why does he follow so many random women on instagram?

[boltnrun]

it's not about conveniencertain at all. In the past I was more forward and all he seems to do is get bigheaded over it and start acting cocky. I DID USED TO aak him to come out with me and he would be like " soon and not to worry" and like " busy those days" basicly he just played games I think now he's better in terms of meeting up. But now I do feel like he's the one disrespecting me by following all those women yet I'm the one who has to open up and show how into him I am by askig those questions?

 

Why are you afraid to "show how into him" you are? Is it because whenever you have in the past he's backed away?

 

And yet, you still insist he's "implied" you're his girlfriend?

 

And of course he'll come after you when you back away! He's got you whenever he wants some attention, a hookup, etc., but he doesn't have to treat you like or act like you two are a couple. 100% convenient for him, and you're left agonizing over why he follows "random" women.

 

Why wouldn't you want a man who is proud to introduce you as his girlfriend/fiancee/wife and who doesn't play push-pull games? Who will see you as often as he can, not just 2 or 3 times a month? And who doesn't follow "random" women on social media?

[sansa91]

Why are you afraid to "show how into him" you are? Is it because whenever you have in the past he's backed away?

 

And yet, you still insist he's "implied" you're his girlfriend?

 

And of course he'll come after you when you back away! He's got you whenever he wants some attention, a hookup, etc., but he doesn't have to treat you like or act like you two are a couple. 100% convenient for him, and you're left agonizing over why he follows "random" women.

 

Why wouldn't you want a man who is proud to introduce you as his girlfriend/fiancee/wife and who doesn't play push-pull games? Who will see you as often as he can, not just 2 or 3 times a month? And who doesn't follow "random" women on social media?

 

yes of course I want all of the latter like everyone does.

 

the problem is iv known him for years now and in my opinion we've got history but clearly he doesn't care anyway.

 

he's the one who started all this, I was perfectly content being just his friend but he had to go and ruin it and continue to ruin me. typical. I didn't even see him like that until he said he had feelings for me and was into to me at the time. and by the time I got interested myself he then decides.decides yo start acting an ass and interested never stopped after that. After reading all your opinions I can't wait to see him see me married to another. He won't have me permanently being there at his convenience no more. to be fair im already quite.distant with him now than I used.to be. befre I used.to messge him everyday or evry other day now I can go a week or more.without contacting.him.

[Pleasedonot5]

Re: your last response to my post:

 

It doesn't matter? He's following women on a social media platform... How that has any bearing on your relationship is beyond me. That you're analyzing his social media behavior instead of communicating with him is bad.

 

Answer me this: is he allowed to follow people on social media?

[sansa91]

Re: your last response to my post:

 

It doesn't matter? He's following women on a social media platform... How that has any bearing on your relationship is beyond me. That you're analyzing his social media behavior instead of communicating with him is bad.

 

Answer me this: is he allowed to follow people on social media?

if you're dating someone surely your attention should be on them, instead everyday he's going on to instagram fin ding some average looking girls and following them, it's nt even a few there's hundreds, what normal person would like that? it's if I went n started following hundreds of guys how would he feel then. iv mentioned things to him before hl just call me paranoid and deny he's doing anything even if it's clear as day

[firelily]

You're casually dating someone for a year, who:

- is acting like "an ass"

- is supposedly a "mans***"

- "ruins you"

- "played mind games with you"

- who wouldn't meet you every week because he was "busy these days"

- when you tried to make a step towards him, he was acting cocky

- you don't even care to meet him every week or even write to each other every week

- you don't see your future with this guy anymore

 

Whether he follows someone on Instagram is not a problem here.

 

Besides, you are just friends with benefits or casually dating, so it's not wrong of him to follow other women, because you are not in a relationship. It doesn't matter if his attention is on you, because you're not his girlfriend.

 

The problem is that he is 0% committed and you imagine he is your boyfriend. You need to resolve this situation because you're not satisfied with all of this, and the instagram thing is an incredibly minor problem compared to all of this.

