Another text

[boltnrun]

You're right. Don't know why he is asking for our advice. He never follows it.

 

People like this do exist. I dated one of them. This guy's ex girlfriend tried to burn his house down and broke a window in his house trying to get in to "talk" to him when he wouldn't answer the door. She would also call his cell 30 times in a row and his house phone, letting it ring 80 times. He proudly told me these things, then scolded me for not acting like that, accusing me of not really loving him since I didn't lose my mind over him.

 

I think OP is like that...high drama is viewed as "true love".

[Hollyj]

People like this do exist. I dated one of them. This guy's ex girlfriend tried to burn his house down and broke a window in his house trying to get in to "talk" to him when he wouldn't answer the door. She would also call his cell 30 times in a row and his house phone, letting it ring 80 times. He proudly told me these things, then scolded me for not acting like that, accusing me of not really loving him since I didn't lose my mind over him.

 

I think OP is like that...high drama is viewed as "true love".

 

That is really disturbing!

[RayRay63]

OP should buy his own dog. Or fourth dog, or whatever. And get them all fully housetrained.

[cantgiveup]

Look people I don’t have to take your advice and it’s my life so I get a chuckle that y’all are getting upset. I am just trying to share what’s going on with me, not get your expert advice because none of us are experts on life. I do appreciate different viewpoints however and I know most are trying to help, but also a lot of people who come here (myself included) are heartbroken people with multiple bad relationships so excuse me if I take the advice with a grain of salt.

 

I’m not sure you guys are even reading my posts...she has a GF (who I happen to know for a fact has been a sex worker doing in person domination sessions and also does some kind of sexting thing for money) that alone should be enough for me to write her off...but I feel guilty because I dumped her in a fit of anger, then rarely communicated and didn’t see her at all for 2 months. I had my reasons but I hate the way I handled it and I regret it now. However seeing what she’s up to now I think maybe she’s just screwed up and nothing I did or didn’t do would have changed anything...but how can I know.

 

Also I already stated I have 3 dogs, and I did not agree to take her dog or watch him I was explicit that he cannot stay here when no one is home and her only option is to bring him over to play with my dogs and then she will be taking him home. In fact if she does text me about doing so I’ll plan on being somewhere else and let my roommate handle it.

 

Also if you read her texts she must be delusional or incredibly entitled as she says that I am being difficult, as if I am under some obligation to help her with anything, again that should tell me something, however after I dropped her and basically ignored her the first time I just can’t do it again. However I am not allowing her to use me in anyway and as bad as I feel and as much as I miss her and her children, I am NOT waiting on the word from her to jump back into a relationship with her.

 

Thanks for the input.

[11moreweeks]

Look people I don’t have to take your advice and it’s my life so I get a chuckle that y’all are getting upset. I am just trying to share what’s going on with me, not get your expert advice because none of us are experts on life. I do appreciate different viewpoints however and I know most are trying to help, but also a lot of people who come here (myself included) are heartbroken people with multiple bad relationships so excuse me if I take the advice with a grain of salt.

 

I’m not sure you guys are even reading my posts...she has a GF (who I happen to know for a fact has been a sex worker doing in person domination sessions and also does some kind of sexting thing for money) that alone should be enough for me to write her off...but I feel guilty because I dumped her in a fit of anger, then rarely communicated and didn’t see her at all for 2 months. I had my reasons but I hate the way I handled it and I regret it now. However seeing what she’s up to now I think maybe she’s just screwed up and nothing I did or didn’t do would have changed anything...but how can I know.

 

Also I already stated I have 3 dogs, and I did not agree to take her dog or watch him I was explicit that he cannot stay here when no one is home and her only option is to bring him over to play with my dogs and then she will be taking him home. In fact if she does text me about doing so I’ll plan on being somewhere else and let my roommate handle it.

 

Also if you read her texts she must be delusional or incredibly entitled as she says that I am being difficult, as if I am under some obligation to help her with anything, again that should tell me something, however after I dropped her and basically ignored her the first time I just can’t do it again. However I am not allowing her to use me in anyway and as bad as I feel and as much as I miss her and her children, I am NOT waiting on the word from her to jump back into a relationship with her.

 

Thanks for the input.

 

Fundamentally, this website is about getting outside perspectives, as a relationship advice forum, rather than being told what to do. The best thing you can do what you feel is best for yourself, while acknowledging potential for personal growth and the need for no expectations in things you can't truly control. My own posts simply represent what I think is the healthiest approach and a kind of way-of-thinking and way-of-wanting that should be strived for (since desires can be controlled or changed through conscious effort).

