Online Dating- What am I doing wrong?

[TrueBlue631]

I've been back on OLD for the past few months. I had a slight few first dates and one that lasted 2 months but failed epically in the end.

 

But my luck is very few and far between otherwise. I email several women with barely any getting back to me.

 

IMO, I have pretty good Pictures, and my write up is a blend of "to the point" and some humor. Not long but also not short to where it barely says anything.

 

Not sure if it's my initial outreach message thats not working, or a general lack of interest from women.

 

Any one (ladies in particular) have advice on best way to craft or home my profile, and send of an eye catching first message?

 

Thanks!

[Hollyj]

Can you post a copy of your profile?

[TrueBlue631]

"Life's short... let's have fun!"

Hi. I'm .

Looking for someone to share fun, drama-free adventures and low-key relaxing times with.

 

I enjoy the outdoors, especially fishing, boats, and the beach, cooking, road trips, and trying out new interests and experiences.

(Oh, and the ability to laugh and roll with my playful sarcasm is a plus!)

 

I also love to travel, so dust off that passport and let's explore the world!

 

So what are we waiting for? Let's chat and get to know one another

[Hollyj]

I would cut the the "drama-free" bit. Appears that you may have been attracted to dramatic women.

 

I would also eliminate "Life's short... let's have fun!." For me, it would appear you are not looking for something serious.. Not original, either.

 

The rest looks good.

 

Are you looking for a relationship, or flings?

[mustlovedogs]

The explanation marks feel disingenuous to me. I’m not a big fan of the sarcasm bit. It reads to me like women have called you mean and you counter with them being too sensitive. What kind of woman are you looking for?

[Starlight925]

I would cut the the "drama-free" bit.

 

^^ This.

 

I scroll past any profile that says "drama-free". What does that even mean, anyway? One person's "drama" is another person's "open vulnerability".

 

It has a negative connotation.

[DanZee]

Back in my days of answering personal ads I found very few women responded back. With online dating, a lot of the profiles are old or inactive, or the women are married or in relationships and are just curious who is out there. Or they're just afraid. So I wouldn't be concerned if you're not getting a lot of answers back.

 

One piece of advice is to list something you're really passionate about. You might only ever hear from one person, but that person might be the one you hit it off with.

[Krankor]

You've gotten some good advice here: I would cut out the "drama-free" bit too. I know what you mean; most men do. But I think some women may find that kind of insulting, like you're the sort of guy who labels all his exes as "crazy."

 

Also a piece of weird, random advice: post a picture of yourself in a red shirt. Studies show that gets good results. It sounded very odd to me but I tried it and my responses and "she likes you" doubled instantly.

[mustlovedogs]

Oooh I may have to try that red idea!

[Krankor]

Oooh I may have to try that red idea!

 

I think it only works for men.

[mustlovedogs]

I think it only works for men.

 

Prior to you saying this, I had only heard about men finding women more attractive when wearing red. Your post just made me think trying it is a good idea. A quick Google search shows it’s for both sexes and it’s called the “red dress effect”

[Krankor]

Prior to you saying this, I had only heard about men finding women more attractive when wearing red. Your post just made me think trying it is a good idea. A quick Google search shows it’s for both sexes and it’s called the “red dress effect”

 

Ahh, I stand corrected then. The study I read about looked at what women reacted well to in men, but it makes sense that it would work both ways.

[Sportster2005]

"Life's short... let's have fun!"

Hi. I'm .

Looking for someone to share fun, drama-free adventures and low-key relaxing times with.

 

I enjoy the outdoors, especially fishing, boats, and the beach, cooking, road trips, and trying out new interests and experiences.

(Oh, and the ability to laugh and roll with my playful sarcasm is a plus!)

 

I also love to travel, so dust off that passport and let's explore the world!

 

So what are we waiting for? Let's chat and get to know one another

 

I'm going to go out on a limb. Your profile reads like %90 of other men's profiles. OLD is extremely competitive for men. We probably have rejection rates %70 to %90 percent. You simply have to stand out. I can't tell you how to do that. I don't know you. But being original and exciting is the journey you must embark on.

