He has a daughter....

[nutbrownhare]

He put his unprotected penis in her vagina, willingly.

She accepted said unprotected penis, willingly.

 

We don't know that. Condoms break, a reaction with an antibiotic can stop the pill from working, IUD's can fail.... again, I'd be wary of jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts.

[SherrySher]

Yes, read the update.

 

Well, it sounds as though he tried. Though I still find it irresponsible of him to be having sex with someone and not use condoms. He still barely knew this woman as a couple of months is nothing.

 

Either way, if this child comes and looks for him one day, I hope he will welcome her with open arms. He is her dad and she deserves to know him.

 

To be honest though, I would wonder what he did that made this Romanian woman want him gone that badly. It's not usual to end things like that, nor try to hide away from someone like that or now want him apart of the babies life.

That part of the story seems to be missing.

 

I doubt you'll ever hear the full version but that personally would make me wonder.

[Kb007]

I wouldn’t say he’s just abandoned her if you’ve read my other posts she has pushed him away and went back to Romania he was depressed for some time due to this but she’s made it clear she doesn’t want him in there life.

 

And for the record I can’t get pregnant lol but thanks for your concern.

[Starlight925]

They weren’t trying but probably not preventing either....

 

I did read the update, above. All that was said was that they "probably" were not preventing. Unless I'm missing something, I stand by my original assessment, but I'll add the word "probably":

 

They both had willing, unprotected sex...."probably".

[Kb007]

Your right we don’t know her side. I’m here because I’m staying with him regardless but wanted to put it out there to vent I suppose. How do you know he didn’t use protection lol I think you are being very narrow minded and putting your own idea as to what you think the situation is.

[Starlight925]

Your right we don’t know her side. I’m here because I’m staying with him regardless but wanted to put it out there to vent I suppose. How do you know he didn’t use protection lol I think you are being very narrow minded and putting your own idea as to what you think the situation is.

 

You're the one who used the word "probably", which I simply repeated.

 

In any event, I'd have zero respect for someone who wants little to do with his own child, regardless of how well he treated me.

 

This isn't about who did or did not use protection.

 

In your first post, you talk about the Romanian girl "misusing" the situation. No, she did not. There were two people there that night.

 

If he absolutely didn't want a child, he could have abstained.

 

This is about who is or is not taking responsibility. Mr. Wonderful is not.

[SherrySher]

You seem to be keen on blaming the woman, but your boyfriend was the one who got her pregnant and he obviously did something that upset her so badly that she stayed away from him, even while still in UK and pregnant with his baby.

 

Think about it, if you got pregnant with someone's baby would you hide from them, especially if he was a good guy? She had her reasons but they must have been pretty big ones as to ban him from the child's life.

[Kb007]

Yes I get why you would think she was fleeing lol but no honestly I’ve spoke to his mother and family and I don’t believe that anything sinister has happened.

 

I’m not blaming her as I wasn’t there. I don’t know what she had in mind but I can tell you that apparently she fell pregnant and began to distance herself from him. They went on holiday when she was pregnant together and she told him that she planned on going home to Romania and raising the child alone.

 

I get that I’m putting it out there and I’m just happy to be able to do that. Please don’t judge my man on what you read here. He is a great dad and this is not what he would have chosen for her. Yes we both would accept her in our lives with open arms if she came looking.

 

Thank you for all your advice

[SherrySher]

I didn't have the idea what so ever that she was fleeing. I had more the idea that they had a huge lovers quarrel over something and that's what caused the rift.

 

I doubt he will ever tell you what it was because he seems to want to make it look like he did nothing wrong and she was the problem.

 

But yes, there are two sides to every story. He did something that made her think it was better to not have him be a part of this child's life. That's a pretty big deal.

[itsallgrand]

You seem to be keen on blaming the woman, but your boyfriend was the one who got her pregnant and he obviously did something that upset her so badly that she stayed away from him, even while still in UK and pregnant with his baby.

 

Think about it, if you got pregnant with someone's baby would you hide from them, especially if he was a good guy? She had her reasons but they must have been pretty big ones as to ban him from the child's life.

 

There are some women who just want a baby and they want to be single moms with total say over how the child is raised.

 

I remember years ago, my brother was dating a woman, and he asked me for advice on some comments she had made. They were comments that made him uncomfortable, to do with her envisioning herself raising a child alone and how she preferred that. Also she had made some general negative anti-men comments. He broke it off shortly after, because he always wanted a family and had lost trust on this woman's intentions.

Funny enough, within a short time, this lady had become a mom with no dad in the picture.

 

So in OPs case, with the woman leaving the country, it makes me wonder if she did this by choice. Other questions pop up too, like maybe she wasn't able to legally stay in the country.

