dave4443 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 I'm almost four months in and can't imagine being in a much better place by the six month point A lot can happen a month ago I was a mess now I'm much better, pretty much acting how I used too just with pings of sadness now and then it'll happen you just won't notice it until you really think about it Link to comment
Everlong13 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 A lot can happen a month ago I was a mess now I'm much better, pretty much acting how I used too just with pings of sadness now and then it'll happen you just won't notice it until you really think about it God I hope so. I still miss him a lot despite knowing I deserve better. It's like a physical pain sometimes. I keep telling myself I deserve better and that he's done me a favour in the long run but it's not sinking in. Link to comment
joker78 Posted November 25, 2017 Author Share Posted November 25, 2017 everytime i look back at how i was a few months back, i know i have come a long way and i know many months down the road i would certainly be much better... but this journey is painful.. she appears in my mind every now and then when i am idle, when i do things familiar to us.. i know i should be concentrating on getting her out of my system totally, but there’s this tinge of sadness that it’s happening.. that there’s no way to mend this.. anyone feeling this as well? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I'm the same. 4 years together, apart 6 months and it's like he's already forgotten about me like he's already moved on. I've tried to pick myself up but I can't seem to do it without thinking about him yet he seems over it already People recover from breakups differently, and there is no right way or wrong way to it. I still love my very first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. In the meantime i married 3 times, each marriage ended by divorce or death. I had to accept that nothing could ever be with my first boyfriend ever again, so I went on with my life. That is what you have to do. I loved again, eventually, but I never lost the love I had for my first boyfriend. Whether we would have had a successful marriage is an unknown. It takes more than love to make a marriage work. I guess you could say it is an unrequited love, but I recognize that it may not withstood the trials and tribulations of a marriage. The heart wants what the heart wants. chi Link to comment
Carus Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 On a side note, that 'On This Day' function on FB, you can disable that. I HIGHLY recommend disabling that function! Right there with you buddy. Carus* Link to comment
joker78 Posted November 25, 2017 Author Share Posted November 25, 2017 On a side note, that 'On This Day' function on FB, you can disable that. I HIGHLY recommend disabling that function! Right there with you buddy. Carus* yeah carus, few weeks back i disabled any memories of her from my FB lol. if only we can do this to our brains as well! Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 That's a good shout, the "on this day" memory function is horrible! Link to comment
Carus Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Funny thing is, as far as I know my ex still has it on her FB.... I wonder how she deals with that...?? I guess because she feels a lot different than I do.... Link to comment
joker78 Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 Funny thing is, as far as I know my ex still has it on her FB.... I wonder how she deals with that...?? I guess because she feels a lot different than I do.... how do u know? my ex has been reading our private blog too.. i wonder if she has been missing me. but not that it matters anyway. they probably can deal with it cos they have already “moved on” yet they want to reminsce the past. Link to comment
joker78 Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 guys... i succumbed and checked their social media.. and all i got was a sick in the gut feel when i saw updates. what i don’t understand is why is she still checking out private blog for updates? is she waiting to hear from me? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 what i don’t understand is why is she still checking out private blog for updates? is she waiting to hear from me? Don't even go there. Link to comment
Everlong13 Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I had to delete timehop because it kept reminding me of stuff I was trying to block out. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 guys... i succumbed and checked their social media.. and all i got was a sick in the gut feel when i saw updates. what i don’t understand is why is she still checking out private blog for updates? is she waiting to hear from me? Social media was the biggest problem I had in my recovery. You just have to shut it all down and walk away from it. I would do it for a while and then go back out there and it would screw with my head for a few days. This happened multiple times and it's really hard to deal with. I've been off Facebook for about 3 months now and it's been wonderful. I don't miss it at all. I rarely think about my ex now. The only problem is is that I have to answer questions to the new girl that I'm dating about why I'm not on there. That's okay. The way I look at it, if someone needs to get a hold of me and they're actually pretty important in my life, they know how to dial a phone and call me or text me. Sometimes, you have to choose to look at something else when you think about your ex. I can't even count the nights that I spent listening to Ted Talks or something like that just to take my mind off of her. Eventually, my interest in other subjects, a new role at work, new objectives in life....etc.... begin to slowly fill the space that I had assigned to her in my heart and mind. As a result, I eventually healed(albeit, slower than most!) And I got to the point where I forgave her. However, I did not reach out to her after our last encounter as I did not see any behaviors that said to me that she was interested in a relationship. And that's okay! It takes a lot of strength to cut yourself off from social media but it's definitely worth it. Link to comment
joker78 Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 i was doing well the past week, going out with the new girl and distracting myself. i realized i stopped thinking about her so often anymore but.. today my colleague mentioned about seeing her outside with someone and it brought me crushing down again. i thought i was well, but the news of her crushed me again. a reality check i guess? sigh. i am really afraid i will never get over her Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 you will get over her buddy, these things take time. best of luck. Link to comment
EternalOptimis Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 These things come in waves. Bit over time the waves get less freque t and less overwhelming. Till one day, you barely feel them.. Link to comment
