help! in a long term relationship but don't know what to do

[dan1985]

So im in a long term relationship with 2 children, for the first 10 years it was good had ups & downs like any couple but the last 4 years my partner has suffered with depression & it has changed his personality he now is paraniod i will find someone else or leave him and its made me really unhappy.

we are both in our 30's not married (even tho i really wanted to be by now) he's a good father & looks after us financially but our sex life has took a step back unless i initiate it. We have had numerous talks about our relationship over the last few years but i still feel unhappy & thought i would never cheat.... until last week when i had a one night stand with a guy from work !! it was completley out of character for me but it was so passionate i didn't want it to end.

My parther thinks i stayed at my mates and the guy i slept with has mutual friends with my partner but i really can't bring myself to tell my partner because it would break his heart, i feel terrible.

I want to split from my partner but when i said this a couple of years ago he cried & begged me to stay .

What should i do ?

[Andrina]

If you love him, get counseling, since obviously you two don't have the skills to fix things yourself. The counselor will probably recommend he take antidepressants. I doubt you love him, though, since cheating is one of the most hurtful things you can do to a partner. There are no excuses for betraying a partner like this. If there is no love left, go your separate ways. He can still continue to be a good father.

[Knight2001]

i'm guessing your partner was at home looking after the kids while you were out having sex with a guy from work. but that's another story.

i would either get counselling or seperate, and pray to God he doesnt find out. no human being deserves that betrayal.

[j.man]

Unfortunately, you didn't even have the "decency" to cheat on him with someone disconnected enough to not have any incentive to let your partner know himself. Pretty choice going for a guy with mutual connections.

 

Normally, I'm actually for either not telling if you know for certain you wouldn't do it again (seems doubtful in your situation) or breaking up without saying a word about it, but given the sloppy and irresponsible execution of your betrayal, you may not and probably do not have a choice in the matter. There's no telling who your coworker tells and there's no telling who they'd tell. It'd most likely be best he hear it from the horse's mouth.

 

I want to split from my partner but when i said this a couple of years ago he cried & begged me to stay .

Funny enough, men don't tend to react to their partner and children walking out the door with a smile and understanding nod. Time to put on your big girl pants. Personally, when kids are in the picture, I'd like to think counseling would precede splitting up, but if you or he isn't willing, I guess that's that.

[dan1985]

thank you for your reply & i think your right .

[SortofaMeme]

I know what it's like to be on the other side of situation. If I were you, I would go to counciling, as soon as you can before you think your boyfriend will find out about you cheating on him and only tell him during counciling. Also, I'm speaking from a position of sympathy for your poor boyfriend, DO NOT EVER cheat again, for his and for your kids sake. Good luck

[lostandhurt]

How is it always easier to cheat then to break up first?

 

If you do not love him any longer then end this relationship so he can hopefully find someone new and you will be free to sleep with who ever you choose.

 

He will find out sooner than later so you might as well step up and start taking responsibility for your actions. If you are not willing to seek out a counselor then sit down with him and tell him the relationship needs to end. DO NOT BLAME HIM for your cheating. Just tell him the relationship has gone down hill so much that you are not the person you used to be and have done a terrible thing that has shown you that you need to break up.

 

Do this in as nice and caring way possible.

 

Your life will not be all fun and games from now on of course. You will be alone taking care of the kids, you will be known at work as the woman that cheated with a coworker and it will take some time to recover from your choices but in time if you work hard and figure out who you really want to be there is no reason you cannot one day have a healthy, honest and respectful relationship.

 

Lost