Questioning Myself

[Jibralta]

I’ve never seen myself liking someone enough to procreate honestly. Also a whole host of reasons linked to anxiety which probably sound really dumb to anyone other than me haha

 

The second reason makes more sense to me, actually. There's A LOT of responsibility that goes with having children. You have to shelter them, feed them, educate them, and do your damndest to keep them out of trouble in a constantly changing world--LOTS of work. LOTS of anxiety. It rules your life, whether you like your partner or not.

[akrngrl]

The second reason makes more sense to me, actually. There's A LOT of responsibility that goes with having children. You have to shelter them, feed them, educate them, and do your damndest to keep them out of trouble in a constantly changing world--LOTS of work. LOTS of anxiety. It rules your life, whether you like your partner or not.

 

Exactly! I also can’t express how poorly I handle illness/not feeling well, which, granted isn’t everyone’s pregnancy experience, but I wouldn’t bet a child on the fact that I’d be smooth sailing. I don’t even think I could realistically handle it. That sounds utterly ridiculous and I’m half mortified even sharing it anonymously because I don’t ever share about my anxiety because it always seems so outlandish compared to other’s, but it is what it is.

 

Essentially it’s all centered around fear or mostly fear I’d gather. It’s been great because no one has made me question it up until this point so I can live happily oblivious to dealing with those demons with “nope sorry don’t want kids I wouldn’t be a good mom/am too busy/not maternal enough/whatever excuse gets them to stop inquiring.”

 

I can’t imagine having anyone ever see me in a vulnerable state, that’s not how I present myself. Which I understand extends so much further than just child rearing, but for years and years it’s just been me so I can seclude myself when I need to until I’m better. It’s less about him per say, but I guess because he brought it up in a non threatening way I’m willing to question what’s always just been assumed by everyone and be like, “wait why?”

 

All of our other thought provoking conversations I really respect and think that’s one of my draws to him. I didn’t expect one to be of this nature or for me to have this open-minded(?) reaction.

[reinventmyself]

All of our other thought provoking conversations I really respect and think that’s one of my draws to him. I didn’t expect one to be of this nature or for me to have this open-minded(?) reaction.

I wasn't there so I don't know about his delivery of the options he gave you.

But one can read it a couple different ways. I wouldn't give him so much credit. Him offering you a 'let's see what happens' and he'd be open to anything, including fwb makes my shorts hairs go up.

But that's just me.

[figureitout23]

That’s how I’ve always looked at it, until I started questioning for some reason if I do in fact truly not want kids. That’s what’s thrown me for the loop. I’ve been through it countless times so I know it’s not just me trying to latch on to someone.

 

Like I mentioned, it’s still SO early on and literally 5 billion other options for incompatibility can surface before we ever get to really having to discuss our options for offspring.

 

Let's really think about this, you've known this guy all of 12 minutes and you're ready to throw out your lifestyle decision? Me thinks emotions have taken ahold of your brain madam.

 

I’ve never seen myself liking someone enough to procreate honestly. Also a whole host of reasons linked to anxiety which probably sound really dumb to anyone other than me haha

 

Your mindset could very well be a defense mechanism. When I was a younger teen (14-15), I would always say 'I don't want kids' but the truth was, deep down, I never really saw myself in a relationship with anyone anyway(late bloomer) so I never actually got that far in my thought process, it was a throw away statement. Once I grew out of my awkward stage and started dating seriously my mindset quickly changed. Kinda loosely related but hopefully it made sense.

[Batya33]

"Exactly! I also can’t express how poorly I handle illness/not feeling well, which, granted isn’t everyone’s pregnancy experience, but I wouldn’t bet a child on the fact that I’d be smooth sailing. I don’t even think I could realistically handle it. That sounds utterly ridiculous and I’m half mortified even sharing it anonymously because I don’t ever share about my anxiety because it always seems so outlandish compared to other’s, but it is what it is. "

 

It's totally fine to share your "weakness" when it comes to illness. Yes, you are right - if you want to have a child biologically there is a lot of dealing with illness/not feeling well - and it's an unknown what the extent of that will be. And most babies/toddlers/kids get sick fairly regularly so you have to be ok taking care of someone who is ill plus risking getting ill yourself (and the immune system is a wonderful thing -I rarely get my child's illnesses other than last week, sigh). Done right, even with a totally typical kid, it's a lot of sacrifice and unpredictability and anxiety and if you want kids 100% it's worth it 1,000 times over. A million times over. Do not do it because you met someone who makes you want to procreate. Do it because you are totally enthusiastic and into being a parent to a child - and yes it's understandable to want to be a parent with a partner -of course - but you also have to plan for "the worst" where you might be a single parent- no guarantees.