 

People seem to gravitate towards generalist responses on this website, but it is true that no one is an expert at life and prescribing general solutions to specific problems can be ineffective. I also strongly agree with you on the point that this website is rife with people who are, well... jaded.

 

I do think she is using you, and I do agree that she seems delusional or entitled to call you difficult -- honestly, I don't think anyone should be expected to be in a good state of mind for many months, or even a year or more, following a breakup. I do think there's a core confusion of the totality of what breakups usually mean, for both of you honestly, and I think that lends credence to the fundamental value of no contact. It is through no contact that, if nothing else, we can know the post-breakup haziness is not hampering anything.

[figureitout23]

Look people I don’t have to take your advice and it’s my life so I get a chuckle that y’all are getting upset. I am just trying to share what’s going on with me, not get your expert advice because none of us are experts on life. I do appreciate different viewpoints however and I know most are trying to help, but also a lot of people who come here (myself included) are heartbroken people with multiple bad relationships so excuse me if I take the advice with a grain of salt.

 

I hear you. If the only advice I'm getting is from someone who posted on about their toxic and volatile situations and they ignored all advice, were argumentative, and still seem completely stuck, and they wanna tell me how to live my life, I'm not going to take their advice too seriously either. I can see your point.

 

But to lump everyone together, in my opinion, is clearly a diversion. Why post? You want an audience? Doubtful. I think you want feedback. You're just frustrated its not what you want to hear/is offending you so you're lashing out and being passive aggressive. Highly transparent in my eyes. Also highly telling, quite possible this is how you handle conflict, you lash out. You lashed out on her multiple time, you admit as much, Im sure you see how damaging it is.

 

I’m not sure you guys are even reading my posts...she has a GF (who I happen to know for a fact has been a sex worker doing in person domination sessions and also does some kind of sexting thing for money) that alone should be enough for me to write her off...but I feel guilty because I dumped her in a fit of anger, then rarely communicated and didn’t see her at all for 2 months. I had my reasons but I hate the way I handled it and I regret it now. However seeing what she’s up to now I think maybe she’s just screwed up and nothing I did or didn’t do would have changed anything...but how can I know.

 

You know full well this wasnt all on her. Youve been told MULTIPLE times it wasnt all on her, you admit yourself it was not on her. Its interesting, when youre confident, youre a bit cocky, dismissive, you feel superior and everything is everyone elses fault, but when something happens to knock you off center, you become highly self critical, needy, insecure, childlike almost, the emperor is without his clothes. Its so unbelievably evident in your writing. Do you pick up on that?

 

Also I already stated I have 3 dogs, and I did not agree to take her dog or watch him I was explicit that he cannot stay here when no one is home and her only option is to bring him over to play with my dogs and then she will be taking him home. In fact if she does text me about doing so I’ll plan on being somewhere else and let my roommate handle it.

 

Also if you read her texts she must be delusional or incredibly entitled as she says that I am being difficult, as if I am under some obligation to help her with anything, again that should tell me something, however after I dropped her and basically ignored her the first time I just can’t do it again. However I am not allowing her to use me in anyway and as bad as I feel and as much as I miss her and her children, I am NOT waiting on the word from her to jump back into a relationship with her.

 

Thanks for the input.

 

So very critical and judgmental. You're still harping on these women because of their job choice as well, look at that. Your criticism is not coming from a place of indifference. Your actions are not from a place of indifference. Youre a half clothed emperor right now swinging back and forth on a pendulum, enjoying the aftermath of your recent hit of drama.

 

Youre right about one thing though, your issues are definitely out of our league. Either way I wish you luck on your journey.

[ThatwasThen]

Ok you can all yell at me lol...I responded...

 

Me: Hey I really do hope you’re doing well, but not to be rude but I guess it’s not an emergency or you would’ve said. I already have 3 dogs so I can’t. Again hope you’re doing well and the kids too.

H: No but he misses his friends and he keeps chewing my shoes! He just needs a few days with them

M: My dogs stay in crates when I’m not at home and I only have 3 so sorry I can’t. Say hi to the kids for me ok I miss them

H: J seriously you know Griffin doesn’t stay in a crate at your house he never has. I fee like your just being difficult but ok I understand:

M: Um lol yes he did at first he didn’t nobody did. I started putting everyone in a crate except Nessie and no more stuff got chewed up. Now that we don’t have Griffin Nessie just goes in the crate all by herself and that’s the routine.

