Been with my BF for 5 years...

[Katya33]

hello! my boyfriend and I have been together for exactly 5 years, we are both 19 years old so we started dating when we were only 14 years old and in grade 9. I love him with all of my heart he is legit the most perfect person ever. he already has a full time job making really good money, a nice car, hes saving up for a house because he wants to buy one really badly and move out with me and start our lives together. back in September I was so excited I wanted to get pregnant and marry him so badly I couldn't wait. but now I don't feel that anymore and thinking about marrying him scares the out of me to the point where I have a panic attack. he is my first everything (you get what I mean) I never got to experience single teenage years. Recently I've gone to a dark place in my head and all I want to do is be alone. I don't want to see him or talk to him, and I haven't seen him in over a week and I still don't miss him or want to see him. I still love him so much, hes my bestfriend but I don't know what to do anymore. please somone help me figure this out and what I should do, because 5 years is such a long time.

[abitbroken]

I think that if you are panicking about marrying him, you shouldn't. You should not move out with him - you should get your own job and go to school. its okay if you want to continue to date him, but its also okay to not be ready for marriage. I think that you should be honest with him that you don't feel you are ready to get married and start a family yet. you want to get your training/schooling and get some work experience for yourself first. Tell him how you feel and you will feel a burden off your shoulders.

[Capricorn3]

Recently I've gone to a dark place in my head and all I want to do is be alone. I don't want to see him or talk to him, and I haven't seen him in over a week and I still don't miss him or want to see him.

Sounds to me like you have outgrown him - which doesn't really surprise me due to the fact you've been together since age 14. You are both growing up, maturing and changing, and with that comes experiencing life as a whole. 19 is still incredibly young and many many young people like to travel and explore the world after leaving high school and before settling down to anything more serious (rightly so I think).

You'll also change a LOT more between age 19-25, so it won't be too surprising if you both drift apart over time anyway.

 

You've been together 5 years and with that surely you should be able to have a good in depth discussion about how you are feeling right now. Who knows, maybe he feels the same. Why not mention that you'd like a year off to travel, (or whatever else you may have in mind) ? Good communication is going to be key here and I think he deserves to know how you are feeling.

[melancholy123]

Dont marry him, dont move out and above all dont get pregnant. You are 19! You are still a teenager, you have so much growing and maturing to do, and so does he.

 

Finish school, get your education, travel, work, enjoy life, whatever it is you want to do. Do it now. Neither of you have begun to experience life and you dont know what you dont know. I suspect you have outgrown him and that dark feeling is telling you that you need to spread your wings and find yourself. At 19 you have not done that, not even close.

 

The male brain doesnt mature until age 25 so he's got a long way to go. Good on him to work hard and want to buy a house but you both need to experience life before committing to each other at 19.

 

Before you think I am some old fuddy duddy, I moved out at 18, got a job, met a guy, and married him at 19. I truly thought I knew what I was doing, but I didnt. It lasted about 3 yrs and then I left him. I was too immature and so was he, and basically playing house was a pretty stupid thing to do. Dont fall into that trap like I did. Get out there and live your life before settling down with anyone.

[Snny]

he already has a full time job making really good money, a nice car, hes saving up for a house because he wants to buy one really badly and move out with me and start our lives together.

That’s great he’s situated, but what about you? What kind of job are you working in? Have you completed your education?

 

I have a four month old baby, and even though I have an “easy” baby, she is work. Daycare is incredibly expensive. I’m really glad I stuck it out to get my master’s degree because I don’t have any time for myself anymore. Iam taking a temporary hold on my hobbies and social life to raise a baby. On top of it, I still have to work on a marriage and make time for my husband.

 

You definitely are NOT ready for the married/motherhood life.

[Wiseman2]

Your common sense is kicking in and you are developing a more mature attitude and view of this. Break up. Go away to collage. Focus on your dream job. Have fun enjoying the freedom and being single and carefree. Meet and date all sorts of boys to see what is your style. Enjoy your youth.

we are both 19 years old so we started dating when we were only 14 years old. thinking about marrying him scares the out of me to the point where I have a panic attack.

[jimthzz]

The male brain doesnt mature until age 25 so he's got a long way to go. Good on him to work hard and want to buy a house but you both need to experience life before committing to each other at 19.

 

 

All teenagers, male or female, have more maturing to do, especially impulse control, through their mid-20s.

[thisisrichey]

you both are so young (sorry.. i know yo hate hearing that but its true) and you are right - you have not experirenced being your own person, doing yoru own things. The same with him.

Being your own person, exploring what you like and want, and having yoru own interests is ESSENTIAL to maturation and "becoming an adult". Let me put it this way - you don't want to become an adult and KNOW NOTHING about yourself, what you like, want, and what you want for your future life (sure you want to get married and have kids - but what would you be doign in life to support and take care of yoru kids and familiy? you stil have to do SOMETHING...)

 

It would be hard but you both COULD and SHOULD (even grown ups should) have your "me time", your own friends (separate from each other) and have time where you do separate things. Maybe he likes sports. Maybe you like arts. YOu get what i'm saying. The time to try and explore and figure that all out is NOW before you become an official adult and have to commmit to a job 8 hrs a day where you won't have as much time or freedom to do so.

 

Your gutt instincts are kicking in and you should follow that. Add to your relationsip the independence/exploration time for "me time" - very important. If the relationship hiners you from being able to do that then be ready to separate or break up so you can have "me time" to explore and figure out what/how you want to be as an adult. Again, taht's more important at your stage than a bf.

 

Good luck.

[spunkmire]

you need to live before you get married. this is normal

[Katya33]

Thank you for your advice, it was really helpful. Don't worry I will definitely not be getting pregnant anytime soon, in September I was just having major baby fever for some reason lol. im thinking I may have outgrown him your right. I think Im going to just talk to him and tell him how I really feel. I start college in January and Im really excited and really want to focus on it as much as possible because after im done, it will be my career. thanks for all of the replies it means a lot to me.