Lost feelings for my husband of 5 years

[Wiseman2]

For starters stop the battle with your kids' father. Get appropriate legal advice and do not use your kids as pawns in whatever ongoing problems you have. Why call cps on him? Your new husband can not rescue you from this. This is your responsibility to handle. Secondly, why not start working again? If you are so lonely and so bored and so miserable that you are still in a warzone with your other ex and now thinking mr young dude is your salvation.

 

As far as porn and masturbating, who cares? As far as your new husband cheating, do you have proof or is mr young dude also some sort of revenge for the porn, masturbating and whatever inappropriate messaging your new husband is doing?

 

Have you considered that you are the common denominator in all the problems here? The ex, the new husband, the kids, the SAHM thing, the mr young dude thing, etc? What may help most is some private and confidential short term therapy to help unpack and sort through all this.

 

At this point your are creating more problems with quick fixes to prior problems like marrying in a hurry, quitting your job, and now eyeing mr young dude. Why keep jumping back and forth from the frying pan to the fire? Do you want dramas and soap operas like this?

we both agreed for me to leave my job. I get what many of you are saying about the SAHM syndrome. But believe me, with 3 kids, one with mental health issues and an ex-husband who is now being investigated by CPS

[Lester]

Maybe the same fears that made you rush are still controlling you?

[jimthzz]

Just a comment, and I've seen this kind of trickling out of details before. How come when a lot of legit opinionated on the issues occurs, at the very end of the thread other things that bother you are trotted out as further justification?

 

Now he is wanker that was offered a BJ?

 

I think at this point you really need the services of a professional counselor to figure out things since I do not think you are getting the support for the direction you are spiraling into from we the unwashed strangers of the internet.

[j.man]

Just a comment, and I've seen this kind of trickling out of details before. How come when a lot of legit opinionated on the issues occurs, at the very end of the thread other things that bother you are trotted out as further justification?

 

Now he is wanker that was offered a BJ?

 

I think at this point you really need the services of a professional counselor to figure out things since I do not think you are getting the support for the direction you are spiraling into from we the unwashed strangers of the internet.

This right here is a winner.

 

I'm typically willing to give some benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I can see why something comes in sooner than later, But when the incrementally worse offenses start coming in post-after-post, I start to back off.

 

If you wanna hear something specific, tell it to yourself. Whatever you choose to do, do it sooner than later. You don't need a blessing from anyone here. Your conscience is yours.

[BrokenGator]

I am in my second marriage and we have a 3 yr old together and I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage. My husband has a big job and travels every week and is home on the weekends. In the past, I would always make reservations somewhere fun and we would get a babysitter so we can go out and have time alone about 1 - 2 times a week. After the holidays, he complained that we spend too much and said he doesn't want to do this anymore. I was very disappointed, but told him that I will just go out with my friends once in a while and he can stay home with the baby to save on the babysitter. He seemed fine with this, especially since he goes fishing, goes out twice during the month to play poker, goes hunting and running every Saturday and leaves me, as usual, with the kids. I see my husband as cheap and selfish.

 

Due to the lack of spending any time alone together, I have lost feelings for my husband. He isn't that attractive to me anymore. He expects sex, but when I give in, I am just going through the motions, so now I say no. He resents me for this. We are drifting apart and I am afraid we may eventually split up. I also met someone else who wants to see me, but for now, I keep it as friends because I have never been unfaithful.

 

Should I just look for a job and then my own place? Another thing that is very hard for me is that my 14 yr old son had to live with his Dad because he doesn't respect my husband and it was getting bad. My ex-husband tried to take sole custody of my kids (unsuccessfully) last summer because of the custody change. Then, after he lost in court, my crazy ex asked me to take my son back. I feel like if I were to be on my own, my 3 kids could live with me and life would be happier. But then I am twice divorced which is my worst fear for my little one. Ugh. Help.

 

 

 

Love is an action, not a feeling!

[ThatwasThen]

I also met someone else who wants to see me

... and there it is.

 

So: Did you have thoughts of not having feelings for your husband before you met this someone else or did those thoughts just come into your mind after you met this someone?

[lostandhurt]

So you wrote out a whole paragraph but didn't answer one of my questions. Why don't we start with you answering the questions and go from there.

 

Lost

 

So when I started reading your first words I was wondering when the "other man" would pop up and poof there he was just a few sentences away.

 

You may think we are not being very understanding but you need to realize many of us have been on this forum a while and have seen this exact same scenario too many times to count.

 

Let me ask you a few questions:

 

1 What do you want to happen? Save this marriage or get a divorce?

2 Depending on what you answered above; how is being "friends" with some young guy that just wants to bang you help #1?

3 Why did your fist marriage end?

4 Was your husband like this when you were dating? Engaged?

 

You see it looks all to easy to bail on something that isn't working when you think you have something else lined up. I seriously doubt your husband wants to get divorced so if you approach him in a way other than nagging where he sees that you are serious about improving the whole marriage (not just your entertainment) then you will know where he stands. This means marriage counseling, cutting off your "friend", deciding what you want in your life and then the both of you working your butts off to accomplish it. This could be an awesome opportunity to share a goal that could change your lives.

 

Lost