[akrngrl]

I wasn't there so I don't know about his delivery of the options he gave you.

But one can read it a couple different ways. I wouldn't give him so much credit. Him offering you a 'let's see what happens' and he'd be open to anything, including fwb makes my shorts hairs go up.

But that's just me.

 

Yeah the more I think about it, while I didn’t expect him to “fight” for me a “yeah I’d be bummed but I’d get over it” would have been a lot more reassuring then “I literally could do any choice.”

 

I guess I’m still just lost on “why would he potentially want to stay with me?”, which sounds needy so I know better than to ask that despite my genuine curiosity haha.

[akrngrl]

"Exactly! I also can’t express how poorly I handle illness/not feeling well, which, granted isn’t everyone’s pregnancy experience, but I wouldn’t bet a child on the fact that I’d be smooth sailing. I don’t even think I could realistically handle it. That sounds utterly ridiculous and I’m half mortified even sharing it anonymously because I don’t ever share about my anxiety because it always seems so outlandish compared to other’s, but it is what it is. "

 

It's totally fine to share your "weakness" when it comes to illness. Yes, you are right - if you want to have a child biologically there is a lot of dealing with illness/not feeling well - and it's an unknown what the extent of that will be. And most babies/toddlers/kids get sick fairly regularly so you have to be ok taking care of someone who is ill plus risking getting ill yourself (and the immune system is a wonderful thing -I rarely get my child's illnesses other than last week, sigh). Done right, even with a totally typical kid, it's a lot of sacrifice and unpredictability and anxiety and if you want kids 100% it's worth it 1,000 times over. A million times over. Do not do it because you met someone who makes you want to procreate. Do it because you are totally enthusiastic and into being a parent to a child - and yes it's understandable to want to be a parent with a partner -of course - but you also have to plan for "the worst" where you might be a single parent- no guarantees.

 

I 100% agree. The best I could give him in this scenario would be “perhaps if you’re someone I fall madly in love with and feel no qualms about showing you all my quirks and you still respect me MAYBE I could consider it.” Realistically, we’ll probably find a myriad of other areas of incompatibility within the next month or so that I won’t have to worry about it. My realist/cynicism is showing haha.

 

Mostly it’s just prompting me to perhaps seek out therapy to get to the bottom of it. I hate to say that I wouldn’t do it on my own accord, but I’ve done a whole lot to cultivate a “safe” life for myself so day to day as long as I’m alone or in the early stages of dating (which is all I’ve had/I’ve been single), I truly don’t really notice how debilitating it can potentially be. Immature and not the right choice, but if no one questioned it I’d most likely have no problem locking that box on the top shelf of a dark closet and not ever delving into it so to speak.

[akrngrl]

Let's really think about this, you've known this guy all of 12 minutes and you're ready to throw out your lifestyle decision? Me thinks emotions have taken ahold of your brain madam.

 

 

 

Your mindset could very well be a defense mechanism. When I was a younger teen (14-15), I would always say 'I don't want kids' but the truth was, deep down, I never really saw myself in a relationship with anyone anyway(late bloomer) so I never actually got that far in my thought process, it was a throw away statement. Once I grew out of my awkward stage and started dating seriously my mindset quickly changed. Kinda loosely related but hopefully it made sense.

 

It does definitely make sense! I feel like to some extent I’ve approached it the same way. All of my truly serious relationships were all in my late teens early 20’s so kids never came up obviously. Since being out in the dating scene for so long I’ve kind of adapted “I like what I like” and I’m fiercely independent so I naturally seek out people that don’t want kids and usually just cut off the people that do want kids/have kids. Also numerous people have asked “why no kids?” And I either answer shortly or tell them it’s none of their business. I think I’m battling two separate issues, the kids/anxiety/closeness issues and why out of alllllll the people that have ever asked is this person the one that has turned me inward to look inside myself.