H: Ok

M: Ok good glad your upset I’m not being difficult I don’t have a problem helping someone out but it goes both ways

H: It’s not even that I need help he would just enjoy it bc he missed your engagement and the other dogs he’s driving me crazy

M: Then you’re welcome to let him come by and play anytime but he can’t stay here when no one is home.

H: Ok thanks I’ll do that this week.

M: yw

It would have been much better for you if you had simply said, "No" to her request and then gone silent to any other begging. Her dog does NOT miss your dogs or you.

 

You, are your own worst enemy. Having her play you like she is, is not helping you to get past your current state of "I can't stop thinking about her." It's no wonder when you don't give yourself a chance to.

 

We can't force you to see the forest for the trees, we can only point out what we see in your shares. Up to you if you want to finally get to the stage of indifference to her through zero contact or let her play these games that keep you emotionally mired to her. Bottom line is that she holds all of the power in your current dynamic and she apparently will hold onto that power as long as you let her.

 

but I feel guilty because I dumped her in a fit of anger, then rarely communicated and didn’t see her at all for 2 months. I had my reasons but I hate the way I handled it and I regret it now.

Forgive yourself and get on with clearing yourself of her in your heart and your mind. You are wasting valuable dating time being stuck where you now are emotionally.

[cantgiveup]

I hear you. If the only advice I'm getting is from someone who posted on about their toxic and volatile situations and they ignored all advice, were argumentative, and still seem completely stuck, and they wanna tell me how to live my life, I'm not going to take their advice too seriously either. I can see your point.

 

But to lump everyone together, in my opinion, is clearly a diversion. Why post? You want an audience? Doubtful. I think you want feedback. You're just frustrated its not what you want to hear/is offending you so you're lashing out and being passive aggressive. Highly transparent in my eyes. Also highly telling, quite possible this is how you handle conflict, you lash out. You lashed out on her multiple time, you admit as much, Im sure you see how damaging it is.

 

 

 

You know full well this wasnt all on her. Youve been told MULTIPLE times it wasnt all on her, you admit yourself it was not on her. Its interesting, when youre confident, youre a bit cocky, dismissive, you feel superior and everything is everyone elses fault, but when something happens to knock you off center, you become highly self critical, needy, insecure, childlike almost, the emperor is without his clothes. Its so unbelievably evident in your writing. Do you pick up on that?

 

 

 

So very critical and judgmental. You're still harping on these women because of their job choice as well, look at that. Your criticism is not coming from a place of indifference. Your actions are not from a place of indifference. Youre a half clothed emperor right now swinging back and forth on a pendulum, enjoying the aftermath of your recent hit of drama.

 

Youre right about one thing though, your issues are definitely out of our league. Either way I wish you luck on your journey.

 

“Job choice”?? Really? It’s not a f’ing job it’s a sick scam taking advantage of perverts and sex addicts, and it should not be around children, period.

 

Also you told me your felt like a movie character who needs to “slap someone” and I’ve looked at your other posts you’re overly aggressive and get in fights with other posters and mods...

 

I agree I do have my issues but yeah I’m not indifferent this person and their children were a part of my life and I don’t like seeing them f it up.

[cantgiveup]

It would have been much better for you if you had simply said, "No" to her request and then gone silent to any other begging. Her dog does NOT miss your dogs or you.

 

You, are your own worst enemy. Having her play you like she is, is not helping you to get past your current state of "I can't stop thinking about her." It's no wonder when you don't give yourself a chance to.

 

We can't force you to see the forest for the trees, we can only point out what we see in your shares. Up to you if you want to finally get to the stage of indifference to her through zero contact or let her play these games that keep you emotionally mired to her. Bottom line is that she holds all of the power in your current dynamic and she apparently will hold onto that power as long as you let her.

 

Forgive yourself and get on with clearing yourself of her in your heart and your mind. You are wasting valuable dating time being stuck where you now are emotionally.

 

You’re right I should have just said no and I am giving the power away...I do feel that in all likelihood you are right in that I do need to just get clear of her once and for all and stop being stuck

[ThatwasThen]

You’re right I should have just said no and I am giving the power away...I do feel that in all likelihood you are right in that I do need to just get clear of her once and for all and stop being stuck

 

I'll leave you to it. You can get past this.

