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Per what Batya is saying—about the problem being all the texting vs the in person stuff making it complicated—I think any more attempts to communicate on your part will just make things more complicated. For both of you.

 

While I totally understand your intentions in that text, as well as your current frustrations and your disappointment with the date, the message was, at least to my male eyes, an awfully heady and loaded thing to lob at someone you've met once for water and wings. A bit like the start of the sort of "relationship talk" that's tough even after a year with someone, very tough when it comes in a large gray bubble of text, let alone someone you've only really met once.

 

I suspect that, right now, in his mind, the thought process is going something like this: I went out, had water and wings, had a nice time, but was then asked why I was short and irritable. That was a jolt, and now we're talking more about my irritability, or the perception of it, or the weirdness of expectations, or something, while being told that she would "be willing" to see me again in order to...what, exactly? Hash this out a bit more?

 

He's fried, in other words. You're fried too. Your responses to being friend are diametrically opposed. You want answers, clarity, communication, paragons of human decency, and something that makes sense of this in the context of a nine month relationships rather than in the context of one date. He, meanwhile, wants to inhale and exhale. Neither one of you is "right"—and, rest assured, I do believe the male habit of going silent is among the lamest human habits there is—so much as both of you are fired.

 

And I think the subtext of your communication to him, and the urge behind it, is to "de-fry" things, so to speak, but what's happening is they're just getting deep-fried. You go back to this "after 9 months" bit a lot, which is understandable, but, again, I think that's where the bigger lesson about 2D vs 3D takes more precedence than even the questions surrounding compatibility and communication in the wake of this date.

 

I understand what you're saying, but my text to him is no different from the messages that have been exchanging since we reconnected. The messages progressed from "how was your day?", to texts from him saying, "I miss you" (which I never reciprocated, because we didn't know each other), to "Happy Valentine's Day" messages that he sent, "Merry Christmas", "Happy New Year", etc. - you get the picture). He sent the "I miss you" message back in February/March, when he first became ill. I reached out to see how he was doing, and he responded with, "Milly! I miss you! I know this sounds particularly odd because we've never met, but it's true. I really do miss you...". Hence why I had no qualms sending the text message that did. The tone of our texts was set a while back. Although, I could never say "I miss you" or "Happy Valentine's Day", etc., because I like to save those types of messages for men I actually know, whether we're dating, or in a relationship.

 

Even as we walked out of the bar and were chatting, he made an effort to let me know he was no longer on the dating site, deleted his account a long time ago, and was only chatting and getting to know me...

 

So yeah, he was the one sending the sappy, relationship type messages, if you want to call them that. I didn't because well, it was weird...And I told him this, and we joked about it.

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I understand what you're saying, but my text to him is no different from the messages that have been exchanging since we reconnected. The messages progressed from "how was your day?", to texts from him saying, "I miss you" (which I never reciprocated, because we didn't know each other), to "Happy Valentine's Day" messages that he sent, "Merry Christmas", "Happy New Year", etc. - you get the picture). He sent the "I miss you" message back in February/March, when he first became ill. I reached out to see how he was doing, and he responded with, "Milly! I miss you! I know this sounds particularly odd because we've never met, but it's true. I really do miss you...". Hence why I had no qualms sending the text message that did. The tone of our texts was set a while back. Although, I could never say "I miss you" or "Happy Valentine's Day", etc., because I like to save those types of messages for men I actually know, whether we're dating, or in a relationship.

 

Even as we walked out of the bar and were chatting, he made an effort to let me know he was no longer on the dating site, deleted his account a long time ago, and was only chatting and getting to know me...

 

But your post was critical and accusatory and very fact-laden like you were trying to win an argument/make your case. Once you had the interaction in person I wouldn't go on how you texted in the past especially since it was only the second time you met in person.

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But your post was critical and accusatory and very fact-laden like you were trying to win an argument/make your case. Once you had the interaction in person I wouldn't go on how you texted in the past especially since it was only the second time you met in person.

 

My post? Do you mean my text?

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My post? Do you mean my text?

 

Yes your text. See how things get garbled lol? I do text a lot with certain of my friends for convenience and have certain friends I've never or rarely met but not romantic relationships - in my opinion it's a mistake to text too much with someone you don't know but are exploring romantic potential with.

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Yes your text. See how things get garbled lol? I do text a lot with certain of my friends for convenience and have certain friends I've never or rarely met but not romantic relationships - in my opinion it's a mistake to text too much with someone you don't know but are exploring romantic potential with.

