Another text

[cantgiveup]

It is cathartic but yes I suppose it does keep me ruminating.

 

To me even being involved with someone who is a sex worker is dangerous enough, if I was her kids father if I knew this stuff you would best believe I would be back in court about it, but I'm not. Also her GF continues to talk to her ex, who has attacked me ex physically twice that I know of, and has also sent her death threats, and I know (because I was snooping on FB) that my ex's GF is still talking to her ex, who has done all these terrible things to my ex. So why would she continue things with this person who obviously doesn't really care about her well being.

 

Do I have a need to feel superior due to self esteem issues? Probably.

 

It just sucks I realize despite all of her problems I did love this girl and her kids and I just can't reconcile that with how I dumped her and didn't come around for 2 months. It's tearing me up, or maybe I'm punishing myself, I don't know. I feel like maybe I self sabotaged by ruining the relationship in the first place. Or is my ex just f'ed up and it would never have worked? I don't know probably...

 

I am just in pain and I want out but maybe continuing to come on here and talk about it ad nauseam is just keeping me stuck. Maybe I just need to drop the whole thing and do my best to put in on a shelf in the back of my mind and never talk to her again and do the best I can to put one foot in front of the other and go on with my life.

[cantgiveup]

Is writing everything out cathartic to you or do you think it keeps you ruminating?

 

Serious question.

 

I almost responded to each point again, I almost did but it’s not going to get through. This is your what? 6th? 7th? Post on this same subject? That’s not a criticism. For me, it’s a realization that you get something out of this that you don’t want to stop.

 

The passion you have about the wrong doing of these women, even though you finally fully admit, theres no proof nor is there anything to lead you to believe the children are in imminent danger. You already know I find it baffling, but now it reminds me of what you wrote about when you quit smoking marijuana and you kinda judged your friends who still used and being negative towards them and the whole thing with the vegan eating and being negative towards her and your desire to want what you can’t have... I don’t know it’s a pattern but I haven’t the slightest idea what it could mean, I just see a clear pattern. A need to feel superior due to self esteem issues maybe? I don’t know.

 

I’m glad you are in therapy, I’m sure you and your therapist will be able to unpack all this, hopefully he or she is someone well versed on childhood trauma, just remain honest and open.

 

One day at a time.

 

And what points do you want to respond to? Please go ahead I'd like to hear it.

[No1]

I don't know what exactly you want to hear.

 

I gave you the simple basic advice. You want to feel miserable and want drama in your life, then you keep her in your life. Doesn't matter if she wants to stay in your life, its your decision to keep her. If that is what you want, then accept all the emotions that come with it.

 

If you say I don't want to feel this anymore, then you stop. Just stop.

 

Yes you continue to make excuses to keep her in your life. So you want the Drama and you want to continue to feel miserable.

 

So leads me to believe that you want to hear this.

 

This woman is the best woman in the world. She is wonderful, perfect for you and I think you should pursue her and tell her she is making a mistake going out with this other girl and go back to being miserable with you. I am sure she is going to love the constant criticisms from you. She loves to hear how you don't approve of her actions or her friends. And I think you will love to keep telling her that she is terrible with money and how her life has no direction. I am sure she loves it how your life is in perfect order and out of all the misguided, troubled, and toxic women you could of chosen you chose her to be your pet and pet project. I mean, honestly, gorgeous women who are stable mentally and financially are way over rated right? Who needs someone like that? Certainly not you. You have found the perfect women. Even better than the one you took to the wedding and you thought she was "retarded" and you had to bail her out and criticized her as well.

Well, if you don't go after this woman, give me her info so I can go right for her and see if I can handle the constant drama and hardship that comes with it. I want her to drain my bank account because she cant handle her own money. This woman is perfect.

[SweetGirl28]

Your ex is a grown ass woman making choices. She's not being forced to live the life she is. If those kids are at risk, report it. Other than that, you need to wash your hands clean of this. You are not her father, she's not a child. You need to figure out the deeper issue, which is why you obsess and ruminate over this. And why you don't block her, Idk. I don't even advocate NC and blocking, and silent treatment, I hate it. Those are narcissistic traits and inflict emotional pain but sometimes it is necessary. But in this case, sh** or get off the pot dude. Seriously.

