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About CubbyBear

  • Birthday 02/07/1981

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  1. Yeah, stick with NC then. But just remember that by breaking up with you she has made it clear that she doesn't want you anymore. You reaching out to her later won't change that. It will just make you look weak and set you up for more heartbreak. If she wants to get back together with you, she knows how to contact you. Have enough love and respect for yourself to move on and find someone that wants to be with you. Planning a reconciliation as the dumpee is a huge waste of time. Use that energy to improve yourself. Get a new look, workout, read more, hang out with friends, travel etc.
  2. This is just my personal opinion and may be unpopular but (if it was me) I would text her that you're going complete NC and you respectfully ask her not to contact you anymore and you wish her all the best. Simple as that. Don't apologize or get long-winded or say anything else. Then remove her contact information/social media and don't respond to her ever again (unless she reaches out to want to reconcile). That way she knows your intentions and your conscious is clear. BUT (and it's a huge but) if you don't trust yourself in ignoring her after that initial message or you think it will set you back in any way, then just continue with NC. Because more than likely she'll respond and throw you bread crumbs. Either way, you're broken up so you don't owe her anything.
  3. It's is absolutely the way to go. It's the best way for both of you to heal from the damage done on both sides of the table. Talking right now will just make things more complicated and prolong the healing process. If there is any chance of you guys getting back together, she needs to miss you and won't be able to do that if you're constantly in contact with her. Do the right thing...maintain NC, heal, and focus on yourself right now. You need to get over her. Talking yourself out of NC is just part of the denial/bargaining stages of grief. She knows you love and miss her. Unless she gets married or dies (sorry don't mean to be morbid) there is always a chance for reconciliation. But you can't focus on that right now because it's out of your control. Anything you do besides NC just makes the situation worse and your chances worse.
  4. This may seem overboard but just curious...is getting a new house feasible in any way? Just asking since it's a huge trigger point for you.
  5. In the best shape of my life since the breakup 2 months ago. I still have a long ways I want to go but man I feel and look good.
  6. Remember to not beat yourself up. You're allowed to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I can tell you're making progress from just what you've been posting on this thread. Proud of you. In terms of dating, it's not a matter of IF just a matter of WHEN You're right not to think about it. You'll know when you're ready. In the meantime all you can do is focus on yourself. Keep up the good work!
  7. I was right there with you a month or so ago (look at my old posts). I was dead set on writing an apology letter. But I took other people's advice and decided not to. And let me tell you how thankful I am. All an apology letter does is give them more power. You're just basically saying what you did wrong and it validates why they broke up with you. You will regret it later. I promise you that anything that you do at this point besides NO CONTACT will just make the situation worse. Emotions are high and what you both need is space. She knows your sorry and you know shes sorry. Time is your best friend right now. Ignore her at all costs. Show that you have enough dignity and pride and move on with your life. Whether you want her back or not...NC is the only way to accomplish the end goal.
  8. Going to play devils advocate here but I think she may have been trying to say is there is a pattern of the men you choose. It may not be apparent on the surface when you meet these people. But subconsciously you may be attracted to the wrong types of people and/or ignoring some sort of red flags. Maybe the comment lacked tact but it's valid advice if she took the time to read previous posts. I myself have not read your history so can't confirm or deny. Just wanted to throw that out there. Beyond that, I do want to say that I'm sorry that you're going through this. Breakups are the damn worst! I am so happy that you are going to counseling. Is the counseling helping? I ask because it took me a little bit to shop around for the right person. So if you're not seeing progress and not connecting with him/her, don't be afraid to try someone different. I find Meetup.com a great place to meet friends in your area. I have my entire social life to thank for it. May be worth giving a shot.
  9. I don't have any advice to offer then what others have said. I'm just here to say if you go there will be trouble and if you stay there will be double. Thank you
  10. A lot of us are right there with you. Yesterday was definitely tough. I'm about 8 weeks into the breakup so I definitely feel you. Remember grief isn't linear. You're going to have your ups and downs. Your body is going through a withdrawal process and you're going to have to ride it out. Nothing will remove the pain but time. However, there are things you can do to make it go by more quickly. These are tried and true and I can personally attest to them as many others: -For the love of all that's good and holy...remain NC -Proper Exercise/Diet/Sleep -Reading Self-help books -Go out with family and friends and make new friends. Have an active social life -Volunteer -Get a new look -Give your living space a new look -Therapy (which you already have covered). You may have to shop around a bit until you find one that you find helpful. Don't settle on the first person just because -Meds if needed -Engage in old and new hobbies -Plan and go on a trip -Write a letter to him (but don't send it). Burn it or toss it -Journal. Focus on things you're grateful for. Write down your negative thoughts and try to counter them -Meditate (doesn't work for me but helps others) -Most important, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. This is normal. All of us have or are going through the same thing. Almost everyone has gone through this through the dawn of time and we all have survived. You will get over him and like KBB said, he will eventually be a memory. The worst breakup I ever had was 6 years ago and it absolutely destroyed my life. I couldn't imagine living life without her. Now I barely remember what she looks like. She's married I think and I could care less. But I am going through the same thing with the current ex. I can't imagine living life without her but I know it will pass. Emotions are temporary... Hang in there. We are all here for you. Write as often as you need.