 

I hear you. And our over-texting ship sailed 8.5 months ago!

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His "I miss you" text was in response to me reaching out, and asking when we were going to meet in person. He responds with the "I miss you, etc.", and then proceeds to tell me about how he's sick, but that he wants to meet me when he's better (he was just diagnosed at the hospital that week).

 

From this point, I didn't text him, but he would reach out to me. The texts became fewer, because I lost momentum. I couldn't keep it going.

 

I had written him off, because I thought he was better and not making the effort to meet up with me.

 

Then during the first week in July, after not talking for about 3-4 weeks, he reached out to me to ask me how I was.

 

I then proceeded to tell him that I'm no longer going to engage in endless texting anymore. He responds with something along the lines of, "Milly, I thought you were going to say something like that. But that's why I'm reaching out to you. And I'm not just saying this now because of what you just said. I wanted to see when you're available so we can meet up. I just didn't want to meet up with you until I was finally better, and this has been my intention all along".

 

I questioned whether or not he was full of it (most people would), but I still responded (and met up with him), despite having major reservations.

 

And this is how and why we finally got to the point of meeting up a week ago. Like pulling teeth, people...

Edited by milly007
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I hear you. And our over-texting ship sailed 8.5 months ago!

 

Well no. You always have control. You always can choose a different way. There is no sailing ship here -you're the captain of your ship, he is the captain of yours. When I did online dating sites I wouldn't instant message (I had no cell back then) until after we met in person. I knew how attached I could feel, the unrealistic expectations, from typing messages back and forth - and I did it once and it was true, I did (and he did). So I made that rule and those who thought differently, buh bye. I've been making new friends over the last few years -all platonic -and for many of them my purpose in connecting is to meet in person so early on I will ask if she wants to meet up (if she doesn't) and if there are excuses instead of efforts, buh bye. Many of these women post in our various mom groups wanting friends so badly but when push comes to shove they don't want to put in the effort to make a plan. Choosing -you always have a choice -to focus on time in person will weed out those who mostly want a text buddy.

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Well no. You always have control. You always can choose a different way. There is no sailing ship here -you're the captain of your ship, he is the captain of yours. When I did online dating sites I wouldn't instant message (I had no cell back then) until after we met in person. I knew how attached I could feel, the unrealistic expectations, from typing messages back and forth - and I did it once and it was true, I did (and he did). So I made that rule and those who thought differently, buh bye. I've been making new friends over the last few years -all platonic -and for many of them my purpose in connecting is to meet in person so early on I will ask if she wants to meet up (if she doesn't) and if there are excuses instead of efforts, buh bye. Many of these women post in our various mom groups wanting friends so badly but when push comes to shove they don't want to put in the effort to make a plan. Choosing -you always have a choice -to focus on time in person will weed out those who mostly want a text buddy.

 

Hey B., fwiw, please see my post above yours! Post #131.

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This has just been an all-around weird situation, regardless of how we look at it.

 

I think he liked the texting, the fantasy of it all.

 

When we met last weekend, we even discussed the first time that he recommended that we meet up for burgers/pizza (he suggested we meet up that day, and it was already late afternoon back in October 2018). I told him that I couldn't that day, but that I'd be up for it any other time. He responded at the time with "ok".

 

According to him, he thought I was being polite, so didn't know if he should ask me out again...

 

I'm not saying I'm innocent in this, because I wasn't. I played along for way too long in this. I engaged, enabled...and neither of us was very assertive.

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A little story that has some parallels. Maybe something resonates, or maybe another story distracts you a bit from your own so you can exhale. We're in the journal section here, so let's have some fun...

 

I went on a few dates with someone last year where we ran into a version of this problem. Met on app, nice banter that led to a nice afternoon hang. That led to a glass of wine a few days later, which ended in a pretty steamy kiss. Standard "all good" stuff, right?

 

Tricky part was (a) we went to the same college, were a year apart, had a lot of friends in common and (b) she was going away for 2 weeks after our second date. Those friends in common gave those two dates the illusion of being something more—two people already part of the same circle that it was "crazy" we were only meting now. Now those two people had to go a whole two weeks without cultivating, IRL, the crazy connection that had been dormant for years.

