Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

[Jibralta]

Every once in a while, I notice something new when I look at my family tree. Today, I realized that, on my biological father's side, I come from a long line of teenage pregnancies. My biological great-grandmother had my biological grandfather when she was 17. My biological grandmother had my biological father when she was 17--she married my biological grandfather a couple months before my biological father was born. And my biological father got my biological mother pregnant when she was 15. She had me when she was 16.

I come from a long line of teenage pregnancies! 😂 At least on my father's side. On my mother's side my biological grandmothers were almost all geriatric pregnancies. It would be interesting to diagram that generationally..... 🤔

[Jibralta]

Last night, I started watching a documentary called Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media. It's from 1992. It's not exactly riveting, but it is very interesting. The main point is that in a democratic society, the population is controlled through indoctrination. And this is of course perpetrated through the media, which is controlled by the interests of a few wealthy people. 

It's strangely comforting to watch this documentary and see that nothing's really changed in the last 30 years. All the moralizing and silliness I see around me is just same 'ol, same 'ol.

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

Every once in a while, I notice something new when I look at my family tree. Today, I realized that, on my biological father's side, I come from a long line of teenage pregnancies. My biological great-grandmother had my biological grandfather when she was 17. My biological grandmother had my biological father when she was 17--she married my biological grandfather a couple months before my biological father was born. And my biological father got my biological mother pregnant when she was 15. She had me when she was 16.

I come from a long line of teenage pregnancies! 😂 At least on my father's side. On my mother's side my biological grandmothers were almost all geriatric pregnancies. It would be interesting to diagram that generationally..... 🤔

Jib, they are cheeky! You only have to go two generations back for most people and everyone is the same young mama.

 

My Great Grandfather on my Dads side had money and land and a farm. His wife died when he was 52 and he went after my Great Grandmother who was his 14 year old maid! THE HUSSY! Anyway, she went on to have 9 kids with him in 11 years! Then he died a few years after the last one was born.

 

Unfortunately, she only had one boy and eight girls. The boys inherited everything back then, and he gambled everything away, the family got nothing; and none of the daughters did either. I used to drive past the Georgian house and land nearly every week and imagine what went in behind that big door opening into a cobbled court yard! 
 

x

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

His wife died when he was 52 and he went after my Great Grandmother who was his 14 year old maid! THE HUSSY! Anyway, she went on to have 9 kids with him in 11 years! Then he died a few years after the last one was born.

I've found a couple stories like that in my ancestry research. Not quite that extreme, but along the same lines! Also, a surprising amount of divorce. Apparently it wasn't frowned upon out West as much as it was back East--at least not in the early days when everyone was still an adventurer.

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

The boys inherited everything back then, and he gambled everything away, the family got nothing; and none of the daughters did either.

Entailed! Just like in a Jane Austin book!

[mylolita]

3 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I've found a couple stories like that in my ancestry research. Not quite that extreme, but along the same lines! Also, a surprising amount of divorce. Apparently it wasn't frowned upon out West as much as it was back East--at least not in the early days when everyone was still an adventurer.

Entailed! Just like in a Jane Austin book!

I know right! What a trip! All farmers girls aprons and ringlets! There is a huge black and white photo of them somewhere with all their children! Someone in my family has it!

 

I think it’s awesome and so interesting, all your research! I’d love to do my own! Yours is a bigger adventure with your discoveries as your go along. A lot of unknown. 
 

The weird comfort I got when I went to my Grandmas funeral was seeing this hub of people who were all related to me from different parts of the country. I saw family resemblances. A lot of green eyes! Mannerisms. A feeling of belonging. A lovely, warm feeling, tribal feeling, of connection, in my time of need.

 

x

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

I think it’s awesome and so interesting, all your research! I’d love to do my own! Yours is a bigger adventure with your discoveries as your go along. A lot of unknown. 

Yes, the mystery is so motivating for me! It's a great adventure.

[Jibralta]

I remember the name Brooke Shields from when I was growing up, and I remember her face, I knew she was in a few movies, but I really don't remember much else about her. She seems like a really interesting person. The way she talks about the whole issue with the jeans commercial is really cool. She seems totally unscathed.