[Kb007]

If only things were as simple as what you say Sherrysher it’s an easy way of putting it.... life would be so simple .. imagine!

 

Thank you for your opinion though. That’s me being genuine, but I honestly don’t think it’s sinister.

[tattoobunnie]

This friend of my boyfriend's at the time was trying to secretly get him to go to Romania as a "free trip" to get fake engaged to her sister, so she could get a green card. Left a BAD taste in my mouth about Romanians.

 

The dad who raised my hubby, when my hubby was 27, they had a falling out for an entire decade, and now he is very much in our lives. Even if she does come back, or the daughter wants a relationship, she is blood, and very much him, so love her. That's it.

[SherrySher]

I totally agree, although I am sensing that this isn't the case. She was from a different country and barely knew this man. It seems odd to decide to have a child that far from home and then take off.

 

I guess because it would be really inconvenient to carry a child in a country that's not your own.The costs would be atrocious, even with traveler's insurance.

 

It's why my vibes are telling me that he and her had a lovers quarrel after she got pregnant by accident.

 

But if she was from another country and went through this alone, despite having him in the same country, I really would wonder what he did.

[Kb007]

She wasn’t alone she had family here but I’m not sure she had rights to stay though. I don’t know if he was the only man either. Which is why it seemed a bit suspicious to me.

[SherrySher]

The thing is, do you know how expensive it is to have anything done medically in a country that's not yours? A simple doctor visit is over $100 nevermind the care it takes for a pregnancy.

 

That's why I can't see that she did this on purpose.

 

And okay then, let's say your bf wasn't the only man. How does that look on him to be sleeping around with a woman who might be with several men? And then on top of it, not even use a condom?

 

What I'm saying here Kb and I know you don't want to hear it but your bf doesn't come off the best in this situation. He has been irresponsible and who knows if HE used this girl.

 

The whole story isn't great.

 

I hope is this child comes looking for him, that he does the right thing and takes care of her.

 

I still think there's more to the story but for now, he wants to come off as a prince, so be it.

[Kb007]

Sherry we don’t pay for medical care in the Uk! It’s free.

 

I understand how it might appear to some. Both have been irresponsible having a child together full stop!

 

We have both been married and both got baggage so it’s his past and that’s that. It’s been great to come on here and get it out there... I’m not overly worried but I just wanted to flush my little bit of worry and fear away. I’ll be here when and if the day comes that the little girl turns up with support for us all.

[SherrySher]

How does that work if she's not a citizen?

[Kb007]

This could be a topic for another thread lol but basically UK will help all in relation to medical assistance. Unlike the states we pay a basic tax rate which then pays into the national health service so we all get free treatment. Probably why she had the baby in the uk

[melancholy123]

Was a paternity test done to establish this guy is the actual father of the girl?

[nutbrownhare]

How does that work if she's not a citizen?

 

If she's from the EU, she will be entitled to medical care under reciprocal arrangements with member states. That is, until Brexit... but let's not go there!!!

[Kb007]

No! 🤷♀️... which is another thing.

[SherrySher]

That's news to me. As far as I knew, if you're not a citizen of that country you don't get free care. It would be different if she was applying to stay permanently but she wasn't.

 

On a visitor visa, you pay you own way, that includes medical.

 

Either way, you're gung ho on putting the blame on this lady and making out that your bf did nothing wrong. It's not true but you believe what you have to.

 

The person I feel sorry for the most here is the child. She has to deal with knowing her so called 'dad' is no where to be found and doesn't seem to care.

 

Did you know he could potentially track her down and get DNA testing and have part custody? H3ll, he could have done that at the hospital if he seen the baby and actually cared.

 

It sounds dodgy and I do feel sorry for the child.

 

I can see why this whole situation bothers you and you posted about it. It definitely does not make him look good.

[Kb007]

I feel this has possibly hit a spot for you Sherry. I’m not blaming her I don’t know what happened. I’m telling you from my point of view and I’m venting. End of. I’m not looking for advice about how I should feel. I get how you would feel you have made that clear.

 

Time to move on I think but thank you all for advice and for lending a platform.

[SherrySher]

No, you're wrong. I reply to hundreds of posts and to be honest, I have a hard time remembering them.

 

The only thing that bothered me is an irresponsible man who made this child and is doing nothing to take care of her. He could have had a paternity test and partial custody.

 

You have to remember as well...it was YOU who was bothered enough by this situation that you wrote in. Not that I blame you, he doesn't come off looking good.

 

Take care.

[thisisrichey]

ya i see no issue beyond what you already said.

it happens (unwanted pregnancies, people using other people for whatever reason --- pregnancy? trying to stay in a country but it failed?)

 

i think you're okay.

 

it does beg the question..and i'm curious to know. If it was "nothing" and "not an issue" - why did he feel the need to not tell you?