why does he follow so many random women on instagram?

[sansa91]

No, they are not.

 

If you keep going after that type of guy, though, you need to be re-evaluating your own standards and boundaries. If that's what you really believe this particular guy is like, then it makes zero sense for you to keep hanging on and hoping he starts to pay more attention to you.

 

Im not hoping like a helpless person for him to pay attention to me. Its not like that. He is confusing though as I mentioned before too. if it was so obvious that he doesn't see me.any other way than I would have not been asking any questions. But why talk to me about marriage and kids. I iddnt mention this before but he called me two faced becsuse he thinks I talk badly about him to my friends but with him im a nice person. Why even care if im just a FWB. he shouldn't care or react to anything I say or do if it's just casual for him. So sometimes it's really not that clear cut

[boltnrun]

I see a lot of talk, but not much action.

 

I'm not sure how you get "marriage" from him sending you a pic of himself to show your mom.

 

And yeah, he can talk about marriage and kids with you, but then he only sees you 2-3 times a month and won't have physical contact with you unless it leads to sex.

 

He wants to make sure you're always available on the 2-3 days a month he decides he wants something from you.

 

You know, the guy I mentioned who I "saw" for almost two years? He'd gone from seeing me all weekend every weekend to only once every six weeks. However, he came unglued when he thought he'd seen me with another man. Blew up my phone, almost was in tears! But did that mean he wanted marriage and kids with me? No! It meant he was afraid someone else might be playing with his "toy" and it might mean I wouldn't be as available to him as he wanted me to be.

 

Don't confuse wanting you to keep yourself available to him and cheap talk that isn't followed with actions with him being in love with you or even considering himself in a committed, exclusive relationship with you.

 

You said yourself if you start acting too into him he pulls away. Does that say "marriage and kids" to you when he does that??

[sansa91]

I see a lot of talk, but not much action.

 

I'm not sure how you get "marriage" from him sending you a pic of himself to show your mom.

 

And yeah, he can talk about marriage and kids with you, but then he only sees you 2-3 times a month and won't have physical contact with you unless it leads to sex.

 

He wants to make sure you're always available on the 2-3 days a month he decides he wants something from you.

 

You know, the guy I mentioned who I "saw" for almost two years? He'd gone from seeing me all weekend every weekend to only once every six weeks. However, he came unglued when he thought he'd seen me with another man. Blew up my phone, almost was in tears! But did that mean he wanted marriage and kids with me? No! It meant he was afraid someone else might be playing with his "toy" and it might mean I wouldn't be as available to him as he wanted me to be.

 

Don't confuse wanting you to keep yourself available to him and cheap talk that isn't followed with actions with him being in love with you or even considering himself in a committed, exclusive relationship with you.

 

You said yourself if you start acting too into him he pulls away. Does that say "marriage and kids" to you when he does that??

but then you have to see it from my side too and how I respond to the talk. I'm not particularly responsive either.

 

I just.think he wanted.to be introduced to my mum, he'l be like tell your mum im a good guy.

 

yehhh he doesn't like hugging. but either way I havnt gone the full way with.him anyway

 

it's a bit extreme to cry over something.that can be.easily replaced then no? any woman can become a toy. just like my guy why would he come after me when I stop talking to him since he can get way more than what I'm giving away from somebody else. There are a lot of women out there who are alright with.casual sex.and i I don't even give that

 

he doesn't pull away. I cnt remember sayimg that lol. he's good at replying quickly if I message him and he will usually agree.to meet up. and sometimes we have met.up and there's no physical contact involved we just hang out and he seems fine with that. will spend hours just talking to me.

[lostandhurt]

What do you want? Do you want a guy that is emotionally available? Can show an emotional connection to you even if it will not lead to sex? Likes to hug, cuddle, hold hands and just be close to you?

 

This guy sounds distant but you don't seem like you know what you want either. You complain about him but then defend him. That is confusing to us...

 

Once you decide what you want in a man then you can decide if he is for you.

 

PS Marriage and children REQUIRE a man that is emotionally available or you might as well file for divorce right now.

 

How old are the both of you again?

