Is this ghosting or I can change the situation

[Zippy2000]

This isn't ghosting. Ghosting is where he is online and he chooses not to speak to you or he sees you online and logs off. Ghosting as the word refers to is when he has disappeared from all aspects in text, email or online but you cant see him in previous posts or last logged in.

 

In your case hes just lost interest. He wasn't really interested in you as you haven't even got a picture up . How can someone be interested in you when they don't even know what you look like.

 

Post a picture up and he messages you then hes attracted to you. Post a pic up and if you never hear from him again then you have your answer.

[Sportster2005]

Hello,

 

I want to date actually, but I am a bit sceptical about online dating,it always consumes me time and almost never have met somebody there, I find people more shallow and rude on online dating. Anyway. I do not have a pic of mine there for that reason, when I find somebody interesting, on conversation if they would ask in a polite way I could put a pic.

 

Now, I matched with smb and he looked interesting, we had a long conversation 2-3 hours about history, and mostly about movies and music, but almost nothing about our lives. we just know where we are from, and these preferences on art and things. The conversation lasted so long but I felt like it wasnt going anywhere since he still hasnt asked me what I do in my life. Every question was about preferences on art and things. So, I said i was going to watch a movie, hoping to let some mistrey for him and make him think that maybe he should better ask me out to talk about thongs better than texting. He told me that he wanted to continue talking to me, but again I ddnt consider that. He also suggested me a movie to watch but I told him I was going to se smth else.

I just made a move the next day to send a text and he replied but anyway coldly. we couldnt find anymore the connection of the first day and he hasnt written anymore. I assume two things he wasnt serious about that, like if he could have felt a connection on the conversation he would wanted to continue it the next day or asking me out.

The second thing he isnt taking it seriously because I dont have apicturen of mine but still hasnt asked me to put one. Should I put a pic of mine, or just let it go cause he would have asked me for a coffe if interested or ask me for a picture. Considering that we live 40 min far away by car, so maybe this is another factor. But anway I hate to waste my time on 2-3 hours of conversation for nothing.

 

It's reasonable to assume he's not interested. You can observe his behaviour to help this conclusion. Trying to assume why he isn't interested is mind reading. As human beings we suck at it.

 

I never talk to anyone who doesn't have a picture. Why? I just assume they're not attractive, and/or hiding something. I've seen exceptions. These women usually have explanations as to why, and usually send a pic when they make contact. Accusing everyone online of being shallow and rude, is not a good reason not to have a picture. You're behaving against your best interest.

[Batya33]

Obviously looks are a factor in dating and physical attraction. There are always exception. I don’t know if any. And sure part of attraction is surface or superficial. It’s dating and dating involves physical and sexual attraction. I might be friends with a person who is unattractive to me but I wouldn’t date him and tell myself “don’t be shallow “. But if a friend said she never found red hair attractive or never found men her height attractive- they had to be taller - I might question whether they was attraction related or something else. Wanting arm candy or to show off how hot a person you can get doesn’t have to do with attraction. But sure looks and body are a factor. I once set up a guy who insisted to me looks weren’t important at all. He considers himself very deep and spiritual. I had a friend who was an awesome person and incredibly obese. So I thought it would be a good idea to set them up. This was before people shared photos before being set up on blind dates.

 

He ended up being upset with me for not telling him how overweight she was. He went out with her twice and the second was a pity date. I was upset with him for being dishonest with me. Maybe he was dishonest with himself. Point is be very careful about labeling people as shallow on dating sites just because they want to see a photo. When I was doing online dating I had four photos up. One was full body. Some men asked for more photos. I declined because that was my boundary. I found that too shallow and picky. I provided my height and weight and age and with the photos mostly very recent(this was before I had a cell phone) and every man I met thought I looked better in person so I figured they were accurate for that purpose.

To me dating requires constant self talk to maintain a paositive attitude and a thick skin. Good luck.

[Annia]

Tinder is a free throw-away site full of garbage looking for hookups. Why you would be on that app? There are much better sites to finds higher quality people but you'll have to subscribe and pay for that. You would also have to compose a decent profile, answer some questions and provide a couple of recent good pics of yourself.