 

It's almost as if you're jealous of her sex life. That's how you're coming across. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but you really need to ask yourself why you are so hung up on someone who is clearly so toxic, in your own words. You're writing all of this, but are you seeing any of it?

[cantgiveup]

I don't know what exactly you want to hear.

 

I gave you the simple basic advice. You want to feel miserable and want drama in your life, then you keep her in your life. Doesn't matter if she wants to stay in your life, its your decision to keep her. If that is what you want, then accept all the emotions that come with it.

 

If you say I don't want to feel this anymore, then you stop. Just stop.

 

Yes you continue to make excuses to keep her in your life. So you want the Drama and you want to continue to feel miserable.

 

So leads me to believe that you want to hear this.

 

This woman is the best woman in the world. She is wonderful, perfect for you and I think you should pursue her and tell her she is making a mistake going out with this other girl and go back to being miserable with you. I am sure she is going to love the constant criticisms from you. She loves to hear how you don't approve of her actions or her friends. And I think you will love to keep telling her that she is terrible with money and how her life has no direction. I am sure she loves it how your life is in perfect order and out of all the misguided, troubled, and toxic women you could of chosen you chose her to be your pet and pet project. I mean, honestly, gorgeous women who are stable mentally and financially are way over rated right? Who needs someone like that? Certainly not you. You have found the perfect women. Even better than the one you took to the wedding and you thought she was "retarded" and you had to bail her out and criticized her as well.

Well, if you don't go after this woman, give me her info so I can go right for her and see if I can handle the constant drama and hardship that comes with it. I want her to drain my bank account because she cant handle her own money. This woman is perfect.

 

I don’t know what’s so hard to understand. I am in pain and hurting. I don’t understand why so many people here are rude and downright mean to people here, when we know 99% of us came here in pain and heartbroken. Don’t we remember how we felt, and what good does it do to kick someone who’s down? Do people get pleasure thinking how someone else screwed up or is more screwed up than them?

 

I know I was critical of her and I feel bad about it, but I also did A LOT for her. And she was lazy and irresponsible and if I was harsh with her it wasn’t for pleasure, it was because I was trying to help her. I wasn’t telling her she was fat or ugly or stupid or that she couldn’t hang out with certain people. I was telling her to get a job and be responsible about money and to not let her kids run wild and give them some discipline.

 

I just don’t know what to do I am not communicating with her really I just responded to her text the other day and I did not agree to keep her dog, and when I had a missed call from her Monday I didn’t call or text her back. I haven’t blocked her because yeah I guess I am waiting for her text saying she wants to try again, and that’s probably stupid of me...but I am just a human being who makes mistakes and will continue to make them, hopefully I can get to a point where I only make smaller mistakes less often.

[cantgiveup]

Your ex is a grown ass woman making choices. She's not being forced to live the life she is. If those kids are at risk, report it. Other than that, you need to wash your hands clean of this. You are not her father, she's not a child. You need to figure out the deeper issue, which is why you obsess and ruminate over this. And why you don't block her, Idk. I don't even advocate NC and blocking, and silent treatment, I hate it. Those are narcissistic traits and inflict emotional pain but sometimes it is necessary. But in this case, sh** or get off the pot dude. Seriously.

 

It's almost as if you're jealous of her sex life. That's how you're coming across. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but you really need to ask yourself why you are so hung up on someone who is clearly so toxic, in your own words. You're writing all of this, but are you seeing any of it?

 

I am not jealous of her sex life but yeah I am jealous she’s not with me. Why am I obsessing or ruminating about it? Because going back to 2004 when I broke up with a girl, I was single until 2010 when I met my previous ex, we broke up in 2012, then I didn’t meet this current ex until 2017. So about +/- 3 years out of the last 14 I’ve had a partner, the rest of those 11 years I was single and not happy, all of my 20s and 30s basically and it sucks and I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life and it’s my fault and I’m not worth loving or when I do find someone I get close to I screw it up subconsciously or something.

