Husband said he's thinking of someone else Everyday

[Lisa Love]

I'm newly married after Dating for 4 years I got pregnant and we decided it was time to take the next step. As my pregnancy progressed towards the end he would pick redicoulous fights with me. One year in I have a six month old infant. I have to ask him in order for him to take the baby off my hands. Last night we got into a heated argument in the car about how I felt he does not Respect me and neither does his family. FYI his parents have still not seen the baby. he got angry and said you want to know the TRUTH here it is. I think about another girl back In the Middle East everyday and I wish I could be with her.

Talk about a nail in the coffin. now I'm at home with the baby while he works and I don't know where to go or who to turn to. So I came on this site for advice. My family is in New York I'm in Ohio. On top of that I don't think my parents want a divorced daughter with an infant in their home. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[thealchemist]

If he isn't "in" the marriage there is nothing you can do. It sounds pretty bad. If he won't work at improving your marriage with you then that is the end.

[melancholy123]

See if you can move home with your child for a short amount of time so that you can find a place to live with your child, get a job, and start your life on your own. It's only a matter of time before this man-child you married leaves you for someone else. He isnt into being a father.

[happyfrank]

Every marriages has it's trouble. When any human gets upset. They turn into a caveman. I think he said things to get you upset. You guys need to sit down and talk things out together alone. Divorce only happens during extreme circumstances. Both of you have a newborn. I can understand the frustration. Lack of sleep and time for youself can be mentally draining. If you guys come out of this. The relationship will get stronger. Please both of you need to speak with therapist and resolve differences.

 

Good luck..

[SherrySher]

I think you do need to move home with your parents for the time being till you can set up your own place and so on.

If he has admitted to thinking of someone else all the time now and wants to be with her, this isn't going to get any better. That is the worst thing you can tell your partner.

I hope you can remain strong for you and for your baby.

[ThatwasThen]

Do his parents live her or in the Middle East?

Why is it they haven't yet met their grand child?

How is it you dated for four years and all the while he was wishing he was with some chick in the Middle East? Is he from there and was going to school in the states or something?

 

I agree with those that suggest that you contact your family and tell them the mess you're in. Hopefully they will not be 'holes about it and take you and their grandchild in until you can get on your own two feet.

[abitbroken]

you can get through this.

 

btw, do his parents know you? Were they at the wedding? have you ever met them?

 

your parents love you -- if they knew that their daughter was living with a man who wanted another woman, they would be upset. They rather have you with them, and then maybe you can start working and move out.

 

I highly suggest you seek an attorney's advice because he may not allow you to move. He can't forbid you to leave him, but the court has to grant you permission to take the child to another state to live away from him. Also, i would seek to bar him from taking the child overseas if his parents live there. You may not see your child again. Maybe the best thing to do is taking a visit to your parents house with the child for a few weeks as a vacation and a chance to think would be in order and tell your parents what is going on at that time.

[Lester]

"I think about another girl back In the Middle East everyday and I wish I could be with her."

 

Caveman - maybe, cheater - likely, emotional abuse - absolutely.

 

You need to call his buff, but before you do, read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

[abitbroken]

"I think about another girl back In the Middle East everyday and I wish I could be with her."

 

Caveman - maybe, cheater - likely, emotional abuse - absolutely.

 

You need to call his buff, but before you do, read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

 

Lester, I normally agree with you --

However, i don't think Dobson can fix this.

If a man married a woman because she was pregnant out of duty but really was in love with someone else,

the parents don't like her and do not support the marriage, etc --- her marriage is a lie --- its annulment time - marriage under false pretenses.

Maybe in some hallmark hall of fame movie he falls in love with her -- but this is a sham marriage -- not a love match that fell apart.

[Lester]

Dobson does not take on the role of fixer or breaker.

Instead, he teaches how fear leads to appeasement, which in turn, creates unnecessary traps.

 

Be very careful suggesting dissolution after only thirteen short sentences.

Don't be the one blamed for breaking a triangle that could have been easily saved.

 

P.S., The nature of anonymous forums makes it impossible to ever know the full story. Tread lightly!

[Lisa Love]

Thank you all for you input I have ran all the suggested different scenarios through my mind. It don't think you can fix your husband wanting someone else. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and we couldn't even look at each other. It felt ackward. The truth is out and it's pretty painful. every time I run that sentence in my mind my heart drops . His family simply does not give a dam. They're in the US six hours away his dad was visiting a friend an hour away and did not make an extra hour trip to come see his first grandson. He excused his families behavior in the beginning as a culture difference but I see clearly now. I wish I could say my family won't judge me but I know they will. I guess I don't have a choice but to face reality.

[abitbroken]

He excused his families behavior in the beginning as a culture difference but I see clearly now. I wish I could say my family won't judge me but I know they will. I guess I don't have a choice but to face reality.

 

In every existing culture that i am familiar with, grandparents love grandbabies. If they don't dote on them like crazy, they are at least a sense of pride of family accomplishment/wealth in a good and abundant family. Its not the "culture" that makes them not see the grandbaby.

 

I think that you need to give your parents more credit. if you were running around with another guy, then i could see that they would judge you -- but you are not.

 

Will he go to marriage counseling to at least talk things out? The statement he made came in a moment of high emotion and maybe there could be rational discussion -- if he truly wishes to divorce you and marry the woman in the middle east, then you can have a sober conversation and perhaps separate amicably. If he doesn't really love someone else and he just said that to hurt you, then there is another story. Do you think his family has shunned him for not marrying a middle eastern woman and he blames you for it?

[Lisa Love]

Wow I never thought of that. I think that is exactly it. We just argued yet again and he said everyone knows this is a sham marriage because you got pregnant. I thought we got married out of love but apparently it was out of duty for him.