Am I being too sensitive about this?

[fixyou_]

So, my boyfriend asked me to spend thanksgiving with him and his family. I am making a cake. I told him. He said cool, he’d try it. They’re italian and I found this recipe for a really cool cake I wanted to bring. I bought all of the ingredients; it’s a very difficult cake to make. I have to toast and grind hazelnuts into a flour, make aqua faba and a coconut whip, make a buttercream and layer the cakes.

My bf texted me last night saying he wanted a piece of cake. I sent him a picture of the cake I’m making and he said, “that doesn’t even look good to me.” I was immediately crushed and hurt. I spent so much time, so much effort just halfway through making the cake. I said, “well, that’s really rude considering all the time I’m spending on it.” He says, “oh, that’s the one you’re making? I haven’t even tried it. I’ll try it.”

 

Like really? He encourages me all the time to find a hobby that I like... I’ve been cooking more often. And I feel like that was just so negative. I want encouragement and support. Ok, you don’t have to like the cake or even try it, but you could say something positive!

 

Am I being too sensitive?

[j.man]

Why'd you send him a picture of a half-made cake?

[DancingFool]

Yeah you are being too sensitive. I mean let's be honest - a half baked layer cake isn't exactly attractive and he probably has no clue what he is looking at other than a messy something or other.

 

Also, are you baking this because you enjoy it and you found this recipe that you wanted to try out or are you just doing it trying to impress and get approval. I really hope you are doing this for the love of baking, so try not to take yourself too seriously. Especially when trying a recipe for the first time. Might be fabulous and you'll make it again and again or might turn out to be meh.

[Pleasedonot5]

I think he just put his foot in his mouth. That's all. I'd be pissed in your position too, but I'd forgive him quickly.

[Starlight925]

Yeah, that wasn't nice of him to say! It's like him taking you to a new restaurant he learned about, and you saying "That doesn't even look like a good place".

 

I agree with Pleadonot5, in that I think he just put his foot in his mouth. I, too, would forgive quickly. And give him a little sassy "I told you so" once he tastes it, which BTW sounds amazing.

[Tick]

No, you're doing great. Rather digesting it in you, you stand for the cake you baked, plus in a very polite way.

He immediately try to fix the bad comment he made about your cake

That's fabulous

[itsallgrand]

I don't think he even realized it was the cake you are making.

 

But yes, that's taking things too personally. It's a cake. I guess you won't want honest feedback but rather would hear only how great it is. You are making something you aren't familiar with so of course there's a risk it doesn't turn out perfect. Big deal. That's how you learn.

[j.man]

I think a couple others have a great point that he just might not have known what the heck you were sending him. Especially if you just sent the photo on its own.

 

But even had he known, I don't know what you're expecting sending him a half-made cake, especially after he commented on wanted to try it. I'd assume it was some kind of joke, like, "OK, here you go." Apparently it was you showing him you were hard at work? Don't really get it, but fair enough. With that, I do agree it was a foot-in-mouth moment for him, but I can't understand the offense. Your half-finished cake didn't look like a treat to eat. Are you preparing it in a way it's meant to look amazing every step of the process or something? "It's not finished yet, nerd" seems like the most normal and appropriate response.

[tattoobunnie]

When my hubby makes something ugly or dry, or unflavorful, I tell him. You will never be great if he coddles you all the time.

[fixyou_]

Why'd you send him a picture of a half-made cake?

 

Ha. It wasn’t a half-made cake. It was the stock picture of the hazelnut torte. If it was a crappy half-made cake I wouldn’t have cared.

[fixyou_]

When my hubby makes something ugly or dry, or unflavorful, I tell him. You will never be great if he coddles you all the time.

I don’t need coddling, it isn’t ugly... if he doesn’t like it too, bad. I just think it was rude for him to be so dismissive especially after encouraging me to find more hobbies.

[fixyou_]

Yeah you are being too sensitive. I mean let's be honest - a half baked layer cake isn't exactly attractive and he probably has no clue what he is looking at other than a messy something or other.

 

Also, are you baking this because you enjoy it and you found this recipe that you wanted to try out or are you just doing it trying to impress and get approval. I really hope you are doing this for the love of baking, so try not to take yourself too seriously. Especially when trying a recipe for the first time. Might be fabulous and you'll make it again and again or might turn out to be meh.

 

I am making it because it’s a vegan recipe and I want to be able to have a dessert. It’s a difficult four layered cake to make. Just figured he’d say something positive.

[fixyou_]

Yeah, that wasn't nice of him to say! It's like him taking you to a new restaurant he learned about, and you saying "That doesn't even look like a good place".

 

I agree with Pleadonot5, in that I think he just put his foot in his mouth. I, too, would forgive quickly. And give him a little sassy "I told you so" once he tastes it, which BTW sounds amazing.

Thanks. At this point I just feel like I don’t even want to finish making it though. I would never say that to anyone. I just don’t know why you’d say that to your gf.

[fixyou_]

I don't think he even realized it was the cake you are making.