[abitbroken]

Let me tell you a little story. When i was in my early 20s, i did not want children. I wasn't thinking about my whole life, but i was not interested in a guy who wanted to marry me, who was eager for kids. i just wanted to go on a first date or second date. Instead of meeting a young man in his early to mid 20s who was in school or trade school, was traveling and wasn't a BIG no on kids but just wasn't at that stage in his life to settle down and it wasn't on his radar, i met a man who was older who was adamant on the no kids thing. It was somewhat of a relief that he didn't because i was meeting guys who were looking for a wife. I was nowhere near ready for that --- i had barely even went on coffee dates. It ended up disasterous when i started to get to be 29, 30, and really regretted being with someone who was adamantly in the "no kid" zone.

 

I say if you haven't made a major decision about kids i would not put down NO KIDS on your profile but "ask me later" or "unsure" or just don't answer and pay attention to what the guys say. That way you attract young men who aren't really ready to make the commitment of marriage/having kids yet but are open to seeing how life goes. You will not get responses from guys who say "i want 12 kids right now" but yet you will also weed out 40 year old men with daddy/mommy abandonment anger issues or someone who has had a vasectomy.

 

As far as what the guy said -- in some ways its odd - but in some ways -- maybe he wasn't thinking about having kids right now and bounced the idea off a close guy friend "hey, i just met this woman and i clicked with her, but what i am worried about is that she does not want to have kids. i don't want to RIGHT NOW -- but can i promise i won't eventually want them?" And hence what he told you.

 

Maybe he is looking at the future and is not looking at having kids right now - but doesn't want the door slammed at this early in his life, either --- you know?

 

Also numerous people have asked “why no kids?” And I either answer shortly or tell them it’s none of their business.

if you are confident in your decision, you should not be so defensive about it if you are solid about it. its one thing to be a nosey neighbor...

 

But i do think someone who you potential date has the right to ask. The response of "i don't want them because i can't -- i had a hysterectomy" "i have a medical issue that makes it dangerous" is a lot different than "i hate kids" or "i had a tough upbringing and don't think i can parent". It provides insight. Just like asking someone who WANTS kids "are you open t adoption?" "do you want 12 kids?" to see if you are compatible.

[boltnrun]

What concerns me is the fact that you had to "press on" the "continue" option.

 

Was that not one of the original scenarios he suggested?

[Wiseman2]

Ok perhaps it's a wake up call not to box yourself in so tightly into rigid checklists and excess dating profile screening. It may signal that being more like this guy and more open mined may help you find Mr. Right without all the checklists and defenses.

 

Also allowing dating to happen and evolve more naturally without the "wasting my time" angst on the first few dates before you even know someone. Perhaps the revelation is also that you are in dating burnout and just want some expedient way to rule out one after the next..

That’s how I’ve always looked at it, until I started questioning for some reason if I do in fact truly not want kids. That’s what’s thrown me for the loop.

[akrngrl]

What concerns me is the fact that you had to "press on" the "continue" option.

 

Was that not one of the original scenarios he suggested?

 

It was, but I kind of brought it back to that to make sure. Admittedly he said it as the last option: thanks, but no thanks, friends, fwb, or continue on.

 

Initially when we discussed things we both said were ultimately looking for long-term/marriage ultimately. Someone that adds to our life, etc. I wanted to make sure this conversation had moved me out of the potential category to the “eh I’d have sex with her, but don’t see her as long term material” category.

[akrngrl]

Ok perhaps it's a wake up call not to box yourself in so tightly into rigid checklists and excess dating profile screening. It may signal that being more like this guy and more open mined may help you find Mr. Right without all the checklists and defenses.

 

Also allowing dating to happen and evolve more naturally without the "wasting my time" angst on the first few dates before you even know someone. Perhaps the revelation is also that you are in dating burnout and just want some expedient way to rule out one after the next..

 

That’s a good point. I like to think I’d be fine never having kids, though other posters have brought up regretting it eventually. I’m fairly certain if I don’t delve into the inner workings of “why” it’s always been my go-to answer I wouldn’t regret it-I don’t remember myself any other way aside from one my earliest relationships where I thought the guy would make a good father.

 

Dating burnout is an interesting thought too. Like I said someone in this post I tend to lean toward the extremes about myself. Perhaps it’s due to past interactions, but I’m quirky in how I approach things and what I enjoy/enjoy putting my time into. So I lay it out there kind of like a “this is me take it or leave it” if someone is on board awesome-if we end up hitting it off there’s eventually room for wiggle in my rigidity and more often than not it’s a happy surprise to them.