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I remember the name Brooke Shields from when I was growing up, and I remember her face, I knew she was in a few movies, but I really don't remember much else about her. She seems like a really interesting person. The way she talks about the whole issue with the jeans commercial is really cool. She seems totally unscathed.

She is a year older than me and I knew people who went to college with her but I never met her.  I saw her movies, remember the commercials of course.

[Jibralta]

 

[Jibralta]

It's nice to work for people who actually value each other!

No one is perfect, but everyone has something to offer.

This morning, I was thinking about how similar Nadine is to my former boss, Frank.*  I've noticed this about her before--really, from the beginning. She's similar to Frank in that she shoots from the hip. She makes fast decisions without a lot of thought, preferring to deal with the consequences rather than plan ahead.

The difference between Nadine and Frank is that Nadine actually does deal with the consequences. She takes responsibility for every project and is capable of dealing with the consequences. She never passes blame. She never gets upset. She is in charge, she is in control, and she is a force to reckon with.

Frank was not capable. He was instantly overwhelmed and actually angered by anything that required thought. He was reactive. His knee-jerk way of dealing with problems was to pass blame. Every single time.

Frank had a position of power, but he was out of control. That was a big problem for me to deal with! And it was ultimately unsolvable as his high position in the company was a symptom of the company's inherent dysfunction. 

Just some thoughts.

____________________________

*Nadine is one of the two owners of the company that I currently work for. Frank was a high-level employee at the company I worked for from 2018 - 2020. I posted a lot about my frustrations with him in this journal! Good grief, I am glad that is over!!! 

[Batya33]

So I have not listened to it yet but your post reminded me that Invisibilia podcast has a current episode -or at least as of last week -about people sharing when they are uncomfortable being in positions of power.  I mean perhaps it's unrelated but -interesting and that is a really great podcast in general.  

What you described is a huge difference -dealing with consequences - I try to do this in parenting -to be transparent about my mistakes, to be reliable with follow through even if the decision is impulsive.  Also sometimes what looks impulsive is not either because of behind the scenes type planning or the person's breadth of experience means she can do that and will have less risk than someone else with less experience.  

[Jibralta]

I will check out that podcast when I get some wireless earbuds (soon). Just joined a gym and will need things to listen to when I'm on a bike/ treadmill/ other machine.

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Also sometimes what looks impulsive is not either because of behind the scenes type planning or the person's breadth of experience means she can do that and will have less risk than someone else with less experience.  

I agree. Although I do think she wings it sometimes and relies on our experience--which is fine! We're there to take the load off of her. And--dare I say--I feel safe doing it because I know she's not going to turn around and blame me for something going wrong. 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I will check out that podcast when I get some wireless earbuds (soon). Just joined a gym and will need things to listen to when I'm on a bike/ treadmill/ other machine.

I agree. Although I do think she wings it sometimes and relies on our experience--which is fine! We're there to take the load off of her. And--dare I say--I feel safe doing it because I know she's not going to turn around and blame me for something going wrong. 

I had a boss years ago who told me - it's good to delegate -BUT if you do delegate then you have to be organized too - you can't expect people to work under deadlines that happened because you did not plan well.  This is similar -it's about sort of eating humble pie - your employees know you will have their back even in cases where the issue is you are winging it- for whatever reason -it's acknowledging that potential issue or flaw so your employees trust you and see the humanity.

My treadmill in the fitness center here has a tv but I actually use an old school radio with headphones if there's no tv.  I do podcasts too but with regular earbuds. I haven't tried the wireless ones!  I hope you enjoy the gym!

[Jibralta]

22 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My treadmill in the fitness center here has a tv but I actually use an old school radio with headphones if there's no tv.  I do podcasts too but with regular earbuds. I haven't tried the wireless ones!  I hope you enjoy the gym!

I'm not looking forward to the wireless ones. But I don't know where to even start with getting something besides my iphone to listen to. I don't even know what's out there these days!

22 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I had a boss years ago who told me - it's good to delegate -BUT if you do delegate then you have to be organized too - you can't expect people to work under deadlines that happened because you did not plan well.  This is similar -it's about sort of eating humble pie - your employees know you will have their back even in cases where the issue is you are winging it- for whatever reason -it's acknowledging that potential issue or flaw so your employees trust you and see the humanity.

