Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

[mylolita]

46 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

You're not a wuss, Lo. Childhood is supposed to be about beautiful things, happy things.

It's not supposed to be about terror, and instilling fears.

I look at the artwork too as a grown adult and it's definitely creepy, but would be awful for a child.

I don't know what your father was thinking!

I'm sorry you had to go through that. 

He should have been reading you something like Paddington bear, or Charlotte's Web, not some kind of obscure musical that would creep out most adults!

 

🥹 Thanks Sherry! 
 

I still can’t look at it now! That scene with the Victorian crowd running for their lives! Awful! 
 

I haven’t watched a horror film for probably… oh man! Well over a decade. The last thing was, I remember a friend when I went over, they were saying oh just got this dvd wanna see it and it was ‘The Ring’ - never been so scared again! All that God d**m hair everywhere! Haunts me now thinking about that creepy ladder barn or whatever!!!

 

Anyway that was truly the last of it for me! I even used to read Stephen King books but stopped them roughly decade ago as well. 
 

As you say, I couldn’t imagine my kids getting to watch anything close to that! They watch the old school cartoons like Button Moon, the original Postman Pat. Oh my goodness I am probably over protective - if they find a worm and it’s dead I will say it’s sleeping!

 

x

[mylolita]

7 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Me neither. 

Actually, I guess I have to amend that statement because I just watched Alien last week and enjoyed it! 

I flinched at the scary parts, but overall it's a great movie. 

So, I guess I can stand some horror if it's not gratuitous horror--violence and gore for the sake of violence and gore like what I imagine Saw probably is (I've never seen it).

If it supports a good plot, I can take it.

I totally agree! It is actually such a good film! A GREAT film! And Sigourney Weaver was unbelievable in it - what a talent, and perfect, absolutely perfect for the part!
 

If the film had been unbelievable and corny and ridiculous, I don’t think it would have affected me the way it did! I have watched it again before as an adult. I was still terrified (HA!) but I could still sleep, unlike 7 year old me! 
 

Awesome film though.

 

x

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

they were saying oh just got this dvd wanna see it and it was ‘The Ring’ - never been so scared again! All that God d**m hair everywhere!

I saw that movie in the theater--there's one I never want to see again!!

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

I even used to read Stephen King books but stopped them roughly decade ago as well.

What a good storyteller he is! It makes the horror so much more horrifying. And yet I tend to love his books.

Here's another appalling parenting story*: I was ten years old, home sick from school, when my mom got me Carrie, Cujo and Christine from the library!

I still remember how shocking those books were. I learned a lot of surprising things about adults that sort of blew my mind. Stephen King doesn't hold back where character development is concerned. 

I haven't actually read any of those books since. I think the shock is still with me, to be honest. But I did read many of his other books, and I am a fan of his writing. 

__________________________

* I don't think my parents were appalling at all. They parented as they saw fit, as does every parent. 

[mylolita]

8 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I saw that movie in the theater--there's one I never want to see again!!

What a good storyteller he is! It makes the horror so much more horrifying. And yet I tend to love his books.

Here's another appalling parenting story*: I was ten years old, home sick from school, when my mom got me Carrie, Cujo and Christine from the library!

I still remember how shocking those books were. I learned a lot of surprising things about adults that sort of blew my mind. Stephen King doesn't hold back where character development is concerned. 

I haven't actually read any of those books since. I think the shock is still with me, to be honest. But I did read many of his other books, and I am a fan of his writing. 

__________________________

* I don't think my parents were appalling at all. They parented as they saw fit, as does every parent. 

Jib,

 

I am also a massive fan too! Cujo - phenomenal! Carrie! One of his best books (to me, anyway!) I’ve never read Christine! How old were you do you think?

 

What a writer he is and his books are beyond! I still haven’t read anything else that captures and describes a character like he does! To the point! And also, his humour is fab - it gives you the relief you need when something is scary and serious! I think as I got older, I’ve been searching for something different from a book. I think I am secretly expecting it to give me some “answers” or, I will make a “discovery” via a book, have it tell me something about myself and the world. I know that’s a bit much, but I suppose I’m looking for a book that tells me something I’ve never heard before!

 

Books that are fantastical or have a supernatural element - I’m no longer drawn too. I wouldn’t say no to reading one but, if given a choice, I will pick something as close to reality as I can find. I don’t want to escape when I read a book - I guess I want to be told something I never knew and have questions put upon myself! 
 

I’ll probably go back to The King sooner than I think! At the mo I’m reading ‘Morgan’s Passing’ by Anne Tyler.

 

x

 

 

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

How old were you do you think?

I was ten!

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

I think as I got older, I’ve been searching for something different from a book. I think I am secretly expecting it to give me some “answers” or, I will make a “discovery” via a book, have it tell me something about myself and the world. I know that’s a bit much, but I suppose I’m looking for a book that tells me something I’ve never heard before!

My tastes have also changed. I don't know what I'm looking for, to be honest! I used to read voraciously. Then for many years, I didn't read at all.

Right now, I'm reading Wolf Hall, part of a trilogy by Hilary Mantel. It's very well-written and I'm really enjoying it. I can't wait to get to the second book, which I think might be the same story, told from another point of view (how interesting!!!!).

I was finishing up a series that my boyfriend calls Caves of Boredom. But I put that aside because I really wanted to start this series. I also didn't want to bring Caves of Boredom to Texas, in case my biological relatives had anything to say about evolution 😅 

I gotta pick that last book back up and finish it once and for all (I guess).

