Am I Wrong?

[Ashleyy18]

Roughly 3 months ago, a new guy started at work, and I instantly thought he was perfect. Everything about him seemed to make my soul smile. We started talking and clicked instantly. He really is perfect for me. Everything I have ever wanted in a best friend and companion. Turns out one of the other girls at work is one of his good friends and the reason he started working there. The more I talked to him the more I learned about their "friendship". They talked for a while and almost dated but something happened and they decided to just be fwb. So a month or so into knowing him, we start dating and everything was perfect. Until I started realizing that they are way too close for 2 people in their own relationships. They hang out and get drunk and talk for hours in his car. That's what he says they do anyway, god knows what they really do. And it's every single day after work. Which is at like 4am. So they are constantly texting, constantly hanging out, and it started driving me crazy. So I confronted him. Told him that I didn't want them talking as much anymore. That he shouldn't be spending more time with her than he is spending with me. It seemed like they stopped talking for a while then I happened to look over at his phone while we were eating dinner at my house and noticed he was talking to her on Snapchat. And he started typing out a long ass message and I got frustrated and walked away. He said the message was for me and he sent it to me. Thing is, it made absolutely no sense in context with our relationship and I feel like he really meant to send it to her but got caught and so he sent it to me as well as her. I don't know if I should be as upset as I am and I don't know how to ask him to please respect my feelings on the subject. Am I wrong for feeling like they shouldn't be as close as they are considering their past? Am I wrong for feeling like he is secretly harboring feelings for her? I don't know what to do. The obvious "leave him if you don't trust him" doesn't exactly work considering I am pregnant with his child. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[j.man]

Yes, you're wrong. And getting pregnant with his kid after an entire three months doesn't change that. These are his boundaries and they're out in the open for you to either take or leave. He's an adult human being and, even if 95% of us wouldn't choose someone with such boundaries as a partner, you've got no right to attempt to control him.

 

Do your best to make sure your potential child doesn't become the statistic he or she is exponentially most likely to become. Once the kid's coming, make sure you're getting the child support you're entitled to.

 

Or learn to trust him, if it's possible. Up to you.

[DanZee]

Oh, honey. Just because you thought the guy was perfect for you doesn't mean he thought you were perfect for him. And getting pregnant by him is just a big mistake. You're hoping to trap this guy in a relationship and it's going to backfire. Instead, he will hate you for it and he's going to resent you for the rest of his life.

 

By the way, is he even officially dating you or are you just dating him? Apparently he doesn't think so because he's still hanging around with his other girlfriend every day until 4 am.

 

So you've got a hard decision to make. You either should get an abortion right away, before you go into your second trimester, or tell the guy he's going to be a father and see if he's going to offer you any support. Hopefully, you will be able to find a path through all this.

[HeartGoesOn]

Since you barely know each other, the most you'll get from this "fly by night" is child support, and that I wouldn't even count on. I'm sorry but the bigger question here is, why would you involve an innocent child in this nonsense?

[Capricorn3]

If you really think about it, you don't really know this guy very well at all. Barely 3 months and already pregnant by a guy you hardly know. He clearly knows this other girl for a very long time - well, at least a lot longer than he knows you. So yes, he will probably hang out with her a lot more. You're not wrong in feeling what you do, but you need to face reality of where this is all heading. I highly doubt this guy is ready to settle down and play daddy and happy little family - he seems more in the zone of playing the field than settling down with someone he barely knows.

 

Time to do some serious thinking about your future. You sound very young, so don't get this messed up.

[DanZee]

DanZee, shame on you! She didn't trap him, he was a willing participant.

Suggesting she abort as one option because he's untrustworthy and obviously unreliable is not a great solution.

They both are responsible in this . Each needs to decide what they want. He hasnt left her, but doesn't give the girl up either. Interesting you guys think he shouldn't have to. I'd leave him in the dust for that. It's quite apparent he's still having sex with the other girl. No one hangs out for hours drinking in a car without getting physical.

 

I'm against abortion, but I just think this relationship is just wrong and it will have a lifetime of repercussions. It just sounded like she inserted herself between this guy and his girlfriend and the guy just went along with it. Ashley didn't say whether there was any kind of real relationship between them, and if you're going to sleep with a guy knowing he's not exclusive or has shown any feeling for her, and you don't use birth control (or even Plan B) in this day and age, I'm sorry, but it sounds like she was out to trap him. My opinion.

[Hollyj]

Pregnant after knowing someone three months. This spells disaster.

 

Your mentioning how "perfect" everything is repeatedly, clearly demonstrates that things are/were far from it.

 

He is cheating on you with the other girl, but I think you already know this.

[Wiseman2]

Are you exclusive? It doesn't sound like you are dating. It sounds like you are fwb for the past 8 weeks.

3 months ago a new guy started at work. So a month or so into knowing him, we start dating. I am pregnant with his child.

[abitbroken]

When a guy says "i had/have a FWB with a woman i see all the time at work" that's when you don't go any further.

I hope that you see an attorney to learn what your rights are.

Just because you had unprotected sex with him and you both used poor judgement doesn't mean he won't be a good father to his kid.

It just means that he won't be a boyfriend for you.

[yatsue]

I'm against abortion, but I just think this relationship is just wrong and it will have a lifetime of repercussions. It just sounded like she inserted herself between this guy and his girlfriend and the guy just went along with it. Ashley didn't say whether there was any kind of real relationship between them, and if you're going to sleep with a guy knowing he's not exclusive or has shown any feeling for her, and you don't use birth control (or even Plan B) in this day and age, I'm sorry, but it sounds like she was out to trap him. My opinion.

 

I would keep in mind ALL birth control has a percent failure rate. Nothing is foolproof and humans are not perfect. He should also be using condoms or getting a plan B, which are also effective and have a failure rate as well. According to your logic, wouldn't it seem he wants to trap her too? It just doesn't make sense. Both sexual partners are responsible for having sex and using protection. It takes two to have sex and both parties should be responsible, without relying on only one individual. Or else call yourself a parent in progress.

 

OP, are you two officially girlfriend and boyfriend? If so, was this formally talked about or just assumed? I would not jump to conclusions on this, since this is an early stage in the relationship. Dating doesn't mean commitment and, depending on your answer, he could very well be in the right being friends with this girl, even if you're pregnant. If this has been discussed and you two are an official couple, then he's a cheater and is at least having an emotional affair with this girl.

[Usa1ah]

Well it looks like she has left. A one post wonder.

 

Where do you even start with this. There are so many problems here.

 

Well, if you come back Ash I will post so suggestions. 3 months, wow.

[spunkmire]

jesus, why did you get pregnant with his child?