 

Cheers!

[figureitout23]

“Job choice”?? Really? It’s not a f’ing job it’s a sick scam taking advantage of perverts and sex addicts, and it should not be around children, period.

 

No, its a job. Not one I would choose but porn star, dominatrix, hell even prostitution in legal brothels are jobs. You cant take advantage of the willing. A dominatrix has an audience because there are men and women who enjoy this particular kink. Unless they have the children in the bedroom with them, I really can only take your criticism of them as a reaction based on your feelings about the relationship between you and your ex.

 

I wouldn't dare bring my child around a man I had been dating for a few months. To me, that's a sign of a parent who is not putting the safety of their children first. The statistics alone about the harm they are potentially put in, is eye opening, also children get attached. Children whos parents recently divorced lose one parent in their eyes, even if the parent is there, its not the same to them so for adults to not take that into account and allow themselves to intertwine themselves in the childrens lives before the relationship has any real stability well guess what, you just confused that young child even more, in their eyes they lose someone else. its horrible. I do not think is it healthy or responsible.

 

I do not think ANYONE should be introduced to children prematurely whether its a man or shady women. Is one worse than the other, yes, potentially, depending on what the children are exposed to, but BOTH are harmful.

 

But shes not a woman who puts her children first, this is a known thing.

 

Also you told me your felt like a movie character who needs to “slap someone” and I’ve looked at your other posts you’re overly aggressive and get in fights with other posters and mods...

 

Well, if you read my history you should know this isn't my first rodeo and you're gonna have to come harder than this to hurt my feelings. You're lashing out, I'm not taking it personally.

 

Why didnt you respond BTW...

 

 

I agree I do have my issues but yeah I’m not indifferent this person and their children were a part of my life and I don’t like seeing them f it up.

 

They arent your kids, nor are they your responsibility. If your concern is that deep, please make a call to child protective services. You owe it to them if you feel they arent safe with their mother. They have a father in their life who sounds to be the more stable parent, if they need to be with him full time, they need to be with him. She may very well have lost custody of those kids without your help, so if you feel guilt for helping her expose them to unsafe surroundings I get it, you have the ability to fix it though.

[cantgiveup]

Lol I knew that would get a passionate reply.

 

Look I don’t disagree with everything your saying, but you talked before about projecting, you say I lash out, well it takes one to know one. The evidence is right there ☝🏼

 

Also I don’t agree that it’s a job like porn...it’s a fringe element thing meeting random weirdos on line and then meeting them in person, it’s something that could get the sex worker killed (and what if they pick up a stalker who tracks them to their house where the kids are?) Porn or strippnig there’s regulations and security at least and there’s relatively little danger. Nevertheless I sure as hell don’t want my mom, sister, daughter, girlfriend, whatever doing porn or stripping or domination sessions F F S...My personal preference for what I want in my life as far as porn and stripping but someone going on their own online and then meeting weirdos in person no that’s clearly dangerous and stupid and should not be around kids.

 

I didn’t reply because I don’t really care to agrue the point in circles. Again I appreciate yours and everyone’s viewpoint. What I don’t appreciate is viewpoints that are given in a disrespectful fashion, and then everyone chimes in multiplying the rancor.

 

Thanks again ok it does help to look at things from many different sides.

[figureitout23]

Lol I knew that would get a passionate reply.

 

Look I don’t disagree with everything your saying, but you talked before about projecting, you say I lash out, well it takes one to know one. The evidence is right there ☝🏼

 

I didn't intend for my response to come off as defensive. It wasnt my intent when I wrote it, I was under the impression you were lashing out. I know its best not to engage. Cant say Im always wise enough to walk away, but this instance, I wasnt coming at you from a place of anger. I dont have anything to project, I don't have any experience with parent/child relationships, infact if I were in that situation, I'd probably be you.

 

Also I don’t agree that it’s a job like porn...it’s a fringe element thing meeting random weirdos on line and then meeting them in person, it’s something that could get the sex worker killed (and what if they pick up a stalker who tracks them to their house where the kids are?) Porn or strippnig there’s regulations and security at least and there’s relatively little danger. Nevertheless I sure as hell don’t want my mom, sister, daughter, girlfriend, whatever doing porn or stripping or domination sessions F F S...My personal preference for what I want in my life as far as porn and stripping but someone going on their own online and then meeting weirdos in person no that’s clearly dangerous and stupid and should not be around kids.

