Ulz123 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I just dated this guy for a total of 3 months. He was the one that put in all the work initially and really tried hard to win me over. He was such a gentleman. We were so happy together and everything felt perfect. After a night out together [2 months into dating] , i had a sort of mental breakdown after getting drunk. I wasnt feeling like myself and was just upset. I began to cry and some of my insecurities came out. I basically told him that i cant have a relationship. He was very confused. Later that night i calmed down and realized it was the alcohol talking. I truly DID want to be with him. I was just in a bad mood that night. We all get in those moods, right? So after that, its like a complete switch went off. The hapiness and lovey dovey vibes were gone. He just became distant. When i asked if we were okay, he said he was a little turned off but he still wanted to be together. So i continued to try and make things work. Things just didnt seem to change. So eventually we called it quits. I asked to talk. The break up was mutual but sad because we both still have feelings. A week after the break up, he wished me a happy birthday. I thanked him. He asked what my plans were and told me to have a great day. Prior to that, i was dealing with the break up in a good way. But now i just feel so sad. His text brought back some feelings and im just confused. Im sure he wished me a happy birthday to be polite but it just sucks. We completely stopped contacting each other but i miss him. Im not sure if i should reach out and ask to maybe simply hang out as friends and slowly see where things go? Its a shame that we were so completely happy together and then it went away. Should i reach out? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Someone who gets drunk and then tells their promising new partner that they can't have a relationship is not good relationship material. And no, we don't all get in those moods, and if you think this is part of a normal, healthy relationship then you need to re-educate yourself. A quality guy or girl is not going to stay with someone who behaves like this - as you have seen. Rather than trying to hang out as friends (i.e. a less than honest way of trying to rekindle the relationship), take a bit of time out, learn to love yourself and deal with your insecurities before they spoil another relationship, with professional help if necessary. It's a shame that you were so completely happy together and then it ended... but it didn't just "go away". You pushed him away and, not surprisingly, he went. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Sorry OP but I have to agree with the above poster that no, getting wasted and telling your new budding relationship guy that you just can't be in a relationship is not something that happens to people. It's not normal to have a meltdown like that and then expect the other person to be cool with that. He ended things with you and distanced himself because you showed him that you are quite unstable. This may be unpleasant to hear, but if you don't acknowledge this and fix it, you'll end up ruining many relationships and the guy who would be willing to put up with that is a guy you wouldn't want to be with. Don't waste your time trying to be his friend and hoping to redeem yourself and get back together. The damage is done, he has seen what you are capable of and he can't unsee that. The way forward for you is to fix whatever drives you to act out like that so you don't keep causing damage to yourself like this going forward. Fix yourself and start over with someone else on a fresh page. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Unfortunately he saw this as a breakup or one just around the corner. Don't try to hang out to backpedal from this by hanging out. He's protecting himself, and that's ok. I began to cry and some of my insecurities came out. I basically told him that i cant have a relationship. He was very confused. Link to comment
thorough Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Unfortunately he saw this as a breakup or one just around the corner. Don't try to hang out to backpedal from this by hanging out. He's protecting himself, and that's ok. I agree, I have had quite a few guys pull those lines on me and they ended up hurting me. Do not contact him cause you will prob end up doing this again. What you did was very hurtful. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 What you did would have been very hurtful to him, but you now have an opportunity to explore those feelings. This kind of behaviour doesn't arise from nowhere, and someone who came from a healthy, loving background would not be acting like this. No relationship can heal the pain of your past, and you need to heal your insecurities before you can have a relationship with someone who's genuinely emotionally available. There ARE guys around who look for very vulnerable women, but as has been said elsewhere - they're not the sort of men you should be thinking of getting involved with. Link to comment
xcookie7x Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Learn from my dumb a$$ and stop getting wasted with guys you genuinely like. It's a major turn off to them. I lost SO many potential men because I thought it was fun to get drunk with them. Guys don't think it's cute, it makes you look trashy. One drink isn't bad, but to be the level of drunk it sounds like you were at is not good. I'm sorry but I think this gave him a really bad impression of you. I'd move on, have a fresh new start and new you. If he misses you mutually he will let you know, I promise. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Leave the guy alone. You sound like my ex (who pulled something like that on me once). If hadn't know her for ten years before we were in a relationship and been blinded by love and attraction, I would have walked then and there. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Learn from my dumb a$$ and stop getting wasted with guys you genuinely like. It's a major turn off to them. I lost SO many potential men because I thought it was fun to get drunk with them. Guys don't think it's cute, it makes you look trashy. One drink isn't bad, but to be the level of drunk it sounds like you were at is not good. I'm sorry but I think this gave him a really bad impression of you. I'd move on, have a fresh new start and new you. If he misses you mutually he will let you know, I promise. I agree with this. More than I think it was because you told him you couldn't be in a RL. I mean you did apologize afterwards and told him you didn't mean it. I think if he had been really into you, he would have kept it going. Just read this board, when a guy is into a chick he will nearly twist himself into a pretzel to keep her --even when she says things like "I'm not ready to be in a RL." I don't think he was hurt, I think he was turned off. Because you got super drunk and were sloppy with your feelings I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true imo. cookie is right, don't get drunk with guys you like or ANY guys. Not a good look at all. A few drinks, a little tipsy is fine, but not to the point you're having mental breakdowns. Just chalk it up and lesson learned to take with you into your next RL. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Happy, healthy, well adjusted people are looking for the same. By getting drunk and going off the rails it gave him a glimpse of things to come. I don't mean to be harsh but let this be a wake up call for you. Give yourself the gift of getting to root of this episode of acting out. Link to comment
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