deleted12747 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Thank you for your input. I am not in love with him as much as it may sound like I am lol, I guess I am trying to look beyond this issue and further improve. I cannot fall in love with someone I have never met. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Okay I guess I thought you might when you said "we made each other happy with sweet messages of love." Talking marriage (in the future). "I wrote him a poem, kissed the letter with his favorite lipstick, and sent him his favorite snacks with a japanese valentines day card." If that's not love, it's pretty darn close. I certainly wouldn't do all that for a guy I didn't love, that's for sure. Not many women would. But okay, I will take you at your word. Just make sure you're being honest with yourself, that's all. Best of luck! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Hi, thanks for your input! I appreciate how you understood what I meant by the way he first messaged me. Frankly, thats how It was. After he was honest with me, I asked him what he wanted to do? "Do you want me to leave you alone? Be your friend? Be a perspective significant other and grow with each other?" I asked him those series of questions and his response is that he wants to continue to pursue something with me but slowly. My issue is not ending things and moving on because truthfully, It was only a mere TWO months of chatting. Thats it. He doesn't want to "lose me". I am still trying to figure out if I should continue with this blatant signs of emotional instability and trust issues. He doesn't get all the say, you know. You have an equal say in this. And based on how he's handled this so far and he really hasn't offered you anything other than wait and see. I would hope you thought enough of yourself to say no. At the very least (because I get the sense that you aren't going to let this go anyway) Let him do all the heavy lifting. He calls , he initiates, he either comes through or he doesn't. At very least, he owes you that. If he doesn't really want to lose you, he will show you. If he doesn't put in the effort (because by the sounds of it, you did most of the work) then you have your answer. In the meantime you work at putting this behind you and carry on with your life. . . I still think there is a great chance he's either married or at least has a girlfriend. But it's your call. I just reread you last sentence and highlighted it. For an abuse survivor, why wouldn't you aim a little higher than someone who you state shows you `blatant signs of emotional instability and trust issues' Please believe you deserve better. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 He will be coming home in 5 weeks. Should I take a chance and meet him even if it is a friendly encounter? Have you read any of the responses?? Plus, according to him, he is not over his ex. I hope you didn't send any nude shots. I also agree with another poster, you were one of many he was in contact with. Link to comment
thorough Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 My guess. You entertained him while he was overseas. Now he's home with the wife and kids and trying to put you on ice. He's not trying to take it slow, he's trying to back out slowly. The fact that he fudged his breakup dates from 8 months prior to just recently is enough for you to walk. You basically don't know this guy. Spotty service, too isolated and cold, different birth signs, depression from a recent breakup (that he lied about) and whatever. He's just not available. I get you are out of an abusive relationship and I am sorry. This relationship was convenient for you. All fluff and no substance. Not to mention too far away to ever come to any fruition. Take some more time to heal and don't be so hungry that you'll settle for sweet talk from someone over seas. Hold out for a real life relationship. I second this! Anytime a guy has told me things moved "too fast", he was actually backing out . You do not want a rollercoaster for a relationship, you deserve someone who wants you. All those lines of being afraid, not ready etc are all excuses and have been used more then once on me. Link to comment
deleted12747 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 He doesn't get all the say, you know. I just reread you last sentence and highlighted it. For an abuse survivor, why wouldn't you aim a little higher than someone who you state shows you `blatant signs of emotional instability and trust issues' Please believe you deserve better. Thank you. Your reply was particularly moving. I appreciate your advice. :love-struck: Link to comment
deleted12747 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 UPDATE: We talked about things last night and told me his uh, "woes". He has family issues and is concerned about himself. Stationed in Japan, he cannot come home as much as he would like to for various reasons and his family constantly pressures him to. He is also concerned about me and not wanting to get attached and then end up getting hurt. His squadron leaves from May-December on the boat, with no service in the middle of the ocean and would only be able to contact me every 30 or so days and for like 10 minutes whenever he arrives to port. Then, my plan is to go to the Air Force as well. We both agree that its the wrong time and our current situations would not allow us to be as close as we want to be. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 UPDATE: We talked about things last night and told me his uh, "woes". He has family issues and is concerned about himself. Stationed in Japan, he cannot come home as much as he would like to for various reasons and his family constantly pressures him to. He is also concerned about me and not wanting to get attached and then end up getting hurt. His squadron leaves from May-December on the boat, with no service in the middle of the ocean and would only be able to contact me every 30 or so days and for like 10 minutes whenever he arrives to port. Then, my plan is to go to the Air Force as well. We both agree that its the wrong time and our current situations would not allow us to be as close as we want to be. So where does this leave you? Will you not be chatting anymore at all? Is it completely done? I am glad you were able to discuss it and get that closure. Or is it closed? Or is it just "on hold" until the timing is better? Link to comment
deleted12747 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 I will be chatting with him and be there for emotional support without getting too clinged onto the whole idea of him. I will still be living my 21-year old life Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Yep. And don't forget to get on some dating apps with a good profile and pics and start chatting with and meeting local guys for coffee.I will still be living my 21-year old life Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 I will be chatting with him and be there for emotional support without getting too clinged onto the whole idea of him. I will still be living my 21-year old life I think coming out of an abusive relationship i would not do this. It could lead to an emotional affair if you do meet someone and many people coming out of abusive relationships have poor boundaries. I think i would stop talking to guys online and invest in myself -that could be therapy (abuse hotlines can set up counseling for abuse survivors), and also investing in friends and family that fell away during your relationship and joining groups - physically where you connect with people about a hobby. The hobby of Tinder and being the shoulder for men to cry on is not healthy for you at this point Link to comment
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