 

Also, before you enter another relationship, I think you have some internal work to do before you'll be able to build a happy relationship - to know what you want and be able to go after it. Take the responsibility for your life choices.

[boltnrun]

yes of course I want all of the latter like everyone does.

 

the problem is iv known him for years now and in my opinion we've got history but clearly he doesn't care anyway.

 

he's the one who started all this, I was perfectly content being just his friend but he had to go and ruin it and continue to ruin me. typical. I didn't even see him like that until he said he had feelings for me and was into to me at the time. and by the time I got interested myself he then decides.decides yo start acting an ass and interested never stopped after that. After reading all your opinions I can't wait to see him see me married to another. He won't have me permanently being there at his convenience no more. to be fair im already quite.distant with him now than I used.to be. befre I used.to messge him everyday or evry other day now I can go a week or more.without contacting.him.

 

Gee, I sure hope you don't marry someone else for the sole purpose of sticking it to this guy.

 

You obviously have strong feelings for him, but you must know you can do better.

 

Why waste another minute on him?

[MissCanuck]

Girl, you need to find a guy who is actually into you enough to make you his girlfriend.

 

This one isn't.

[sansa91]

Gee, I sure hope you don't marry someone else for the sole purpose of sticking it to this guy.

 

You obviously have strong feelings for him, but you must know you can do better.

 

Why waste another minute on him?

 

I suppose when we do talk if he is pretending. He's very good at keeping me around, he's quite charming. But who knows what he does behind my back. So its not always easy to see through his act.

 

the way i see it is I spent like two years or more around him so why would I want.to start again it's a lot of effort. Going through that whole process all over again. That's probably another reason why i stuck it out for so long. I'm not messaging him at the moment I'm going to see if he has the initiative to contact me.

[sansa91]

Girl, you need to find a guy who is actually into you enough to make you his girlfriend.

 

This one isn't.

he says that because we don't have s** that stops him from being all sweet to me. as I mentioned there's a lack of verbal affection, how he used to be with his exes. and he says it's because of thr lack of

[sansa91]

You're casually dating someone for a year, who:

- is acting like "an ass"

- is supposedly a "mans***"

- "ruins you"

- "played mind games with you"

- who wouldn't meet you every week because he was "busy these days"

- when you tried to make a step towards him, he was acting cocky

- you don't even care to meet him every week or even write to each other every week

- you don't see your future with this guy anymore

 

Whether he follows someone on Instagram is not a problem here.

 

Besides, you are just friends with benefits or casually dating, so it's not wrong of him to follow other women, because you are not in a relationship. It doesn't matter if his attention is on you, because you're not his girlfriend.

 

The problem is that he is 0% committed and you imagine he is your boyfriend. You need to resolve this situation because you're not satisfied with all of this, and the instagram thing is an incredibly minor problem compared to all of this.

 

Also, before you enter another relationship, I think you have some internal work to do before you'll be able to build a happy relationship - to know what you want and be able to go after it. Take the responsibility for your life choices.

 

the actual problem is I don't get this FWB and casual dating crap. Either you're into me or your not. don't play me or toy with me. I would rather him say im not into you and bye. rather than keep me around like his toy. But I did give him plenty of chances to do so and he won't, he refuses to let me go. I was testing him to see what he says and he doesn't give me confirmation of anything.

[MissCanuck]

he says that because we don't have s** that stops him from being all sweet to me. as I mentioned there's a lack of verbal affection, how he used to be with his exes. and he says it's because of thr lack of

 

I don't know what this means.

 

Can you explain?

[sansa91]

I don't know what this means.

 

Can you explain?