 

You can sign up for some higher quality sites such as Bumble, eHarmony, Match, etc where the profiles tend to have more content, subscribers tend to be more serious and for real and the search criteria are more defined than a pic, location and swipe left or right. Having a decent social life with groups, clubs, classes, courses, volunteering, a nice circle of friends, etc. also helps a lot to meet people in real life.

 

You can have a brief round of messaging to determine mutual interest but prolonged discussions about "artistic tastes, musical tastes" etc are pointless (and very boring) with a person you have never seen or met. It's not a "waste of time" to arrange a brief coffee meet to ascertain any chemistry, attraction and desire for a second date. If you stay on cheap trashy sites and refuse to meet people in person "because it's a waste of time", you are going to have a very difficult time finding anyone.

 

I've used bumble and it's very similar to tinder but less people use it and the woman must talk with the man first and the man must answer within a certain timeframe so that the match is valid. Maybe because it's not so popular as tinder you have less "trashy men looking for hook up" but the style of the app is the same. And a disadvantage is that you can't choose the location. I always got people from far away cities lol

[maew]

Exactly the reputation is that the city is small and i know many people here like friends, collegues etc etc. Now as you said, since we all know that tinder is a hook up app, I dont wanna appear there.

 

Haha I think you are more concerned about this so called reputation of yours than anyone else would be. And why are you using Tinder in the first place if you are so concerned about your reputation?

 

I think it's time you get honest with yourself about what you are looking for. People can sense when you are not being authentic and are being wishy washy.

[SoulTaker]

Look, the point of using a dating app is to go out on dates. People have posted on ENA their stories about texting prospective dates for months and even years without ever actually meeting the other person. To be quite honest, there are people online who are married or in relationships who are just feeling lonely and will waste your time. Some people have actually put their lives on hold until they finally realize they're in a relationship will never happen in real life.

 

So after talking to this guy for 2-3 hours, you should have asked a simple question: when can we meet? That is the quickest way to call anyone's bluff. If they start giving you excuses about meeting up, you know something is wrong. Some people on ENA have suggested giving someone a deadline of 2 weeks to meet in person and then forget about them. They're not serious. Even if they're out saving the world, they can find an hour to meet you within 2 weeks for coffee.

 

When I was answering singles ads back in my younger days, I would call up someone, talk to them for 5 minutes and ask, when can we meet? That's all you have to do. Just say, when can we meet? If they make excuses or ghost you, then you know they were probably lying to you. The Internet makes it too easy to be something you're not. There is no reason to text some guy for a year or two only to find out he's 53-years old and living in Jakarta. And you don't have to wait 2-3 hours to do it. After 5 minutes, just ask, when can we meet? Then you will know if they're serious or not. And you will save a lot of time and effort.

 

+1. Well stated.

[Annia]

I'd never go out with a guy without having see his picture first and I like having the first meet soon. You can be catfished even if they have a picture and a social media profile. I'd find it fishy if someone wouldn't have a pic or refused to send one after a while. I also use dating apps with the goal of going on dates and meeting someone suitable to a relationship, so I don't want to waste time or expectations on hours of online conversation. You can get an idea of what the person is like on a real life meet.

 

It's not even a date and it doesn't need to be long. It can be a meeting in a coffee shop. That way you always have a way out if things get awkward and you can gauge the real life chemistry.

 

That being said I don't consider what he's done as ghosting and I'd probably wouldn't entertain you either on tinder if I was a man.

 

Stop the game playing and be honest to yourself about what you want. It might be that you just want some online pen pal buddies and that's ok but be honest to yourself about it.

 

As to reputation I live in a small town now but why would q single woman on a dating app millions of people around the world use be a sign of bad reputation? I remember when I was a teenager thinking that online dating (before the apps, when you had to create a full profile on a website) was to older adults who had problems in getting people in real life but I was wrong, and it was just my immature thought many years ago. Online dating is just another way of meeting people and it can be useful if you don't have the time or opportunity to meet people organically. And even if you have the time and opportunity it's just one more way of meeting people.