joker78 Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 thanks all.. i really cant wait till the day when i dont feel anything when i see her. it’s funny how things happen, i bumped into her at work today.. didnt expect her to be around as she was supposed to be on course. it was awkward, we avoided each other, turned away from each other when we see each other on the hallway.. when we were in the same room as other colleagues, it was just weird that we weren’t talking when we were both obviously listening out to each other’s news. i am very sure i dont have any more romantic feelings for her, basically just feelings of betrayal and anger.. when she left, i decided to drop her a friendly message and asked about her progress in her course. we had a civil chat (considering our last text was angry and messy) and everything ended well. although i am still sad and angry over what happened, i guess what hurt me more was how we had to ignore each other.. i know i may be sabotaging my own progress, but i want to be a bigger person. at least for today. i want to be a bigger person and show concern and show her that i am moving on.. i am sad that we dont talk like before, but i do not hold expectations anymore.. i am sad but i do hope to be friends with her one day. am i doing the right thing? Link to comment
joker78 Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hi all.. it’s been awhile. I would like to say i have been healing well, but I havent.. I managed to get through the major events(xmas, nye, new yr) without her. I got into a brief relationship with someone new but broke it off with her as we both couldnt connect well. I saw my ex a couple of times at work and we did talk abit in friendly terms.. I thought I was getting on well without her.. But these few weeks I have became weak again. I miss her, i miss our times together, I am afraid I cant find someone whom I can connect with like I did with her anymore.. I am feeling weak, down and really lonely :( just really needed to vent.. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hello Joker, Welcome back. Sorry you are still feeling it. It's perfectly normal this is happening. I guess talking with her is not helping, even if it's on friendly terms. You will meet someone and be happy again, for sure. Keep your thoughts on here buddy. Link to comment
joker78 Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hello Joker, Welcome back. Sorry you are still feeling it. It's perfectly normal this is happening. I guess talking with her is not helping, even if it's on friendly terms. You will meet someone and be happy again, for sure. Keep your thoughts on here buddy. hey sputnik, lol i was always around looking at your updates :) but yeah it sucks, really don’t know how long this will last. getting to know new people works both ways.. at my stage now i still cant stop comparing other ppl to her. having somebody new by your side sometimes make you feel more lonely.. :( Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hey Joker, Yes, there is no set time-frame.. people say that one day it will just stop hurting.. i'm not quite there yet either! The comparisons are inevitable, initially. It's true what you say though.. by the end of my relationship, I actually felt more lonely than I do now. Food for thought.. - Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Your loneliness is most likely the cause of you missing her. Dating and not connecting can make you feel worse and miss what you had with your ex also. But ask yourself, is it really her you miss, or what you had that was comfortable to you? Keep looking. It may take several dates with lots of women to find what you're looking for. Doesn't seem that you're ready to do this though. There's nothing wrong in being alone, besides the fact you can miss the companionship. When you find yourself comparing others to your ex, it's a sign you aren't willing and ready to accept anyone new into your life yet. I do it too, though I'm doing it less now. I am sincerely for the very first time in over seven months attracted to someone again, and I'm not comparing him to my ex. But the others I did because the attraction just wasn't there as it should have been, and it was too soon. Not to say I don't love my ex, but there's deeper reasons why I can't ignore him unfortunately. And I can go spend time with him, I'm just choosing not to. I am trying to get to the point of friendship and be okay with that. Hang in there. Each day is a new start. Link to comment
joker78 Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hey Joker, Yes, there is no set time-frame.. people say that one day it will just stop hurting.. i'm not quite there yet either! The comparisons are inevitable, initially. It's true what you say though.. by the end of my relationship, I actually felt more lonely than I do now. Food for thought.. - yeah i would be glad to see us get there.. the process gonna be long, i took years to get over my first love but i do remember(or rather forget) how one day i just wake up and realize i haven’t been thinking of her for days.. i guess being alone is better than being with someone and feeling more lonely than ever? Link to comment
joker78 Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Your loneliness is most likely the cause of you missing her. Dating and not connecting can make you feel worse and miss what you had with your ex also. But ask yourself, is it really her you miss, or what you had that was comfortable to you? Keep looking. It may take several dates with lots of women to find what you're looking for. Doesn't seem that you're ready to do this though. There's nothing wrong in being alone, besides the fact you can miss the companionship. When you find yourself comparing others to your ex, it's a sign you aren't willing and ready to accept anyone new into your life yet. I do it too, though I'm doing it less now. I am sincerely for the very first time in over seven months attracted to someone again, and I'm not comparing him to my ex. But the others I did because the attraction just wasn't there as it should have been, and it was too soon. Not to say I don't love my ex, but there's deeper reasons why I can't ignore him unfortunately. And I can go spend time with him, I'm just choosing not to. I am trying to get to the point of friendship and be okay with that. Hang in there. Each day is a new start. hey sweetgirl, thanks for your reply. you are right, i am not ready for another relationship at this point of time. there was a point of time when i was so lonely i just needed company.. when someone appeared we jumped into the relationship(both of us were rebounds to each other) and as proven.. most rebound r/s dont last. i felt more lonely than i ever was after the breakup. i had asked myself many times did i miss her, or was it that i missed the comfortable and familiar feeling i had with her. up till now i still dont have a clear answer.. i certainly miss her as a partner, but feelings have faded, ugly things happened.. probably i had been just ruminating and sugarcoating the past. i am happy to hear that u are into someone new! that’s like a whole new window of opportunities opened.. it’s comforting to know that we can be attracted to someone else other than our exes again. kind of make us feel sane again.. thank you sweetgirl, i wish you well too! let’s look forward to the new day with new beginnings. Link to comment
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