 

basically you know how guys and girls can be lovey dovey with their partners, in the way they speak to them. we.don't have that, he's not like that with me. I mentioned that to him and he says that if we had s**, which we don't, he would be like that towards me apparently. he says s** is emotional and physical. and he cnt be close.to me in that way otherwise

[MissCanuck]

basically you know how guys and girls can be lovey dovey with their partners, in the way they speak to them. we.don't have that, he's not like that with me. I mentioned that to him and he says that if we had s**, which we don't, he would be like that towards me apparently. he says s** is emotional and physical. and he cnt be close.to me in that way otherwise

 

Well, it sounds to me like he doesn't want a relationship with you and thus he doesn't act like a boyfriend with you. This includes following randoms online.

 

I am not sure why you're still there, to be honest. This sounds like a complete waste of your time. Why not cut your losses and find a guy who actually wants to date you?

[Moonpie215]

You just randomly said "I'm not going to be nice to you anymore?" He can take you away all he wants but that's still not going to meet your basic emotional need of commitment. Take it from me he's not serious if he's got a girl collection on his instagram. It is what it is. He can do it because you are not committed to each other. If he wanted to be serious he would have told you by now. In my opinion he is stringing you along and you need to actually tell him that you want to be in a relationship. If he says no or makes excuses then leave and move on and find someone who is only interested in you.

[firelily]

But I did give him plenty of chances to do so and he won't, he refuses to let me go. I was testing him to see what he says and he doesn't give me confirmation of anything.

 

It is not up to him to let you go. It is solely up to you to let yourself go. If you don't know where you stand with somebody, it it solely up to you to confront someone about it, no matter how nice it would be if it would be them to do it. You do that by actually confronting him about it, and not by leaving to check if someone pursues you. If someone treated you like this for 10 years, would you still passively hang there just because he didn't commit to you, talk to you, or broke up with you himself? Or would you take responsibility for your own life at some point?

 

You will have to be the one making decisions for yourself, because if you put it all into hands of others, some people will abuse you. What if you lived with a guy who steals money from you, but denies it? Would you expect him to say "sorry it was me to steal all the money"? Would you wait for years silently hoping he stops doing it? It is only your responsibility to leave in situations like that. You say he was the one to change your friendship to this. No, it was 50-50. You went along with it. You say he's ruining you by how he treats you. No, you're the one ruining yourself not taking responsibility and waiting for him to make a choice. It's not only his fault that you're confused about what you are. It's equally your decision, because you choose to be blind about it and you choose to imagine he is your boyfriend when he did never say that and clearly doesn't treat you like one.

 

He's a douchebag, but you're the only one that makes you stay in this situation by acting like a helpless victim of his choices. Take responsibility for yourself. No one in your life can.

[sansa91]

You just randomly said "I'm not going to be nice to you anymore?" He can take you away all he wants but that's still not going to meet your basic emotional need of commitment. Take it from me he's not serious if he's got a girl collection on his instagram. It is what it is. He can do it because you are not committed to each other. If he wanted to be serious he would have told you by now. In my opinion he is stringing you along and you need to actually tell him that you want to be in a relationship. If he says no or makes excuses then leave and move on and find someone who is only interested in you.

 

yeh he did something wrong at the time I can't remember exactly what. and he jst.kept apologising profusely and then talked about going away together. maybe Im wrong but I thought the guy wouldn't wanna go away if they don't c the girl in a more serious way. but he's always the one to say we wasted our summer beca use I never agreed.to go away with.him etc.

 

I havnt said anything like I want to be in a relationship..all I've said is how he isn't very affectionate.and he's just like He wood be if ther was sex involved.

 

he's just cn fusing and yet two days ago all he was going on about is what.what to name his kids. he said thyll be "Our" kids

[sansa91]

It is not up to him to let you go. It is solely up to you to let yourself go. If you don't know where you stand with somebody, it it solely up to you to confront someone about it, no matter how nice it would be if it would be them to do it. You do that by actually confronting him about it, and not by leaving to check if someone pursues you. If someone treated you like this for 10 years, would you still passively hang there just because he didn't commit to you, talk to you, or broke up with you himself? Or would you take responsibility for your own life at some point?

