Finding me...

[milly007]

LOL re thumbs. Please don't assume he received it. Again, I've missed a number of texts -some important! And same has happened in reverse.

 

I know. But I highly doubt he didn't receive it, especially considering our pristine texting track record of 9 months lol (where there weren't any mix-ups).

[katrina1980]

 

I'll never know the real reason(s) I did not receive a response, and that's okay.

 

 

Yeah this^. We could speculate until hell freezes over, the only person who truly knows why he hasn't responded back is him.

 

Honestly, I don't think your text had anything to do with it. If he had felt that same connection in person that he did on line, he would have talked with you about it, just like all those other times you had a disagreement or misunderstanding.

 

He knows you, for nine months he had been interacting with you; he knows how open you are about addressing things that concern or trouble you; I highly doubt your text came as any big surprise to him.

 

So please don't think you could have changed the outcome of this, you couldn't.

 

I talk about closure a lot on this forum, and yes it would be so lovely if he were to tell you what the hell is going on with him.

 

However, that is not what he has chosen to do, sadly.

 

I dunno, he may (and probably will) turn up later at some point. I don't think you should expect it, but don't be surprised if he does.

 

He's done it before, so will most likely do it again.

 

If you block him, he can't, but it's up to you if you want to do that or not.

[reinventmyself]

I've done similar, not to this extent and my takeaway is this - You can playfully engage someone over text if it suites you. Heck, it's free entertainment. But I would find out fairly early on if their intention is to never really meet. They are out there. I've bumped into a fair amount of them. Problem with this is they really aren't going to come right out and tell you.

 

While the texting can be fun, if I know that their intention is only that, I'll pass on it. I may not have gone into it even wanting to meet them, but if I know that the option is never going to be on the table, then why bother?

 

I'd like to know that I might have that opportunity if the occasion fits. For you it did. Totally understandable.

 

You went into this, not considering an outcome and got somewhat invested and it doesn't sound like he ever was really interested in meeting. IMO He just wanted to enjoy the electronic exchange and when he realized he had to step it up or lose you, he put minimal effort into it just to keep it going. In the end it was too much for him. It suddenly got too real. That's why you got the mixed message.

 

I could be all wrong.

But, C'est la vie. Life's lessons. He doesn't sound like he deserves you anyway :)

[milly007]

Yeah this^. We could speculate until hell freezes over, the only person who truly knows why he hasn't responded back is him.

 

Honestly, I don't think your text had anything to do with it. If he had felt that same connection in person that he did on line, he would have talked with you about it, just like all those other times you had a disagreement or misunderstanding.

 

He knows you, for nine months he had been interacting with you; he knows how open you are about addressing things that concern or trouble you; I highly doubt your text came as any big surprise to him.

 

So please don't think you could have changed the outcome of this, you couldn't.

 

I talk about closure a lot on this forum, and yes it would be so lovely if he were to tell you what the hell is going on with him.

 

However, that is not what he has chosen to do, sadly.

 

I dunno, he may (and probably will) turn up later at some point. I don't think you should expect it, but don't be surprised if he does.

 

He's done it before, so will most likely do it again.

 

If you block him, he can't, but it's up to you if you want to do that or not.

 

Yeah, it's pointless. Will never really know.

 

Okay, thanks ladies!

[Batya33]

I've done similar, not to this extent and my takeaway is this - You can playfully engage someone over text if it suites you. Heck, it's free entertainment. But I would find out fairly early on if their intention is to never really meet. They are out there. I've bumped into a fair amount of them. Problem with this is they really aren't going to come right out and tell you.

 

While the texting can be fun, if I know that their intention is only that, I'll pass on it. I may not have gone into it wanting to meet them, but if I know that the option is never going to be on the table, then why bother? I'd like to know that I might have that opportunity if the occasion fits. For you it did. Understandable.

 

You went into this, not considering an outcome and got somewhat invested and it doesn't sound like he ever was really interested in meeting. IMO He just wanted to enjoy the electronic exchange and when he realized he had to step it up or lose you, he put minimal effort into it just to keep it going. In the end it was too much for him. It suddenly got too real. That's why you got the mixed message.

 

I could be all wrong.

But, C'est la vie. Life's lessons. He doesn't sound like he deserves you anyway :)

 

Yes, very well put, I agree!

[katrina1980]

 

But I would find out fairly early on if their intention is to never really meet.