[Jellybean9]

Also sometimes you could just match with someone at a certain time when they are "bored".

 

Years ago when I was first on online dating and between lectures or something. I would spark a conversation and we could talk for ages backwards and forwards that day. Then go about with my life and never give that conversation a second thought.

 

It's about when you catch people and how engaged they are at the time.

 

Could also be that he found interest in someone else. I know when I start going on dates with someone. If it's a person I was briefly talking to online I would slowly let it dwindle.

 

If it was someone I genuinely vibed with and enjoyed the chat I would be honest and say I've met someone.

 

So could be a whole host of reasons why someone doesn't message back even though they were keen the day before.

 

Online dating is a crazy place!

[successthis]

It is not that he didnt respond actually. The last message is from his in our conversation. I put a pic. and there have passed 2-3 days. I was expecting him to start again the conv. and I could jump into the topic I want. But should I write first in this case even after some days? Or move on, hes not interested.

I mean there is nothing to move on from, but I just liked his background, would be interested to know what he does in life.

[saluk]

If you liked his background and want to find out more, ask him for coffee. It doesn't matter who responded last or whatever. You can't wait to be pursued when the other party is chatting with multiple other matches at the same time.

 

The online part of online dating is not dating. It's interviewing for potential dates.

[successthis]

If you liked his background and want to find out more, ask him for coffee. It doesn't matter who responded last or whatever. You can't wait to be pursued when the other party is chatting with multiple other matches at the same time.

 

The online part of online dating is not dating. It's interviewing for potential dates.

 

I could but we live 40 miles away and I mot even thinking about moving to see him. So I cant say "Hey do you wanna run 40 miles to get a cup of coffee with me?"

[Wiseman2]

Then why bother communicating with someone too far away? Have you set up a dating profile on some more upscale pay apps with a good profile and clear recent photos? You will need to fill out a questionnaire that includes your match preferences such as age, location, etc. It's unclear why you are chatting with guys on tinder who you have zero interest or possibility of meeting. If you are bored and what to find text buddies, perhaps expand your social media.

I cant say "Hey do you wanna run 40 miles to get a cup of coffee with me?"

[purplepaisley]

I could but we live 40 miles away and I mot even thinking about moving to see him. So I cant say "Hey do you wanna run 40 miles to get a cup of coffee with me?"

 

This is a very easy solution. Do not converse or text men who live outside of a certain radius. It's really rather simple. Profiles typically have a city (some people lie), and all you have to do is ask their major crossroads of where they live...not too personal and gives you a general idea of location. If the trip itself, one way, is more than you are comfortable with to travel, do not entertain this connection on the app. I've had a lot of guys say, "That's nothing," until I make them do it, meaning, if you think it's no big deal, you can meet me here. This is when they decide they're not entirely keen on the distance after all...maybe we meet for coffee or a drink and they found the drive sucked, or maybe nothing happens at all. Personally, if they live outside of a specific radius, I don't even entertain moving forward.

 

You also need to let go of these little rules and games. Online apps are largely impersonal and few people are going to try very hard to get with someone who is superficial and coy and blows off any initial invitations to meet. These men have been met with a lot of women whose only goal is to chat via text, and there are frauds and catfishers. You're not their first rodeo, OP, so I suggest you behave a little more proactively if you're interested in them enough to meet or know more about them. Sometimes women have to take the lead, as men don't want to scare you...red flags and danger if they ask too many personal questions. If you want to know more about him, ask him...this is your potential future mate...and with that, the men will be more comfortable asking you. You don't have to share everything, and you can be more vague in certain areas. I think the major issue is meeting in person, and it's not a terrible thing to state or ask when they would like to meet in person.

[Annia]

As someone who was on (failed) long distance relationships, I know make it my deal breaker on these type of apps to not entertain guys who can't easily go out with me aka live beyond a reasonable distance from me.

 

I'll even leave our guys who live in close cities if it means more than 1h hour of travelling one way to meet each other. I'm not saying it's impossible to make it work, but it can pose certain obstacles.