Why is my girl having friends with benefits with her good friend?

[Kevin1995]

Hi!

 

I'm new here and I don't write english so well but I hope some of you could help me with my situation.

 

I met a girl on a dating app a long time ago and we have been on 4 dates. We really get along well together and I feel like I can be myself around her. BUT she has a good long time friend named Henrik. I have met him as she introduced me to him and her other friends. They didn't talk much but when they were talking I noticed that they were touching each other a lot. NOT only that but she sends me a snap of Henrik wearing her underwear and that got me thinking if they were friends with benefits to just a really good friend.

 

If it is the case that Henrik is her friends with benefits I am afraid that they might fall in love and be together as a girlfriend/boyfriends rather than it being me.

 

Am I overthinking? or should I talk to her about it? What should I do?

[abitbroken]

NOT only that but she sends me a snap of Henrik wearing her underwear and that got me thinking if they were friends with benefits to just a really good friend.

 

Friends with benefits or no -- that is really weird! I would just say straight up "why was Henrik wearing your underwear? And i noticed you touched eachother a lot. is something going on?" But really - after four dates, i would just move on. I would not be interested in someone who was being touchy with someone else on a fourth date with me.

 

Was the picture funny with underwear on his head or was that the only thing he was wearing? maybe she is trying to get you interested in a threesome with both?

 

I would not be comfortable with any of it

[DanZee]

Well, you are jumping to conclusions. I think you're letting your jealousy get the better of you. He might have been her boyfriend at one time, or they're close friends. Don't ask about him. Forget about him. She was comfortable enough with you to introduce you to her friends. Just enjoy her company and see where the relationship goes.

[Kevin1995]

Abitbroken: Thanks for you reply and for your advice! The picture she sent me was just of him wearing her underwear smiling at the camera. I think it is a possible that she wants a threesome.

[Kevin1995]

Danzee yeah I sent her a snap back were I wrote that I also wanted it to be the guy wearing her underwear as a joke, but she did not send me anything back. Thanks for your advice!

[abitbroken]

Abitbroken: Thanks for you reply and for your advice! The picture she sent me was just of him wearing her underwear smiling at the camera. I think it is a possible that she wants a threesome.

 

Well -- a goofy pic with undies on someone's head is just being silly. But instead of guessing i would just say "it seems you and henrik are very close. Are you dating him?"

[abitbroken]

Well, you are jumping to conclusions. I think you're letting your jealousy get the better of you. He might have been her boyfriend at one time, or they're close friends. Don't ask about him. Forget about him. She was comfortable enough with you to introduce you to her friends. Just enjoy her company and see where the relationship goes.

 

I think that he has every right to ask -- if he's being very touchy and she is sending him pictures of the guy - i don't think its out of line to ask. If my guy introduced me to one of his buddies, i would say "how long have you known X? did you guys meet at school or just in the neighborhood?" That's just plain being interested in someone's life. He should ask questions now instead of continuing to speculate. And he is allowed to pick and choose if he doesn't want to date someone whose friend is a bit handsy in front of a guy she is dating.

 

to me, if i was introduced to a new woman a male friend or relative was dating, i would make good eye contact with her, ask her nice small talk questions, etc, and would NOT be "marking my territory" by hanging on the male friend or being touchy with him. If Henrik is being touchy, he could be making sure the new guy (the OP) understands he is there, too

[Kevin1995]

that is indeed a good point. I think I will have to let it go by now, but if she mentions it when we meet I would for sure ask if they are dating or if it something going on between these two.

[Kevin1995]

Thank you so much Abit and Denzel (:

[maew]

Ummm... I would be slightly weirded out if a guy I was dating sent me a pick of his female friend wearing his underwear I think there is a subliminal message there. Also if we were out on a date and he was sitting next to a girl that was all over him... well. I prefer guys I am dating to not be either pawing or getting pawed over by some girl while we are out together.

[jennylove]

If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. Listen to your gut.

[kehratha]

Or maybe you are extremely young...and they just fooling around?

Maybe Henrik is gay?

[MissCanuck]

This is all very odd.

 

He was literally wearing her underwear? I cannot fathom why she'd send you that, unless it's her intention to try to provoke you. The whole situation sounds like immature games.

[Wiseman2]

Do you want to date her longer? Have you been physical/had sex? Kind of bizarre. Did you ask why she sent you this? Perhaps a more direct (rather than joking approach) would answer some questions. Obviously if she is on dating apps and went out with you 4 x she's interested in you.

I met a girl on a dating app a long time ago and we have been on 4 dates. she sends me a snap of Henrik wearing her underwear

[abitbroken]

Do you want to date her longer? Have you been physical/had sex? Kind of bizarre. Did you ask why she sent you this? Perhaps a more direct (rather than joking approach) would answer some questions. Obviously if she is on dating apps and went out with you 4 x she's interested in you.

 

I don't know why people are so afraid to ask questions. In the beginning stages, you SHOULD ask questions to know if the person is someone you want to consider dating. its about YOU and who you decide you want to date.

[Wiseman2]

All you can do is ask her out again, if she canceled claiming to be sick. Where were the first 4 dates? It would be ok to invite her over after 4 dates but give options such as "I could make dinner here or we could go to xyz", Also provide the option of this day or that day. This puts the ball in her court.....and gives you the answers you are seeking regarding interest level. If she has excuses for both days and both types of dates, the don't ask her out again.

I met a girl on a dating app a long time ago and we have been on 4 dates. We really get along well together and I feel like I can be myself around her.