 

Understandable and I agree, pornography should not be anywhere near children. I am not under the impression that this is necessarily around the children though. If it is, I feel you have a duty to report it. I could be wrong, but Im under the impression that you are projecting your anger onto them because you view them as an obstacle. If it weren't for them maybe she would still be chasing you. So while they probably arent the most stand up citizens, its doubtful they would be around your ex if they were, its quite possible they are at a more than average level of f*cked up that inturn makes sense they are around your ex because sh is also a more than average level of well you know...

 

I didn’t reply because I don’t really care to agrue the point in circles. Again I appreciate yours and everyone’s viewpoint. What I don’t appreciate is viewpoints that are given in a disrespectful fashion, and then everyone chimes in multiplying the rancor.

 

Thanks again ok it does help to look at things from many different sides.

 

Understood. And I mean that completely understood.

 

I just hope you see things from commenters point of view.

 

You walk away from a post, which is fine, completely your prerogative, but then some time later you post either pretty much the exact same thing or you post an update where you are acting in a way that you probably know isnt going to be seen as good.

 

We know too much at this point. So watching you go in circles, eventually, youre gonna get called out on it. And you probably arent going to want to hear it because you arent outside looking in, youre living it and you just want to make sense of it.

 

While I think most posters understand, our patience level isnt that of a mental health professional.

 

Many of us have kinda figured out, you get something out of this drama and its most likely not going to end any time soon because you arent only a willing participant, youre often driving the bus. Theres little to advise at that point.

[SweetGirl28]

Until you do a disappearing act on her, you'll find yourself staying stuck in this. It's a mess. There is never, ever, a good reason to keep contact when there's toxicity. If you stay silent you might actually find that you'll heal. Dont you want that?

Unless you are highly addicted to drama, then do what's right and cut her off completely. And this is coming from me, who absolutely hates NC and the silent treatment.

 

Put your foot down. You're an enabler and a crutch to her if you reply.

 

As far as the kids and all you claim is going on there, you're best removed from it. Idk your line of work, but if you're a mandated reporter in your job requirement (as I am being a nurse) you'd better get far, far away. You know everything written on the Internet is searchable even if deleted. Just food for thought. Even if you talk about this to someone who is, they'd have to report it.

[cantgiveup]

Until you do a disappearing act on her, you'll find yourself staying stuck in this. It's a mess. There is never, ever, a good reason to keep contact when there's toxicity. If you stay silent you might actually find that you'll heal. Dont you want that?

Unless you are highly addicted to drama, then do what's right and cut her off completely. And this is coming from me, who absolutely hates NC and the silent treatment.

 

Put your foot down. You're an enabler and a crutch to her if you reply.

 

As far as the kids and all you claim is going on there, you're best removed from it. Idk your line of work, but if you're a mandated reporter in your job requirement (as I am being a nurse) you'd better get far, far away. You know everything written on the Internet is searchable even if deleted. Just food for thought. Even if you talk about this to someone who is, they'd have to report it.

 

Well I have thought of contacting the children's father and telling him everything I know...I did have evidence of this stuff because I had given her my old phone and somehow texts between her and her GF's sister came through where she was talking about the GF being in another state to do "sessions"...However I deleted the texts. I could just tell him everything I know and I am sure he could get a PI and some evidence could likely be dug up...but I don't know that's a huge step...I think maybe I should just get away from it and let karma sort itself out. I don't know what exactly the kids are exposed to but I know her GF advertises and solicits guys on line for her domination "services" and then meets up with these guys in person for "sessions" and then my ex has her around her kids. To me that's enough of a risk right there...

 

Again I just don't know if I should take that step, maybe it's not my place...but I just don't think someone engaging in such risky behavior should be around the kids at all, as I previously mentioned what if she picks up some disturbed individual and it somehow comes back to my ex and her kids...

[cantgiveup]

I had a missed call from her yesterday. I didn't call back or reply.

 

I also found out she contacted my good friend and roomates GF (they became friends when we were dating) asking her to hang out. It is kind of weird because my ex hasn't contacted her in at least 6 months, and now in the past few weeks that she has kept contacting me and I have been mostly ignoring her, she is reaching out to someone in my circle. Anyways I am thinking I am just going to go dark on her from here on out .

[SweetGirl28]

Well she's choosing her life, and if she chooses to associate with people of low morals, it's her business. But you could always report it to child protective services and they will investigate it.