 

As I said previously I don’t block her because I am waiting for her to contact me to try again...but I guess that would be a mistake...I don’t even know I just know this sucks and once again I’m miserable and unhappy and even though logically I know I can find someone else, subconsciously or emotionally I am feeling very little hope that I’ll ever have a happy life.

[SweetGirl28]

I am not jealous of her sex life but yeah I am jealous she’s not with me. Why am I obsessing or ruminating about it? Because going back to 2004 when I broke up with a girl, I was single until 2010 when I met my previous ex, we broke up in 2012, then I didn’t meet this current ex until 2017. So about +/- 3 years out of the last 14 I’ve had a partner, the rest of those 11 years I was single and not happy, all of my 20s and 30s basically and it sucks and I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life and it’s my fault and I’m not worth loving or when I do find someone I get close to I screw it up subconsciously or something.

 

As I said previously I don’t block her because I am waiting for her to contact me to try again...but I guess that would be a mistake...I don’t even know I just know this sucks and once again I’m miserable and unhappy and even though logically I know I can find someone else, subconsciously or emotionally I am feeling very little hope that I’ll ever have a happy life.

 

That is unbelievably sad and pathetic sounding! You're doing this to yourself. You are being your own worst enemy.

 

Okay, the empath in me thinks "poor guy, he needs love , affection, to be understood" the practical side of me says "get out of your own way , open your eyes and see it for what it is."

 

You have so much unresolved hurt from the past, it's preventing you from having a future. You can stay stuck, or you can make positive changes to get ahead. Which do you want?

 

Most of us have been hurt, have loved and lost, but we move on. We heal, we take the past, and learn from it. That's part of growing and maturing. Knowing what's acceptable, vs what isn't. If you allow broken, toxic people in your life and stay in a relationship with them, you will be stuck. If you ruminate , you'll be stuck. You don't want to be the guy who's so jaded and broken that you avoid trust, avoid love, avoid goodness or always see a half empty glass, do you?

 

Don't you want a healthy relationship? One that won't end? One that gives as much as you do? One that appreciates? Respects you? Grows with you? Encourages you? Challenges you? Is fun and happy, more often than negative?

 

You have to want more for you. You can't be the savior, you can't be the doormat, you can't be the guy with so very little confidence within, that you feel you can't do better. It's a mind eff right now. Your mind is doing this to you. Coupled with what I believe to be an underlying mental issue. Have you seen a therapist? Have you been diagnosed with a mental disorder?

 

Your life is yours. You will make it or break it, dependent upon your choices. Not to say life won't throw us curveballs, it does. Some things are beyond our control. It's how you learn to effectively deal with those things that will determine the success and outcome.

 

I get not blocking,okay. I don't do it either. But the thing is, if not blocking and a text or call comes in, if it sets you off, you're getting thrown back again. You can't handle when it happens. And again, not judging. I've been there. But you're so overly wrapped up in her, her life, her kids, her whereabouts, that you can't get out. You admit to feeling jealous. You admit to wanting her to come back.

 

You need to look at the big picture. It's easy to remember good things,and want it. But you have to get real, and realize she's not the person you knew. She's worse. You have to admit that.

 

I know you've spent time alone between relationships, and substantial time, at that. But a partner can't be your life and happiness. You have to be whole in order to be a good partner. Let's say tomorrow you meet a great woman . What can you be to her, when you're so stuck in this? Take the appropriate measures to heal, to gain confidence, and attract better into your life. Believe me, your life isn't over because she's not with you. See this as an opportunity to find better. To want better. This is so dysfunctional. You'll continue to attract this, that you can be sure of, if you don't stop and fix yourself.

[No1]

If you are in pain and you are hurting, then all you have to do is stop talking to her. That's the bottom line.

 

I know I have felt pain and I said no more. I vowed to not let my X cause me anymore pain so I stopped talking to her. Again, if you want to be in pain, then talk to her. If you don't, then you stop. Those are your two options. If you chose to have her in your life, then you want to feel the hurt you have now. Is that mean? No, its truth and it must be told.

