He wasn’t truthful about his age

[boltnrun]

My friend's ex husband has been subtracting 10 years from his real age for a long time. He even had a picture of their child on his desk at work that was 6 or 7 years old...so it looked like he was the father of a 6 year old instead of a 13 year old. He was claiming to be 31. Which meant he has to have married my friend when he was something like 16 or 17 (I was in their wedding...he wasn't a teenager)! He also lied on his dating profile about his age and also about wanting more children (he doesn't but he said he does). He said if he told the truth the "really young women" wouldn't be willing to date him, and he wanted a "really young woman". He's currently dating a woman 11 years younger than him. I sometimes wonder if she ever found out the truth about his age, especially since she's met his child and clearly, the child is not 6 years old!

 

He's a scumbag, however, because he was "dating" for years while he was still married to my friend. So I'd never trust anyone who lied on their profile just based on seeing that.

[SoulTaker]

My friend's ex husband has been subtracting 10 years from his real age for a long time. He even had a picture of their child on his desk at work that was 6 or 7 years old...so it looked like he was the father of a 6 year old instead of a 13 year old. He was claiming to be 31. Which meant he has to have married my friend when he was something like 16 or 17 (I was in their wedding...he wasn't a teenager)! He also lied on his dating profile about his age and also about wanting more children (he doesn't but he said he does). He said if he told the truth the "really young women" wouldn't be willing to date him, and he wanted a "really young woman". He's currently dating a woman 11 years younger than him. I sometimes wonder if she ever found out the truth about his age, especially since she's met his child and clearly, the child is not 6 years old!

 

He's a scumbag, however, because he was "dating" for years while he was still married to my friend. So I'd never trust anyone who lied on their profile just based on seeing that.

 

Yep, that's how it works. The key is for the younger woman to fall "head over heels" for the older man, and then his lying about his age is forgiven. Or, by the time she finds out and leaves, he's had his fun and it's time to move on to the next target.

[Batya33]

It won't work on you, but it is often successful. I have friends who have done this, and they do end up with these younger women. Sometimes, "attractiveness & charm" can persuade some women to overlook the "age tactic", as long as the man looks the age he lists.

 

It's not that it didn't "work" - there's no work to be done. Dealbreaker for me to lie about facts on a dating profile where there's no wiggle room - age/educational status/marital status/whether you have a child. There was also never a chance to "charm" me because we didn't meet. I guess it's possible that I actually met one of the liars (and we didn't see each other again for other reasons) but i did pretty good detective work even in the earlier days of the internet.

 

Of course some women date or marry liars -I know of several examples. It depends on core values when it comes to what's ok and not ok for a long term relationship or marriage. If I'd just been looking for a fling or just to go out on a few dates it wouldn't really matter to me but I never used dating sites for that purpose. My acquaintances who are with two of the liars I declined to date made excuses for them like "he just wasn't comfortable turning 40 or some nonsense like that. One of my women friends lied about her age on a dating site (she always looked extremely young and I don't think her lie attracted men who wanted children because she was already in her 50s and shaved off 5-10 years). I am not sure if she asked for my opinion and when I knew she was lying I knew I wouldn't do anything to support her in meeting men through on line dating.

[Snny]

Clean? He’s said he’s single, never married, no children not a clue about a criminal record.

 

Oh sure, take his word after he already lied to you. There are so many stories out there about taken men/women creating online dating profiles out of "curiosity." Remember Ashley.com getting hacked and members being blackmailed for cheating on their spouses a few years go? Hell, I caught my ex boyfriend creating a dating profile behind my back.

 

Don't be so gullible here. Lying itself is a dealbreaker. You can't have a relationship without trust.

 

Strike 1 for lying.

Strike 2 for no apology or explanation why his profile contradicts the info.

Strike 3 for desperately asking for phone sex.

 

Throw him out.

[SoulTaker]

It's not that it didn't "work" - there's no work to be done. Dealbreaker for me to lie about facts on a dating profile where there's no wiggle room - age/educational status/marital status/whether you have a child. There was also never a chance to "charm" me because we didn't meet. I guess it's possible that I actually met one of the liars (and we didn't see each other again for other reasons) but i did pretty good detective work even in the earlier days of the internet.

 

Of course some women date or marry liars -I know of several examples. It depends on core values when it comes to what's ok and not ok for a long term relationship or marriage. If I'd just been looking for a fling or just to go out on a few dates it wouldn't really matter to me but I never used dating sites for that purpose. My acquaintances who are with two of the liars I declined to date made excuses for them like "he just wasn't comfortable turning 40 or some nonsense like that. One of my women friends lied about her age on a dating site (she always looked extremely young and I don't think her lie attracted men who wanted children because she was already in her 50s and shaved off 5-10 years). I am not sure if she asked for my opinion and when I knew she was lying I knew I wouldn't do anything to support her in meeting men through on line dating.

