He has a daughter....

[thisisrichey]

also begs another question.. why are you so obssessed about this? why is this bothering you so much that you had to vent on a public board to a bunch of strangers and that you keep deflecting anything anybody says?

what is it about THIS one situation that is driving you or triggering you to spend so much time with this with a bunch of strangers?

[reinventmyself]

I dated someone who was married for a short period of time, two toddlers between them and an agreement to have no more. They didn't get along from the start, he was pulling away, she stopped her birth control and in turn got pregnant. They separated while she was pregnant, she met someone right away and this new man agreed to raise the daughter as his own. My friend agreed to this and though nothing was formally signed, he felt he gave up all rights to the child.

 

Fast forward 8 years later the mother is now single, and sues bio dad for past and future child support. I doubt he would have ever told me had he not been sued. Bio dad was resentful and confused and tried to have a relationship with his daughter.

 

It's a long story but lets just say it never went well. Our relationship failed partly due to this as well. At least to his subsequent handling of the whole thing.

 

She's 20 years old now and doesn't speak to either of the men in her life.

 

I am only sharing this story because of the likelihood that given some time the child will likely resurface in some way. Being in another country may be an obstacle . . .but just be prepared.

I know my friend (bio dad) was not.

[Hollyj]

Why is this a concern to you?

[Jennifer2018]

Agreed... if it isnt an issue for him, why is it for you?

[maew]

Agreed... if it isnt an issue for him, why is it for you?

 

My guess is that despite the OP's proclamation that she accepts and is loyal to his stance about how this girl "fell pregnant", there is a part of her that questions his integrity about why he talks about the mother of his child this way, and why he hasn't fought to be part of his daughter's life.... and the venting is a smoke screen for how she is really feeling.