Should I confront GF about deleting social media search history?

[KW7]

I think I might be somewhat irrational with my thinking (and trust issues) here, however I think it would be good to get more perspective from others.

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We have a great relationship and I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

We sit together quite a lot when relaxing, and yesterday as I came to sit down after making a drink I noticed her clearing her search history on her Twitter application on her phone. It isn't the first time I have seen her do this before, and it has made me think why she would need to do it if she had nothing to hide from me? It's not just Twitter either, I have seen her do this on Instagram before too, and for some reason I can only think it is to hide what she has been looking at from me in case I see it.

 

I know a lot of people these days 'stalk' and look at others on social media these days, I just don't see why there would be need to delete search history really. I was going to mention it when I seen it, but I held back and wondered if it would be the right thing to do? To be honest, I've seen my GF looking at hot celebrities before on Instagram and the thought of her fantasising about them etc makes me a little insecure.

 

I've posted about this before and the general feedback is 'she won't run off with them' and 'don't worry about it'. I do get that, however I am having a real hard time stopping myself from thinking about it. It has made me lose a little bit of respect and trust for her, and I have started acting a little differently around her. I don't know why, but the thought of the woman you love looking and thinking about someone else really turns me off. I want to be more relaxed about it, and I just can't for some reason.

 

I do think I may be acting a little irrationally, i would just like some advice on how to deal with this or whether I should just leave it and try to move on?

[Seraphim]

Maybe it is time to be single until you can figure out why you are insecure?

[Starlight925]

Yes, I think it's odd of her to clear her search history all the time. That almost definitely means she's looking up people that she doesn't want you to know about.

 

I've written here a ton about my dishonest ex, and I never snooped, but now I wish I had. He always deleted his search history. It wasn't until the week before I finally left him that he accidentally mentioned someone he used to date and always held a torch for, and something new in her life. I realized the only way he knew this was that he was SM stalking her. I finally said goodbye.

[KW7]

Maybe it is time to be single until you can figure out why you are insecure?

 

I don't want to split up with her, we have an amazing relationship and I wouldn't want to lose that. I'm just wondering if it is worth me confronting her regarding the SM stuff and whether it should be something I should be worrying about?

 

I do think this is causing me to be insecure though, I just don't know whether my behaviour is normal and whether I should be worried. Naturally, my gut is telling me it isn't right, but at the same time I'm not sure if she is doing anything wrong.

 

I have 'snooped' before, something which I regret massively. I found she had been searching a couple of particular celebrities after watching TV shows / sports events, and she did mention that it was harmless. I do get that you go can't go through a lifetime in your relationship without finding someone else attractive, I personally find it disrespectful that the extra steps of looking them up, searching for images etc which is a big turn off. That is what makes me insecure.

[KW7]

Yes, I think it's odd of her to clear her search history all the time. That almost definitely means she's looking up people that she doesn't want you to know about.

 

 

See that's the thing, I know she would never cheat on me. She has said she has looked up ex's before just to see where they are in life now, which doesn't bother me one bit. Mentally, the thought of her hiding something from me is what is making me wonder why she would need to do this?

[Starlight925]

I have 'snooped' before, something which I regret massively. I found she had been searching a couple of particular celebrities after watching TV shows / sports events, and she did mention that it was harmless. I do get that you go can't go through a lifetime in your relationship without finding someone else attractive, I personally find it disrespectful that the extra steps of looking them up, searching for images etc which is a big turn off. That is what makes me insecure.

 

I don't think you're insecure. I think you are wondering something simple: why is she hiding something, if there is nothing to hide?

[KW7]

I don't think you're insecure. I think you are wondering something simple: why is she hiding something, if there is nothing to hide?

 

Those are my thoughts exactly, I am just wondering if it is worth bringing up without trying to sound controlling or nosey? I literally seen it happen a couple of times and would just like to know why she does this without possibly ending the relationship or pushing her away.

 

I know deep down that she still hasn't forgiven me for snooping on her phone a while ago, and me asking this could bring all of that up again. I'm just wondering whether this is worth bringing up, or whether I should try to forget about it.

[Starlight925]

It's very touchy. The one time you said you did look, she was only looking up celebrities which is, indeed, harmless. I do that too, and I can assure you, it has nothing to do with attraction, but rather about their character in the show, or their life, etc. Kind of like reading People or US Magazine and getting a glimpse into someone's life.

 

Is it possible that she deletes it because she knows it upsets you? She knows that it makes you uncomfortable that she views a certain male celebrity's twitter, so she deletes it?

 

It could be that simple, and trust me, that is no big deal at all.

 

I say, leave this alone for now, if all else in your relationship is good. Give yourself a time frame, maybe 3 months, and then think about it again.

 

If you had seen ex-boyfriends in her search history, or random guys you didn't know, my advice would be much different.