 

Go NC with her. You don't want someone else's drama.

[figureitout23]

I’ll do you one better, block her.

 

By going dark you’re essentially doing the same thing you did last year and attempting to ‘stick it’ to her. It’s drama and you’re eirher better than that or a willing participant.

 

If you leave communication open you may very well find out about her maybe finding someone else or remaining with her gf and you’ll be right back to square one.

 

Use this ego boost productively. Block. I personally wouldn’t even be able to trust anything she said at this point. The blinds are wide open - you were her meal ticket. There is nothing good about her reaching out, it’s an invitation to chaos. Rise above.

 

Prove us wrong - block her and heal.

[figureitout23]

Well I have thought of contacting the children's father and telling him everything I know...I did have evidence of this stuff because I had given her my old phone and somehow texts between her and her GF's sister came through where she was talking about the GF being in another state to do "sessions"...However I deleted the texts. I could just tell him everything I know and I am sure he could get a PI and some evidence could likely be dug up...but I don't know that's a huge step...I think maybe I should just get away from it and let karma sort itself out. I don't know what exactly the kids are exposed to but I know her GF advertises and solicits guys on line for her domination "services" and then meets up with these guys in person for "sessions" and then my ex has her around her kids. To me that's enough of a risk right there...

 

Again I just don't know if I should take that step, maybe it's not my place...but I just don't think someone engaging in such risky behavior should be around the kids at all, as I previously mentioned what if she picks up some disturbed individual and it somehow comes back to my ex and her kids...

 

If you know these children are in danger it is not only your place but your duty to report it to authorities.

 

Telling their father is an indirect way of handling things. He hasn’t witnessed these children around strange men. He hasn’t witnessed any of the facts you say you have so it’s going to be heresay in court and they’ve already gone to court before so it’s just going to turn into a he said she said. If you know all these things to be true, why wouldn’t you report it to the authorities? Don’t you think you owe it to them?

[boltnrun]

Do you know for a fact this woman brings strange men around your ex's children? Or are you speculating?

 

Protective Services probably won't investigate just because you think maybe she possibly might bring strange men around.

[No1]

OP, I am going to make this as simple as possible.

 

If you chose to accept her in your life and continue to respond, reply, help, engage, communicate, or entertain the idea of having her back, then you must accept all the pain, anxiety, heartbreak, sleepless nights, drama, tears that come with it and remember that you wanted it. If that is what you want, then more power to you.

 

If you do not want the drama, anxiety, tears, or heartbreak then you cut all communications from her.

 

Its really that simple. You decide.

[Annia]

What are you really hoping to achieve with all this? Besides the rush and highs of drama?

[RayRay63]

What are you really hoping to achieve with all this? Besides the rush and highs of drama?

 

+1

..........

[cantgiveup]

Yes well what I know is my ex's GF does meet up with random guys found online to do domination sessions. I doubt that they are bringing them to where my ex lives, but to me the fact that someone so close to my ex is even doing this is the danger.

 

Yeah I don't know if I should report it or not...I think it is dangerous as any of these guys could easily be some psycho and start stalking this girl and then it would involve my ex and her kids possibly...

 

What do I hope to accomplish? Well for quite sometime I wanted her back. You see I am the one who broke up with her, and I was very harsh about it and did it in a fit of anger and then I didn't come to see her or her children for 2 months. Then we accidentally saw each other again, we had sex and I realized I missed her. But I was still mad and she was doing stupid stuff, like hanging out with the dominatrix girls, which I just don't think those are the kind of people one should associate with especially if you have young children. So we fought a lot again, and then she got together with this girl (one half of the former dominatrix couple).

 

So then I guess maybe I just wanted what I didn't have, or maybe it just had been long enough that I missed her. Either way I regretted breaking up with her and I became immediately heartbroken and fell into a depressed state and a constant mental nightmare of regret and guilt which more or less continues to this day, about 8 or 9 months later. Yesterday I was feeling ok but I woke up today feeling terrible. I just keep being haunted by the memories of when things were good with us and wish things hadn't turned out this way. I am having a real problem accepting what is.

