Long Time Friend Killed Herself...

[Snny]

I need some help with this. I am also planning to seek counseling as well (can't now because its Sunday).

 

I woke up this morning and found out that my closest best friend since high school has committed suicide. I knew from the getgo that she was having suicidal thoughts and she was seeking therapy. The last time I saw her, she told me this... so I pleaded to her that if she is ever having any of those thoughts to contact me ASAP and that I would come get her. I have been at the end of my rope with depression before and would have been a great support. I have texted her every once in awhile to see how she was doing.

 

I'm truly devestated. I'm going to a convention this summer that she introduced me to back on high school that helped me meet more friends... and I'm not going to lie... it's now going to be difficult to go there and not be reminded of her. I'm now not sure if I even CAN go.

 

Besides therapy, has anyone been through a time when someone they knew committed suicide? What did you do to cope with it? I really wish I can ask off from work, but this week is my last week with a company before moving on to a different one... and I am going through crying spells (I am a total hard a** and am one of the last people to cry). I'm not even sure if I can call out or how an employer will handle my sudden absence.

 

 

If anyone is reading this who is thinking about suicide... please know you got people who love you. Someone out there cares so much about your pain that they will do whatever they can to help you. Do not think you are a burden. Please believe in that. Killing yourself will hurt everyone else who is connected to you more than you can ever imagine. Please don't ever be afraid to reach out to your loved ones if you are in a crisis.

[Seraphim]

Snny,

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. ❤️

[mines]

This is devastating. I'm so very sorry. My uncle took his life at a very young age, early 20's. It was so hard on my mom, his oldest sister. Fast forward to the present - a local high school student, senior year, 3 weeks away from graduation, took his life. No one is sure why; he was a good student, had many friends, was a summer camp counselor with young kids, and overall a great person. He leaves behind two heart-broken parents and two younger siblings. They live near me, close to my daily running route. Friends of the family started a meal-train (basically people sign up and take dinner each night/leave in a cooler on their front porch. They also leave breakfast items, etc.) I signed up and will make a delicious homemade dinner/dessert in 3 weeks. I don't know them personally, my daughter knows them indirectly, I just wanted to do something to help.

 

Perhaps it could help you if you contacted your friend's family and offered assistance. Maybe take them a meal. It might help you heal, if you are helping them in their grieving process. Do something special for your friend, maybe plant a tree in her name, perhaps you can even start a "Meal Train" (there is a website....) and recruit friends/acquaintances. The family will be suffering for some time now, however they still need nourishment. It is somehow satisfying, to feed people. I don't know what it is.....but as a mom, I can say it's an act of love, to offer sustenance. Bless your heart, I'm so sorry and I am always here if you need to talk.

[SherrySher]

I am so sorry to hear this, sending many hugs. It is so hard to lose a loved one and even more so when it is in this way.

 

I had a friend who decided to take their own life. It is shocking, yes. It's difficult to get one's head around and there is always unanswered questions that will remain unanswered. I felt so badly for this person thinking of how they must have felt and wished that they would have gotten the help they needed.

It is never easy to think about it all. But the only thought I can focus on now a days is to hope that they are at peace and that whatever they were suffering from, is now gone away and that they are no longer suffering.

 

Give it time, grieving takes time. That's the only thing that makes it any better, time.

Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.

[moosegravy]

I'm very sorry for your loss, recently a good friend of mine took his own life too. I can't say to know what you're going through but one thing that has helped a lot was talking about it to close friends and family. They've been very understanding and I will be eternally grateful to one in particular. Before I told them I would just cry and cry and it felt like I was losing my mind but don't feel bad or weak for doing this, it's only natural. You may find you experience strong emotions in waves from extreme happiness to sadness and find little things throughout your day that remind you of what's happened, it's really hard to keep it together but do let it out when you can. At first I had isolated myself but I always have but try to be social and do what you love to keep your mind active, listen to happy music too. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but if you want to talk then please message me.

[shellyf62]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Sister committed suicide 8 years ago.

We all knew she had issues & demons, but never knew it was that bad.

It is very hard to deal with. I didnt know what to do, I came into work numb and in shock, had a call from my other Sister telling me she was going to be cremated in her wedding dress, and that is when I lost it.