 

Lost

[MissCanuck]

Im not hoping like a helpless person for him to pay attention to me. Its not like that. He is confusing though as I mentioned before too. if it was so obvious that he doesn't see me.any other way than I would have not been asking any questions. But why talk to me about marriage and kids. I iddnt mention this before but he called me two faced becsuse he thinks I talk badly about him to my friends but with him im a nice person. Why even care if im just a FWB. he shouldn't care or react to anything I say or do if it's just casual for him. So sometimes it's really not that clear cut

 

Because it keeps you right where he wants you, when it's convenient for him. His sweet-talk about the future works quite well, evidently. You've mentioned it several times in this thread, citing it as proof he feels something for you. But unless you two are actually a couple, it's just that: talk. You need to not put so much weight on that.

 

Also, he gets upset if he thinks you're criticizing him because he has an ego to protect. Most people wouldn't like being spoken about in a negative way, regardless of the source.

 

I think you're clutching at straws here, OP. I don't see any of the above as evidence that this is more than casual. By your own admission, he's not overly affectionate or "lovey-dovey" with you, and you're not sleeping together (and good for you for not going there with him) so this isn't exactly FWB territory either. How old are you both?

[sansa91]

What do you want? Do you want a guy that is emotionally available? Can show an emotional connection to you even if it will not lead to sex? Likes to hug, cuddle, hold hands and just be close to you?

 

This guy sounds distant but you don't seem like you know what you want either. You complain about him but then defend him. That is confusing to us...

 

Once you decide what you want in a man then you can decide if he is for you.

 

PS Marriage and children REQUIRE a man that is emotionally available or you might as well file for divorce right now.

 

How old are the both of you again?

 

Lost

 

well of course everyone wants that. he was like that right at the beginning when he said he liked me and had feelings for me, he was like a completely different person then and then he just stopped all of a sudden because In his view I betrayed him by going to see this other guy who was in a bad place at the time. And in terms of hugs hand holding etc he's neevr been the same since.

when i mention the hugs and hand holding now even though I don't initiate any of that myself he will be like but you're not into that, you don't like that stuff, even though I'm the one talkig about it.

 

I don't defend him, I'm trying to give the full picture here, to show that he is confusing himself sometimes. So don't mistake that as I really like the way he witholds certain things that I want.

 

I'm in my mid twenties, he's approaching 30. pretty much all his friends are married. he's one of the only ones who isn't.

[sansa91]

Because it keeps you right where he wants you, when it's convenient for him. His sweet-talk about the future works quite well, evidently. You've mentioned it several times in this thread, citing it as proof he feels something for you. But unless you two are actually a couple, it's just that: talk. You need to not put so much weight on that.

 

Also, he gets upset if he thinks you're criticizing him because he has an ego to protect. Most people wouldn't like being spoken about in a negative way, regardless of the source.

 

I think you're clutching at straws here, OP. I don't see any of the above as evidence that this is more than casual. By your own admission, he's not overly affectionate or "lovey-dovey" with you, and you're not sleeping together (and good for you for not going there with him) so this isn't exactly FWB territory either. How old are you both?

well I'm there as it is, I havnt gone anywhere, therefore there isn't really any need for him to mention marriage and kids, that's only if I threatened to leAve or become distant.

its ironic though the last time I met.him he got angry at me, saying he's the one that plans all our days out and all I do according to him is come and leAve again without doing anything else. it was like an outburst, never heard him tht angry. I didn't ask him to clarify that though, perhaps I should have. I was thinking what does he want in addition, if he's a certain way with me, treating me more like a friend, im not going to be all over him.

 

Yes he doesn't like me criticising hin, he will just talk over me and not listen. personally I think in an attempt to not confront what I'm saying and to get his point across.

 

actually when I think about his behaviour he's f****** weird.

[Andrina]

You ask why he speaks of marriage if he didn't foresee this with you. Why do certain men get married while already cheating on their fiancee and continue doing so while married? I can't figure out why they just don't have short term relationships instead. People are too complex to understand, but my guess is that he's feeding you breadcrumbs to keep you on the trail. He likes the arrangement. He gets regular sex with someone who puts in 95% of the effort.

 

You're giving him all of the power here. You imply that if you distance yourself and he reaches out, you will gulp the bait and allow yourself to be reeled back in by him.

 

What about your needs? How about writing down a list of must-haves along with a list of deal breakers as far as relationships go? What you need to do now and in the future is stick to the list. If there are deal breakers, you break up immediately. No second chances. If he lacks must-haves, same thing. You have to have standards, and you have to stick to them. That's the secret to relationship happiness.