 

People loved or hated my profiles. But I stood out. I had pretty good luck online. I'm average looking, not rich, but after years and years of trial and error, I said the heck with conventional profile advice. I did offer it on here when I was writing my last one. And I received some good feedback. But at the end of the day, my profile was me. Not Joe Generic.

[Jeffbobo]

Having been on and off OLD for some time now and having been somewhat successful, I’d agree with sportster that your profile reads like 90% of other men’s profiles. I’d further say that it reads like 95% of women’s profiles; outdoors, drama free, traveling... yawn...

 

I think overall, instead of putting in the obligatory buzzwords, try to tell a story that pulls someone in and/or they can relate to. So... instead of saying, “outdoors”, tell what about the outdoors you enjoy doing. Instead of “traveling”, something like you love baseball, your goal is to see a game in every stadium and you’re half way done. Something like that shows; you like to travel, you like live sports events and have a passion for baseball. The idea is to tell a story. There’s a balance though. Don’t write a book.

 

Also, a picture is worth a thousand words. Or sometimes, the right picture can pull someone in to ask a question to get the ball rolling.

[Realitynut]

Yep....I skip anyone who says "drama free"....and half the men say that. It's like it's their catch phrase. The reason I skip it? Anytime a woman has an opinion different than a man...you're creating 'drama'.

My last guy...on and off for YEARS, dumped me (again) on Valentine's day....siting...to much drama after getting a few texts from me. (long story)

 

I read those texts to multiple people...have to admit...women. Asked if those were worth getting dumped over. They said, Nope....he was looking for an excuse.

 

Sooooo....exclaiming DRAMA.

 

It just seems like so much of a cop-out.

 

A woman has an opinion...and some guys call drama....pet peeve of mine....lol

[Realitynut]

I also skip guys who name off all their sports teams....or into hunting and fishing....or NASCAR.

 

O.k.....there goes another 90%

 

I've heard sometimes it's best not to say TOO much, cuz that will knock out a few prospects.

 

I tried that once. I said I'm a girl with long blonde hair. I have a pup with short blonde hair.

(and just a few more sentences in the same vein)

 

I had the most comments from that profile! lol

 

I'm very particular about a guys profile. Most spell horribly...and their pics look like they're just about dead.

 

Oh...please smile!

[Jeffbobo]

 

I'm a girl with long blonde hair. I have a pup with short blonde hair.

 

 

Was that you? I think I've run across your profile. Lol.

[Realitynut]

LOL....might of...if you do a 200 mile search!!! I only do 15. I wanna see my guy every day! lol

 

Oh. Maybe that's my problem.

 

And I'm OLD....

 

So OP....yes. I don't answer a LOT of guess messages. Mostly I'm browsing...and I'm looking for someone with my shared interests...which are few.

 

So yes...cut out...drama free. That's a negative comment.

 

Talk what you DO like to do. (I kayak mostly, and hike. So I put that. I do say travel...because I'm starting to. :-) I do say lay on the beach...cuz I just bought I house down in Florida last month....so sometimes they really are a 'thing'...)

 

Be upbeat. Rather than saying, I'm looking for a woman that....blah, blah, blah...say what YOU like to do and makes you smile. Rather than....I like sports. ugh I much prefer a profile that says something about the MAN...and what he can bring to the plate. Then it is up to ME...to see what I can bring to the plate when I answer.

[Tryingit]

You're not doing anything wrong. A few pointless first dates and one thing that lasts a couple months after 87 months of swiping is what online dating IS.

[Wiseman2]

Oh yikes! You are screaming "no relationships!" Only 'fun' (no strings sex, etc.) It sounds like an ad for a fishing/camping buddy. Skip that entire intro and just describe your interests, yourself, etc.. Try to include at least some more sincere wording. Not just fun adventure and sarcastic jokes as your only interests/qualities.

Looking for someone to share fun, drama-free adventures and low-key relaxing times with.