 

I feel like I’ve always taken in bits of my surroundings and the people I’m around and mirrored it. That can be both good and bad. If left on my own I’d be perfectly happy with my hobbies that I personally love, entertaining myself. If I have a friend/date that loves something totally out of what I would ever see myself doing, eventually I’m like “yeah okay that could be cool”. I guess it’s a middle ground of doing something for the other person and also needing that push to try something new. I’m not looking for someone to get me out there to try new things, but it kind of just happens naturally over time.

[akrngrl]

Let me tell you a little story. When i was in my early 20s, i did not want children. I wasn't thinking about my whole life, but i was not interested in a guy who wanted to marry me, who was eager for kids. i just wanted to go on a first date or second date. Instead of meeting a young man in his early to mid 20s who was in school or trade school, was traveling and wasn't a BIG no on kids but just wasn't at that stage in his life to settle down and it wasn't on his radar, i met a man who was older who was adamant on the no kids thing. It was somewhat of a relief that he didn't because i was meeting guys who were looking for a wife. I was nowhere near ready for that --- i had barely even went on coffee dates. It ended up disasterous when i started to get to be 29, 30, and really regretted being with someone who was adamantly in the "no kid" zone.

 

I say if you haven't made a major decision about kids i would not put down NO KIDS on your profile but "ask me later" or "unsure" or just don't answer and pay attention to what the guys say. That way you attract young men who aren't really ready to make the commitment of marriage/having kids yet but are open to seeing how life goes. You will not get responses from guys who say "i want 12 kids right now" but yet you will also weed out 40 year old men with daddy/mommy abandonment anger issues or someone who has had a vasectomy.

 

As far as what the guy said -- in some ways its odd - but in some ways -- maybe he wasn't thinking about having kids right now and bounced the idea off a close guy friend "hey, i just met this woman and i clicked with her, but what i am worried about is that she does not want to have kids. i don't want to RIGHT NOW -- but can i promise i won't eventually want them?" And hence what he told you.

 

Maybe he is looking at the future and is not looking at having kids right now - but doesn't want the door slammed at this early in his life, either --- you know?

 

Also numerous people have asked “why no kids?” And I either answer shortly or tell them it’s none of their business.

if you are confident in your decision, you should not be so defensive about it if you are solid about it. its one thing to be a nosey neighbor...

 

But i do think someone who you potential date has the right to ask. The response of "i don't want them because i can't -- i had a hysterectomy" "i have a medical issue that makes it dangerous" is a lot different than "i hate kids" or "i had a tough upbringing and don't think i can parent". It provides insight. Just like asking someone who WANTS kids "are you open t adoption?" "do you want 12 kids?" to see if you are compatible.

 

Thank you! That makes a lot of sense. He’s definitely told me he’s a future planner and he gets carried away in the fantasy of “what could be”, but he doesn’t need to act on it or acknowledge it. I think that’s where the kid probe came from more than anything else.

 

Oh for sure, I suppose I haven’t answered them all snarky. Granted some people just start the dating message of “why no kids?” To which I don’t feel like they deserve an explanation. I did have someone once tell me though that I had met and been on dates with that “I was selfish for not wanting children.” Which sure, selfishness is a big part of it, but also we’d been out twice and the tone of his voice said it all. So I admit I got on my soapbox there.

 

Then I get semi okay conversations with dates and I can ask “why do you want kids?” It’s usually some superficial, but valid statement and if I probe about feeding/lack of sleep/sickness etc they’ve out and out said “that’s what the mom is for”. It’s clear they just want the fun, glorified version of parenting. Do all the cool stuff and then hand them off when things get tough.

[Batya33]

Thank you! That makes a lot of sense. He’s definitely told me he’s a future planner and he gets carried away in the fantasy of “what could be”, but he doesn’t need to act on it or acknowledge it. I think that’s where the kid probe came from more than anything else.

 

Oh for sure, I suppose I haven’t answered them all snarky. Granted some people just start the dating message of “why no kids?” To which I don’t feel like they deserve an explanation. I did have someone once tell me though that I had met and been on dates with that “I was selfish for not wanting children.” Which sure, selfishness is a big part of it, but also we’d been out twice and the tone of his voice said it all. So I admit I got on my soapbox there.

 

Then I get semi okay conversations with dates and I can ask “why do you want kids?” It’s usually some superficial, but valid statement and if I probe about feeding/lack of sleep/sickness etc they’ve out and out said “that’s what the mom is for”. It’s clear they just want the fun, glorified version of parenting. Do all the cool stuff and then hand them off when things get tough.

