Partner joked about my mental health, thinks I’m going to shoot him?

[katrina1980]

 

Your boyfriend's joking...

 

I don't think he's calling you crazy. He just has a twisted sense of humor. Just make a joke back. Don't take it so seriously. Joking about it is a way to deal with the situation.

 

Without more info, I'm inclined to agree with DZ.

 

Remember, you were the one who brought up shooting, by asking him if he would ever shoot you.

 

He jokingly responded by saying "haha, if anything you would shoot me," clearly (to me) it was meant as a joke and I think he would have said it even if you didn't suffer from anxiety.

 

And if you hadn't brought it up first, he probably wouldn't have said it at all.

 

I would have made a joke back and turned it into some fun banter; my bf has a rather crass sense of humor at times, loves to tease, banter etc, it can be fun and I know how to give it right back at him too!

 

That said, I understand your feelings; you suffer from anxiety, which sounds like he doesn't understand all that well, so you're sensitive to any remark made by him (even something that was meant as a joke) and read more into it than how it was intended.

 

I also have anxiety issues (I actually have Bipolar II so I get it, but I've learned to manage through diet and exercise - no meds). My bf knows all about it too; it does not impact our RL - I won't allow it too.

 

Anyway, I could be wrong, but with the limited info I've read on this thread, this is my sense of what went down.

[jchxd8]

Without more info, I'm inclined to agree with DZ.

 

Remember, you were the one who brought up shooting, by asking him if he would ever shoot you.

 

He jokingly responded by saying "haha, if anything you would shoot me," clearly (to me) it was meant as a joke and I think he would have said it even if you didn't suffer from anxiety.

 

And if you hadn't brought it up first, he probably wouldn't have said it at all.

 

I would have made a joke back and turned it into some fun banter; my bf has a rather crass sense of humor at times, loves to tease, banter etc, it can be fun and I know how to give it right back at him too!

 

That said, I understand your feelings; you suffer from anxiety, which sounds like he doesn't understand all that well, so you're sensitive to any remark made by him (even something that was meant as a joke) and read more into it than how it was intended.

 

I also have anxiety issues (I actually have Bipolar II so I get it, but I've learned to manage through diet and exercise - no meds). My bf knows all about it too; it does not impact our RL - I won't allow it too.

 

Anyway, I could be wrong, but with the limited info I've read on this thread, this is my sense of what went down.

 

No he asked if I was scared of him carrying the gun and I said no, it’s not like you would ever shoot me.

[katrina1980]

No he asked if I was scared of him carrying the gun and I said no, it’s not like you would ever shoot me.

 

Okay I guess I got that wrong, my apologies.

 

I just read your original post again for more clarity and understanding.

 

My partner carries a gun and sleeps with guns in his bedside table and one in mine. This doesn’t really bother me. Last night as he was putting his gun in the bedside table he asked me if him carrying his gun scares me and I told him it didn’t. I said “it’s not like you are going to shoot me or anything” and he responded with” true, if anyone is going to kill anyone you would kill me.”

I asked him what he meant by that as I legitimately am a very non violent person and also don’t even know how to use a gun. He said “ well you take those crazy meds and sometimes people who take them go crazy and kill people”.

 

 

Yeah, this doesn't sound like he was joking, but even if he was, agree a very insensitive (and ignorant) thing to say.

 

Again apologies for misreading it earlier.

 

Even though I'm not on meds, if I were, and my bf ever said anything like this to me and been serious, it could be a dealbreaker actually.

[HealingLight]

I don't think your boyfriend was joking as much as he was expressing nervousness around his preconceptions of anti-anxiety meds. The first thing I thought of upon reading this was how he was probably thinking about the popularized cases of the mass shooters on anti-anxiety meds and people who do start sleepwalking on other meds like ambien. I agree with the other posters who said it's not a smart idea regardless to have loaded guns where you keep your melatonin and right next to you in the bedroom while you're still figuring out how a new medication will affect you.

 

That being said, it would make me way more nervous to sleep next to loaded guns than it would to sleep next to someone on anti-anxiety meds. Kudos to you for not being bothered by that, as it would freak me out.

[Seraphim]

The thing is these people who commit mass shootings don’t just have anxiety and then take an anti anxiety and go wacko. They have a long history most of them of very antisocial behaviour and feelings of isolation and rage against society .

[Hollyj]

OP, you have writing about him since last year. You said he is racist, homophobic, disrespectful and rude. Why do you stick around? Do you not believe you can't get any better than this creep?

[katrina1980]

OP, you have writing about him since last year. You said he is racist, homophobic, disrespectful and rude. Why do you stick around? Do you not believe you can't get any better than this creep?

 

Holly! Where you been girl? God, I miss your posts.

[Hollyj]

Holly! Where you been girl? God, I miss your posts.

 

Hi!!!!! I was on vacation. :)

[Snny]

The issue isn’t about where he keeps his guns - it’s how he is communicating and treating you as a partner. You both also have completely different value systems here that even I have to wonder why you are still together. It doesn’t seem this relationship will work out in the long run.

[deedee911]

Wow that would irritate the hell out of me!

[catfeeder]

If this is for real, then BF is the one who's leaving guns around, and he's the one with the anxiety about that. You can either absorb that anxiety and turn it back on yourself, or you can address the actual problem by telling BF that he has the option to lock up his spare guns responsibly.

 

In your shoes I'd move beyond the whole idea of insult and look at the potential setup of arming your bedside drawer. One wrong movement could get YOU shot by HIM.

 

Living like this is pretty idiotic, isn't it?