TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 I really need some advice I'm not sure what to do... So my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we have a 4 year old together. We are both 24 years old. We currently live 5 minutes from his family and 1,500 miles from mine. Last Saturday my grandmother who raised me since I was 3 years old got in a severe car accident and broke her back. She just got surgery 3 days ago but she still has a long way to go since she is going to a inpatient rehab facility after the hospital to walk again and other things. She is currently raising my 3 year old nephew because my sister was deemed unfit (doing drugs etc). My grandmother has asked multiple people near her to help take care of my nephew and to help her when she comes home and they all said they couldnt. I really want to go help her out since she raised me and has done everything to help.me (help me out with bills and my daughter stuff when I struggled) my boyfriend doesn't want to move away from his family... I even told him I might just leave without him and take our daughter (I have custody) and he said okay go.. I really love this man but i think of what he's done to me (talked to 3 girls online and had a online relationship) and also I feel like he's choosing his family over me and his daughter when I really need him. I don't know what to do...go help out my grandmother or stay with my boyfriend.... Any advice Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 I would help my grandmother. She was there for you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Hmmm...boyfriend cheated on you several times and wants you to do things his way. Grandma took care of you and helped you when boyfriend didn't. Easy choice here. Choose Grandma. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Agreed - BUT you don't have to move there, either. You can just visit for as long as you're needed. Link to comment
TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 The doctors said it would take her a long time for her to be back to normal. And there's nothing for me in the other state except for my boyfriend. And he says if I wanna go it's over. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 What did you tell him after he cheated on you? Why does he get to cheat but you can't go help your Grandma? And where was he when Grandma was helping you with your child? Why wasn't HE helping with bills and stuff? Link to comment
TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 We argued a little but I loved him so I stayed. He says he doesn't wanna leave his family and if I were to leave he doesn't want me coming back because I'd be throwing away everything. My boyfriend was struggling with work so my grandmother helped me take care of some stuff that I needed. She always helped us with everything and I told him that she always helped us why can't we help her. And he says he doesn't want to move 1,500 miles away from his family. Because this would be a long term thing... Link to comment
TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 My grandmother is in really bad shape her van flipped three times and crashed into a tree. Shes been in the hospital for a week and has to go to rehab for however long it takes her. My grandmother really doesn't want my sister to get her son back because my sister is on drugs. But my grandmother feels like my sister will tell that my grandmother can't take care of him. And she knows the state won't give him back to her so he may go in foster care. And he knows all of this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Where are your parents? What about the father of the child? Link to comment
TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 Where are your parents? What about the father of the child? My parents say they can't help because they have to work. And my nephew's father is in jail. Unfortunately he wasn't born to the best of parents Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 The thing that really stands out to me here is that your boyfriend said it's over if you leave to help your grandma???? What kind of person would say that? Family should come first and a good boyfriend imo would be understanding that you need to take care of family without threatening breaking up. He doesn't seem that great from this post... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Since he has no appreciation for what your grandma did for HIS child, I presume he's paid her back? Link to comment
TamTamx3 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 Since he has no appreciation for what your grandma did for HIS child, I presume he's paid her back? Yes he did pay her back but I don't feel like that matters. She helped us when no one in his family wanted to and his family lived 5 minutes from us and she lived 1,500 miles away. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Yes he did pay her back but I don't feel like that matters. She helped us when no one in his family wanted to and his family lived 5 minutes from us and she lived 1,500 miles away. Exactly. So, it looks like he's forcing you to choose between him and your grandma. Which is selfish and ridiculous. Just know that if you give in to him, you may feel profound regret if your grandma can't get anyone to help her and ends up losing your nephew, in addition to any health consequences that may result from no one willing to help. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 If a BF ever threatened our relationship being over if I went to help family, he'd be history. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 If a BF ever threatened our relationship being over if I went to help family, he'd be history. This ^^^. Your lovely grandmother has effectively been a mother and emotional/practical support all your life. Most of the time we never get to thank these people enough. You have that opportunity now. Don't throw it over for a guy who's already cheated on you. Besides, if you did choose your boyfriend over your grandmother, and she passed her days with no support because of your choice - don't you think that might JUST affect your feelings for him in the long term? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 This ^^^. Your lovely grandmother has effectively been a mother and emotional/practical support all your life. Most of the time we never get to thank these people enough. You have that opportunity now. Don't throw it over for a guy who's already cheated on you. Besides, if you did choose your boyfriend over your grandmother, and she passed her days with no support because of your choice - don't you think that might JUST affect your feelings for him in the long term? Sure, and even if this were not a relative that raised you, what's with the threats just because you'd want to help someone you love? It's manipulation--that's what that is. Not love. Love doesn't impose ultimatums like that. Link to comment
sosavvy Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 This ^^^. Your lovely grandmother has effectively been a mother and emotional/practical support all your life. Most of the time we never get to thank these people enough. You have that opportunity now. Don't throw it over for a guy who's already cheated on you. Besides, if you did choose your boyfriend over your grandmother, and she passed her days with no support because of your choice - don't you think that might JUST affect your feelings for him in the long term? Agree 100%. You would never forgive yourself. I know you love him, but he does not respect or love you in the same way. Please don't make him a priority, this woman should be your priority. And your child of course. Which brings me to my next point. He says ok go, but he knows that includes bringing your child. What kind of partner and more importantly father is that?!? Link to comment
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