 

I never asked the men who weren't sure about having kids or didn't want them why, unless we were good friends and the topic came up naturally. I think the "that's what the mom is for' most likely was meant sarcastically. As a parent I'm often a target of rather personal questions from strangers including why I have an only child. So I'm used to it. I think if you're asked just say "oh a number of reasons and it's kind of personal so if we got to know each other better I'm sure it would come up".

 

I didn't go on a date with anyone who didn't 100% want kids and if for some reason I didn't know whether he did I found out ASAP. It wasn't about a probe it was about not wasting the other person's time.

 

I'm also not sure why you would ask a person who wants kids whether the lack of sleep etc affects t hat. Would you ask someone whose passion it is to be a firefighter "what about the issue of having to go into a burning building?". Sure, if a 10 year old says he wants a child it might be fun to bring that up but presume that adults know about those sacrifices.

[akrngrl]

I never asked the men who weren't sure about having kids or didn't want them why, unless we were good friends and the topic came up naturally. I think the "that's what the mom is for' most likely was meant sarcastically. As a parent I'm often a target of rather personal questions from strangers including why I have an only child. So I'm used to it. I think if you're asked just say "oh a number of reasons and it's kind of personal so if we got to know each other better I'm sure it would come up".

 

I didn't go on a date with anyone who didn't 100% want kids and if for some reason I didn't know whether he did I found out ASAP. It wasn't about a probe it was about not wasting the other person's time.

 

I'm also not sure why you would ask a person who wants kids whether the lack of sleep etc affects t hat. Would you ask someone whose passion it is to be a firefighter "what about the issue of having to go into a burning building?". Sure, if a 10 year old says he wants a child it might be fun to bring that up but presume that adults know about those sacrifices.

 

I suppose I should have worded it better. When I do get into conversations with people about kids, it’s not a rapid fire 20 questions. All of these men were/are uncles or have best friends with kids and it’s kind of like “yeah I want kids...so and so has them and they’re awesome to play with. I just hand them back when they start crying/need to be changed (etc). I hate crying/I don’t deal with the gross parts of kids.” Sure other peoples kids, but when I lightly ask about their “own” that’s when they come out with “oh no. That’s what the mom is for, I’m there for the fun stuff.” Or something to that extent. Sure they could be joking I suppose, but I take things at face value early on and since kids isn’t big on my radar I just kindly exit stage left.

[Batya33]

I suppose I should have worded it better. When I do get into conversations with people about kids, it’s not a rapid fire 20 questions. All of these men were/are uncles or have best friends with kids and it’s kind of like “yeah I want kids...so and so has them and they’re awesome to play with. I just hand them back when they start crying/need to be changed (etc). I hate crying/I don’t deal with the gross parts of kids.” Sure other peoples kids, but when I lightly ask about their “own” that’s when they come out with “oh no. That’s what the mom is for, I’m there for the fun stuff.” Or something to that extent. Sure they could be joking I suppose, but I take things at face value early on and since kids isn’t big on my radar I just kindly exit stage left.

 

Well the things you say that trigger that response aren't so thoughtful - referring to it as "gross parts" when it's not your child - or when the person you are speaking to wants children and sees them as individual people - it's not the best idea. Would you say that about someone's mother who was ill in the hospital "that's great that you take care of her - but I couldn't deal with the gross parts when she needs help going to the bathroom so I'd hire someone to do that gross stuff". Maybe to you crying is the "gross part" while to others who love kids it's not the optimal situation but it's part of the package and being supportive of a person who is crying isn't gross- it can feel like you're helping, it can feel rewarding. Same with diaper changes and cleaning up snot, picking up endless cheerios - it's grunt work for sure at times especially when you're exhausted or have a work deadline or would rather be posting on ENA but it also makes a parent feel needed - just like it makes a person feel needed when it's another person whether that person is 3, 30 or 83 years old.

 

Certainly if you marry someone you do that for better or worse and well you know the Man Cold can turn an adult man into a 2 year old LOL - so if you have a general attitude of avoiding the gross parts definitely don't have kids because by your definition there are more gross parts but consider what you;ll do if your spouse gets sick. I remember what my spouse had to do when our son was 12 days old and I woke up from a nap with stroke symptoms. What if he'd found it gross to deal with me like that?