[tattoobunnie]

I look up exes regularly just to see how lame they are, and I delete my search history all the time, so my husband doesn't get upset (like you have gotten), like he's not enough. Really, I'm just curious. Zero interest in getting back together with an ex or a celebrity. If you find you are insecure, time to give back to the world - find other things to focus on. If you want a great relationship, invest more into it. Take some time to get out of your head and volunteer. It's cold out; do a clothing drive. Step out of this problem, cuz I guarantee most of it is your tiny voice in your head telling you, you aren't good enough, and need to self-sabotage a good thing.

[Seraphim]

I don’t think she is walking away with George Clooney or Jude Law. If you find someone who looks up celebs off putting you are going to have a seriously hard search for a partner who meets your standards. But if they are your standards break up and find a woman who finds absolutely no celebrity worth looking pics of.

[Wiseman2]

Ok what about everyday when you are not around. What if she notices this or that guy just as you notice attractive girls? Maybe she doesn't want you continuing to stress about her looking up guys mentioned through celebrity gossip posts. It seems you are magnifying a lot of teen-crush type stuff in your head as if it has cryptic negative meaning in the relationship.

[KW7]

Ok what about everyday when you are not around. What if she notices this or that guy just as you notice attractive girls? Maybe she doesn't want you continuing to stress about her looking up guys mentioned through celebrity gossip posts. It seems you are magnifying a lot of teen-crush type stuff in your head as if it has cryptic negative meaning in the relationship.

 

I think you have a good point here. I do tend to over think a lot about this kind of thing. My insecurity does get the better of me. It goes in cycles though, I have moments like I am now, then everything is fine for a while... then all of a sudden something like this pops up and it all starts again.

[Starlight925]

Are you jealous/envious of celebrities that she thinks are attractive? Do you think that's why she looks them up? When you snooped, was it all male celebrities, or were there females in there too? If there were females too, then I think it's just a bit of celebrity/gossip searching.

 

If it's only males, then sure, she may be looking because she's attracted, but then again, that's not a big deal. As someone else said, it's not like she's going to run off with George Clooney. I've always had the biggest crush on John Cusack (and now, his lookalike younger could-be brother Miles Teller), but I haven't heard him knock on my door lately. So any guy I date would be safe.

[Pleasedonot5]

Why do celebrities make you insecure? Matter of fact, why would her thinking a random / friend is attractive make you insecure? You have a solid relationship with the girl, and she's with you. She might be deleting her history because you have snooped in the past. I'd delete it too if my partner were snooping.

 

It's not like she's bringing John Stamos or Ryan Reynolds home. Or even Joe down the street. They're just attractive men and she has the right to look, not touch.

[Hollyj]

I don't want to split up with her, we have an amazing relationship and I wouldn't want to lose that. I'm just wondering if it is worth me confronting her regarding the SM stuff and whether it should be something I should be worrying about?

 

I do think this is causing me to be insecure though, I just don't know whether my behaviour is normal and whether I should be worried. Naturally, my gut is telling me it isn't right, but at the same time I'm not sure if she is doing anything wrong.

 

I have 'snooped' before, something which I regret massively. I found she had been searching a couple of particular celebrities after watching TV shows / sports events, and she did mention that it was harmless. I do get that you go can't go through a lifetime in your relationship without finding someone else attractive, I personally find it disrespectful that the extra steps of looking them up, searching for images etc which is a big turn off. That is what makes me insecure.

 

Really! You are insecure about her looking up celebrities . Yikes! I don't think you are in any place to be in a relationship, due to your insecurities. Have you sought therapy?

[abitbroken]

I think I might be somewhat irrational with my thinking (and trust issues) here, however I think it would be good to get more perspective from others.

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We have a great relationship and I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

We sit together quite a lot when relaxing, and yesterday as I came to sit down after making a drink I noticed her clearing her search history on her Twitter application on her phone. It isn't the first time I have seen her do this before, and it has made me think why she would need to do it if she had nothing to hide from me? It's not just Twitter either, I have seen her do this on Instagram before too, and for some reason I can only think it is to hide what she has been looking at from me in case I see it.

 

I know a lot of people these days 'stalk' and look at others on social media these days, I just don't see why there would be need to delete search history really. I was going to mention it when I seen it, but I held back and wondered if it would be the right thing to do? To be honest, I've seen my GF looking at hot celebrities before on Instagram and the thought of her fantasising about them etc makes me a little insecure.

 

I've posted about this before and the general feedback is 'she won't run off with them' and 'don't worry about it'. I do get that, however I am having a real hard time stopping myself from thinking about it. It has made me lose a little bit of respect and trust for her, and I have started acting a little differently around her. I don't know why, but the thought of the woman you love looking and thinking about someone else really turns me off. I want to be more relaxed about it, and I just can't for some reason.

 

I do think I may be acting a little irrationally, i would just like some advice on how to deal with this or whether I should just leave it and try to move on?

 

You will lose your girlfriend if you don't knock it off. Its not like she is hiding that she is doing it. She is deleting it in front of you.

[KW7]

Are you jealous/envious of celebrities that she thinks are attractive? Do you think that's why she looks them up? When you snooped, was it all male celebrities, or were there females in there too? If there were females too, then I think it's just a bit of celebrity/gossip searching.

