I just need other opinions

[Chesh]

I just need opinions on what others think of this conversation and whether I was right to go about it this way or if I read too much into it and overreacted.

My S/O and myself were planning on a vacation starting today but I've managed to get a flu the day before rendering me unable to go on our little trip. Last night I texted them asking

 

"What if I still feel this bad tomorrow?"

and their response was

"...I already bought the ticket... Jesus Christ don't start..."

 

Now to me, that seemed harsh and I felt like they cared more for the money rather than my health and well being. I also felt like I was being guilted into going because they already payed for the ticket to go.

 

Next, I responded with

"Don't start what? I can't help being sick!"

 

They say

"Take medicine like a normal person and have fun? That's what you do when you feel sick on vacation."

 

I don't know about you, but when someone in my family is feeling as bad as the flu, they don't go out. They stay in bed until it's over.

 

After that, I was feeling a little enraged and wrote this:

"You know what. No. I'm not going to be guilt tripped into going on vacation as a walking virus. So you bought the ticket, so what? It doesn't expire next week. We three more months to go. There are other opportunities. Ya, I could take medicine. I am. But medicine doesn't work right away. I'll get up early and see how I feel in the morning, but if I'm not fit to go, you can either wait to reschedule, or go with someone else, because I'm not walking around n the heat for hours with the possibility of passing out any second. Everything from the neck up hurts, I'm lightheaded, my body is weak, and I can't eat or drink anything that isn't warm liquids. I an't even walk around my own house without carrying a tissue box with me at all times. It's not like I planned this, I hate being sick, I really wanted to go. But I can't help it. Life doesn't always go as planned."

 

After that they exploded on me saying that I made them waste $200 and that I probably don't care.

 

I just need other opinions on this. Was I overreacting or did it actually seem like they were being rude about me being sick. I mean, they literally said that I made them waste their money because I can't go because I'm sick. I don't see how that's my fault honestly.

I sent the entire conversation to my best friend who gave me their impute and they agree that my S/O was being rude and making it all about themself.

I mean, the least I'd expect from a "loving partner" would be "Get well soon" or whatever. But no, I got "That's too bad. I already spent the money."

 

I've never been on here before so I don't know how the community is but I'd appreciate no hate please. I'm trying to get help and better this.

[ThatwasThen]

I think you over reacted regarding his response. I think that had you just said "Is there anyway we can postpone our trip? I'm really feeling sick and I want to be able to enjoy myself because I'm really looking forward to going with you when I'm better?"

Then I think you would have probably gotten a more sympathetic response.

 

I also think that NONE of that conversation should have taken place over text but rather voice to voice/face to face/skype/facetime.

 

Perhaps if he had seen you and heard how sick you were, none of that would have happened and neither of you would be pizzed off at one another.

[rosephase]

Your partner is acting rude for sure. Does he treat you harshly often?

I would be hurt if someone I cared about treated me that way.

 

When he said "don't start" does that mean you have a history of conflicts like this one?

[Chesh]

I think you over reacted regarding his response. I think that had you just said "Is there anyway we can postpone our trip? I'm really feeling sick and I want to be able to enjoy myself because I'm really looking forward to going with you when I'm better?"

Then I think you would have probably gotten a more sympathetic response.

 

I also think that NONE of that conversation should have taken place over text but rather voice to voice/face to face/skype/facetime.

 

Perhaps if he had seen you and heard how sick you were, none of that would have happened and neither of you would be pizzed off at one another.

 

I agree. I hate talking through text, but talking on the phone wasn't really an option considering my throat is in pain and my voice is pretty much shot. He was also working and right after was going out with friends so he wouldn't be able to see me in person to talk anyway.

I do understand that I should have worded it differently, like you have quoted, but after his response to me asking "what if I was still sick" that got me pretty upset seeing as he didn't care what-so-ever.

[Chesh]

Your partner is acting rude for sure. Does he treat you harshly often?

I would be hurt if someone I cared about treated me that way.

 

When he said "don't start" does that mean you have a history of conflicts like this one?

 

Not exactly this bad. Just small argumentative encounters. It's mostly because I have crippling anxiety and because of that, I tend to lack much emotion, which will sometimes frustrate him. But for the most part I do show my affection and care, just not so much when things make me especially happy (like gifts and such). But that has nothing to do with what happened here which confuses me on why he said "Don't start". I honestly have no idea.