 

Ok, so Batya, explain more on "there's no work to be done"? There's no way to know anything about a stranger, until you actually meet them. Not everyone puts their business out on the internet for people to see.

 

Yes, you can do a background check, but you'll need their correct name, and why waste time and money doing it until you actually start dating them and become interested in them. Besides, I stated that it works on some women (not all of them). Also, women are also good at lying about things in their profile (or being vague about important areas). It's all part of OLD. It's not for everyone.

[Batya33]

Ok, so Batya, explain more on "there's no work to be done"? There's no way to know anything about a stranger, until you actually meet them. Not everyone puts their business out on the internet for people to see.

 

Yes, you can do a background check, but you'll need their correct name, and why waste time and money doing it until you actually start dating them and become interested in them. Besides, I stated that it works on some women (not all of them). Also, women are also good at lying about things in their profile (or being vague about important areas). It's all part of OLD. It's not for everyone.

 

I never met anyone unless I knew his first and last name. I never ran a background check before meeting -never had to. Google told me all I needed to know. And this was pre-Facebook. I used free birthday sites plus the year they graduated college or grad school etc (I only dated men who had at least finished college, that information also helped with googling of course since we inevitably discussed which schools we'd attended). Lying is not anymore part of OLD than it is part of all dating. That some women lie is irrelevant -doesn't make it right. So what I did was make sure as best I could that he was not lying about age/marital status/educational status. I didn't waste my free time meeting someone who lied about any of those facts.

[katrina1980]

Ok, so Batya, explain more on "there's no work to be done"? There's no way to know anything about a stranger, until you actually meet them. Not everyone puts their business out on the internet for people to see.

 

Yes, you can do a background check, but you'll need their correct name, and why waste time and money doing it until you actually start dating them and become interested in them. Besides, I stated that it works on some women (not all of them). Also, women are also good at lying about things in their profile (or being vague about important areas). It's all part of OLD. It's not for everyone.

 

I agree with you ST.

 

As some know I've been OLDing and when I read profiles, I tend to take it all with a pinch of salt, there are so many people who prefer to keep their lives and things about themselves "private" UNTIL they meet in person, mutually click and decide to date.

 

So they twist around a few things (okay lie), about their height (quite common), their age, I don't even take the pics seriously as many post old pics.

 

Why do they do this? Precisely *because* they don't want strangers they've never met snooping around trying to "discover" things about them on the Internet!

 

How utterly invasive and intrusive in my opinion.

 

As for me, my profile is pretty elusive, and won't *ever* give a man my last name *until* we meet in person.

 

On Monday, I received a rather intriguing message from a man who had his age as 40 on his profile.

 

Took it with a grain of salt. Just like I did his height, neither of which are very important to me anyway.

 

I responded back and when HE replied, he immediately told *me* he was 48.

 

I appreciated him being honest with ME (and told him) and frankly couldn't care less what he had posted on his profile.

 

I think if you ask someone a direct question and the person flat out lies directly to "you," that's an automatic next, but on a profile?

 

Don't care. And if it ever got to the point wherein I felt I needed to go snooping the Internet to discover stuff about someone I have never even met, that is when I stop OLDing.

[katrina1980]

Personally, I think dating sites should leave the age and height question off.

 

When posting your own profile, IF you have a specific age range or height requirement, or education requirement, then put it in your profile. I don't have such requirements so don't need to.

 

Then, if and when you actually start talking to someone, or preferably meeting, then ask them directly if it's so important to you.

 

If they lie to "you" directly (which lie would reveal itself eventually) then next.

 

I hate those "on line dating" questions. I left a lot of stuff blank quite frankly.

 

A man wants to know about me, then he should ask ME one-on-one, which they have been!

 

And, I tell the truth. Except certain things like my phone number, last name, where I live/work - I save that for when we meet in person, click and decide to date.

 

I have nothing to hide, I am just very private, as many people are, and not to sound rude but my personal business is no one else's business until we meet, feel a click, and start dating.

 

I can't stand FB and don't use any social media..

 

Prefer getting to know about someone one-on-one, preferably in person.

[Snny]

Age would be important if women want to have children. Past 35 carries high risk for pregnancy. That’s the only thing I can see a reason for it instead of wasting time.

[maew]

I have had this happen, guy whose profile said he was 42 messaged me... I looked at his pics and thought there is NO WAY this guy is 42. So I asked him... he was in his mid 20's! Claimed to want a relationship with an older woman. And I see it all the time going the other way too... a guy says he is 50 but his pics look much older. People need to just own who they are they would be much happier that way!

