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Blocked after amazing first date

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

Posted
Posted

Someone blocks you, it's usually because they no longer want to receive communication from you.

 

You didn't respect her boundary because it was more important to you to attempt to relieve your anxiety, ego, whatever it was, than to respect her wishes. It's like you just couldn't accept she doesn't want to see you again.

 

Treating someone with respect is key. When your own fears or anxieties take precedence, it's time to step back.

 

Lesson learned. Don't bulldoze over someone else's wishes to try to get what you want.

 

There are other awesome women out there. One of them would love to date you.

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RayRay63 Mentor

RayRay63

Posted
Posted
Well I know it was stupid on my part. I just guess I didn't want her to think that I thought she was a 'total ****' as per her final message to me and that she could reach out to me if she wanted to at some point further down the line. One of my friends said that I need to stop over-empathising.

 

I know it was needy, clingy, desperate, etc etc and reading it back now I am cringing.

 

I guess I can't take it back now though.

 

No you can't.

 

But you can do it right from here.

 

You want her back, then don't contact - don't play her game.

 

Save up, accumulate some holiday time..

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ManyDates Enthusiast

ManyDates

Posted
Posted
Thanks all for the replies.

 

Just to add some more info that I got from the date.

 

She divorced a couple of years ago (she's 38 now so the same age as me). The ex-husband lives abroad. Perhaps she isn't fully over him and even though she thought she might have been emotionally available perhaps wasn't?

 

When we spoke about our experiences with dating apps we both spoke about our bad experiences from them - ghosting, etc. She told me she had been seeing someone in the back end of last year but he ghosted her over Christmas and New Years which hurt her. I wonder if this guy might still be on the scene or she has met someone else from Bumble in the last month or so. The fact she said she had been seeing someone for a while makes me wonder if he is still on the scene in some form. Either way he is obviously not fully into her if he is ghosting her and not fully committing to her after that amount of time.

 

Also when speaking about our experiences with dating apps we both said how much we hated the whole multi-dating side of it all but how it seems to be the way now. I also commented on how I would prefer to just date one person at a time and even though not jump straight into a relationship would prefer that exclusivity at the beginning. Perhaps that scared her off when she had time to think about it the next day?

 

Doesn't sound like it was her ex husband, but there was somebody else in there, that she was waiting for or that she tried to use you to get over.

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ManyDates Enthusiast

ManyDates

Posted
Posted
Well I sent her this from a spare work phone I have lying around as a text and left it at that, probably not the wisest move but I do wear my heart on my sleeve, am not a judgemental person and do want her to know that it did mean something to me at least:

 

Hey,

 

It's Rich messaging from a spare work phone, don't worry I wouldn't normally go to these kind of lengths to message someone after just one date, I just wanted to get a message through to you so that you would know that I would never think badly of you and I just hope you are ok.

 

I completely understand your situation and I get that you were probably very confused today. The last thing I would want you to feel is unhappy. I also know that I probably came on a bit strong yesterday which is also very unlike me but I did think you were lovely and we seemed to have so much chemistry.

 

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don't think badly of you as it was probably the most I've ever clicked with anyone on a first date and I didn't want you to disappear without letting you know that especially as you are such a lovely person.

 

If you do want to stay in touch we can but I will understand if not and wish you all the best.

 

Rich x

 

Oh god - there's your answer. If you sent her this AFTER being blocked I can only imagine what you said to her in person or were texting her after the date. You own this one 100% bud.

 

Sharpen up your game and stop being so needy

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ManyDates Enthusiast

ManyDates

Posted
Posted
Oh big deal. So you sent a nice message to somebody. Queue the scream. I'm sure she isn't going to kill herself over it, and you can't be held criminally responsible. We should have more gestures of kindness in this world. Kudos to you.

 

Yes, nice if its your boyfriend or husband sending it to you after a big fight. Not some needy cling bomb after one date after you already blocked him.

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

Posted
Posted

I'm going to give you the exact same advice I would be giving to a woman, because this is no different.

 

If you want an actual relationship, don't jump into bed.

 

No, you don't know this person. If you chatted for 2 weeks, that means little to nothing as people can lie and pretend. On a first date you need to concentrate on romance and connecting and actually building a friendship so it can build into an actual relationship.

 

If you have sex right away, there is nothing left to look forward to, no mystery left, no nothing.

 

Nevermind the fact that she could be the type that just wanted to use you for sex and is onto the next guy. Which is why you really ought to have an STD test.

You have no idea what kind of STD's she could be potentially carrying.

 

If you want a woman to take you seriously and to want to see you again, don't throw everything all on the table and then be shocked when she doesn't want to come back.

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

Posted
Posted

I have to say, I am really surprised on the advice given to a woman in this situation as compared to a man.

 

A woman would be told to not sleep around this quickly, a man is congratulated.

 

A woman would be told that he used her for sex and he's not coming back. A man is being given reasons as to why she might be hurt due to a former partner and that's why she's not wanting to continue.

 

This guy jumped into bed with a virtual stranger. You can't take it for granted that someone you've chatted with for 2 weeks is even being straight with you, which is why you don't have sex with them within hours of meeting. It's a recipe for disaster.

 

There is a very small percentage that anything good will occur with having sex right away. It gives the impression that you're an easy lay and not one to be taken seriously.

9 times out of 10 you will only get either a one nighter or fling out of allowing yourself to get into bed with a stranger this fast.

 

And who knows, this woman could have sleeping with more than one guy and is not the cleanest woman. Which is why I remind you, OP, to get an STD test done.

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

Posted
Posted

I don't think she ever intended on contacting you again after the one nighter. I think she was bored, lonely, missing someone and she used you for the night.

 

You sending a message on another phone after she had blocked you, was creepy.

 

However, I doubt she cares. You are no doubt one of a few men that have been involved with her recently.

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