Should I buy this ring for myself?

[Starlight925]

As many know, I ended a 1.5 year relationship several months ago. I'm over the relationship, but I'm not over the ring that I had found that I wanted to wear as an engagement ring. It's a gorgeous stone, not a diamond, and not nearly as expensive. I absolutely fell in love with this particular stone, and I saved many different styles of it, and of course, big brother being who he is (lol), ads keep popping up on my pages.

 

I've found a very similar ring of the same stone, and I can't keep my eyes off of it. It's not an engagement ring but rather a cocktail ring type style. I would wear it on a different finger, and it's just so beautiful. I even tried it on yesterday. If it was only, say, $50, I'd just get it, but it's enough more that it requires more thought.

 

This has nothing to do with my recent relationship, as I'm completely done with that. As I've written, he attempted to come back a few weeks ago, and I gave him a flat "no", with no regrets. This has to do with this gorgeous stone that I didn't even know existed until now.

 

I even had a dream last night that we got back together, and that he pulled more of his same nonsense, and I was so disgusted in the dream that I broke up with him all over again, lol. I woke up, and I was like, whew, so glad that wasn't real life.

 

It would sort of be a "love" present to myself.

 

Is this stupid, or should I do it?

[Batya33]

I would do it if you can afford it and that is your decision to make. I splurged once on a purse I fell in love with that was outrageously expensive and ended up being glad I did. I also needed encouragement from friends. And with a surprise bonus at work many years ago I bought myself beautiful earrings which I still wear on occasion over 15 years later. Sounds gorgeous and you deserve it!

[Seraphim]

Sure! Why not? Presents to ourselves are necessary in life .

[Starlight925]

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

If I'm being completely honest, I'm stealing this idea from a friend. She's terrific, has a great outlook on life, gorgeous, but never married. She recently splurged on something that she had been eyeing for years, and she decided to do it for herself. While my ring is a completely different item than what she purchased, it's along the same lines: a present to myself.

 

I, too, bought myself a very expensive designer handbag a few years ago, when I turned 50 (I'm turning 56 soon, so more than a few years lol). I still use, and love, that bag. This ring is along the same cost. Maybe I'll do it for myself as my birthday present in March.

[reinventmyself]

As long as you don't associate negative things with it

 

If not, buy it. You deserve it.

[Starlight925]

As long as you don't associate negative things with it

 

Thank you, I think that's my only concern. I don't want to ever look at it and think any negative thoughts, as I only ever "discovered" this stone when I went looking through affordable engagement rings. But I needed to hear this.

 

I'm going to sleep on it a bit.

 

I'm also thinking of buying it for myself as a "reward", like, I really need to lose 10 lbs. and get back into my workout routine. Say, if I stay on my workout plan and lose x amount, buy it for myself, or something like that.

[mustlovedogs]

I don’t mean any offense, but this ring very clearly has everything to do with your ex. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be talking about him. It’s ok if the ring is your fresh start/self love/get over this guy ring, but don’t lie to yourself about it.

 

I bought a ~$120 Swarovski ring for myself when I was in Austria. It was on the heels of my heartbreak and it had everything to do with my ex. Fresh start, independence, self love. That’s ok. Just don’t lie to yourself about it.

[MissCanuck]

I don’t mean any offense, but this ring very clearly has everything to do with your ex. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be talking about him. It’s ok if the ring is your fresh start/self love/get over this guy ring, but don’t lie to yourself about it.

 

I bought a ~$120 Swarovski ring for myself when I was in Austria. It was on the heels of my heartbreak and it had everything to do with my ex. Fresh start, independence, self love. That’s ok. Just don’t lie to yourself about it.

 

That's the impression I got reading the post, too.

 

OP, I don't think I would buy a ring like this. You're already associating it with the ex, from my point of view. I don't mean that you wish you were still with him, but it obviously is tangled up in the thought process of emotionally separating yourself from him and the past. I am not sure you won't be reminded of him and the relationship that didn't work every time you look at it.

[Starlight925]

Right, thanks, I appreciate that. I guess that's why I asked. Am I going to buy it, love it for a week, and then kick myself for buying it?

 

Which is why I'm going to give it until my birthday in a couple of months.