 

I agree, but would anyone really admit to this? Just trying to be realistic here.

 

I mean ideally sure, you ask a direct question, you hope for a direct answer.

 

But what I have found is that if someone's goal is to have these sorts of on line interactions with various people, they'll simply find excuses (just like milly's guy did), rarely would they actually admit that they have no intention of meeting in person.

 

In their mind, there goes that chat buddy!

 

So they continue making excuses until the other person either gets fed up with the bs, or becomes bored or meets someone else who does want to meet them.

 

Anyway, again, just trying to be realistic.

 

But hey, if you've actually had men tell you that no they have no intention of meeting in person, then that's great!

 

I wish more folks could be that upfront and honest.

[milly007]

I've done similar, not to this extent and my takeaway is this - You can playfully engage someone over text if it suites you. Heck, it's free entertainment. But I would find out fairly early on if their intention is to never really meet. They are out there. I've bumped into a fair amount of them. Problem with this is they really aren't going to come right out and tell you.

 

While the texting can be fun, if I know that their intention is only that, I'll pass on it. I may not have gone into it even wanting to meet them, but if I know that the option is never going to be on the table, then why bother?

 

I'd like to know that I might have that opportunity if the occasion fits. For you it did. Totally understandable.

 

You went into this, not considering an outcome and got somewhat invested and it doesn't sound like he ever was really interested in meeting. IMO He just wanted to enjoy the electronic exchange and when he realized he had to step it up or lose you, he put minimal effort into it just to keep it going. In the end it was too much for him. It suddenly got too real. That's why you got the mixed message.

 

I could be all wrong.

But, C'est la vie. Life's lessons. He doesn't sound like he deserves you anyway :)

 

Aw, thank you, reinvent!

 

I think you just summed him up in a nutshell. I mean, this makes so much sense!

 

So maybe that's why he was snippy/angry, because he had to make the effort, come out from behind his phone, and put in the face time. Lol!

 

Or maybe, in my defense, I want to believe this because it makes me feel that this whole experience and the time invested, was not a completely fruitless venture (because maybe, just maaaaaybe he felt something for me, too).

 

A girl can hope.

[milly007]

And let me just say, I have never been ghosted before, ever (I know, Batya) :) maybe he didn’t receive the text, but like I said, I think it’s highly unlikely).

 

I have always received a response from men, and I always respond.

 

This is new...

 

(Edit - And when we first reconnected, I asked him why he was single and he said, “Well there are a lot of attractive women out there, but not many nice ones...”. )

 

He can just say ‘thanks but no thanks’. But he’s maybe afraid of how I’ll respond, who knows. Or a worried about a long text exchange, back and forth...which I wouldn’t do. I’d wish him well and move on.

 

But that’s neither here nor there anymore

[Batya33]

I think he had feelings - he felt attracted, he felt pleasure from texting, flirting, etc (or he wouldn't have texted) and based on his actions he is not interested in dating you at this time/not available to date. Both can be true of course!

 

I deleted all my speculation. I'd stop thinking of it as "ghosting" because that term is weighty these days - be a bit more weightless maybe since you say you want to move on -just some guy who chose for whatever reason under the sun not to respond to a text you sent, one out of all of them, if he received the text.

[milly007]

I think he had feelings - he felt attracted, he felt pleasure from texting, flirting, etc (or he wouldn't have texted) and based on his actions he is not interested in dating you at this time/not available to date. Both can be true of course!

 

I deleted all my speculation. I'd stop thinking of it as "ghosting" because that term is weighty these days - be a bit more weightless maybe since you say you want to move on -just some guy who chose for whatever reason under the sun not to respond to a text you sent, one out of all of them, if he received the text.

 

Thanks, B. I’m moving on. Chapter’s closed...

[milly007]

So, I'm thinking that I might not be in the best position to even be making (or trying to make) any sort of romantic connections right now. I mean, my feelings are apt to change, but I'm beginning to think (or maybe acknowledge how I've felt for a very long time) that my extreme unhappiness with my career is spilling over into relationships and potential relationships.

 

I've been working in law for a while, and I've never been happy. I wanted to pursue nursing when I was exploring career options back in high school, but my parents disapproved. I'm wishing I put my foot down back then, but I didn't (and really, who wants to disappoint their parents). So here I am, stuck in a career where I've never really been happy, and this unhappiness is affecting every aspect of my life. Also, I have no doubt that I'm struggling with depression and anxiety (which also surfaced during my first year of law school).