 

You will have to be the one making decisions for yourself, because if you put it all into hands of others, some people will abuse you. What if you lived with a guy who steals money from you, but denies it? Would you expect him to say "sorry it was me to steal all the money"? Would you wait for years silently hoping he stops doing it? It is only your responsibility to leave in situations like that. You say he was the one to change your friendship to this. No, it was 50-50. You went along with it. You say he's ruining you by how he treats you. No, you're the one ruining yourself not taking responsibility and waiting for him to make a choice. It's not only his fault that you're confused about what you are. It's equally your decision, because you choose to be blind about it and you choose to imagine he is your boyfriend when he did never say that and clearly doesn't treat you like one.

 

He's a douchebag, but you're the only one that makes you stay in this situation by acting like a helpless victim of his choices. Take responsibility for yourself. No one in your life can.

 

I totally get all of that. but I just want to catch him out or find something concrete so I can confront him about it.

 

i nearly dismissed him cmpletely.when I realised he was on the phone in the middle of the night..but he denied it and said his phone was off so it probaby went to voicemail I said I did t hear any voicemail messages it simply. kept saying call waiting

[sansa91]

It is not up to him to let you go. It is solely up to you to let yourself go. If you don't know where you stand with somebody, it it solely up to you to confront someone about it, no matter how nice it would be if it would be them to do it. You do that by actually confronting him about it, and not by leaving to check if someone pursues you. If someone treated you like this for 10 years, would you still passively hang there just because he didn't commit to you, talk to you, or broke up with you himself? Or would you take responsibility for your own life at some point?

 

You will have to be the one making decisions for yourself, because if you put it all into hands of others, some people will abuse you. What if you lived with a guy who steals money from you, but denies it? Would you expect him to say "sorry it was me to steal all the money"? Would you wait for years silently hoping he stops doing it? It is only your responsibility to leave in situations like that. You say he was the one to change your friendship to this. No, it was 50-50. You went along with it. You say he's ruining you by how he treats you. No, you're the one ruining yourself not taking responsibility and waiting for him to make a choice. It's not only his fault that you're confused about what you are. It's equally your decision, because you choose to be blind about it and you choose to imagine he is your boyfriend when he did never say that and clearly doesn't treat you like one.

 

He's a douchebag, but you're the only one that makes you stay in this situation by acting like a helpless victim of his choices. Take responsibility for yourself. No one in your life can.

 

he talked himself out of it though by saying I'm insecure and paranoid etc etc

[MissCanuck]

I totally get all of that. but I just want to catch him out or find something concrete so I can confront him about it.

 

i nearly dismissed him cmpletely.when I realised he was on the phone in the middle of the night..but he denied it and said his phone was off so it probaby went to voicemail I said I did t hear any voicemail messages it simply. kept saying call waiting

 

What's the point of this, really?

 

You're not his girlfriend, so I am not sure how you feel it's your place to be confronting him about anything, really. He hasn't made any commitment or promises to you, based on what you wrote here. So if he is seeing or sleeping with someone else, well, that's his prerogative. I get it wouldn't be fun to hear, but I also don't get why you're still hanging on a guy who isn't dating you and whose behaviour you don't like.

[lostandhurt]

A great many people live on social media. They view it as an extension on their lives which makes them more interesting or special. It is a little disturbing to me how it has affected so many peoples REAL life.

 

The questions you should be thinking about is that you have been dating for a year and I assume you have had the exclusive talk so why aren't things deeper? Why are you best friends that have sex but there is no loving connection?

 

If I were dating a woman that followed hundreds of guys on anything we wouldn't be dating for very long. Real life is way more interesting than anything on social media...

 

Lost

[sansa91]

A great many people live on social media. They view it as an extension on their lives which makes them more interesting or special. It is a little disturbing to me how it has affected so many peoples REAL life.

 

The questions you should be thinking about is that you have been dating for a year and I assume you have had the exclusive talk so why aren't things deeper? Why are you best friends that have sex but there is no loving connection?