 

The only reason (intellectually) that right now, it's associated with him is that it's a stone I found while looking at engagement rings. Other than that, it has no tie to him. He has no idea that this stone/ring even exists, as we never discussed it, or got to that detail.

But I don't ever want to look at it and think about him, positive or negative.

 

A few weeks of sleeps should help me decide.

 

Thanks for all your thoughts; it's exactly what I was looking for.

[abitbroken]

I would not buy myself an engagement ring (not all engagement rings have diamonds). Its like breaking an engagement and then throwing a party for yourself and wear a white dress and eat cake because you "really wanted a wedding". if you say its not, i would still wait a little while if its a major investment. See how you feel in 6 months. I know it may seem like a soothing balm right now, but in 3-6 months you might look back and feel it was a frivolous purchase or it may always remind you that you saw the stone while you were engagement ring shopping.

[reinventmyself]

I took my wedding ring to a jeweler and sold it. In turn bought myself a platinum diamond band that I wear on my right middle finger.

It's significant to me after all I went thru. My best friend was with me and joked that the middle finger was fitting. Sort of an F* you to my ex kinda moment

[JaggerJim]

This sounds like the episode in Beverly Hills 9020, when Kelly rushed to buy back the engagement ring that Brandon gave to her. Remember, she wore it around her neck until someone said to hide it in her closet to get over Brandon. She bought it to remind her of him, which is really what your doing too!

 

You should wait until your really are over this guy and then go back and buy it if you still want too.

[Starlight925]

I would not buy myself an engagement ring (not all engagement rings have diamonds). Its like breaking an engagement and then throwing a party for yourself and wear a white dress and eat cake because you "really wanted a wedding". if you say its not, i would still wait a little while if its a major investment. See how you feel in 6 months. I know it may seem like a soothing balm right now, but in 3-6 months you might look back and feel it was a frivolous purchase or it may always remind you that you saw the stone while you were engagement ring shopping.

 

This isn't an engagement ring, it's a cocktail ring with the same type of stone. Actually a famous designer ring that I'd never wear for an engagement.

 

But, I see what you're saying about reminding me of the stone I saw while engagement ring shopping.

 

The only thing about it that has ties to him is that it's something I discovered while I was ring shopping.

 

Something I like to do, when I look back on relationships, is think about what I took from the relationship, in a positive way. Examples from past relationships, and yes, I think of these people sometimes when these things come up:

--Certain music, or bands, that I only learned about though an ex

--Certain restaurants, or places, that I only learned about through an ex

 

This ring is just something I find beautiful, but he doesn't even know about it. It's something, had I found it myself, I'd still be eyeing.

 

But, I'm taking all of your advice and comments into consideration, and no, I don't want to look back on it post-purchase and have regrets!

[Starlight925]

I took my wedding ring to a jeweler and sold it. In turn bought myself a platinum diamond band that I wear on my right middle finger.

It's significant to me after all I went thru. My best friend was with me and joked that the middle finger was fitting. Sort of an F* you to my ex kinda moment

 

LO, I love this. I'd be wearing this ring on my middle finger too! Not meant as an f-you to him, that's just wear I wear rings like this. But fitting!

 

My ex-husband, who it turned out, was cheating on me (found out afterwards), bought me a really expensive ring. Guess what I did with that ring....I sold it and used it as a down payment in my current home. I bought this home 14 years ago, and to this day, I thank him for his help.

[Starlight925]

Also, guys, one more thing I've never shared on this board: I've had 5 engagement rings in my life. I've been married 3 times, and engaged 2 others. The 5th time I got engaged, I actually insisted he buy a fake inexpensive ring, well, because, lol.

 

So I don't have the "engagement rings are so special" thing going on anymore.

 

People who know me make jokes at my expense, and I laugh along with them. I tell them I made an "engagement ring necklace", lol. Or that I get a bulk discount at the jewelry stores. I laugh right along with them because, well....it is kinda funny.

 

Someone I hadn't seen in a long time just asked me the other day if I was "engaged again yet". I'm known as the girl who's always getting engaged.

[journeynow]

Yes, buy it for yourself as a sign of your commitment to yourself. Do what you love in life, what supports you and encourages you.

[Starlight925]

Yes, buy it for yourself as a sign of your commitment to yourself. Do what you love in life, what supports you and encourages you.