[cantgiveup]

That is unbelievably sad and pathetic sounding! You're doing this to yourself. You are being your own worst enemy.

 

Okay, the empath in me thinks "poor guy, he needs love , affection, to be understood" the practical side of me says "get out of your own way , open your eyes and see it for what it is."

 

You have so much unresolved hurt from the past, it's preventing you from having a future. You can stay stuck, or you can make positive changes to get ahead. Which do you want?

 

Most of us have been hurt, have loved and lost, but we move on. We heal, we take the past, and learn from it. That's part of growing and maturing. Knowing what's acceptable, vs what isn't. If you allow broken, toxic people in your life and stay in a relationship with them, you will be stuck. If you ruminate , you'll be stuck. You don't want to be the guy who's so jaded and broken that you avoid trust, avoid love, avoid goodness or always see a half empty glass, do you?

 

Don't you want a healthy relationship? One that won't end? One that gives as much as you do? One that appreciates? Respects you? Grows with you? Encourages you? Challenges you? Is fun and happy, more often than negative?

 

You have to want more for you. You can't be the savior, you can't be the doormat, you can't be the guy with so very little confidence within, that you feel you can't do better. It's a mind eff right now. Your mind is doing this to you. Coupled with what I believe to be an underlying mental issue. Have you seen a therapist? Have you been diagnosed with a mental disorder?

 

Your life is yours. You will make it or break it, dependent upon your choices. Not to say life won't throw us curveballs, it does. Some things are beyond our control. It's how you learn to effectively deal with those things that will determine the success and outcome.

 

I get not blocking,okay. I don't do it either. But the thing is, if not blocking and a text or call comes in, if it sets you off, you're getting thrown back again. You can't handle when it happens. And again, not judging. I've been there. But you're so overly wrapped up in her, her life, her kids, her whereabouts, that you can't get out. You admit to feeling jealous. You admit to wanting her to come back.

 

You need to look at the big picture. It's easy to remember good things,and want it. But you have to get real, and realize she's not the person you knew. She's worse. You have to admit that.

 

I know you've spent time alone between relationships, and substantial time, at that. But a partner can't be your life and happiness. You have to be whole in order to be a good partner. Let's say tomorrow you meet a great woman . What can you be to her, when you're so stuck in this? Take the appropriate measures to heal, to gain confidence, and attract better into your life. Believe me, your life isn't over because she's not with you. See this as an opportunity to find better. To want better. This is so dysfunctional. You'll continue to attract this, that you can be sure of, if you don't stop and fix yourself.

 

I do see a therapist and yes I do have a mental health problem, as is probably obvious, I suffer from major depressive disorder and I have for a long time, since my teens at least. The only thing that finally saved me was exercising which I have done religiously for about 10 years but after this BU I lost all motivation. I am getting back into it though and am going to the gym today and I did Saturday and Monday as well.

 

I get what you are saying she didn't appreciate or respect me. As far as being her savior or doormat, it wasn't like that. At least it wasn't to me. At that time I trusted and believed in her, I fully expected her to work hard to find a job. At the time I met her I was happy and doing good, secure in my single life dating a few girls here and there. So it wasn't like I was desperate to get into a RS with her and was trying to buy her. We started dating regularly and then we started a RS and seeing each other every day, going out for the weekend and on trips out of town, etc. Then after her kids dad withheld her kids for 30 days and was trying to get full custody I made the decision to step in and help her out, and knowing what I know now it was a mistake, but I don't see how I was supposed to not trust her at the time.

 

I guess I just want to believe that I did make the right decision. When you say she's not the person I know and that she's worse, I just want to really believe that (and I should based on the decisions that she makes) but I don't know I guess it's low self-esteem and shame/guilt which won't let me fully accept that she just isn't a good person and wasn't a good girlfriend to me. Instead I want to blame myself and tell myself if only I would have done xyz this would have all worked out.

 

I guess I am looking for something that cannot be found here, and that's to just say or hear something or have an idea that just makes me feel better. Like I guess if I just had someone who knew more about her or the relationship just tell me "yeah she's f'ed up" then maybe it would make me feel better. But, I guess it probably wouldn't, it is going to have to come from within.

