I Can't Accept It

[JustMizz]

He should worry more about his kids and less about going from woman to woman. They are probably very confused as to what happened.

 

They probably won't know until he gets them next weekend.

[simplyme1]

Yeah, sometimes you have to let go of someone so they’ll realize what they have. But when they realize, this does NOT mean welcome them back with open arms! It’s like the fact he was on a dating site, you don’t know what messages were conversed, how long have he the account, & obviously he’s on there because he’s STILL LOOKING! Which probably make you feel like you’re missing something. If he did it once, 9x out of 10 he’ll do it again. And he’ll just get sneakier with it. I wouldn’t risk my heart any further if I were you, stay away before your feelings get deeper & it happens again.

[MissCanuck]

He might bounce back but he won't stay back.

 

Sadly, his feelings for you weren't strong enough in the first place. He was lying and keeping his options open. This isn't someone who is going to build a stable future with you.

[Wiseman2]

It may be best to take control of the situation and contact him in a businesslike fashion to arrange a mutually convenient time to exchange things. Why wait with baited breath if and until he contacts you? Are you hoping time will change his mind? Or the checking out that you sensed and the dating profile was a mirage? Taking control of your happiness and freedom will help you move forward more than wishing and waiting.

I just want to be prepared. He does have to contact me eventually because we have to exchange stuff.

[JustMizz]

This isn't someone who is going to build a stable future with you.

 

This is what I'm struggling with the most. He seemed so sure, so ready. Obviously, he was all talk, but I believed every word. I guess I just wanted it so bad I had my blinders up and ignored things I shouldn't have.

[JustMizz]

This morning I am way bad off. It was a struggle to not call him on my way to work.

 

I wish I could just stay mad and let go of these feelings I have for him instead of wishing he would snap out if it and realize what he threw away. I'm wishing for a fairy tale ending, I know.

[reinventmyself]

This is what I'm struggling with the most. He seemed so sure, so ready. Obviously, he was all talk, but I believed every word. I guess I just wanted it so bad I had my blinders up and ignored things I shouldn't have.

 

He seemed to have trouble coming to visit me and sticking to plans. He was out of state for a week for work and was supposed to come see me when he got back and flaked on me the whole day. Kept saying he was coming but has things to do and would head over soon.

 

I am going to quote you again from a previous post. It's ok. We want to believe the best in people. It's a good quality sometimes. But sometimes we are so busy wanting to believe one thing we over look important clues. It's these clues that we notice early on that keep us from getting in too deep.

Hang in there.

It always seems to get harder before it starts to get better.

But it will, promise

[JustMizz]

Thank you, reinvent.

 

I just returned the gift he got me. Small steps....

[reinventmyself]

Thank you, reinvent.

 

I just returned the gift he got me. Small steps....

Try to refrain from any exchanges.

There is no hurry and they aren't going anywhere.

Save that for when you feel a little stronger.

 

Besides they are often seen as last ditch attempts for attention and you do not need that right now.

[JustMizz]

Try to refrain from any exchanges.

There is no hurry and they aren't going anywhere.

Save that for when you feel a little stronger.

 

Besides they are often seen as last ditch attempts for attention and you do not need that right now.

 

Oh, this was a gift he bought me for mother's day and was delivered the other day. I returned it to the store and they credited it back to his card.

[reinventmyself]

Oh, this was a gift he bought me for mother's day and was delivered the other day. I returned it to the store and they credited it back to his card.

 

Nicely done.

Hang in there

[figureitout23]

Oh, this was a gift he bought me for mother's day and was delivered the other day. I returned it to the store and they credited it back to his card.

 

It's passive but it's deffinetely throwing out a line. Leave it alone for a while.

[JustMizz]

It's passive but it's deffinetely throwing out a line. Leave it alone for a while.

 

I thought it as making a statement because he knows how much I wanted the gift.

 

But, I'm done. If he wants his stuff he can contact me. I actually use the weedeater, so I have no problem keeping it. Lol. He doesn't have anything of mine that i cant live without.