 

But yes, that's taking things too personally. It's a cake. I guess you won't want honest feedback but rather would hear only how great it is. You are making something you aren't familiar with so of course there's a risk it doesn't turn out perfect. Big deal. That's how you learn.

 

It’s not even that I wanted him to say it looked yummy. I wanted him to be like wow, you really seem to enjoy making it or something simple.

[fixyou_]

I think a couple others have a great point that he just might not have known what the heck you were sending him. Especially if you just sent the photo on its own.

 

But even had he known, I don't know what you're expecting sending him a half-made cake, especially after he commented on wanted to try it. I'd assume it was some kind of joke, like, "OK, here you go." Apparently it was you showing him you were hard at work? Don't really get it, but fair enough. With that, I do agree it was a foot-in-mouth moment for him, but I can't understand the offense. Your half-finished cake didn't look like a treat to eat. Are you preparing it in a way it's meant to look amazing every step of the process or something? "It's not finished yet, nerd" seems like the most normal and appropriate response.

Nope, it was a picture of the recipe photo. The cake looks great. I’m not expecting mine to come out beautiful. Was showing him what it would hopefully come out to look like.

[j.man]

Nope, it was a picture of the recipe photo. The cake looks great. I’m not expecting mine to come out beautiful. Was showing him what it would hopefully come out to look like.

Wait, so it wasn't even your cake you sent him a picture of?

 

RIP j.man

1986 - 2017

[browneyedgirl36]

My answer to your question is yes AND no.

 

I'm a baker myself; I've been doing it a long time, since my teens, and I love doing it. It's a bit of a hobby of mine, and I think I'm pretty good at it. In fact, I kind of pride myself on my dessert-making skills. So, yes, if my fiancee told me my cake -- or the one I was planning to make -- looked awful, I'd be hurt, and I'd probably be tempted to NOT make it -- or, if it was already made, not bring it to the event that I was planning to take it to -- but...I also think your boyfriend just put his foot in his mouth and wasn't very tactful, particularly as he had never even tasted the cake and had no idea what it was going to taste like; his comment was unnecessary, but try not to take it personally. Easier said than done, I know.

 

Now, if the cake doesn't turn out all that good, I think he should be honest with you (so that you'll learn from it), but he should be constructive when offering criticism. I firmly believe that constructive criticism is nearly always possible, and that there are very few instances, if any, when someone needs to act like Simon Cowell used to on American Idol (or like Gordon Ramsay on Hell's Kitchen, for a more apt comparison) If it's bad, you can say it's bad without actually saying "My God! this is disgusting! This tastes like garbage!"

 

Make your cake, take pride in the effort and time you put in, and enjoy it. If it's not perfect, that's OK. You can try again --with that recipe or a different one. I'm not a vegan, but that cake sounds delicious, and as a person of Italian heritage, I'm sure I'd enjoy it! (Hazelnuts are a favorite of mine...yum!)

[itsallgrand]

Nope, it was a picture of the recipe photo. The cake looks great. I’m not expecting mine to come out beautiful. Was showing him what it would hopefully come out to look like.

 

Jesus. Really?!

[j.man]

Jesus. Really?!

Imagine I was brushing my teeth when I read that development. This was pretty much my reaction exact. Mind = blown.

 

[video=youtube;U_xoICJChu8] ]

[itsallgrand]

Lol awesome ^

[Starlight925]

He's just not saying something sweet and encouraging, like another female would. A female friend would say, "Oh my gosh, that looks great!", knowing how much work and love will go into it.

 

He sounds just more matter-of-fact.

 

That being said, I do think you're being a bit oversensitive here.

 

Just let this go, and let him see and taste the finished product.

[j.man]

I wanna see the picture of this cake.

[DancingFool]

Ha. It wasn’t a half-made cake. It was the stock picture of the hazelnut torte. If it was a crappy half-made cake I wouldn’t have cared.

 

.....Sooo you are creating all this drama about a stock photo......think about it OP...... there is being sensitive and then there is picking an intentional fight.....

 

As for the cake, it doesn't matter if it took you three days to make it or 30 minutes. Either it's good or it isn't. You don't get points just for working hard.

[Batya33]

I have a somewhat different opinion. It was your choice to bake a complicated cake for a holiday, which just adds to the pressure. I'm sure there are plenty of easier vegan cakes or where you use a mix (yes, a vegan mix). I wouldn't blame it on "he wants me to have more hobbies" because he didn't say "I want you to start having a new baking hobby in time for Thanksgiving so you can show the guests what a great baker you are of complicated recipes". Yes, baking is a wonderful hobby and I like to bake and admire people who can bake complicated desserts. Start small, start slowly -you tried to skip a lot of steps, you're anxious about it and yes being somewhat hypersensitive. Good luck and I'm sure it will come out fine.

[fixyou_]

.....Sooo you are creating all this drama about a stock photo......think about it OP...... there is being sensitive and then there is picking an intentional fight.....

 

As for the cake, it doesn't matter if it took you three days to make it or 30 minutes. Either it's good or it isn't. You don't get points just for working hard.

 

I’m not done with the cake... it’s neither good nor not good... wasn’t picking a fight. I let it go with him but came on here to vent about it.