[boltnrun]

Like Gotye sang, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness".

 

I think you might be in love with your tragic, sad story. And you embrace your sorrow. It defines you.

 

But, doesn't being a positive, uplifted person appeal to you at all?

[SweetGirl28]

What does your therapist advise?

 

Good to know you go to the gym. Stick with that. Are you certain it's just depression with you? I'm not a therapist and I can't diagnose but I do have mental health training and psych , and a degree, from being a nurse and I think it's deeper. That just my assessment for what you write, doesn't mean I'm right. Just food for thought there.

 

Okay, you don't need validation from anyone to tell you she's effed up. She is. Once you tell yourself that, you'll get further. I know it's hard, you have emotional involvement, it doesn't heal in a day. But it also doesn't heal by contact and keeping hope for something that clearly over for now.

 

I get you trusted, you thought she was great, and when already invested, found out different. That's when you should have gotten out, but you didn't. This is why I'm saying to you, end it. You have the power. You're not together. I promise you life gets so much better when you remove yourself completely from the situation.

 

It's your choice.

 

Low self esteem can be reversed. But if you allow these thoughts to consume you, all the exercise and therapy in the world won't fix your thoughts from within. You have to do things for you. Go cold turkey on her. You were okay before her. You can be okay again.

[cantgiveup]

What does your therapist advise?

 

Good to know you go to the gym. Stick with that. Are you certain it's just depression with you? I'm not a therapist and I can't diagnose but I do have mental health training and psych , and a degree, from being a nurse and I think it's deeper. That just my assessment for what you write, doesn't mean I'm right. Just food for thought there.

 

Okay, you don't need validation from anyone to tell you she's effed up. She is. Once you tell yourself that, you'll get further. I know it's hard, you have emotional involvement, it doesn't heal in a day. But it also doesn't heal by contact and keeping hope for something that clearly over for now.

 

I get you trusted, you thought she was great, and when already invested, found out different. That's when you should have gotten out, but you didn't. This is why I'm saying to you, end it. You have the power. You're not together. I promise you life gets so much better when you remove yourself completely from the situation.

 

It's your choice.

 

Low self esteem can be reversed. But if you allow these thoughts to consume you, all the exercise and therapy in the world won't fix your thoughts from within. You have to do things for you. Go cold turkey on her. You were okay before her. You can be okay again.

 

She (my therapist) has started advising me to come up with solutions and she also wants me to stop talking about her and take the focus off of her and put it on myself. She has done so EMDR with me as well. The thing I struggle with is stopping the obsessive thoughts. I am a chronic over thinker. So idk maybe that's my mental illness is OCD but it's not with behaviors is my thoughts I seem to be unable to control.

 

Thanks for your reply and I know I will get better eventually. I am staying out of contact I just can't kill the hope that she'll come back and we can somehow fix things. I know I have to let that go, at least for now.

 

And your right I shouldn't need anyone to validate I guess I am just so low on confidence I want to blame myself but I know that she is effed up. Like this drama she is in with her GF and that girls ex and posting on her FB about how she is getting death threats from "people who a good friend of hers keep entertaining". And she does she fights back in forth with her GF's ex when she gets these messages from her she responds, I think she enjoys being in this triangle and fighting and having drama over this girl and I just can't understand why and it's not a quality I want in a GF...

 

Again thanks for your words and encouragement.

[cantgiveup]

She did text me about bringing the dog over to play yesterday. I was on the way to my therapist and after the appt. I was going downtown to play in a poker league and knew I would be there until late, so after about 30 min I just text here "I'm not a home tonight" and then she says "oh ok" and that was it.

 

Honestly it didn't really upset me anymore than I already have been and I think I am starting to slightly get over her. The working out is what is really helping. I am feeling kind of down right now but I always feel the worst in the mornings. Still haven't been able to bring myself to block her. My plan is just to continue NIC and if she continues to try to come over with the dog eventually I will just tell her I changed my mind and don't think it's a good idea. Once I get to the point where I am actually starting to notice that I am feeling a lot better, if I notice her contacts are actually setting me back, then I will probably just go ahead and send the message asking her not to contact me anymore. But for right now I am not sure it's making any difference so I don't see the point at the current time of telling her not to contact or blocking.