Im pretty sure I cried for a week, and like you I am a hard a**

My Boss was very understanding, and I hope yours is too. You need time to process this & be as emotional as you need to be.

Lie in a nice warm bubble bath or go to bed for the day...what ever you need to do.

Be kind to yourself & dont expect too much from yourself.

[Snny]

Guys..... thank you. Seriously.

 

I had to take a 4 hour trip today to meet at a friend's house. We were all like the three musketeers growing up together. She left a suicide note and specific directions on how she would want to be buried... places it in a friend's mailbox and did the deed. She waited until the friend left for Russia to visit family so that no one could stop her (they were living together). It was entirely premeditated.... and reading the letter was a difficult pill to swallow that made me feel so gosh darn helpless. I came close to wanting to rip the damn thing to shreds.

 

I'm sitting her in shock praying this is all just a F'ing dream. I'm going to need some time to process this all...

 

Thanks for the advice on family...

I'll try but I live a few states away from them as is. I am thinking about sending flowers and a card with my contact information. Since I moved many times, they lost my contact number. Her mother was a school teacher and we both worked at the same school at one point.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry to hear this, Snny. I lost a brother to suicide when he was 17 years old. It's a tough road to travel, you'll go through the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" stages, anger, denial etc, but you'll get there, and eventually find some peace in your memories.

 

One day at a time, and as another member stated, "be kind to yourself."

[Charles359]

sorry for your loss. stay strong.

[chitown9]

So sad, Sunny did everything that you could to prevent this. Please keep us in the loop as to how you are doing and know that we are thinking of you. chi

[Liraele]

Allowing yourself to grieve is an important part of the process, for sure.

 

Therapy is a good idea if you feel you need it/need someone to talk to.

 

The thing that helped me cope the most was doing my best to honor his memory when I was going about doing the things we both loved, or that we had shared, etc. It takes a bit of time to get to that point, but it was definitely the most healing part of the grieving process for me...and one that goes on potentially forever.

[Snny]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I am not doing well. I'm only getting less than 5 hours a sleep per day since Sunday and then nap it off during the day. I can't listen to any music without tying it to her. I won't be able to see a therapist until Thursday.

 

My husband is trying to cheer us both up by taking us out to a comedy show this weekend. We both need it.

 

This will take awhile for me to recover.

 

If anyone here is thinking about about taking their own life... THIS is the destruction you leave behind.

[Capricorn3]

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs)))

[Snny]

She ("L") was buried yesterday. Catholic mass and all. Her grave is a mile away from my other best friend's house (where most parties and gatherings are held because it's a huge place). My new tradition will now include visiting L's grave before going to celebrate... Whatever. The thought of this eats me up inside.

 

L set more things aside than just a note. I let her borrow my pen at the cherry blossom festival where she was volunteering... She remembered it was mine and had it in a ziploc bag with my name in it. With a message saying "[snny], from the Cherry Blossom Festival. We had so much fun that you could ever imagine.

 

That was the last time I saw her alive.

 

She withdrew from her friendship circle for a whole month. I was told NOT to check in... I now regret that advice. After seeing the amount of stuff she set aside for each of her friends... hidden in her bedroom closet, I then saw why she chose not to contact anyone. Her parents discovered these things the night they found the news of their daughter's death when they and the police searched her room.

 

I spoke with her mom for a very long time to get some closure.... We plan to do lunch together some point over the summer. It helps that we are both in the same profession and we have more things to talk about.

 

I have not seen a therapist yet. My schedule got unexpectedly busy this week in a short amount of time. At the same time I had to counsel (or be counseled by) at least 8 friends who were in shock about her death. They all knew how extremely close I was to this girl and how hard it has been on me. At times I was up until 4 am talking to people (sometimes because of time zone differences... L and I had friends who were teachers in Japan or South Korea).

 

I will be hitting the ZzzQuil bottle for the next few days to get my sleeping pattern back on schedule. I'm also planning to write a book after this... L and I were both writers and she would have wanted me.

 

 

As painful as this experience was, and to write it out... I hope this will help anyone in anyway... Someone planning to carry out their plot to friends/family who are unsure how to handle a grieving friend. Please take notice of the warning signs... I wish I had so that I could of prevented this.