 

I have to make some major decisions in my life right now, because I really don't want to continue down this path. I thought it would get better in time, but it's only getting worse, much worse.

 

I have no doubt that, no matter how hard I try and hide it, the people I meet are probably picking up on some negative energy (and my lack of self confidence at the moment). That said, I'm probably going to put dating on the back burner, for now. If someone comes into my life, I'm willing to explore it. But I don't believe finding a relationship can be a priority for me at this point in time.

 

It's like I'm feeling potentially too lost to even have anything to give to another human being that's looking for something substantial, and I'm beginning to think I've been fooling myself by giving priority to things that shouldn't have received this much attention in the first place.

 

I was speaking with a good friend about this today, and the conversation we had was a real eye-opener.

 

I've always known that I was extremely unhappy with my career, but I didn't want to acknowledge those feelings and actually do something about it because of the time, money and effort it would take for me to actually make such a significant change in my life. Plus, I'm not in my 20's anymore, and the thought of starting over at this point in my life is something I have a hard time accepting.

 

But as my friend mentioned, we only live once, and if I don't want to continue down this dark path, I'll have to make some tough decisions and act on them.

 

From this point forward, I have to make myself a priority.

[reinventmyself]

What is stopping you? Can you pursue something different now while still working?

[milly007]

What is stopping you? Can you pursue something different now while still working?

 

Well, I first want to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life, so I'm currently exploring various career options and what I would have to do to get there.

 

I have some ideas in terms of what I'd want to do, but it would cost a fortune, and I have no idea how I could pull off my current demanding job and go to school.

 

So, right now, time & money are things I have to really explore, as well as where I would attend school if I did take this route (because I might have to move).

 

If I went back to school, I'd give up my current job, but would get something on the side (but nothing associated with my current career, because that would be almost impossible to keep up) to help keep me afloat financially.

[reinventmyself]

You are young and I doubt you can see yourself staying in your current situation indefinitely. So, it basically comes down taking that leap of faith and making something happen. Either now or later.

 

I get that it becomes more challenging when you are feeling down and not in a very good place emotionally. Life would be that much better if we waited for the perfect timing and we felt at our very best to make these types of changes. But this could be one of those moments that calls for pulling the trigger and doing it. You'll likely find that it's the very thing that turns you around emotionally.

 

Self esteem doesn't just land at your feet. It's often a by product of facing difficult challenges and conquering them. This may be the very thing you need to do.

[milly007]

You are young and I doubt you can see yourself staying in your current situation indefinitely. So, it basically comes down taking that leap of faith and making something happen.

 

I get that it becomes more challenging when you are feeling down and not in a very good place emotionally. Life would be that much better if we waited for the perfect timing and we felt at our very best to make these types of changes. But this could be one of those moments that calls for pulling the trigger and doing it. You'll likely find that it's the very thing that turns you around emotionally.

 

Self esteem doesn't just land at your feet. It's often a by product of facing difficult challenges and conquering them. This may be the very thing you need to do.

 

I agree with you, reinvent. What makes it even more difficult is, although I want to make this change, I haven't really been receiving proper support from family.

 

I think they're now seeing how important it is for me to make these changes, but I'm really tired of the criticism and judgment, even though I don't think they realize they're coming across this way.

 

I understand that parents want the best for their kids, but I don't feel like they have really ever listened to me. They always thought they knew better.

 

Even after first year law, I explained to them how unhappy I was, and it got to a point where I was prescribed anxiety meds, which only made things worse.

 

My parents still didn't listen when I told them how unhappy and miserable I was, and I feel like I was guilt-tripped into staying where I was, and continued to finish my education.

 

Now they see the demands of the job and how unhappy I am. They even admit that they had no idea how demanding and stressful of a profession it would be.

 

They don't know how resentful I have become over not being listened to years ago, and I am furious with myself for not having put my foot down years ago...I really am.

 

But I'll learn to let go of it, I hope.

[katrina1980]

What is stopping you? Can you pursue something different now while still working?

 

Exactly my thought as well.

 

milly, check out my last thread, I also work in law, have for many years, and unlike you I LOVE it and at the age of 39, have decided to attend law school and become a lawyer! Taking the LSAT in September. And will most likely be waitressing at night to support myself.

 

It is never NEVER too late to pursue your dreams milly, don't know your age, only that you said you're not in your 20s anymore.