 

While away we stayed in touch over text, having some pretty great conversations with a nice, mature edge of flirtation. That sort of thing was already a bit outside my personal comfort zone, as I'm really not too fond of forging connections over screens. It's too easy, in my opinion, and I know I'm "good" at it in ways that aren't, ultimately, interesting to me or things I want someone to be impressed by. I happen to be someone who can walk up and down stairs on his hands, for instance, but I don't want someone to date me for that so I don't bust it out on dates. My prowess with texting is basically the same.

 

But whatever. We'd actually met in person, two weeks is two weeks, couldn't hurt to stir the simmer with some digital back and forth. It was fun, interest-sustaining and interest-piquing.

 

Well, while away she ended up having dinner with one of our mutual friends—I wrote a post about this—during which my romantic interest decided to do some detective work. My friend (former friend, I should say) was going through some stuff in her personal life, and ended up kind of unloading a degree of information about me that was uncalled for and vindictive. This "threw" the new person, who sent me a somewhat dramatic text that, honestly, really turned me off. I, meanwhile, was also pretty focused on my anger at my friend so my emotional bandwidth didn't have the same capacity to engage with this person who I'd only met twice.

 

New person was clearly annoyed at herself for sending the dramatic text, which she explained in (ugh) follow up texts that, frankly, were a bit too heavy in my eyes. My response was much cooler than she was "used to" from "us," along the lines of: no biggie, life is awkward, all good, let's meet when you're back in two days. Cue more sporadic clarification texts came from her. She was spinning, I was divesting a bit because a friend had really pissed me off. (And I wasn't about to go into that with her—too new for that.) I did try my best—without leaving the true space that is me—to "courteously" explain to her that it was all good and I looked forward to another hang.

 

We met up again but the vibe was...off. Too many scratches on the record before the waltz had even started. I wasn't fully ruling it all out, but nor did I have it me to "go back to how things were," which was clearly her concern and focus. She (you guessed it) texted about this. I really did not want to text—or even talk—about this. There just was not enough "this" to talk about, despite those two dates, the volley of some G-rated selfies, the lovely back and forth we had covering topics ranging from philosophy to literature.

 

She then emailed me about it all, a very long note. I texted her right away thanking her for the email, letting her know I needed a minute to process, but at this point I was really close to pressing eject. This was a woman I'd met three times, kissed once, and suddenly I was in a "rough patch"? Too weird. Less than a day later she let me know she knew I was processing, but that she'd had some more clarity.

 

EJECT. Her need for clarity had flat-out blinded me. I responded to the email promptly—I'm not a ghoster—but with one sentence. End scene.

 

I'd imagine, were she to tell the story, she would say that she was thrown that I had been one way for "so long" before suddenly "doing a 180." Fair enough. She'd probably also say that I was so very engaged—your version of the "I miss you" stuff. Also fair.

 

Where I think we differed—and this was just two weeks, not 8.5 months—was how that digital communication resonated with each of us. To me it was promising, enjoyable, but hardly a foundation of anything, let alone a hook to even hang a hat on. To her it carried a different weight, or at least strummed different chords. No one was right, better, or worse. What happened—and I think this happened with you—is that during those 2 weeks of screen time we were each living very different stories while thinking we were writing a story together.

 

Not good. In a lot of experience in dating, that is the closest I've come to experiencing a connection where the promise was built too much in pixels to the point where we'd complicated things too much for reality to have a chance. She was cool, unique. I'm cool, unique. If it was 1989, who knows? Maybe we'd have had a shot. But not in 2019, or the way we handled existing in 2019.

 

No winners, no losers, just a lesson.

 

Truth is, looking back, I wasn't ready to really date yet, wasn't really available. Had I been? I would have told her to have a great trip, texting maybe once or twice, then met up when she got back. So I don't see the issue being her, or me, but just two people who proved to be incompatible in the modern age.

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Hi milly, I just had a chance to catch up with your situation. and here are my thoughts based on what I've read.

 

I think you (and perhaps others) are over-complicating the situation when in truth it may just boil down to this:

 

You interacted with each other on line for 9 months, you developed a connection. You finally met in person and “it” just wasn’t happening, at least on his end. He wasn’t feeling it, hence why he seemed curt, and you felt some negative vibes.

 

Re what you texted him, I don’t think it matters one iota whether you sent it via text, phone, email, or carrier pigeon.

 

He wasn’t feeling it in person (which is where it counts), and therefore, in his mind, your text seemed over the top, critical and accusatory. And he's choosing to ignore, which tbh if I received a text like that after meeting a man once, even if we had interacted for months prior to, I would too.