 

If it's only males, then sure, she may be looking because she's attracted, but then again, that's not a big deal. As someone else said, it's not like she's going to run off with George Clooney. I've always had the biggest crush on John Cusack (and now, his lookalike younger could-be brother Miles Teller), but I haven't heard him knock on my door lately. So any guy I date would be safe.

 

'Are you jealous/envious of celebrities that she thinks are attractive?' Yes for sure, I know she swoons over Anthony Joshua. Which for sure makes me feel insecure because of the obvious reasons (very good looking guy, muscley physique etc). I just feel inadequate to someone like him. I'm 6ft 4in and quite well built, I just automatically feel inferior to someone like that. When I said I snooped that time, I did notice she was searching him, and noticed she was on a particular forum... recently i looked on there and noticed a post with a comment by her saying he would be the one celebrity she would like to be 'stuck in a lift' with the most. Must admit, as soft as it sounds, it hurt me. I just regret looking so much now, I really do. I've invaded her privacy, something which I shouldn't have done.

 

'If it's only males, then sure, she may be looking because she's attracted' - These are my thoughts, I just wondering whether approaching her over this is worth doing, I think it may make me come across quite immature.

[KW7]

Really! You are insecure about her looking up celebrities . Yikes! I don't think you are in any place to be in a relationship, due to your insecurities. Have you sought therapy?

 

I think you could be right, I have had therapy before, I think I may need to get more.

[KW7]

You will lose your girlfriend if you don't knock it off. Its not like she is hiding that she is doing it. She is deleting it in front of you.

 

This is what I am afraid of, I don't want to lose my relationship, I just want this to not bother me like it does.

[KW7]

Ok what about everyday when you are not around. What if she notices this or that guy just as you notice attractive girls? Maybe she doesn't want you continuing to stress about her looking up guys mentioned through celebrity gossip posts. It seems you are magnifying a lot of teen-crush type stuff in your head as if it has cryptic negative meaning in the relationship.

 

Yes, this is exactly how I seem to be feeling. I know I shouldn't be stressing about this sort of thing, but why am I?

[Hollyj]

Yes, this is exactly how I seem to be feeling. I know I shouldn't be stressing about this sort of thing, but why am I?

 

We are not qualified to tell you that.

[IAmFCA]

Sounds like youb have forgotten to value yourself for your character attributes. She picked you for your personality and character, as well as for your physical attributes.

[Starlight925]

You know, if it's a particular celebrity she has a crush on, i.e. Anthony Joshua, I think you're safe, buddy. I mean, can you honestly sit here and say there is not a single female celebrity you'd undress if she walked into your living room?

 

Don't know if you're old enough, or remember, the "Friends" episode with Ross and his girlfriend, where they each got to put together a list of 5 celebrities that it would be ok to have sex with, if that celebrity ever came into their life. Into the coffee shop walked Isabella Rossellini, the beautiful Italian actress, and Ross walks up to her, because she's on his list! Of course, she thought he was nuts. Point is, it's ok to fantasize. It's healthy!

 

Who is on your list? Who are the female celebrities that you think are just drop-dead gorgeous? For my exBF, it was Jennifer Aniston. For my ex-husband, it was Penelope Cruz. You know what? We can all be insecure at times, and I can be the worst....but these women? Damn, I get it.

[KW7]

You know, if it's a particular celebrity she has a crush on, i.e. Anthony Joshua, I think you're safe, buddy. I mean, can you honestly sit here and say there is not a single female celebrity you'd undress if she walked into your living room?

 

Don't know if you're old enough, or remember, the "Friends" episode with Ross and his girlfriend, where they each got to put together a list of 5 celebrities that it would be ok to have sex with, if that celebrity ever came into their life. Into the coffee shop walked Isabella Rossellini, the beautiful Italian actress, and Ross walks up to her, because she's on his list! Of course, she thought he was nuts. Point is, it's ok to fantasize. It's healthy!

 

Who is on your list? Who are the female celebrities that you think are just drop-dead gorgeous? For my exBF, it was Jennifer Aniston. For my ex-husband, it was Penelope Cruz. You know what? We can all be insecure at times, and I can be the worst....but these women? Damn, I get it.

 

Thanks for your comment, that has opened my eyes quite a lot. I put my girlfriend on a pedestal to be honest, It's like i've had blinkers on since we have met and I haven't really had much attraction to anyone else. Yes, I've seen people in the street and thought they were good looking and so on... I just struggle to come to terms with my girlfriend liking someone else. I just need to get over it.

[Seraphim]

Thanks for your comment, that has opened my eyes quite a lot. I put my girlfriend on a pedestal to be honest, It's like i've had blinkers on since we have met and I haven't really had much attraction to anyone else. Yes, I've seen people in the street and thought they were good looking and so on... I just struggle to come to terms with my girlfriend liking someone else. I just need to get over it.

 

What you don’t understand is she doesn’t “ like” them. You can’t like what you don’t know . These people are FANTASY .