  11. Congrats, Big Boss. I'm proud of all the positive steps you are taking. Acceptance and letting go is one of the hardest and saddest stages. But also is the most rewarding as you can start the next chapter of your life. Not that it matters but yes she still thinks of you. Unless she is some sort of psychopath it's impossible not to. It's pretty evident that she has coping issues if she went straight to another person. Consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet and find someone worth your time.
  12. That's the spirit! You still enjoying drawing, man. You're emotions are just clouding everything right now. It's perfectly normal. Figure out the stuff you used to enjoy prior to meeting her. Check out new hobbies. Drone flying? Collection of some sort? Learn an instrument? Force yourself to do whatever you can to try and distract yourself. You'll eventually start finding enjoyment again. Ok, so part of the problem is that you don't have a support network. I lived in another city awhile back and went through the worst breakup of my life...I had 0 friends and family lived far away. So, I do understand that. That makes it so much worse. So, part of your goals could be making new friends or working to move to a new area. I don't know your situation but either are doable if you break them down into baby steps. In the meantime, make finding a therapist priority #1. You need to talk to someone about all this that can help you. And if you weren't 100% sold on her then there you go. Just from listening to you talk, it seems you have a strong inner self. You need to listen to that voice. Something told you she wasn't the one but you went through with it anyways. You unintentionally used her to cope with your depression. No wonder it didn't work...how is that fair to her or you? See this as blessing in disguise. You are starting a new chapter in your life where you're going to beat this thing, improve yourself, and get the life you want and deserve! Also, not sure how long you dated but 6 months isn't a long time. There is no formula for how long it takes to get over someone. I dated a girl for a year and it took me 3 years to get over her. I dated a girl for 3 years and it took me about 2 weeks to get over her. Also grief isn't linear so you'll have your good times and bad times. Just ride it out and in time you'll realize you just missed the relationship and not her. Time to start climbing out of the rabbit hole my Mr. Chris Evans! There are friends out there for you, there is a special someone out there for you, there are amazing memories to be had, there are many amazing places to visit, many amazing things to do....why keep yourself from that longer than you have to? Only live once.
  13. Hey, that's a start! Baby steps! You are right. There is no point in going back and getting hurt more. Emotions are still too high. Besides, groveling looks weak and it will reinforce that she shouldn't be with you. You need to ignore her in every way possible. It's the only way you get a happy ending. If you're situation was anything like mine you were codependent in the relationship and relied on that as your happiness. Now that you don't have it, you feel depressed because you are alone and thinking nothing else matters. Well the good news is that's just temporary. And if you get help, you'll be back on track in no time. You've probably heard me say all this before but I will stress them again as it's the only way you'll get through this: -I found seeing a therapist helped tremendously. I had to shop around for a bit but found this lady that happens to be wired exactly how I am. It's fun/helpful to take personality tests. I've taken a couple of the big ones so far. And it helps to discuss your results with them. Helps you realize there is nothing wrong with you, you're just wired differently than your ex and that's ok. -Getting on medication helped tremendously (not for everyone) but it did help me anyways. I found that part of my problem was my ADD and not so much depression. Was treated for that and it makes things so much easier. I can focus on more positive tasks and doesn't leave a lot of head space to obsess. -Gym/Diet/Sleep can't be stressed enough but seems like your'e on the right track there. Be sure to take multi-vitamins and you're sleeping for at least 8 hours a day. -Reading can sometimes help. I feel so much better after I read a book regarding break-ups, codependency, jealously, depression etc. etc. -Journaling is always good. Be sure to be writing down what you're grateful for. Journaling is also a great place to focus on your negative thoughts and figure out how they're not serving you productively. Journaling also helps you keep track of your progress -Family and friends are of course key. I know it sucks but you have to force yourself to get out of the house and socialize. It doesn't matter who it is. Heck, go on Meetup.com and find some new friends -Bucket list is always good but you may not be there yet. Always good to think of new hobbies and places to travel. I just took up painting and while I suck at it, I actually look forward to being home by myself and doing it. Something peaceful about just mixing the colors and painting all my emotions That's about all I have for advice. Truth is none of the things above will make the pain and emotions go away. They just help fast track the healing process. You're going to have to fight through them using a combination of methods. Just remember to be kind to yourself and keep pushing through. The end goal here is for you to be happy with yourself. Be happy being alone and enjoying life. Once you have that energy, it'll start attracting the right people to your life...romantic and otherwise. In the meantime, we're all here for you. Post when you need.
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