 

I like a guy with healthy hobbies. You can estimate how many hours a day it takes to follow hundreds of women on instagram. Those are hours he's choosing to spend on other women other than you, or time that could be spent on other healthy activities like career enhancement or playing a sport or another healthy outlet. Doing the instagram thing would be a deal breaker on my list.

 

This is such a shallow relationship that is not progressing. When I met my future husband, he was so crazy about me that he arranged dates with me 2 or 3 days a week from the very beginning. Some people might find this too much, but we matched in every way as far as what we wanted in a relationship.

 

It doesn't matter that you've invested so much time with him. It's really a blink of an eye during one's lifetime. People can start over at any time. Being frustrated and stressed out over dating again is really worth that effort when you are finally able to meet a man worthy of you, who makes you feel like the special person you are. I started over after divorcing at age 45 and had to endure many years of stressful dating. It was all worth it when I met a man who makes me his priority and shows me how much I mean to him with his actions, not just his words, but he's good at both.

 

I wish the same for you. End things with Mr. Nowhere Man. Stay no contact for closure. Be alone until you feel ready to stick to your list. Good luck. You are strong enough to do what's best for yourself. Make it happen.

[lostandhurt]

So you did something he didn't like (visiting a male friend) and he is now withholding affection and being emotionally distant?

 

He was affectionate and close before so you know he is capable but he has chosen to punish you for your actions. Why do you want to stay with a guy that does this? If he is upset about what you did then you either work it out or break up. There shouldn't be some ongoing punishment for what happened. It just isn't healthy.

 

You are very young but shouldn't waste anymore time on this guy. He acts like he is in high school and you are lucky to have him. He is lucky you have hung around as long as you have in my opinion.

 

You do know you can do way better than this right? Have you been in a healthy relationship before?

 

Lost

[sansa91]

You ask why he speaks of marriage if he didn't foresee this with you. Why do certain men get married while already cheating on their fiancee and continue doing so while married? I can't figure out why they just don't have short term relationships instead. People are too complex to understand, but my guess is that he's feeding you breadcrumbs to keep you on the trail. He likes the arrangement. He gets regular sex with someone who puts in 95% of the effort.

 

You're giving him all of the power here. You imply that if you distance yourself and he reaches out, you will gulp the bait and allow yourself to be reeled back in by him.

 

What about your needs? How about writing down a list of must-haves along with a list of deal breakers as far as relationships go? What you need to do now and in the future is stick to the list. If there are deal breakers, you break up immediately. No second chances. If he lacks must-haves, same thing. You have to have standards, and you have to stick to them. That's the secret to relationship happiness.

 

I like a guy with healthy hobbies. You can estimate how many hours a day it takes to follow hundreds of women on instagram. Those are hours he's choosing to spend on other women other than you, or time that could be spent on other healthy activities like career enhancement or playing a sport or another healthy outlet. Doing the instagram thing would be a deal breaker on my list.

 

This is such a shallow relationship that is not progressing. When I met my future husband, he was so crazy about me that he arranged dates with me 2 or 3 days a week from the very beginning. Some people might find this too much, but we matched in every way as far as what we wanted in a relationship.

 

It doesn't matter that you've invested so much time with him. It's really a blink of an eye during one's lifetime. People can start over at any time. Being frustrated and stressed out over dating again is really worth that effort when you are finally able to meet a man worthy of you, who makes you feel like the special person you are. I started over after divorcing at age 45 and had to endure many years of stressful dating. It was all worth it when I met a man who makes me his priority and shows me how much I mean to him with his actions, not just his words, but he's good at both.

 

I wish the same for you. End things with Mr. Nowhere Man. Stay no contact for closure. Be alone until you feel ready to stick to your list. Good luck. You are strong enough to do what's best for yourself. Make it happen.

thanks for your kind advice.

guys are just horrible sometimes. I seem to have more of a moral compass than this guy.like id never be able to be that false with someone if I genuinely didn't see them as someone I wanted to marry I wouldn't even put that in their head, isn't that cruel ? who even thnks like that?

 

I think he's definitely.someone who enjoys having power. To be honest the instagram stuff he's been doing for some time now. Instead of directly addressing it I made sly.digs instead. I was like I can see you like the very average looking horse face women (forgive me but I was angry). He responded yes that's what i like that's my type. Which actually angered me even more. but after that I left it, but everyday it's another new woman he will start following. I personally think I'm attractive (according to others) , im usually a nice and fun person so what is his problem. is it the no sex? thanks part I should correct you on I do have standards because I havnt given that up to him even though he's wanted it for some time. I always think if he was a bit nicer then the percentage of him gettin any of that from me would be higher but still not a 100%.