 

Not necessary after only one meet. You meet in person (which you did finally), if he’s not your cup of tea (which it didn’t sound like he was), you wish him well and walk away.

 

No need to send a text addressing why he was curt or whatever else that wasn't to your liking. You just decide he wasn't your cup of tea and walk away.

 

Re him not replying to the text, his silence speaks volumes and says way more than any words conveyed in a text message would, or even on phone.

 

He’s not responding to hurt you milly, why would he? After meeting in person, he’s just not interested, I’m sorry.

 

Happens all the time, which is why you don’t text with someone for that long prior to meeting.

Edited by katrina1980
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A little story that has some parallels. Maybe something resonates, or maybe another story distracts you a bit from your own so you can exhale. We're in the journal section here, so let's have some fun...

 

I went on a few dates with someone last year where we ran into a version of this problem. Met on app, nice banter that led to a nice afternoon hang. That led to a glass of wine a few days later, which ended in a pretty steamy kiss. Standard "all good" stuff, right?

 

Tricky part was (a) we went to the same college, were a year apart, had a lot of friends in common and (b) she was going away for 2 weeks after our second date. Those friends in common gave those two dates the illusion of being something more—two people already part of the same circle that it was "crazy" we were only meting now. Now those two people had to go a whole two weeks without cultivating, IRL, the crazy connection that had been dormant for years.

 

While away we stayed in touch over text, having some pretty great conversations with a nice, mature edge of flirtation. That sort of thing was already a bit outside my personal comfort zone, as I'm really not too fond of forging connections over screens. It's too easy, in my opinion, and I know I'm "good" at it in ways that aren't, ultimately, interesting to me or things I want someone to be impressed by. I happen to be someone who can walk up and down stairs on his hands, for instance, but I don't want someone to date me for that so I don't bust it out on dates. My prowess with texting is basically the same.

 

But whatever. We'd actually met in person, two weeks is two weeks, couldn't hurt to stir the simmer with some digital back and forth. It was fun, interest-sustaining and interest-piquing.

 

Well, while away she ended up having dinner with one of our mutual friends—I wrote a post about this—during which my romantic interest decided to do some detective work. My friend (former friend, I should say) was going through some stuff in her personal life, and ended up kind of unloading a degree of information about me that was uncalled for and vindictive. This "threw" the new person, who sent me a somewhat dramatic text that, honestly, really turned me off. I, meanwhile, was also pretty focused on my anger at my friend so my emotional bandwidth didn't have the same capacity to engage with this person who I'd only met twice.

 

New person was clearly annoyed at herself for sending the dramatic text, which she explained in (ugh) follow up texts that, frankly, were a bit too heavy in my eyes. My response was much cooler than she was "used to" from "us," along the lines of: no biggie, life is awkward, all good, let's meet when you're back in two days. Cue more sporadic clarification texts came from her. She was spinning, I was divesting a bit because a friend had really pissed me off. (And I wasn't about to go into that with her—too new for that.) I did try my best—without leaving the true space that is me—to "courteously" explain to her that it was all good and I looked forward to another hang.

 

We met up again but the vibe was...off. Too many scratches on the record before the waltz had even started. I wasn't fully ruling it all out, but nor did I have it me to "go back to how things were," which was clearly her concern and focus. She (you guessed it) texted about this. I really did not want to text—or even talk—about this. There just was not enough "this" to talk about, despite those two dates, the volley of some G-rated selfies, the lovely back and forth we had covering topics ranging from philosophy to literature.

 

She then emailed me about it all, a very long note. I texted her right away thanking her for the email, letting her know I needed a minute to process, but at this point I was really close to pressing eject. This was a woman I'd met three times, kissed once, and suddenly I was in a "rough patch"? Too weird. Less than a day later she let me know she knew I was processing, but that she'd had some more clarity.

 

EJECT. Her need for clarity had flat-out blinded me. I responded to the email promptly—I'm not a ghoster—but with one sentence. End scene.

 

I'd imagine, were she to tell the story, she would say that she was thrown that I had been one way for "so long" before suddenly "doing a 180." Fair enough. She'd probably also say that I was so very engaged—your version of the "I miss you" stuff. Also fair.

 

Where I think we differed—and this was just two weeks, not 8.5 months—was how that digital communication resonated with each of us. To me it was promising, enjoyable, but hardly a foundation of anything, let alone a hook to even hang a hat on. To her it carried a different weight, or at least strummed different chords. No one was right, better, or worse. What happened—and I think this happened with you—is that during those 2 weeks of screen time we were each living very different stories while thinking we were writing a story together.