I've had so many good bosses who had no trouble delegating that when I finally ran into a couple of bad bosses, it rocked my world!! I think that, for people who really know how to run the show, there is no humble pie. Or the slices are miniscule--or there's really only crumbs of it. For a good leader, it's all about the satisfaction of seeing a well-oiled machine hum along smoothly. 

[Batya33]

My Iphone - 8SE I think it is -uses the regular earbuds.

So to me being a good leader is knowing what you don't know and being thankful when things run smoothly but knowing also that you have tools to use when they don't - and that you're comfortable being transparent with the people you work with so that when it doesn't they're motivated to help you make it right/do damage control.  Just a slightly different perspective.

[Jibralta]

I 100% agree with that. 

22 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My Iphone - 8SE I think it is -uses the regular earbuds.

Ah. I just have the plain ol' SE. Everything will be fine if I can find wireless earbuds with clips or hooks. Nothing stays in my ears. I have mutant ears!

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I 100% agree with that. 

Ah. I just have the plain ol' SE. Everything will be fine if I can find wireless earbuds with clips or hooks. Nothing stays in my ears. I have mutant ears!

Mine is whatever the newer version of SE is.  I love it -perfect for "my generation" lol

[Jibralta]

 

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[Jibralta]

^Weird. That last one looks like it was blocked. Well, in case it was blocked, that was Sivert Høyem - My Thieving Heart (feat. Marie Munroe) - studio performance. It's actually a really cool video.

[Jibralta]

16 hours ago, Jibralta said:

that was Sivert Høyem - My Thieving Heart (feat. Marie Munroe) - studio performance. It's actually a really cool video.

Sivert, this tall, skinny, bald guy, is not really my type. He walks into the room and I don't look twice at him. But when he starts to sing... WOW. Everything changes.

It's not because he has a nice voice, either-- I actually don't even like musicians.* It's not the looks, it's not the musicianship. It's his bearing that makes him attractive. He's just so causal and calm and good. It really rings my bell 😄 All that tallness and awkwardness becomes part of the package and it works for him. All I can do is watch with a big grin on my face. 

This goes to show that there's so much more to attraction than just the physical. 

__________________________________________

* My boyfriend is a musician, but that's totally not why I like him.

[Jibralta]

When I first met my boyfriend, I was 14 years old. It was 1991. I was hanging out with my elementary school friend, Laurie. Laurie was a cool chick because she was real competition. She was as strong and as tough as I was. Guys were just lined up for her because she was beautiful, too. And one of these guys was Arnold's best friend, Dave. 

I met Arnold because Dave and Laurie were dating. Dave brought three of his friends with him when he road his bike to meet us. So, the six of us sat in a circle and smoked cigarettes and bullshtted like only 13 & 14 year olds can.

I liked Arnold instantly. I couldn't help it. He rang my bell  But alas, it wasn't to be for years to come.

Anyway, at the time that we met, my favorite albums were Metallica Metallica, Jane's Addiction Ritual de lo Habitual, Suicidal Tendencies Controlled by Hatred and Nine Inch Nails Pretty Hate Machine. Also interspersed within that was Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit--not the album, just the song.

The reason this is coming to mind is, I inadvertently liked "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Nothing Else Matters" one after the other on Spotify, and the two songs appearing together on my "Liked Songs" playlist have sent me down quite a nostalgic path! It's been this way for a couple of days.

The image that came immediately to mind was one of me and my friend Jill sitting in her father's family room, listening to Nothing Else Matters on his stereo, and being completely sick of each other. This was almost two years after I met Arnold; I was on the edge of 16. At this point, me and Arnold were about as far away from each other as Mars and Neptune. 

The scene with me and Jill was bizarre. I remember understanding immediately that our run together was over. We both really liked the song and I guess we each honored it by being nice to each other. But we were both totally done. I don't think we ever really talked again.

I just told my boyfriend this story and he said it was 'gangster.'

Yeah, I think it probably was 😅

 

[LikeWater]

I'd agree with your boyfriend, that is pretty gangster.