[DaisyMayPorter]

You said "they" spent money and I made "them" waste $200. Is there more than one person spending money or when you say "they" and "them", are you just referring to your boyfriend? Is he still going on the vacation by himself? What is the status of it now? Either way, yes, he should be more understanding, but why did he say "don't start?" Have things like this happened before?

[mustlovedogs]

I get the vibe from your post that you play victim quite a bit and expect to be taken care of when sick.

 

News flash: you’re an adult. You can and should take care of yourself. If my SO backed out of a trip because they were sick I wouldn’t be happy. Especially if they didn’t offer to pay me back.

 

You should’ve asked if rescheduling is an option. You shouldn’t have gone off on your SO. I’ve traveled sick before because I don’t want to waste my money. If it’s something that can be rescheduled, do it. Otherwise, honestly, I would say try and suck it up.

[Chesh]

You said "they" spent money and I made "them" waste $200. Is there more than one person spending money or when you say "they" and "them", are you just referring to your boyfriend? Is he still going on the vacation by himself? What is the status of it now? Either way, yes, he should be more understanding, but why did he say "don't start?" Have things like this happened before?

 

I'm just referring to one person. Sorry for the confusion I tend to use gender neutral terms often. I've said in a comment above about someone else asking about the "don't start" response as well. But we both were paying $200. It was around that much per ticket and we were paying for our own tickets.

[Capricorn3]

But we both were paying $200. It was around that much per ticket and we were paying for our own tickets.

Did you pay for your own ticket? I'm a little confused because in your first post you say he said: "I've already bought the tickets". Did you at least pay him back?

[ThatwasThen]

Not exactly this bad. Just small argumentative encounters. It's mostly because I have crippling anxiety and because of that, I tend to lack much emotion, which will sometimes frustrate him.

Are you doing anything to get you past your anxiety in general? Meds? Therapy?

 

But that has nothing to do with what happened here which confuses me on why he said "Don't start". I honestly have no idea.

I think it has a lot to do with why he wasn't being sympathetic... perhaps he's just losing patience with how your condition manifests itself in you?

 

Speculation of course but if you're not working on ways and means to overcome crippling anxiety then please look into getting help.

[Chesh]

I get the vibe from your post that you play victim quite a bit and expect to be taken care of when sick.

 

News flash: you’re an adult. You can and should take care of yourself. If my SO backed out of a trip because they were sick I wouldn’t be happy. Especially if they didn’t offer to pay me back.

 

You should’ve asked if rescheduling is an option. You shouldn’t have gone off on your SO. I’ve traveled sick before because I don’t want to waste my money. If it’s something that can be rescheduled, do it. Otherwise, honestly, I would say try and suck it up.

 

I don't really expect to be taken care of. I take care of myself. I actually don't like when people try suggesting medicine and what not. I just expect a simple "Hope you feel better" or something along the lines. I never asked nor did I expect him to nurture me.

If it were something small like a cold, I would have 100% went on the trip. But it's pretty bad. My throat hurts, I've got a migraine, my body feels quite weak. Believe me, When it started and it was just my throat, I stuck it out and went to work, went out, no problem. But it got bad to the point where I can't stand upright without getting lightheaded. So ya, I'm gonna cancel our plans.

And he didn't pay for my ticket. I was paying for my own, and he paid for his own. I just don't think it's fair that I'm being blamed for him "wasting his money". I got sick, I didn't bail because I wanted to.

You're right though, I should've asked about rescheduling first.

[Chesh]

Did you pay for your own ticket? I'm a little confused because in your first post you say he said: "I've already bought the tickets". Did you at least pay him back?

 

Yes we were buying our own tickets. Apologies, that was a little unclear.

[Chesh]

Are you doing anything to get you past your anxiety in general? Meds? Therapy?

 

I think it has a lot to do with why he wasn't being sympathetic... perhaps he's just losing patience with how your condition manifests itself in you?

 

Speculation of course but if you're not working on ways and means to overcome crippling anxiety then please look into getting help.

 

Yes, I took medication for a while but after a bit it started to make me feel sick so I stopped but I do go to therapy and am in the process of helping myself. Now that I think about it, I guess he could be thinking of my anxiety. Maybe he thinks that I'm thinking too much into being sick and my anxiety is taking over? I'll have to talk to him about that.