[akrngrl]

Well the things you say that trigger that response aren't so thoughtful - referring to it as "gross parts" when it's not your child - or when the person you are speaking to wants children and sees them as individual people - it's not the best idea. Would you say that about someone's mother who was ill in the hospital "that's great that you take care of her - but I couldn't deal with the gross parts when she needs help going to the bathroom so I'd hire someone to do that gross stuff". Maybe to you crying is the "gross part" while to others who love kids it's not the optimal situation but it's part of the package and being supportive of a person who is crying isn't gross- it can feel like you're helping, it can feel rewarding. Same with diaper changes and cleaning up snot, picking up endless cheerios - it's grunt work for sure at times especially when you're exhausted or have a work deadline or would rather be posting on ENA but it also makes a parent feel needed - just like it makes a person feel needed when it's another person whether that person is 3, 30 or 83 years old.

 

Certainly if you marry someone you do that for better or worse and well you know the Man Cold can turn an adult man into a 2 year old LOL - so if you have a general attitude of avoiding the gross parts definitely don't have kids because by your definition there are more gross parts but consider what you;ll do if your spouse gets sick. I remember what my spouse had to do when our son was 12 days old and I woke up from a nap with stroke symptoms. What if he'd found it gross to deal with me like that?

 

Oh, I hope you don’t think I referred to it as the gross parts, that’s what they have said.

[boltnrun]

Sadly, I do know fathers who refuse to change diapers, clean up barf or get the child to sleep.

 

True story...a friend of mine was playing in a softball league (her only "outside" activity), so she left her toddler with her husband. The toddler pooped his diaper so the husband loaded the toddler into the car and drove to the ball field to have the wife change him. Then he accused the wife of "leaving on purpose" because she "knew" the toddler would poop while she was out. This guy only started spending time with his boys when they were old enough to feed themselves and take themselves to the bathroom. Up to that point it was all their mother.

 

I wouldn't procreate with a guy like that, but then who really knows until the babies are there? And then again, some women are fine with doing all the messy work and don't ask the fathers for any help.

 

I certainly can understand why you'd kind of want to "vet" a man before choosing whether or not to procreate with him!

 

For the record, I have married friends who have chosen not to have children. No other reason than they don't want kids! Plain and simple and perfectly within their rights.

[akrngrl]

Sadly, I do know fathers who refuse to change diapers, clean up barf or get the child to sleep.

 

True story...a friend of mine was playing in a softball league (her only "outside" activity), so she left her toddler with her husband. The toddler pooped his diaper so the husband loaded the toddler into the car and drove to the ball field to have the wife change him. Then he accused the wife of "leaving on purpose" because she "knew" the toddler would poop while she was out. This guy only started spending time with his boys when they were old enough to feed themselves and take themselves to the bathroom. Up to that point it was all their mother.

 

I wouldn't procreate with a guy like that, but then who really knows until the babies are there? And then again, some women are fine with doing all the messy work and don't ask the fathers for any help.

 

I certainly can understand why you'd kind of want to "vet" a man before choosing whether or not to procreate with him!

 

For the record, I have married friends who have chosen not to have children. No other reason than they don't want kids! Plain and simple and perfectly within their rights.

 

Ughhh that poor woman! I get if the agreement is the Mom wants to or is willing to take on the brunt of the baby work, but for men to just expect it drives me up a wall for some reason.

 

I think I’m probably more in the boat of not wanting children unless the man is the bees knees. Ideally you wouldn’t marry anyone that you didn’t find to be the bees knees, but stranger things have happened I suppose.

 

I suppose it’s good because it still makes me kind of want to delve into the reasons I don’t want kids so at the very least I can answer with “they’re not for me” and be absolutely sure why.

[Batya33]

Ughhh that poor woman! I get if the agreement is the Mom wants to or is willing to take on the brunt of the baby work, but for men to just expect it drives me up a wall for some reason.

 

I think I’m probably more in the boat of not wanting children unless the man is the bees knees. Ideally you wouldn’t marry anyone that you didn’t find to be the bees knees, but stranger things have happened I suppose.

 

I suppose it’s good because it still makes me kind of want to delve into the reasons I don’t want kids so at the very least I can answer with “they’re not for me” and be absolutely sure why.

 

Always good to know why you feel the way you do about major life decisions. I'd avoid going down the gender stereotyping/cynical path. I also think with all work like that it doesn't need to be equal, just fair - the couple figures out which tasks they like/do best at rather than assuming it should all be split down the middle. My husband changed diapers but had to do a little fun commercial for desitin (the diaper rash cream) each time just to make it more fun "it's smooth, it's creamy....ahhhhhh"