 

But heck even if you're 60, you still have a good 10-15 working years left; instead of allowing your career to bring you down, choose a different path and choose to be happy!

 

Also are you sure you're not just feeling this way now because of the recent disappointment/hurt you just experienced?

 

I mean it's quite a coincidence, your realization of being so unhappy in your career, immediately after being "ghosted" (for lack of a better word) by Mr. Nine Months.

 

EDIT: You said you love nursing, how about school (at night?) to become a LPN and later a RN?

[milly007]

Exactly my thought as well.

 

milly, check out my last thread, I also work in law, have for many years, and unlike you I LOVE it and at the age of 39, have decided to attend law school and become a lawyer! Taking the LSAT in September. And will most likely be waitressing at night to support myself.

 

It is never NEVER too late to pursue your dreams milly, don't know your age, only that you said you're not young anymore.

 

But heck even if you're 60, you still have a good 10-15 working years left; instead of allowing your career to bring you down, choose a different path and choose to be happy!

 

Also are you sure you're not just feeling this way now because of the recent disappointment/hurt you experienced with Mr. Nine Months?

 

I'm definitely not just feeling this way because of R.

 

I've been feeling this way for a very long time, and since law school, actually. I despised it! Yuck.

 

And good for you, Katrina, for making that change! Based on your responses here, I can definitely see you being a lawyer, seriously. You seem to have great insight and critical thinking skills.

 

Good on you, girl!

[reinventmyself]

They don't know how resentful I have become over not being listened to years ago, and I am furious with myself for not having put my foot down years ago...I really am.

.

 

Let this be part of your journey. You need to learn to have voice and be heard, especially by your family.

They don't need to see it your way, but they need to respect it.

They aren't living your life. You are. Period.

 

I am sorry if I missed this. Do you still live at home and do they support you?

[milly007]

Exactly my thought as well.

 

milly, check out my last thread, I also work in law, have for many years, and unlike you I LOVE it and at the age of 39, have decided to attend law school and become a lawyer! Taking the LSAT in September. And will most likely be waitressing at night to support myself.

 

It is never NEVER too late to pursue your dreams milly, don't know your age, only that you said you're not in your 20s anymore.

 

But heck even if you're 60, you still have a good 10-15 working years left; instead of allowing your career to bring you down, choose a different path and choose to be happy!

 

Also are you sure you're not just feeling this way now because of the recent disappointment/hurt you just experienced?

 

I mean it's quite a coincidence, your realization of being so unhappy in your career, immediately after being "ghosted" (for lack of a better word) by Mr. Nine Months.

 

EDIT: You said you love nursing, how about school (at night?) to become a LPN and later a RN?

 

In response to your edit, yes, it is a coincidence that I'm just posting about this now after what happened with R., but a few things that have been happening in my life professionally (and were even affecting my chat conversations with R, and he knew what was going on), I feel are kinda coming to a head. I've reached my limit. R was my distraction, to be honest, and now that he's out of the picture, I'm back to facing this depression, on my own (if this makes sense).

[milly007]

Let this be part of your journey. You need to learn to have voice and be heard, especially by your family.

They don't need to see it your way, but they need to respect it.

They aren't living your life. You are. Period.

 

I am sorry if I missed this. Do you still live at home and do they support you?

 

I think they are finally beginning to hear me, because of how my career has been affecting me physically and psychologically.

 

I've even gotten a new doctor in hopes of helping me out, because I'm tired of repressing and making it seem like everything's okay when it's not. I have to get my health back on track.

 

I feel like becoming a lawyer was what my dad wanted, but now he's seeing that it isn't right for me. And I'm trying to be careful with what I say because if by chance he were to think that something he said or did caused me this unhappiness, well...I think this would have a huge impact on his mental health because he just wants my siblings and I to be happy.

 

I honestly have to remind them of my age, and that I'm not 10 years old anymore, and how important it is for them to hear me and actually listen. They might be my parents and I love them dearly! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without them and we're very close. But they have to understand that imposing their opinions on me is not helpful, especially in terms of what I want to do with my life.

 

I'll be speaking with them this weekend, because I've had enough. Hopefully they really truly hear me.

 

I live on my own and support myself.

[milly007]

Also, want to note, R got back to me this morning and apologized for the delayed reply. Apparently one of his friend's sisters passed away suddenly and he's been bombarded with work. After exchanging some messages, and even tossing each other a few compliments/niceties, we decided that, although we enjoyed meeting each other, we're just not the right fit.