[DaisyMayPorter]

So the trip is cancelled? Or did he end up going alone? Where does the status lie now?

[Chesh]

So the trip is cancelled? Or did he end up going alone? Where does the status lie now?

 

We're working on rescheduling now but not really sure if it'll work out. We both have work and college. We were going to go this week because it's spring break and we don't have classes.

[Capricorn3]

So you bought the ticket, so what? It doesn't expire next week. We three more months to go. you can either wait to reschedule, or go with someone else,

What does this mean? If it's only in three months time, then what has your flu got to do with anything? You'll long be over the flu by then anyway. He can't really go with someone else since you paid for your own ticket. Unless of course you sell it off to someone else.

 

Sorry, but this is all really very confusing. I can't make head or tail out of anything.

[ThatwasThen]

Yes, I took medication for a while but after a bit it started to make me feel sick so I stopped but I do go to therapy and am in the process of helping myself. Now that I think about it, I guess he could be thinking of my anxiety. Maybe he thinks that I'm thinking too much into being sick and my anxiety is taking over? I'll have to talk to him about that.

 

Please talk to him on the phone or skype. I think if he realizes just how ill you really are, he'll be feeling remorseful for how he reacted to your question of "what if i'm too sick to go."

 

FWIW: I know how you feel. It's disappointing to say the least. The Hubby and I both had to cancel our trip to Cuba last year. We both contacted the flu and it turned into strep throat. Lucky we got cancellation insurance.

[ThatwasThen]

What does this mean? If it's only in three months time, then what has your flu got to do with anything? You'll long be over the flu by then anyway. He can't really go with someone else since you paid for your own ticket. Unless of course you sell it off to someone else.

 

Sorry, but this is all really very confusing. I can't make head or tail out of anything.

I think she means they have up to three months to use the tickets.. They don't need to use them this week.

[Chesh]

What does this mean? If it's only in three months time, then what has your flu got to do with anything? You'll long be over the flu by then anyway. He can't really go with someone else since you paid for your own ticket. Unless of course you sell it off to someone else.

 

Sorry, but this is all really very confusing. I can't make head or tail out of anything.

 

We have three months to use the tickets. We were planning on going this week because it's spring break and neither of us have college classes then. We don't know if we'll be able to work out another date or not, we both have work too, but we're trying. I'm sorry you find it confusing :c

[Chesh]

Please talk to him on the phone or skype. I think if he realizes just how ill you really are, he'll be feeling remorseful for how he reacted to your question of "what if i'm too sick to go."

 

FWIW: I know how you feel. It's disappointing to say the least. The Hubby and I both had to cancel our trip to Cuba last year. We both contacted the flu and it turned into strep throat. Lucky we got cancellation insurance.

 

I just texted him asking if we could talk in person. I'm not sure if he'd be able to understand me very well over phone with my throat acting up like it is. I'll give an update on how it goes if you'd like.

[Capricorn3]

We have three months to use the tickets. We were planning on going this week because it's spring break and neither of us have college classes then. We don't know if we'll be able to work out another date or not, we both have work too, but we're trying. I'm sorry you find it confusing :c

 

oh ok. Thanks. My brain is super tired due to lack of sleep, lol.

[ThatwasThen]

I just texted him asking if we could talk in person. I'm not sure if he'd be able to understand me very well over phone with my throat acting up like it is. I'll give an update on how it goes if you'd like.

Yes, update us... I hope you can get it settled without any residual resentment(s)

[HeartGoesOn]

Now to me, that seemed harsh and I felt like they cared more for the money rather than my health and well being. I also felt like I was being guilted into going because they already payed for the ticket to go.

 

Who is "they?" Are you referring to one person, (your boyfriend) or several people?

[boltnrun]

Who is "they?" Are you referring to one person, (your boyfriend) or several people?

 

She posted this previously in response to a similar question on this thread:

"I'm just referring to one person. Sorry for the confusion I tend to use gender neutral terms often."

[milly007]

I think your SO was harsh in their response.

 

The whole "Jesus Christ", "don't start" and basically 'suck it up' bit would have p'd me off, too.

 

He was out of line.

 

He could have made his point in a more respectful way, as opposed to sounding passive aggressive and crabby.