 

I know it's a shallow relationship, maybe just a better friendship. I really was thinking today of just ending whatever this is for good. I wonder how he would feel then.

[sansa91]

So you did something he didn't like (visiting a male friend) and he is now withholding affection and being emotionally distant?

 

He was affectionate and close before so you know he is capable but he has chosen to punish you for your actions. Why do you want to stay with a guy that does this? If he is upset about what you did then you either work it out or break up. There shouldn't be some ongoing punishment for what happened. It just isn't healthy.

 

You are very young but shouldn't waste anymore time on this guy. He acts like he is in high school and you are lucky to have him. He is lucky you have hung around as long as you have in my opinion.

 

You do know you can do way better than this right? Have you been in a healthy relationship before?

 

Lost[/quote,

yes at the time he gave me an ultimatum to choose between visiting my.friend and staying with him, he said if I go see the guy it's over. I chose to see the guy and it's not really been at that level it was since then. And obviously after that he just went back to his old habits of checking out women 24/7 and who knows what else.

 

I mean there was a time I was going on a lot of dates at that time me and him were not really in contact as much, since he started talkig to his ex again and I had no choice really but to see other people. then it didn't.work out with any of those people and I don't know the story but him and his ex stopped talkig and he then started paying me.more attention and it sort of went back to us hanging out a lot again and him wanting to be physical etc etc.

 

and thanks for saying that because It reminded me exactly.what iv said to myself.before. That he is lucky to have had me for all this time, regardless of.his crappy complacent behaviour. I hope he feels at least.some of what iv been feeling this.whole time when I finally find someone more on my level. He will then perhaps be left with tears in his eyes.

[sansa91]

So you did something he didn't like (visiting a male friend) and he is now withholding affection and being emotionally distant?

 

He was affectionate and close before so you know he is capable but he has chosen to punish you for your actions. Why do you want to stay with a guy that does this? If he is upset about what you did then you either work it out or break up. There shouldn't be some ongoing punishment for what happened. It just isn't healthy.

 

You are very young but shouldn't waste anymore time on this guy. He acts like he is in high school and you are lucky to have him. He is lucky you have hung around as long as you have in my opinion.

 

You do know you can do way better than this right? Have you been in a healthy relationship before?

 

Lost

 

yes at the time he gave me an ultimatum to choose between visiting my.friend and staying with him, he said if I go see the guy it's over. I chose to see the guy and it's not really been at that level it was since then. And obviously after that he just went back to his old habits of checking out women 24/7 and who knows what else.

 

I mean there was a time I was going on a lot of dates at that time me and him were not really in contact as much, since he started talkig to his ex again and I had no choice really but to see other people. then it didn't.work out with any of those people and I don't know the story but him and his ex stopped talkig and he then started paying me.more attention and it sort of went back to us hanging out a lot again and him wanting to be physical etc etc.

 

and thanks for saying that because It reminded me exactly.what iv said to myself.before. That he is lucky to have had me for all this time, regardless of.his crappy complacent behaviour. I hope he feels at least.some of what iv been feeling this.whole time when I finally find someone more on my level. He will then perhaps be left with tears in his eyes.

[firelily]

I hope he feels at least.some of what iv been feeling this.whole time when I finally find someone more on my level. He will then perhaps be left with tears in his eyes.

 

Your focus should be on you and not on him. All this time your focus is on him as if he was a more important human being than you. If you want to find yourself someone else, do it for yourself, not to make your ex- feel one way or the other. Sorry but unless you learn to put yourself first, think of what you need and not fixate on other guys and adapt to their weird crap, you're gonna keep attracting guys who will abuse your weekness, rather than healthy people who want to build a happy relationship with a confident, independent woman. Just let it all go and for once think about what YOU need and deserve.

[sansa91]

Your focus should be on you and not on him. All this time your focus is on him as if he was a more important human being than you. If you want to find yourself someone else, do it for yourself, not to make your ex- feel one way or the other. Sorry but unless you learn to put yourself first, think of what you need and not fixate on other guys and adapt to their weird crap, you're gonna keep attracting guys who will abuse your weekness, rather than healthy people who want to build a happy relationship with a confident, independent woman. Just let it all go and for once think about what YOU need and deserve.