 

It stings, especially when we said goodbye and wished each other well.

 

And even as we were parting ways after the date, I was disappointed because it didn't go as planned. Despite this, I held onto this impression that I had of him via text (which is a guy I really seemed to like!).

 

I'll admit, my ego is bruised. I'm not used to men I'm genuinely interested in not reciprocating this interest. Or let's be honest, I was genuinely interested in the TEXT VERSION of him, most definitely. I'm not quite sure about the real life R though, because although we spent about 4 hours together, I still don't think we really, truly know each other.

 

I swear, in the last couple of weeks, I feel like I've aged about 20 years! Lol

 

But all you sweet ENA folk have helped/are helping me through all of this (as you have in the past), so thank you.

[reinventmyself]

Has he had any relationships during the time you two first communicated years ago? I have funny suspicion he's just not relationship material and this would clearly not be a reflection of you. Your electronic relationship could not possibly sustain itself forever and when things got real he backed off. I am just going by what you've shared. I could be wrong, but I think this is all he had to offer.

 

Don't take it personally. It merely ran it's course After all, you were perfectly interesting when it was on his terms, hiding behind a screen. I suspect that's all he could handle. I'll bet my paycheck he'll move on the next electronic friend that he can say endearing things to that they'll gobble up.

 

You yourself said that his `I miss you' stuff seemed odd. Listen to that little voice next time!! Because it's not right. It really isn't. Not in the scheme of things.

 

Just be thankful that it's not your valuable time he's wasting any longer.

And trying to not to get all psycho babble on you here, this is a reflection of your availability too, or unavailability. If you were truly available for a relationship wouldn't have bought into this or settled for it as long as you have. I'll stop here, but if you've haven't read up on it, google availability in relationships. It's pretty complex.

 

I have to add. . do you buy into all of this? Didn't start out with him being unavailable for some period of time because he was sick? and now he's off the grid due to a death, work stress, blah, blah, blah? It's all possible. . .But my spidey senses are going off here.

[Batya33]

Of course you didn't know him for any dating purposes - he was a stranger for dating purposes until you met and when you met the only additional information that may have come to light is whether you both wanted to go on a real first date in the future. You would have, he didn't want to -had many of those one and done -as my mother used to say to me in high school and junior high school when I was shunned by the popular crowd "not everyone is going to like you" (now some do, sort of, in limited Facebook friendships LOL)

 

All dating requires a really thick skin. The only reason my many years of dating was at all worth the thick skin, stress, shopping, traveling to dates etc was because I was in it for husband plus trying for a family. Had I not wanted those situations as top priorities in my life I'd have dated very little and certainly would not have been as proactive about meeting people as I was. Totally worth the 25 years of dating on and off (when I wasn't in serious relationships) to find my husband and have our child.

 

I think you will know if a relationship has long term dating potential after about 3-4 months of seeing each other about once or twice a week. After 4 hours you might know if you have stuff in common that would justify another date, you might know if you have compatible senses of humor, you might know if you think he's cute - but really know him after 4 hours -not in the ways that count for a romantic relationship. I think you know if a man is interested in an official first date after a first meet if and when he asks you for a first official date, time and place. Until then assume he might like you, enjoy chatting and is not interested in taking you out -that is as long as you express sincere (not gushing) interest in him during the first meet and say thank you. Sure asking a guy out on a date is an option if you are cool with that kind of dynamic going forward but it's not necessary even with "shy" or reserved men. IMO

 

If it's worth it to you to date -for whatever reason you date -go for it! I'd just advise a thicker skin so the ego bruises are nothing more than brushing off a fly.

 

In the early 1990s I was meeting a lot of men through personal ads. I remember my friend N calling me one night around 9pm. I'd had a first meet earlier that night. We chatted for some time and finally she said "So????" She couldn't believe I hadn't mentioned my "date" - and I realized I'd already forgotten -we'd met, no real click on either side, buh bye.

[reinventmyself]

Another spin:

My first attempt at online dating, I emailed and phone chatted a man for a couple months before we met. I was recently divorced, hadn't dated in 20yrs? and hungry for the attention. He was too. He was going through a divorce and basically pretty fragile, just like myself.

 

I fell really hard for the version of him I had imagined.

 

Photographs are one dimensional, add in a phone call, another dimension. But nothing replaces the real life, in your face, version of someone. It's the nuances, scent, intangible things only our subconscious is aware of, combined with everything else that leads to attraction.