[kleptoz28]

I've actually put an incorrect age on a dating site before, and there is one possible explanation for it as long as he tells you fairly close the beginning about it. Some sites (POF, in particular) have age restrictions on who you can message. From what I've seen, on some of them the restriction only applies to men, so women may not even be aware of it. The last time I was on that site was a couple of years ago, but at the time it would not let a guy message anyone more than 9 years older or younger than you. I literally HAD to put the wrong age to message this girl. Just a thought, it could be something like this.

[purplepaisley]

I have found that some men will sometimes put a younger age in order to keep them within a younger age bracket on women's search profiles. At 40, you might miss some 30-somethings who omit 40's from their personal searches...so a year or two is not my hill to die on, though not a good start...I'm okay with meeting first and see how things go, but if a guy is lying about his age because he's seeking some young hottie, there's really no point in pursuing anything more with him.

 

The second he whipped out the sexting -- nope...I mean, if that floats your boat, fine, but the first text?? No. I wouldn't plan a date unless this were my "thing." So I think totally fine to cancel the date. You had one issue that was problematic for you, and then a second issue in close succession, which is unsavory at best, and the guy is seeking sex or a sexting buddy. Not a good start and not someone to pursue.

 

I've had men contact me who lie about their location. Oh, they just moved, they say, or they just never got around to updating. I point out they need to update their profile...they don't. I would update the second I was established in my new city, but if for some reason I didn't, and someone pointed it out to me, I would do it then. I don't know what the purpose is of lying about your city of residence...isn't the point meeting people close in proximity?

 

This guy is definitely not a keeper.

[Batya33]

"I have found that some men will sometimes put a younger age in order to keep them within a younger age bracket on women's search profiles. At 40, you might miss some 30-somethings who omit 40's from their personal searches...so a year or two is not my hill to die on, though not a good start...I'm okay with meeting first and see how things go, but if a guy is lying about his age because he's seeking some young hottie, there's really no point in pursuing anything more with him. "

 

People who tell the truth -do the right thing IMO -often miss out on certain opportunities but in general I would rather that than miss out on my values. I had to miss out on men who didn't want to date a woman in her mid 30s (who looked in her mid 20s at the oldest) because they didn't want the pressure of the biological clock. And I was honest because I wanted to make the first impression -and the continuing impression of never lying about actual facts asked for on a profile. Nobody forced me to use a dating site but once I did of course I was going to be honest about the facts including my age. I'd rather miss out on an opportunity than miss out on acting in an honest way when asked for a fact. And I didn't wish to date a liar who would lie about a fact like that as a first impression on a dating site when looking for marriage (I only met men who were looking for eventual marriage). That was the impression and of course we have many occasions in life where we have to be truthful about facts -job applications etc. No way was I going to risk getting involved with someone who would choose his own self interest over telling the truth about his age or a fact like that. JMHO.

[Sportster2005]

I could never figure out why people lie on dating sites. Do they think once they have you hooked, you'll forgive their dishonesty? Age and weight seem to be the biggest. Followed by smoker status. And sometimes its more subtle. I've even had dates light up a joint on a date when they've told me they don't do drugs. I've heard they were really married three times, not two, but one was short so they didn't count it. I've showed up on a date that was 50lbs heavier than her most 'recent' photo. Anywho, I think anyone online has experienced the sheer amount of lying that goes on.

 

OP just block him, and any other liar you come across. If they are left wondering what happened, so what?

[Batya33]

I could never figure out why people lie on dating sites. Do they think once they have you hooked, you'll forgive their dishonesty? Age and weight seem to be the biggest. Followed by smoker status. And sometimes its more subtle. I've even had dates light up a joint on a date when they've told me they don't do drugs. I've heard they were really married three times, not two, but one was short so they didn't count it. I've showed up on a date that was 50lbs heavier than her most 'recent' photo. Anywho, I think anyone online has experienced the sheer amount of lying that goes on.

 

OP just block him, and any other liar you come across. If they are left wondering what happened, so what?

 

Same exact here. I met over 100 men in person. Several told me stories about meeting women who lied -the reactions were not positive and some involved walking out of the first meet or expressing the frustration (understandably) about being manipulated, misled, lied to. I didn't have time to meet someone who would lie about facts on a dating profile especially if the purpose was to mislead people into clicking on the profile.

 

Subjective stuff -to me that was different and even height if it was 1-2 inches I do know that often men get measured with shoes on, or it's been awhile since they've been measured, etc. But sure - something really noticeable - that to me was an issue because of the lie not as much the fact of the person being shorter. The main lies I was told on profiles were marital status (not really divorced), education (lying about finishing college) and also smoking (I didn't date smokers or people trying to quit -just wasn't for me as far as a romantic relationship). Luckily back then I always got first/last name which made it easier to check.

 

If people are not comfortable revealing facts like that they can find a dating site that doesn't require it or not use one -to me the answer is not to lie/mislead/waste people's time. JMHO.