 

If I were dating a woman that followed hundreds of guys on anything we wouldn't be dating for very long. Real life is way more interesting than anything on social media...

 

Lost

 

I feel exactly the same as you. I don't get the hype about social media and I think people just like to show off really, slight narcissists all of them.

I personally think he lives on compliments from other people, he alwys mentions it to me if someone said.something good to him. Whereas I couldn't care less to be honest. I do what I do and if people don't like it they can go away.

 

I have brought all that stuff up and all he ever comes out with is he can't do all that without having s**. he can't be verbally.affectionate or huggy and hand holding if I guess it.doesn't lead to s**. I suppose he's obsessed with that. whereas me I can have a strong connection with.someome without the consummation. Having said that he is affectionate towards me in a different way, in a friendly way I guess, he likes to tease me and make fun of me constantly but also likes to have a good chat about different things. so I'm happy with how we get on as people it's just the social media stuff which gets me paranoid.

 

I just think what's the need to follow a new woman everyday when you could concentrate on the one you have. but I guess we are on different pages. *sighs*

[sansa91]

A great many people live on social media. They view it as an extension on their lives which makes them more interesting or special. It is a little disturbing to me how it has affected so many peoples REAL life.

 

The questions you should be thinking about is that you have been dating for a year and I assume you have had the exclusive talk so why aren't things deeper? Why are you best friends that have sex but there is no loving connection?

 

If I were dating a woman that followed hundreds of guys on anything we wouldn't be dating for very long. Real life is way more interesting than anything on social media...

 

Lost

 

I don't need s** to care about someone or miss someone or want to have them in my life. Men are just one directional and shallow I suppose. Unfortunately I have a lot more depth.depth to me than that. I mean if I didn't speak to him for a few weeks I would probably start to miss hiss presence and what would he be doing? just carrying on perving away on random women he doesn't even know on a personal level. or maybe its the fact he knows I'm around, if i left for good, maybe then he will realise what he's lost

[lostandhurt]

I am a man and I am not one dimensional in the least.

 

It sounds like you have a FWB thing going on here not a relationship.

 

Intimacy is more than just penetration and if he cannot show any emotion towards you unless it leads to sex then I would say you need to strongly consider ending this or at least redefining it as a FWB so you are free to date other men and hopefully meet someone that is emotional available, not just your best friend.

 

Lost

[MissCanuck]

I don't need s** to care about someone or miss someone or want to have them in my life. Men are just one directional and shallow I suppose. Unfortunately I have a lot more depth.depth to me than that. I mean if I didn't speak to him for a few weeks I would probably start to miss hiss presence and what would he be doing? just carrying on perving away on random women he doesn't even know on a personal level. or maybe its the fact he knows I'm around, if i left for good, maybe then he will realise what he's lost

 

No, they are not.

 

If you keep going after that type of guy, though, you need to be re-evaluating your own standards and boundaries. If that's what you really believe this particular guy is like, then it makes zero sense for you to keep hanging on and hoping he starts to pay more attention to you.

[sansa91]

I am a man and I am not one dimensional in the least.

 

It sounds like you have a FWB thing going on here not a relationship.

 

Intimacy is more than just penetration and if he cannot show any emotion towards you unless it leads to sex then I would say you need to strongly consider ending this or at least redefining it as a FWB so you are free to date other men and hopefully meet someone that is emotional available, not just your best friend.

 

Lost

 

I can get why it sounds like that. but why then does he talk about marriage and kids and.all that, in a lighthearted way but still surely if you saw.someone as just a FWB there's no way you would even dare to mention that stuff especially if the girl hasn't either, becsuse I definitely hav not. why does he say things like what we should name.our kids and how if we have a kid it would be.good so that he can have.someone looking after me. with regards to marriage he's like sending me.photos of himself and saying to me.to make sure I show my mum a picture of him, it's like he's .trying.to gauge.my reaction or.someting.he has.done that a few times to be honest.

 

I like it.simple if.you only See Me a certain way don't confuse things like that. he's just confusing.sometimes