 

Not good. In a lot of experience in dating, that is the closest I've come to experiencing a connection where the promise was built too much in pixels to the point where we'd complicated things too much for reality to have a chance. She was cool, unique. I'm cool, unique. If it was 1989, who knows? Maybe we'd have had a shot. But not in 2019, or the way we handled existing in 2019.

 

No winners, no losers, just a lesson.

 

Truth is, looking back, I wasn't ready to really date yet, wasn't really available. Had I been? I would have told her to have a great trip, texting maybe once or twice, then met up when she got back. So I don't see the issue being her, or me, but just two people who proved to be incompatible in the modern age.

 

Thanks for sharing, BC!

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Hi milly, I just had a chance to catch up with your situation. and here are my thoughts based on what I've read.

 

I think you (and perhaps others) are over-complicating the situation when in truth it may just boil down to this:

 

You interacted with each other on line for 9 months, you developed a connection. You finally met in person and “it” just wasn’t happening, at least on his end. He wasn’t feeling it, hence why he seemed curt, and you felt some negative vibes.

 

Re what you texted him, I don’t think it matters one iota whether you sent it via text, phone, email, or carrier pigeon.

 

He wasn’t feeling it “in person” (which is where it counts), and therefore, in his mind, your text seemed over the top, critical and accusatory. And he's choosing to ignore, which tbh if I received a text like that after meeting a man once, even if we had interacted for months prior to, I would too.

 

Not necessary after only one meet. You meet in person (which you did finally), if he’s not your cup of tea (which it didn’t sound like he was), you wish him well and walk away.

 

No need to send a text addressing why he was curt or whatever else that wasn't to your liking. You just decide he wasn't your cup of tea and walk away.

 

Re him not replying to the text, his silence speaks volumes and says way more than any words conveyed in a text message would, or even on phone.

 

He’s not responding to hurt you milly, why would he? After meeting in person, he’s just not interested, I’m sorry.

 

Happens all the time, which is why you don’t text with someone for that long prior to meeting.

 

Thanks, Katrina. Tough to hear, but I'm sure you're right.

 

Well I thought the "I miss you" texts were a bit looney, too (but clearly not enough for me to run away). Now he has my fair share of loon! Lol

 

Jeez...

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I agree with K, but I'd make the emphasis not how "it" wasn't happening on his end but how "it" didn't happen on milly's. I mean, minus all the pre-date texting, that is the bare bones story here: milly went on a date with a dude she didn't much like or vibe with by the end.

 

Trying to turn it into something else, communicate it into something else? I think that's mainly what happens from all the texting, and also when our pride buttons get pressed too hard.

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I agree with K, but I'd make the emphasis not how "it" wasn't happening on his end but how "it" didn't happen on milly's. I mean, minus all the pre-date texting, that is the bare bones story here: milly went on a date with a dude she didn't much like or vibe with by the end.

 

Trying to turn it into something else, communicate it into something else? I think that's mainly what happens from all the texting, and also when our pride buttons get pressed too hard.

 

I agree but when milly starts analyzing his non-response as meaning he's intentionally trying to hurt her, I think it's important to stress that it simply didn't happen for him either. And that is why he's not responding.

 

milly, I am sorry I know it's disappointing, but moving forward, try to chalk this one up to experience and a lesson learned for next time.

 

Lesson being, try to not allow yourself to become too emotionally connected to or invested in someone on line, prior to meeting in person.

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Is it too late to say, I love online dating?!?! :p

 

As someone who has prided themselves on being a calm, cool, collected chick, I was determined to open up more in this experience, because I've always been one to scare people off with my guardedness. This guy kinda helped me lean into this, despite it mainly being done via text.

 

In all honesty, I felt like I could send him those texts, because of the substance of the texts that had been exchanged up until the day we met.

 

I still don't have any regrets, even if he does think my messages were looney. He liked my texts for 9 months straight, so one would think he'd be used to it by now (otherwise, why continue to initiate the communication, which he did, for that long...).

 

His texts were just as out there (that's if you consider my texts to him to be out there). I mean, who says "I miss you" to someone they don't actually know.

 

But I digress...

 

I'm just trying to make myself feel like less of a loon now...Lol. He had the looniness in him, too.

Edited by milly007
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Is it too late to say, I love online dating?!?! :p

 

I'm glad you're able to chuckle about it milly, but you know, it's okay to cry a little too if you want!