 

I understand what your saying but it's not that way at all I always put myself first I usually.do what I want. Even though it seems I don't I only messaged him after six whole days. I ws just saying let's go watch a film (I paid last time it's his turn now) he barely said two words, I didn't know if it was a yes or a no and then weirdly just ignored my message. Its funny becsuse that hasn't happened in a while but yesterday it did.

 

I know I should let it all go but i don't think he should get off free without any repercussions an carry on with other people.

[MissCanuck]

i don't think he should get off free without any repercussions an carry on with other people.

 

Unfortunately, life usually doesn't work like that. It keeps you stuck and hurt, while he carries on with himself and doing what he wants. Your attempt to punish him in some way will really only punish you, as you remain negative and vengeful and focused on him. People do terrible things all the time and walk away unscathed. It sucks, yes. But part of maturing is letting go of people who are not a positive influence in your life.

 

And really, what sort of repercussions do you feel he should face? And for what, precisely? He was never your boyfriend, and promised you nothing. You are only stringing yourself along by continuing to engage with someone who's not that into you, girl.

[firelily]

Try to start a journal. Instead of sentences:

- HE did such and such wrong to me

- HE is a bad person

- HE is a bad boyfriend

- HE deserve repercussions

- HE should realize how much he hurts me

- HE should stop watching women on the instagram

- HE shouldn't have joked about marriage when he isn't serious about me

etc.

 

start writing sentences like

- >II

- I chose to stay in this arrangement for a year, but I am choosing not to stay in it any longer

- I want to feel happy and positive

- I want to be with around people who appreciate me

- I will break up with him, as a formality, cut off contact, never care again how he feels or what he does, and focus just on myself

- I will date a partner who's attentive, enthusiastic and commited

 

etc.

 

As for now, you don't live in your head. You live in his head, analysing him. You're you and you're more important than this. I encourage you to talk to someone, a therapist maybe, to help you become a more independent, self-focused person. You're a protagonist of your own movie and you act like the dude you're dating was a protagonist and you're just this hollywood female character who has no personal goals except for supporting the protagonist, chasing after him, being hurt by him etc. Be a Wonder Woman and not Pepper Potts.

[firelily]

Btw I'm sorry if I'm mean to you, Sansa - truth is, I could use myself half of the advice I give you here. It just makes me frustrated to see a woman being so dismissive to herself, so focused on someone so not worth it.

[Andrina]

You will never know how he feels when you eventually find a man worthy of you because you will be a smart woman who cuts all contact with him. It's necessary for closure and moving on, and a new man won't accept you communicating with an ex. It's not about what he will feel because he's insignificant to you. He doesn't deserve any more thoughts in your brain space. You took a risk by dating him and it didn't pan out. So what? People date and break up all the time when it doesn't work. It's a good time to start your new year feeling good about the changes you will be making to make your life what it should be. Invite a girlfriend over to bake cookies. Start a fun new hobby you've always been interested in. Do volunteer work. Take dance lessons or a cooking class. Take a mini trip with a friend. Pamper yourself and enjoy life solo for a while. I recommend the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It helped me learn to have more positive dialogue going on in my head and gave me incentive to achieve what I wanted in life. Take care.

[sansa91]

Unfortunately, life usually doesn't work like that. It keeps you stuck and hurt, while he carries on with himself and doing what he wants. Your attempt to punish him in some way will really only punish you, as you remain negative and vengeful and focused on him. People do terrible things all the time and walk away unscathed. It sucks, yes. But part of maturing is letting go of people who are not a positive influence in your life.

 

And really, what sort of repercussions do you feel he should face? And for what, precisely? He was never your boyfriend, and promised you nothing. You are only stringing yourself along by continuing to engage with someone who's not that into you, girl.