[SweetGirl28]

She did text me about bringing the dog over to play yesterday. I was on the way to my therapist and after the appt. I was going downtown to play in a poker league and knew I would be there until late, so after about 30 min I just text here "I'm not a home tonight" and then she says "oh ok" and that was it.

 

Honestly it didn't really upset me anymore than I already have been and I think I am starting to slightly get over her. The working out is what is really helping. I am feeling kind of down right now but I always feel the worst in the mornings. Still haven't been able to bring myself to block her. My plan is just to continue NIC and if she continues to try to come over with the dog eventually I will just tell her I changed my mind and don't think it's a good idea. Once I get to the point where I am actually starting to notice that I am feeling a lot better, if I notice her contacts are actually setting me back, then I will probably just go ahead and send the message asking her not to contact me anymore. But for right now I am not sure it's making any difference so I don't see the point at the current time of telling her not to contact or blocking.

 

Aye. No. Do it now, yesterday was your opportunity! When she texted, you should have text back with it then, not telling her why you couldn't. That leaves the door open for her to keep asking. You will get setback, I promise you this.

Find the courage and strength, and stop it and get yourself back on track.

[figureitout23]

She did text me about bringing the dog over to play yesterday. I was on the way to my therapist and after the appt. I was going downtown to play in a poker league and knew I would be there until late, so after about 30 min I just text here "I'm not a home tonight" and then she says "oh ok" and that was it.

 

Honestly it didn't really upset me anymore than I already have been and I think I am starting to slightly get over her. The working out is what is really helping. I am feeling kind of down right now but I always feel the worst in the mornings. Still haven't been able to bring myself to block her. My plan is just to continue NIC and if she continues to try to come over with the dog eventually I will just tell her I changed my mind and don't think it's a good idea. Once I get to the point where I am actually starting to notice that I am feeling a lot better, if I notice her contacts are actually setting me back, then I will probably just go ahead and send the message asking her not to contact me anymore. But for right now I am not sure it's making any difference so I don't see the point at the current time of telling her not to contact or blocking.

 

You’re a smart man can’t,I refuse to believe you don’t see this pattern. you get a hit from her whenever she contacts you so you feel better and then the more time that passes without that hit again you start to feel worse, she contacts you you feel better again wash rinse repeat this is literally an addiction.

[cantgiveup]

Maybe you guys are right...idk. Even though I've had limited intimate relationships in my life I must be a love addict, and now it seems I'm a pain addict. Perhaps I do just need to send a message asking her to please not contact me anymore and then block the number and go cold turkey...I am scared to do that I must admit.

 

I do know I woke up today feeling especially bad. Yesterday my best friend and roommate told me she added him on FB (he just got on FB a few months ago). It is weird that all of the sudden she contacts his GF (well they are kind of broken up right now too but unlike me and my ex they still talk and hangout all the time) to ask her to go to a concert, then she adds my best friend and roommate. Like she knows he is going to mention it to me we live together. Plus it's not either of these people were her friends before she met me. It's like she is trying to exert an influence on my circle or maybe she wants to keep tabs or sabotage me idk. I bet she either know or intuitively understands how I'm still messed up over her. As someone else said she's holding all the power and it doesn't make a difference that I said no to watching the dog.

 

It was a bad weekend too. After working out Friday and then going to play cards with friends I basically did nothing but lay in bed all weekend. I have got to start forcing myself to get up and get out off the house and I thought I was doing pretty good working out but for some reason Saturday I just had no motivation to do anything.

[SweetGirl28]

You've got choices. Choose pain, or choose freedom from the pain. Don't waste your life. You only get one shot.

Control those thoughts. The mind is powerful. You let it control you, it will.

[figureitout23]

You’re ruminating again...

 

We know the story, you told it already, we get it, she added your friend to FB.

