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Bf has dating profile


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So I have been with this guy for a few months now and I am really liking him. He was the one that pursued me and I was hesitant to get into a relationship but he go me. Smh. He was so sweet to me the first few weeks and things started going sour in his life. But I was right there by his side. He was struggling and I was right there to build him back up like a gf should. He was man bf so I had to make sure he was good mentally and all. So I found out he still has a POF page and that hurt me on the inside. I mean I was crushed, not only does he have a page but he is VERY active on it. He has added a picture on there, which is the same picture he sent to me, that I thought I was the only one who would see it. So his page is updated. Here is the real kicker, he has messaged a friend of mine calling her stunning and trying to talk to her. She called him on his BS and he made it seem like he knew it was a set up and blah blah blah. Like what set up? she did not messsage you first you messaged her and tried to talk. smh. He did this with numerous females. This hurts so bad like I am looking at myself like why am I am I not enough for him. I give and give to this man. I give money (almost 1000 total within the relationship) I motivate him when down, I pray for him, Damn is something wrong with me?? I don't just give money to anybody I give to those who I want to see win, my man was struggling so I helped him. I just helped just build him all around and he has the nerve to still have a POF profile after I told him I didn't like it, he just kept on with the defensive saying he just wants "friends", he can't delete it, since it upgraded member who paid for the site, he can't do it without laptop, just a bunch of BS. I remember I had a profile that I forgot about and he went CRAZY, and what did I do? I deleted that crap that same day with no hesitation period. Its not that dam serious for me. He seems addicted to that . I feel he is just that type of guy who craves female attention like he NEEDS it. He will entertain any female that give him a compliment. Smh. Wth. I am confused because, me and his mom talk quite a bit, he told his family about me and all. Why the hell is he doing this BS man. I need advice on what needs to be done.

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The problems with this are:


Playing his counselor and support system. Very co dependent dynamic

You stuck around after you found out that he was actively pursuing other women. Good God!

Giving this guy money. What were you thinking????? Why are giving anyone other than a spouse money? I am so tired of hearing about women supporting and giving grown men their money. It is not your responsibility. Nor, is it your responsibility to pay for all the dates, buy them clothing etc......


What is wrong, is that you choose terrible men. You are have zero self esteem, or you would not be dating a loser/user like this!


He does this because he is a player. I suggest you DUMP him immediately, and address your attraction to these types of men. If you don't, you will continue to date creeps, who will bleed you dry.



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Yes girl! This is what I needed to hear. I have a tendency to do that in my relationships, I just always try to be there for them in all ways. I will give and give everything and be loyal. I have never gotten that back. I do need to work on that self esteem because, this is becoming a pattern. Im just disappointed this guy did me like this = and he was the main one complain about it being no good women on there. He had one he didn't see it. Smh. Thanks for you advice

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Is something wrong with you? Yes. Stop trying to buy love by latching on to losers and turning yourself inside out playing wife of some 20 years to them. It's not your job to support someone you've barely met. Someone you've been dating for a few months isn't your man. He is just some man you are getting to know and the only job you have at that point is figuring out IF he is good enough to see again or if he is a loser and you need to bail. At no point should you be giving him money or building him up. You have a really warped and messed up view of relationships that needs a whole lot of fixing IF you ever want to find yourself in a healthy one.


What you are doing right now is taking on these losers, propping them up and thinking that gosh, if I feed them and keep them, they'll be loyal to me like a stray dog and return my caring and you feel safe thinking that he doesn't have options besides you. You are wrong. Totally and completely. People aren't stray dogs, although in your case, those men are dogs, as in they will use you, abuse you, take advantage of you and then cheat on you and dump you for a bigger better deal. There is no ROI in what you are doing when it comes to people.

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Being the generous and overly caring individual that you are is going to get you into worse trouble then this one day, Op. I suggest you look into getting help for your codependency issues so that rather then cling onto guys that are losers, you dump them quickly and actually learn to be attracted to guys that don't need your coddling and over-bearing need to fix. Try to get to a stage where you don't find fixer-upper guys attractive. Also note that being the giving person that you have been is a fault... it's not an attribute.


Men like him will take advantage of someone who gives to a fault as you've learned so start working on changing and being able to be a little less giving and not feel guilty about saying no.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A “man” would never ask a lady for money. He should be ashamed of himself. You probably won’t get the money back and it will be more hassle than it’s worth, and you don’t want this guy in your life for longer than necessary, so bid farewell and block him. And everyone whose on Plenty of Fish — beware!

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"You can give your heart or your wallet, but never both"-- I learned this the hard way and I think you just did too.


Sounds like you have anger and rightfully so. Let me tell you about this type of guy. He needs attention, feed back, stimulation, and likes the game. I cant tell you if he is pursuing other people he meets or just using it to fill in a mental need but he is not going to change his habits for you.


You are not going to get your money back. Even if you ask him that means he has to be in your life that many more days. Consider this as an expensive life's lesson and cut your losses and tell this guy, to have a good life.

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