

'But you came onto a message board to ask advice'

____________

 

So let me get this straight. You really think people come to boards like these to let a bunch of complete strangers million miles away determine the course of their lives? Come on. Most posters know exactly what they need to/will do in their specific situation, excluding the 15-17 y olds. Most posters simply want to talk, vent, and YES, get validation for their feelings. Advice board my ****. This is a place to talk. On the guise of 'what should I do'. People come here to be listened to, not lectured, ridiculed or judged - which many regular posters here tend to do. I am not at all surprised by the OP's reaction.

 

OP, I am very happy to hear that you've ended things with him. A relationship that's been on and off for 10 years is not what you want to be part of. I do wish you all the best.

 

Enabling dialogue does Nothing but perpetuate why they came here in the first place. Have you noticed that the one's that just want to vent often repeat the same mistakes?

 

FWIW: I'm not at all surprised by the Op's reaction either. It's quite common a thing for those that just want to be coddled and not have to do the hard stuff in order to grow.

 

Well I guess if this is the route we’re being guilted

 

No guilt when intentions are to help, not coddle. There is zero cruel intentions that I can gather from any regular poster on this site.

[Jibralta]

Really? You’ve never given anyone on here constructive criticism and advice? Really? Like really?

 

Of course I have. But one thing I hope I never do is lecture, badger, or berate someone for not taking my advice—which is what I see a lot of on this board, well-intentioned or not. I’d rather make the effort to understand a person than shut them down or shame them.

[figureitout23]

Of course I have. But one thing I hope I never do is lecture, badger, or berate someone for not taking my advice—which is what I see a lot of on this board, well-intentioned or not. I’d rather make the effort to understand a person than shut them down or shame them.

 

Well then we will have to agree to disagree then because not once did I see any posters forcing this poster to take their advice nor did I ever badger or berate someone for not taking my advice, which again was never even given on this post prior to her lashing out. If I'm giving the impression that I'm demanding anything, I assure you that was never my intention.

 

Again, I stand by posters who told her she really shouldnt be depending on an on again off again boyfriend for her financial needs. She didnt want to hear it, that doesnt make it any less true and she needed to hear it.

 

Her expectation to be told blindly "yes hes wrong" isn't advice. And thats what you were agreeing with was it not? A post that stated people dont come here for advice because they already have all the answers?

 

I come here for advice, the good the bad the ugly, so I give it and honestly I've always respected your advice because it includes the good the bad and the ugly. I'm sorry you don't feel the same.

 

It is what it is though, I have plenty of kudos, I have had many people DM me for advice they are too afraid to ask for, I have had people personally thank me for words said and I know I would never say anything to anyone here I wouldn't say to their face.

[Capricorn3]

Thread has run its course.