 

And she called me up in March saying she wanted away from this girl, and we went on a few dates but she would like be constantly texting this girl even when we were on dates. Then she told me about this incident where she was at a strip club with some guy (who the girls had introduced her to while we were broken up) and the 2 girls show up there, she ends up getting attacked outside by the ex of the girl she likes, and the girl she likes watched it happen and did nothing to help her, and in fact my ex told me that she just looked at her and rolled her eyes, and my ex is like crying while she is telling me this and it's clear she is like hurt about it. And that day she tells me this (we are on a date) she is constantly texting this girl. And I'm just like you said you want to get away from her and she basically brought her ex to beat you up and punish you and you're still talking to her? So a few days later I called her up and said I am not going to do this. And she was mad we had a crazy dramatic fight over text and phone calls.

 

Then we had another round in April. She invited me to the beach and to a theme park with her kids, I went to both and we had a pretty good time. Then I called her up to talk after we had went to the theme park, and she got defensive about why I had to have some big talk about what we are doing everytime we hangout. And I was like that is not what I am doing I am just trying to communicate. So then I asked her to see me the following week but she said she either had the kids or was working every day. But I needed to pick something up from her one of those days and she was like I am not here I am out to dinner (she had said she was busy every day?) and then that week she also went to a concert. So I got upset and a day came where I had to go to her house again, and I just came over to get what I had to get and leave, and she kept asking me to hangout, but I was upset and I just kind of stormed off saying that I didn't want to drag things out and she was stringing me along. And she text me "why are you being like this" And I don't know why I was being needy and desperate and this was a mistake. She seemed to be coming back to me and I couldn't keep my cool and I stopped talking to her again. And then I guess the girl showed back up and they started hanging out again and I just keep thinking if I hadn't of lost it and took off that day, I could have been the one to help her move and help her through those months and we could have reconciled. And that's what I wanted I wanted her back in my life, and I feel like I blew it and it's eating me up.

 

I am just miserable and I miss her so bad, I have fallen into the worst depression of my life. I regret everything and I am completely lost. I have finally started to work out again and I am seeing a therapist, so I know eventually I will be ok. But I feel like I will always have this scar and the regret and it's just terrible and I did love this girl and things just happened. I felt unappreciated by her because I was paying for everything and I do know that I have a tendency to get angry. And she was being lazy and wasting money and I was paying all her bills but I didn't handle it right. I did lash out at her and try to use angry lectures and fights to get her to behave (like get a job and save money, etc) I should have just stopped paying for things. And she even said in a text "towards the end before you broke up with me, I did pull away. We used to have fun and you were my escape but it turned into too much stress from always feeling like I was doing something wrong" But she was doing wrong (i.e not getting a job and spending the money that she did have carelessly). But I so didn't manage the relationship properly and I can see it now but I just couldn't see it when I was in it. And I am beating myself up for being 38 (now 39) and being so naive about relationships. And I've never been married and I don't have any kids and I think about having kids now and I'll be 50 by the time they're 10 years old and I just feel like this is just another way I have screwed up my life.

 

And she is very beautiful and sexy and we had a great sex life, and she is sweet and kind. However she is immature and dramatic and she uses tears and her plight to elicit sympathy and help from people. And it's not just me multiple friends and family of hers have given her money and help over the years and she doesn't make an effort to repay them and she seems to think that she's entitled to peoples help.

 

I don't know I am just so crushed and heartbroken over it, and I just wish I could erase the whole episode from me memory or that I had never met her...My mind has me trapped in hell and the past 8 or 8 months has just been a string of bleak days and nightmares. And I feel like I am a weak, flawed, neurotic person for taking this whole thing so hard...That's it, just venting I guess...

[figureitout23]

Is writing everything out cathartic to you or do you think it keeps you ruminating?

 

Serious question.

 

I almost responded to each point again, I almost did but it’s not going to get through. This is your what? 6th? 7th? Post on this same subject? That’s not a criticism. For me, it’s a realization that you get something out of this that you don’t want to stop.

 

The passion you have about the wrong doing of these women, even though you finally fully admit, theres no proof nor is there anything to lead you to believe the children are in imminent danger. You already know I find it baffling, but now it reminds me of what you wrote about when you quit smoking marijuana and you kinda judged your friends who still used and being negative towards them and the whole thing with the vegan eating and being negative towards her and your desire to want what you can’t have... I don’t know it’s a pattern but I haven’t the slightest idea what it could mean, I just see a clear pattern. A need to feel superior due to self esteem issues maybe? I don’t know.

 

I’m glad you are in therapy, I’m sure you and your therapist will be able to unpack all this, hopefully he or she is someone well versed on childhood trauma, just remain honest and open.

 

One day at a time.