 

I finally met him in person and I was so thrown and confused by my own reaction. My heart sunk. He was a beautiful man, but I wasn't attracted to him. Not in the way I was soooo much hoping I would be. I wanted to run back to being his electronic friend. I got so much more out of the fantasy and in that instant, everything was over. Just like that. It made me really sad. It was a valuable lesson.

 

The reality here is he may very well have not been attracted to you. It doesn't make you unattractive. There are just some things we don't have control over.

It doesn't make him a bad guy. He's just not the guy for you.

 

I still vote for him being un-dateable though :)

[milly007]

Has he had any relationships during the time you two first communicated years ago? I have funny suspicion he's just not relationship material and this would clearly not be a reflection of you. Your electronic relationship could not possibly sustain itself forever and when things got real he backed off. I am just going by what you've shared. I could be wrong, but I think this is all he had to offer.

 

Don't take it personally. It merely ran it's course After all, you were perfectly interesting when it was on his terms, hiding behind a screen. I suspect that's all he could handle. I'll bet my paycheck he'll move on the next electronic friend that he can say endearing things to that they'll gobble up.

 

You yourself said that his `I miss you' stuff seemed odd. Listen to that little voice next time!! Because it's not right. It really isn't. Not in the scheme of things.

 

Just be thankful that it's not your valuable time he's wasting any longer.

And trying to not to get all psycho babble on you here, this is a reflection of your availability too, or unavailability. If you were truly available for a relationship wouldn't have bought into this or settled for it as long as you have. I'll stop here, but if you've haven't read up on it, google availability in relationships. It's pretty complex.

 

I have to add. . do you buy into all of this? Didn't start out with him being unavailable for some period of time because he was sick? and now he's off the grid due to a death, work stress, blah, blah, blah? It's all possible. . .But my spidey senses are going off here.

 

Hmmmm, I have a few thoughts on this. I think he believes that he wants to find a long-term partner/relationship, but I don't think he's as fully available as he thinks he is to make a long-term relationship work.

 

I've never had a man that I connected with, and who was seemingly looking for a long-term partner, conduct themselves in such a wishy-washy way, and be satisfied with texting for such a long period of time.

 

I do believe that if I hadn't piped up and said something, we would still be texting.

 

I think he enjoyed the fantasy that accompanied the texting, but to an unhealthy degree. I enjoyed the texting to a certain extent to, but not to the same degree as him.

 

I question my availability, too. I know that I want to meet someone and enjoy a long-term relationship, but I feel like there are other aspects of my life which I need to get in order before I can actually find a healthy, long-term relationship.

 

I do think he and I are similar, but I'd like to think he's worse! Lol.

 

Although I do believe he's emotionally unavailable, and this is clear to me based on the lengthy text communication (and me having to pipe-up and call him out on the lengthy text exchange and not meeting face-to-face), I do believe he was sick. Do I think he was better sooner than when he messaged me in July? I do. When he messaged me in July and asked how I was doing, I told him that I would no longer exchange text messages anymore and that I was tired of it all. He then came back to me and said, "Oh, but I was writing to you to ask you out, and I'm not just saying this because of what you just said. I've only recently started feeling better again and didn't want to put either one of us in a compromising situation if I still wasn't feeling well" (...something along these lines anyway). I'd like to believe he was being completely honest with me when he told me it took him this long to recover from the mono, but being that I have had to be the one to call him out about not meeting up yet, and it wasn't until I said something that we actually did meet up, I have my doubts.

 

And yeah, his "I miss you" texts made me uncomfortable, and so did the Happy Valentine's Day, Christmas and New Year's messages, because, in my opinion, the content of some of the messages was emotionally charged, and being that we never met, made me wonder about him. As a side note, I'm now wondering if these were manipulation tactics to keep me hanging around. Maybe they were. Who knows...

 

As for him taking a while to respond to my most recent text, I do believe the friend's sister passed away and I know he has a hectic work schedule. But if I know R at all (and I could be wrong here), I think he just wanted more time to think things over and didn't want to be rash with his reply. So yes, I do think he could have responded sooner, but I don't think he was truly ready to respond until today.

 

So in terms of R, I do believe he genuinely wants to find someone for a long-term relationship, but I think there are other factors at play here which are preventing him from finding anyone.

 

And no, he has not really dated anyone since we communicated 6-7 years ago.