[figureitout23]

I thought it as making a statement because he knows how much I wanted the gift.

 

But, I'm done. If he wants his stuff he can contact me. I actually use the weedeater, so I have no problem keeping it. Lol. He doesn't have anything of mine that i cant live without.

 

Haha that's awesome! Good for something right?

[JustMizz]

Haha that's awesome! Good for something right?

 

I guess so. Lol

[KantSleep]

It's better you only wasted 9 months. It sucks that your guy was deceitful. Don't call him, he doesn't deserve you. I wanted the fairy tale too. Sometimes we don't get it. Sorry you are hurting. Try to focus on positive things and good luck.

[JustMizz]

I feel so lonely. He would have been here this weekend if I hadn't of found him on that site. Sigh.

[JustMizz]

I keep second guessing myself. Did I handle this correctly?

 

Maybe I should have kept my cool and we could have talked about it more. Maybe he wasn't seriously looking on there. Maybe his fears about living together had him on there and if I would have just talked to him about that instead, we could have gotten somewhere.

 

What if I messed it all up by letting my fear and anxiety control my reaction?

 

I know you all said I handled it correctly, but it was a knee jerk reaction. I just don't know. I feel so lost.

[figureitout23]

I keep second guessing myself. Did I handle this correctly?

 

Maybe I should have kept my cool and we could have talked about it more. Maybe he wasn't seriously looking on there. Maybe his fears about living together had him on there and if I would have just talked to him about that instead, we could have gotten somewhere.

 

What if I messed it all up by letting my fear and anxiety control my reaction?

 

I know you all said I handled it correctly, but it was a knee jerk reaction. I just don't know. I feel so lost.

 

You're letting fear and anxiety run the show right now.

 

May I ask what your dating history is? I only ask because I battle with the same 'self blame' you seem to be having, but the reason behind mine is abuse. I can tell you it's very hard when dating not to start doing that, but the truth is it's simply not based on reality.

 

" maybe if I didn't confront him he would still be here "

 

Can easily turn into

 

" maybe if I didnt turn him down last Tuesday, he wouldn't have slept with that girl again"

 

Mizz, I know a lot of women here preach the 'give him space to deal with his fears' mantra and there's nothing wrong with that but honey there's a limit.

 

If you find evidence and present it to him and all he does is walk away instead of explaining himself, how much could he have cared about you?

 

And that's not to say that in a week or two he won't come and explain everything. Some couples get through cheating. I'm not about to sit here and be like 'dump his ass he cheated' when I personally know people who are in healthy happy relationships after infidelity, the difference is though, they weren't blaming themselves, the cheater took ownership.

 

The evidence you found seems prettt concrete if he refuses to own it and you go back the odds of you becoming one of those women who think checking their significant others phone while they take a dump is a happy relationship will be super high.

 

You teach people how to treat you.

[JustMizz]

My relationship history is riddled with abuse. The most recent being my abusive alcoholic ex-husband. So yea, I have some issues but my current ex was aware of these and for the most part seemed understanding and worked with me when I was having an episode.

 

I thought he was the best guy ive ever been with. He didnt yell at me or belittle me. He made me feel special and wanted. We rarely argued and when we did, we talked it out. I really thought he was the answer to my prayers.

 

That's why this is so hard for me to accept. The fact that it was all a fabrication? I just cant even wrap my head around that. And the fact that, once again, I was fooled by some man into believing my relationship was a good one and would last. Or I just fooled myself. Idk, he was texting he loved me up until I confronted him about the dating site. And suddenly everything ended for him. The jig was up, I guess.

 

Idk how far this has gone, I don't know if hes actually met other women since me. Sure, its possible. Unless he talks to me and opens up, I'll never know. I'm just left with whatifs and this feeling that somehow I've failed, again.

 

If he came back, he would have to own up to what he's done. I would be unable to move forward without that. I blame myself for letting my issues control me at times, but I wont blame myself for his deception and lies.