 

I had an "interaction" with a man on line several years ago, only a couple of months.

 

And although I had no expectations about ever meeting in person (he lived thousands of miles away) I developed a connection too. I wasn't really invested, as it was all very fun and casual and honestly wasn't thinking past that day, but yeah I did develop a connection.

 

And when it all stopped, I felt very sad, and I did shed a few tears actually.

 

It's all good (as bluecastle would say :D) it's called being "human."

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I'm glad you're able to chuckle about it milly, but you know, it's okay to cry a little too if you want!

 

I had an "interaction" with a man on line several years ago, only a couple of months.

 

And although I had no expectations about ever meeting in person (he lived thousands of miles away) I developed a connection too. I wasn't really invested, as it was all very fun and casual and honestly wasn't thinking past that day, but yeah I did develop a connection.

 

And when it all stopped, I felt very sad, and I did shed a few tears actually.

 

It's all good (as bluecastle would say :D) it's called being "human."

 

I know. As I'm sure you can probably tell, my emotions have been all over the place!

 

We've all had our "I'm human" moments, and I'm guessing this won't be my last.

 

I have no regrets in this situation. I'd rather put myself out there (as much as I could have in this situation), than revert back to the guarded and seemingly cold person I was in the past (even though I actually wasn't cold - just in a "I really like you, but don't want to open up and be hurt" mode).

 

It didn't even cross my mind that he'd think my texts were 'looney' until I read the responses here! Lol

 

And that's because the tone of our exchange had already been set. But if he thinks I am a loon, that's fine.

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Is it too late to say, I love online dating?!?! :p

 

As someone who has prided themselves on being a calm, cool, collected chick, I was determined to open up more in this experience, because I've always been one to scare people off with my guardedness. This guy kinda helped me lean into this, despite it mainly being done via text.

 

In all honesty, I felt like I could send him those texts, because of the substance of the texts that had been exchanged up until the day we met.

 

I still don't have any regrets, even if he does think my messages were looney. He liked my texts for 9 months straight, so one would think he'd be used to it by now (otherwise, why continue to initiate the communication, which he did, for that long...).

 

But I digress...

 

milly, jmo but when you interact with someone on line, when you finally meet in person, it's important to view the situation from a clean slate.

 

All the texting, skyping, whatever you did for 9 months, was essentially a fantasy, you developed an "idea" about each other, based on text messages.

 

Yes there was a sort of mental chemistry, but you have no idea of the energy between you, which can only be determined in person.

 

So even though you had sent texts like that prior, once you met in person, all those prior texts became moot. Inconsequential because again they were sent, and he was interpreting, from a place that wasn't actually "real" even though at the time it felt like it.

 

You were starting from a brand new clean slate.

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I wouldn't depend on "tone" of an exchange when the exchange is typed words to someone you met twice. Or that it's "set" - I doubt he thinks you are a loon lol. If you have a text buddy and you have a kind of understanding about how or when you text then sure - it's kind of like at work when you have a certain way you email with a colleague or supervisor -a mutual understanding of how you communicate. But I wouldn't go with that mindset for a potential romantic relationship.

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I do say that a lot, don't I?!

 

Anyhow, it is all good. I mean, that funky little romantic flame-out I documented? Yeah, it drifted past the "Welcome to Loonyville" quick, and made too sane people momentarily loony before the whiplash set it, but it wasn't without worth. She was cool, and in our short time we connected in some ways I was really longing for, without even knowing it. Expanded the tunnel vision—on myself, and my expectations of connections—a few critical degrees that served me well in the months to come, both in what I was looking for and how to handle myself in the forest while looking.

 

It also makes for a great story over a bottle of wine with friends, which ain't nothing.

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milly, jmo but when you interact with someone on line, when you finally meet in person, it's important to view the situation from a clean slate.

 

All the texting, skyping, whatever you did for 9 months, was essentially a fantasy, you developed an "idea" about each other, based on text messages.

 

Yes there was a sort of mental chemistry, but you have no idea of the energy between you, which can only be determined in person.

 

So even though you had sent texts like that prior, once you met in person, all those prior texts became moot. Inconsequential because again they were sent, and he was interpreting, from a place that wasn't actually "real" even though at the time it felt like it.

 

You were starting from a brand new clean slate.

 

Ok, fair enough. I was reluctant to send the text about him seeming curt, but thought it would be okay because we've been pretty open from the get-go.

 

I'll keep this in mind moving forward.

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