Girlfriend being dishonest and all around shady

[Rawksteddy]

Had plans with girlfriend for last night. She told me she got off work at 9 and then had to go do something with her dad quick and would be ready at 10. I checked what time her work closes and it’s 8, and she doesn’t have to stick around once they’re closed; she just leaves. I told her that I would come pick her up from work because the weather is so bad and will see her at 9. She responded and told me that her dad was picking her up (he drinks a lot on the weekend and there was absolutely no way he was going to be driving). Then I told her “no need to inconvenience your dad, I got you” (the time is already around 8). She replies that her and her friend Tammy are going for drinks. I’m with my friend at the time, we were playing pool having a beer. I said “awesome! I’m down for some drinks, where are we meeting?” She told me that they were going to BPs or maybe somewhere else. I told her sounds good I’ll see you there. Then she responds by blowing up at me, telling me that I’m “smothering her”. I responded by telling her that I wasn’t smothering her, I was just exposing her lies, and that I don’t care if she hangs out with friends, but I do care when she’s dishonest. Anyway, my gut feeling on it is that she was with another guy. What’s weird is that she creeped outside my house later that night and texted me that I have an “unusual amount of lights on”. All my lights were on lol. I was like , closed my blinds and turned my lights out. She’s done this a few times over the past couple weeks where her story doesn’t seem true, and there seem to be unaccounted for blocks of time. I just took it at face value before, because I want to trust her. Last night I pushed to catch her in a lie 1) because I knew she was lying, and 2) because it seemed to be turning into a pattern of behaviour. I think the best thing to do is quit talking to her and walk away, but I also feel really hurt and it’s hard.

[ThatwasThen]

If you don't have trust in each other then you're just faking it. She lies to you so that makes her untrustworthy. How is it possible to trust and untrustworthy person?

 

Up to you but why keep trying with someone that constantly has you anxious to the point where you have to start a thread about her. You're not married to her. There's no good reason for you to carry on in an anxiety inducing relationship.

[IAmFCA]

How long is this relationship?

[Hollyj]

If she has shown you that she is not trustworthy, then why continue?

[Rawksteddy]

Thanks for the responses, we’ve been together for about 8 months. With her, for the most part, she’s made me feel really good. It’s going to be hard to move on because, like I said, I really care about her, and would’ve liked to stay with her. Given the current circumstances though, I don’t think that’s a possibility. I think she’s cheating, and the relationship seems like it’s becoming toxic. At this point I don’t think there’s much that can be done on my part.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks for the responses, we’ve been together for about 8 months. With her, for the most part, she’s made me feel really good. It’s going to be hard to move on because, like I said, I really care about her, and would’ve liked to stay with her. Given the current circumstances though, I don’t think that’s a possibility. I think she’s cheating, and the relationship seems like it’s becoming toxic. At this point I don’t think there’s much that can be done on my part.

I agree. Unless you've been brutal in your response to her going out with friends so she's lying in order to avoid your wrath, then I see no good reason why she would lie about a simple thing like going out with a girlfriend for a drink before meeting up with you or even having you join her.

 

So: Have you been controlling and getting upset when she wants to hang with her friends?

[Rawksteddy]

I would say that it’s the complete opposite; she’s the one that gets angry and controlling with me when I want to go out with friends and I end up feeling guilty for doing it. So I have been spending a lot less time with my friends since we’ve been together. I don’t recall ever getting mad at her for going out with friends, as a matter of fact, I don’t really think she has any.

[rosephase]

I would say that it’s the complete opposite; she’s the one that gets angry and controlling with me when I want to go out with friends and I end up feeling guilty for doing it. So I have been spending a lot less time with my friends since we’ve been together. I don’t recall ever getting mad at her for going out with friends, as a matter of fact, I don’t really think she has any.

 

You don't trust her. She's controlling and isolates you from your friends.

 

Why be in this relationship? There is no point without trust and it sounds like you don't like the way she treats you anyway.

[Rawksteddy]

Yeah last night she tried telling me that she had “plans”, apparently our plans were overridden by her other plans. I just responded and said “me too”. Even though my plans were to stay home and sleep lol. I let her make her own inference. Then today she starts trying to say that I had a girl over last night, which I didn’t.

[IAmFCA]

I asked the duration to gauge your style of exit.I do think it is time to exit.

 

I would not ghost after 8 months. I would say something neutral but final, like "we are looking for different things out of this relationship" or "this isn't working for me"

 

And maybe, I would first go quiet for a few days.

[ThatwasThen]

Yeah last night she tried telling me that she had “plans”, apparently our plans were overridden by her other plans. I just responded and said “me too”. Even though my plans were to stay home and sleep lol. I let her make her own inference. Then today she starts trying to say that I had a girl over last night, which I didn’t.

 

Don't drag this out any longer then you have to. You know she's not a good person to give your heart to by now.

[IAmFCA]

Yeah last night she tried telling me that she had “plans”, apparently our plans were overridden by her other plans. I just responded and said “me too”. Even though my plans were to stay home and sleep lol. I let her make her own inference. Then today she starts trying to say that I had a girl over last night, which I didn’t.

 

You do not need this noise.

[Jibralta]

Whether cheating is involved or not, the dishonesty would be a deal breaker for me. That's nonsense.

[Rawksteddy]

Ok thanks. One other question. She currently owes me about $150. I have a bunch of her stuff at my house. Would it be advisable to give her her stuff back and take the loss, or hold it hostage until she pays me? Her stuff has no value to me, she should have the money right now, and she keeps messaging me for her to come and pick it up, but I’m ignoring her right now.

[rosephase]

Agree to come pick the money up. And drop off her stuff with it.

 

If that doesn't work take it as a loss and move on.

[melancholy123]

Yes quit talking to her and then walk away.

[Rawksteddy]

Now she’s messaging me that “the funny thing is I didn’t do s***, your the one that got laid. But I’m going to get laid tonight”.

[Rawksteddy]

I didn’t get laid just to be clear.

[Jibralta]

Now she’s messaging me that “the funny thing is I didn’t do s***, your the one that got laid. But I’m going to get laid tonight”.

 

Ew. Come on. Is this someone you really want to be with? What an immature jerk. Hope you don't get caught up in an argument with this loser.

[Rawksteddy]

I’m not responding to her at this time. My plan is to pack her stuff into a bag, leave it on her porch, send her a message letting her know it’s there, and sever contact completely.

[MissCanuck]

How old are you both?

 

She sounds about 16. I would go with your plan to cut all contact with her. There is no stable, healthy and loving future with a girl like this.

[Rawksteddy]

I’m 25 she’s 22. But yeah I’m just going to cause myself headaches and heartaches with her.

[Hollyj]

In the future, do not tolerate this type of behavior, and move on. Big red flags.

[catfeeder]

I’m not responding to her at this time. My plan is to pack her stuff into a bag, leave it on her porch, send her a message letting her know it’s there, and sever contact completely.

 

Naah, I'd either mail it or leave it with a mutual friend. If it gets stolen she'll use that as staking fuel, and who needs that drama?

 

If your paths are likely to cross in the future, I'd keep it civil and trade her stuff for your $150.

[Rawksteddy]

Quick update. Last night, I spoke with her, and she told me that she has no feelings for me and ended everything. Then I blocked and deleted her off of everything because I’m trying to move on. Now she keeps creating alternate accounts and messaging me from them telling me about how she loves me etc. Like what kind of bs is this?