Ex Sent Apology Message, Should I Reply?

[reinventmyself]

Just an update, I have sent a message to her:

I appreciate the apology. I wish you all the best.

 

Not expecting a reply, I mean there's nothing to reply to really.

Thank you all again for leaving messages and giving me advice.

 

Nicely done.

Head high

[blacktea]

A little update since I last sent the one line message through email (cause I blocked her everywhere else):

 

She replied the next day saying thank you and hope everything is well. I didn't reply.

Then a week after that she emailed me asking to let her know when I'm ready to catch up. I didn't reply.

And few days ago she sent me another email, this time longer, and mainly about how it hurts her that I cut her out of my life.

 

The message was all about her, same as the apology message from few weeks ago.

Nothing mentioned about how I must feel down and hurting since I'm the dumpee.

 

Part of me just want to be blunt to her and say "Hey you're the one who decided to break up, that I don't deserve a place and time in your life. I respect your decision and backed away to give you the break you wanted"

But then I'm not sure if I should reply to her at all?

I've been reading the stories on here and it seems like this is just one of those breadcrumbs, that she just want to check that if I'm still around and care?

[boltnrun]

If you reply you'll just get more messages all about her.

 

What good would that do?

 

I'd have her messages sent to the spam folder and go on with my life.

[CubbyBear]

A little update since I last sent the one line message through email (cause I blocked her everywhere else):

 

She replied the next day saying thank you and hope everything is well. I didn't reply.

Then a week after that she emailed me asking to let her know when I'm ready to catch up. I didn't reply.

And few days ago she sent me another email, this time longer, and mainly about how it hurts her that I cut her out of my life.

 

The message was all about her, same as the apology message from few weeks ago.

Nothing mentioned about how I must feel down and hurting since I'm the dumpee.

 

Part of me just want to be blunt to her and say "Hey you're the one who decided to break up, that I don't deserve a place and time in your life. I respect your decision and backed away to give you the break you wanted"

But then I'm not sure if I should reply to her at all?

I've been reading the stories on here and it seems like this is just one of those breadcrumbs, that she just want to check that if I'm still around and care?

 

I see your logic peaking through all that emotion! You are exactly right. She is just talking about herself and it has 0 to do with you. She broke up with you so she needs to deal with the consequences on her own. It's not longer your responsibility. Like you're supposed to be there for her while you suffering over what she did to you? You don't want to get sucked into all that nonsense, it's just bread crumbs.

 

I promise you...Silence is more powerful and a stronger message than anything you could ever say. She wants you to respond and say something like "You decided to break up with me!" Don't show her that you still care. Let her feel what it's like to be without you. NC all the way. Heal, focus on yourself, and find someone better.

[kbbcoop77]

That’s the problem with responding. Now she responds so boom you’re back to agonizing how to respond again. Look, if she wanted to reconcile she would break down every barrier to get to you, apologize profusely for dumping you and beg you to take her back. She hasn’t. She wants you as a friend and or sounding board. Friendship after a breakup is possible but years later and if there’s no feelings. My advice is no more contact. I went through the same after my ex cheated and left after 24 years, it was horrible the no contact but now it’s been over 3 years since any contact as our kids are grown and now it’s normal NOT to have her in my life and I’m totally fine with it. It takes time but believe me we all heal eventually. Gotta keep her blocked and just move on with your life. Good luck

[blacktea]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I have read them but not had time to reply because my mum had a heart operation few days ago and I've been traveling to the hospital everyday to visit her.

 

Here's another update:

 

So during the day I was in the hospital visiting my mum. When I came out from the hospital I saw two missed calls on my phone from an unknown number.

I didn't think too much of it and just left it. Then near night time this number called again, hesitated but I picked up eventually.

And yup, it's her.

I was shocked/surprised and I didn't say anything for a few seconds. Thought about to hang up but at that split second I felt bad/mean so I just said hi without a clear mind to process what's happening.

 

She said she remember my mother's operation is around this time and just want to check how she is.

My mind was everywhere at that moment and I started to give her a brief summary on the surgery, and that she's recovering etc.

She said she's glad to hear and then I just said that I better get going and that's the end of the call.

 

It was a 2 minutes call. But I've been feeling "weird" since the call. I just don't know how I should feel about it.

I know I've not done anything wrong but in a way I feel like I have, like maybe I could have handled this situation better?

I've not spoke to her since the break up and today was the first time that we did.

I have her number blocked, and this number she was calling from is a totally new number to my phone.

I thought it's very bizarre that she would go out of her way like that just to call me.

 

What are you guys thoughts?

Did I handled the situation in the wrong way? and gave her an ego boost instead by giving her an update on my mum's operation?

Like I said earlier, I just don't know how I should feel...

[figureitout23]

My thoughts are don't worry about her. Look at the call on the surface and don't dig into the meaning of it, she reached out to give you well wishes.

 

Your focus should be on your mom, this situation can wait.

 

When things settle down come back read all the responses again and respond to us, go from there. Coops response was a legitimate point.

 

Sending well wishes your way for your mom.

[RayRay63]

This is what, the fifth time she has contacted you in about 6 weeks? She hasn't had time to really miss you.

 

She went to the trouble of getting a new sim (or borrowing a phone or whatever) to reach you - so its either she genuinely meant well, or it was an excuse to make contact. Doesn't mean she wants to get back with you. I would put her name on that number in your phone memory, so you know not to answer it again.

 

It sounds like you handled it OK - kept it short, on the point, no discussion about her or how she is doing, or about yourself. Not much of an ego boost for her.

[blacktea]

Yes she's been trying to reach me about once a week now.

Since the break up I've not spoke to her apart from that letter, and the call yesterday which I feel bad about, letting her reached me etc.

 

I don't want to get back/reconcile with her because of the many reasons that were talked about in this thread, and that's why I've cut her off in every way possible.

But yup, another new number to block which I've done already.

 

Thanks again for the messages, keep them coming!

[Wiseman2]

Good you blocked her. She made the choice to end it so let her deal with that. I wouldn't hold her hand in her transition to her new city or assuage her guilt or be in her friendzone.

Yes she's been trying to reach me about once a week now.

[RayRay63]

I wonder if rather than blocking the new number, so she gets the reject bips, you should leave it and let it go to message (and delete them without listening) ?

 

Otherwise she might just get another one, again.

[figureitout23]

I wonder if rather than blocking the new number, so she gets the reject bips, you should leave it and let it go to message (and delete them without listening) ?

 

Otherwise she might just get another one, again.

 

Doubtful. She plays the game because she gets a response. If he sticks to absolute silence, she'll move on quick. The point is actually cutting contact, which clearly hasn't happened yet.

[fwdthinker]

Am I the only person that thinks that the fact that you didn't make time to see her for an entire month before she left town was a huge factor in this? Maybe she felt you had already "dumped" her or at least had shown her she was not your priority. If work takes 24 hours a day for a month... That might be a tough situation for her (and many) to handle if they are social people; especially extroverts who feel energized by being around people and tend to get depressed when isolated.