 

Thank you, this is exactly why I want to buy it! Plus it's so gorgeous I can't stop looking at it.

 

But I'm going to take all comments in this thread to heart.

 

You are all being honest, which is what I asked for, so I thank you all!

[journeynow]

I don’t mean any offense, but this ring very clearly has everything to do with your ex. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be talking about him. It’s ok if the ring is your fresh start/self love/get over this guy ring, but don’t lie to yourself about it.

 

Hmm, I didn't read it that way. Break-ups can trigger changes where we make new choices for ourselves. Exploring rings opened the door to this one, which she clearly likes, boyfriend or not. She can give it any meaning she chooses, such as her freedom to say no to someone who is not right for her, and yes to what moves her.

[Seraphim]

Hahaha, well it’s better than what my mom did with the engagement ring she got from my dad which was throw it in the lake. But she was 21 acting like a 21-year-old . ( they got separated at 21).

My mom has been married three times and engaged two other times as well . But she doesn’t have any of the rings anymore except the one from her current husband .

[Starlight925]

she doesn’t have any of the rings anymore except the one from her current husband .

 

I don't have any of the rings anymore either. The "ring necklace" is a joke.

 

I actually gave all of them back, except the one I used for this house. He was the only one who cheated and was terrible.

3 rings were actually stones that had been in their families for generations, so I gave all of those back. The fake ring was very inexpensive, and he didn't want it back, so I believe I gave it away to someone who loved it (but I don't remember).

 

My first husband was so pleased that I returned his mother's ring (of course I never intended to keep it), that he bought me a ruby & diamond cocktail ring (that he asked me to pick out) as a thank you. I wore that ring for many years, thinking of him fondly. I never attached any other significance to that ring, which is how I believe I'll feel with this new ring.

[Seraphim]

That is good!

[itsallgrand]

No one has asked to see the ring yet?! I want to see a pic!!!!

 

I think you should get it if you can afford it.

[itsallgrand]

I recently bought myself a pair of expensive, high quality leather shoes. It was a big debate back and forth in my mind. I could easily afford them, but I'm not used to buying things like that for myself. I tend towards frugal, trying to hit sales and being careful with money. So though someone else may have thought little about it, it was a big deal to me to buy those shoes. They are exactly my style, and will last for years. Absolutely love them. Most of the 'nicer' things I own were gifts given by someone else. This was a gift from me to me, and it did mean something to me personally. The bf offered to buy them for me, seeing me return to them and how much I wanted them, but it was important I buy them. It was symbolic in a way.

[annie24]

Also, guys, one more thing I've never shared on this board: I've had 5 engagement rings in my life. I've been married 3 times, and engaged 2 others. The 5th time I got engaged, I actually insisted he buy a fake inexpensive ring, well, because, lol.

 

So I don't have the "engagement rings are so special" thing going on anymore.

 

People who know me make jokes at my expense, and I laugh along with them. I tell them I made an "engagement ring necklace", lol. Or that I get a bulk discount at the jewelry stores. I laugh right along with them because, well....it is kinda funny.

 

Someone I hadn't seen in a long time just asked me the other day if I was "engaged again yet". I'm known as the girl who's always getting engaged.

 

Lol, you are so good at this!! You need to call me and tell me your secret, haha!!

 

I think the idea of buying it as a birthday present to yourself sounds nice.

[annie24]

I recently bought myself a pair of expensive, high quality leather shoes. It was a big debate back and forth in my mind. I could easily afford them, but I'm not used to buying things like that for myself. I tend towards frugal, trying to hit sales and being careful with money. So though someone else may have thought little about it, it was a big deal to me to buy those shoes. They are exactly my style, and will last for years. Absolutely love them. Most of the 'nicer' things I own were gifts given by someone else. This was a gift from me to me, and it did mean something to me personally. The bf offered to buy them for me, seeing me return to them and how much I wanted them, but it was important I buy them. It was symbolic in a way.

 

IMHO, wearing high quality shoes is important. After breaking my ankle while wearing cheap shoes, I wouldn't go cheap again. (I can't be sure that a different pair of shoes wouldn't have resulted in a break, but maybe it wouldn't have been as bad.) Sorry, off topic!!