 

This is you licking the crack pipe because you haven’t had a hit in a while.

 

What do you want us to say?

 

Yes that deffinetely means she’s stirring the pot and you two will get back together and live happily ever after.

 

Anyone who told you that would be cruel because it isn’t true the truth is

 

She’s either bored or attempting to stir the pot. . It’s highly likely she does want to hop back into the roller coaster with you. Nothing’s changed, she’s going to be the exact same person, maybe even worse, but she needs her bills paid.

[ThatwasThen]

Maybe you guys are right...idk. Even though I've had limited intimate relationships in my life I must be a love addict, and now it seems I'm a pain addict. Perhaps I do just need to send a message asking her to please not contact me anymore and then block the number and go cold turkey...I am scared to do that I must admit.

 

I do know I woke up today feeling especially bad. Yesterday my best friend and roommate told me she added him on FB (he just got on FB a few months ago). It is weird that all of the sudden she contacts his GF (well they are kind of broken up right now too but unlike me and my ex they still talk and hangout all the time) to ask her to go to a concert, then she adds my best friend and roommate. Like she knows he is going to mention it to me we live together. Plus it's not either of these people were her friends before she met me. It's like she is trying to exert an influence on my circle or maybe she wants to keep tabs or sabotage me idk. I bet she either know or intuitively understands how I'm still messed up over her. As someone else said she's holding all the power and it doesn't make a difference that I said no to watching the dog.

 

It was a bad weekend too. After working out Friday and then going to play cards with friends I basically did nothing but lay in bed all weekend. I have got to start forcing myself to get up and get out off the house and I thought I was doing pretty good working out but for some reason Saturday I just had no motivation to do anything.

 

Why would YOUR friends add her to their facebook as a friend? Why would they entertain her particular brand of crazy?

 

As for the rest of your post: Fake it until you make it my friend.

[katrina1980]

 

Perhaps I do just need to send a message asking her to please not contact me anymore and then block the number and go cold turkey...

 

 

Coming into this late, but why on earth do you need to ask her to "please" not contact you anymore? Just block her and go cold turkey, you do not need to inform her of this.

 

You are a grown man fully capable of making your own decisions, you do not need to ask her to stop contacting you, nor do you need her permission to block her and move on.

[cantgiveup]

Well well wouldn’t you know it. I’ve been ignoring her since my last post. Received about 3 or 4 pointless texts.

 

Then last weekend I met a new girl who is absolutely gorgeous and we have incredible sexual chemistry. I haven’t even thought about my ex at all for the last 3 days.

 

Then today the text comes from the ex

 

“Hey J, I lost custody of the kids. BC I don’t have money for an attorney and N knows it so he’s crushing me. I’m a mess and I’m almost homeless. I can’t care for (the dog) properly right now. If I get a crate can he stay with you please until I get a better spot?”

 

Thinking I might do it??

[ThatwasThen]

Well, Cantgiveup we can lead you to water but we can't make you drink.

[figureitout23]

Well, Cantgiveup we can lead you to water but we can't make you drink.

 

Amen sister...wow... just...I... I got nothing...

[Chris12189]

just block

[No1]

Your situation is very simple you know.

She doesn't want to be with you because she loves your company. She keeps you on her phone because she can use and abuse you. You are a solution to her problem or a temporary solution to her problem. One that requires no commitment, and those are the best. She can call on you at anytime if the problem is big enough. Youll drop what you are doing or who you are doing with in the hopes that this time is the time she says, I miss you.

its like the Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football. No matter how many times she says I wont move it, she moves it, but Charlie Brown keeps getting hurt and thinks, this time she wont pull the football.

So I think I might have said this but as long as she is in your life, your life will be this festering siege of drama and hurt feelings. I also think you have accepted this, so why do you have another girl in your life? I don't understand this. If the X says I want to move back, give up your current girl, you would. You can lie to me and convince yourself that you wont but truth is that you would. You have to be the Glorious Knight and since the current girl doesn't need to be saved, you can dispose of her.

 

Dump the current girl. let her go. and wait for your X to come back around your orbit again. I think you will be happier being miserable.