 

I suppose so. its not like ii havnt been open to other people, I do speak to other guys and and open minded. so its not how u think or anyone else on here thinks, my life does not revolve around him. tis week alone I met up with so many different friends of mine and didn't message him till six days later

[sansa91]

You will never know how he feels when you eventually find a man worthy of you because you will be a smart woman who cuts all contact with him. It's necessary for closure and moving on, and a new man won't accept you communicating with an ex. It's not about what he will feel because he's insignificant to you. He doesn't deserve any more thoughts in your brain space. You took a risk by dating him and it didn't pan out. So what? People date and break up all the time when it doesn't work. It's a good time to start your new year feeling good about the changes you will be making to make your life what it should be. Invite a girlfriend over to bake cookies. Start a fun new hobby you've always been interested in. Do volunteer work. Take dance lessons or a cooking class. Take a mini trip with a friend. Pamper yourself and enjoy life solo for a while. I recommend the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It helped me learn to have more positive dialogue going on in my head and gave me incentive to achieve what I wanted in life. Take care.

iv heard of that book years ago. listen al of those things you mentioned I do all of that already, I do go to dance classes I do see all my friends I do a lot of fun things on my own too so it's not like that. IF MY life really was focused only on him then I would message him a lot more and I would be seeing him more often probably but I'm busy so I can't anyway. but the betrayal doesn't anger me any less. since remmeebr we started off as friends and he genuinely would look out for me. so I don't know how that turned into him treating me worse than the other guys he knew about in my life. Because I have been in tht position where the guy try to use me for one thing and he told me to stay away from thrm, so how can he possibly then go and become that exact person himself

[sansa91]

Btw I'm sorry if I'm mean to you, Sansa - truth is, I could use myself half of the advice I give you here. It just makes me frustrated to see a woman being so dismissive to herself, so focused on someone so not worth it.

 

no I understand but I value myself highly so am not dismissive trust me. I just don't understand why he would do that? he seems to b attracted to me since he's always the one being physical, he does get on well with me and we have done a lot of things together therefore I don't know why he has to look for other women anyway

[MissCanuck]

no I understand but I value myself highly so am not dismissive trust me. I just don't understand why he would do that? he seems to b attracted to me since he's always the one being physical, he does get on well with me and we have done a lot of things together therefore I don't know why he has to look for other women anyway

 

To be blunt, why wouldn't he?

 

From an objective standpoint, he is young and single and evidently keeping his options open. He isn't dating you on a serious basis, so as much as it sucks to hear, he probably is still looking at other potential interests. He just happens to be using Instagram as his medium.

[thealchemist]

It really just sounds like you are a LOT more invested in this relationship than he is. If you meet someone that wants something different in a relationship than you do you should just move on. Not try to force a fit.

 

He is obviously not wanting what you want. If you can't make ends meet then leave.

 

But after reading everything I really would never consider you two a couple.

 

He is happy with whatever you have and you are not. He lets you think it is whatever you want to think it is because it works either way for him.

 

You keep saying you don't understand why he is doing this...

 

I have a very easy answer for you. Because he can. He can because you let him.

 

So you are sexually active with a guy that you see only once every week or two? Then you are dumbfounded why he acts the way he does.

 

He has very little attachment yet has a willing sexual partner. THAT IS MOTIVATION ENOUGH.

 

You put up with it and he gets what he wants. He sounds like he has a very firm grasp of the situation. He doesn't care what title you put on each of you, because he still makes no pledge or obligation.

 

It is like you don't understand the negative side of the world we live in.

[sansa91]

To be blunt, why wouldn't he?

 

From an objective standpoint, he is young and single and evidently keeping his options open. He isn't dating you on a serious basis, so as much as it sucks to hear, he probably is still looking at other potential interests. He just happens to be using Instagram as his medium.

he's just an ass wipe then.

[sansa91]

It really just sounds like you are a LOT more invested in this relationship than he is. If you meet someone that wants something different in a relationship than you do you should just move on. Not try to force a fit.

 

He is obviously not wanting what you want. If you can't make ends meet then leave.

 

But after reading everything I really would never consider you two a couple.

 

He is happy with whatever you have and you are not. He lets you think it is whatever you want to think it is because it works either way for him.

 

You keep saying you don't understand why he is doing this...

 

I have a very easy answer for you. Because he can. He can because you let him.

 

So you are sexually active with a guy that you see only once every week or two? Then you are dumbfounded why he acts the way he does.

 

He has very little attachment yet has a willing sexual partner. THAT IS MOTIVATION ENOUGH.

 

You put up with it and he gets what he wants. He sounds like he has a very firm grasp of the situation. He doesn't care what title you put on each of you, because he still makes no pledge or obligation.

 

It is like you don't understand the negative side of the world we live in.

 

that actually makes a lot of sense. I so understand the world we live in, I just expect people to behave as well as I do but clearly it's too much to ask

 

there's no sexual activity going on, well I'd hardly call it that.

 

I'm gnna stop him from trying anything on me from now on see how that works out for him 😠