There's so much that I want to read!

[Batya33]

I love Stephen King's book on the JKF assasination -is it 1963? Yes, Carrie -we watched it as young tween (me) and teenager(sister), OMG

[Jibralta]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I love Stephen King's book on the JKF assasination -is it 1963?

It's 11/22/63--I just googled. I read that, too. It's one of his non-horror books. I do remember some slightly 'horrific' elements, but I believe they turned out to be more suspense-devices than outright horror.

Two of my favorite movies are based off of his non-horror short stories: Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption. I never read them, though.

I think I did see Carrie a long time ago. But I barely remember it. Just like the book--the memory is so hazy. I just remember bits and pieces. 

Friday the 13th, however, I do remember--Or maybe it's more accurate to say I remember the experience of watching it. It was at a sleepover party with a bunch of girls from my day camp. Also around the time that I was 8 or 10 years old!! 🤣

Overall, a fun (albeit stressful and horrifying) experience, although I think one girl was reduced to a blubbering mass.

[Jibralta]

I'm putting this here, so that it doesn't detract from Dias's thread:

19 hours ago, dias said:

The right to have an abortion, sorry bad English. When there is a movement in the US it disseminates to the rest of the world in smaller scale.

I just find it funny that sometimes the man wants the baby and the woman doesn't and sometimes vice versa. 

When I was in Texas visiting my birthmother, I didn't plan to bring up the abortion issue. I was visiting her to meet her, not to question her about the past. But it is a question. She could have aborted me. I was born in 1977 and Roe vs. Wade made it legal in 1973. 

While I was sitting in her hospital room, I was caught off guard by a commercial about abortion, that listed reasons why the choice is important (terminal cancer, rape, poverty, etc.). I blurted out: "I'm not clear on why the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade. I'm assuming it's due to a technicality."

And she said, "They don't think about the woman. They don't think about what she has to go through when then man just up and leaves her there, wanting nothing to do with it. They don't want her to have the choice." 

I have to admit, I was a little surprised to discover that she was pro-choice. I didn't push her to elaborate. But I think that gave me a little more insight into the circumstances of my adoption. 

[Batya33]

38 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I'm putting this here, so that it doesn't detract from Dias's thread:

When I was in Texas visiting my birthmother, I didn't plan to bring up the abortion issue. I was visiting her to meet her, not to question her about the past. But it is a question. She could have aborted me. I was born in 1977 and Roe vs. Wade made it legal in 1973. 

While I was sitting in her hospital room, I was caught off guard by a commercial about abortion, that listed reasons why the choice is important (terminal cancer, rape, poverty, etc.). I blurted out: "I'm not clear on why the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade. I'm assuming it's due to a technicality."

And she said, "They don't think about the woman. They don't think about what she has to go through when then man just up and leaves her there, wanting nothing to do with it. They don't want her to have the choice." 

I have to admit, I was a little surprised to discover that she was pro-choice. I didn't push her to elaborate. But I think that gave me a little more insight into the circumstances of my adoption. 

I’ve always been pro choice. I’ve always known it would have to be extremely unusual for me to have an abortion. Having to be a single mom where I wasn’t raped etc would not have lead to my having an abortion.

But I also abstained till I was 24. By that time I would not have been a teenager anymore. But that was a reason I abstained.
I’m glad your mother had a choice - meaning at least she knew it was “an option” if for example there had been a risk to her life or a baby’s life. Maybe she’d had an abortion in the past. 

[mylolita]

On 9/12/2022 at 9:46 AM, Jibralta said:

I was ten!

My tastes have also changed. I don't know what I'm looking for, to be honest! I used to read voraciously. Then for many years, I didn't read at all.

Right now, I'm reading Wolf Hall, part of a trilogy by Hilary Mantel. It's very well-written and I'm really enjoying it. I can't wait to get to the second book, which I think might be the same story, told from another point of view (how interesting!!!!).

I was finishing up a series that my boyfriend calls Caves of Boredom. But I put that aside because I really wanted to start this series. I also didn't want to bring Caves of Boredom to Texas, in case my biological relatives had anything to say about evolution 😅 

I gotta pick that last book back up and finish it once and for all (I guess).

There's so much that I want to read!

Hilary Mantle! Now why does that name to be a bell Jib! Have you mentioned her to me? Or maybe something else!

 

And I think people go through phases, especially if you read for the fun of it. People presume I’m well read (I don’t know why!!!!!! I’m an air head!!!!!) but, I’m definitely NOT! And I am cut throat with books and easily distracted. 90% of books I start, I throw to the side and don’t even get half way. If I’m not in love with it, I won’t finish it. I started a book club a few years back and I could hardly do it because the books that were chosen, I couldn’t finish them they were so bad. D said I was a rubbish founder of a book club and, I totally was 🥲 my career lasted 4 months - HA!

 

I’ve often wondered if an ENA book club would be good? But then, the best bit for me about book club was meeting up in our group in real life and curling round the couches and armchairs at my place and putting on cocktails and a fab outfit and hosting the thing 🤪 It wouldn’t have the same finesse for me online! 
 

Would you join Jib? 🤣🤣🤣 My pitch was well rubbish! 🤓

 

What’s next on your “to read” list?

 

x

[mylolita]

8 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I'm putting this here, so that it doesn't detract from Dias's thread:

When I was in Texas visiting my birthmother, I didn't plan to bring up the abortion issue. I was visiting her to meet her, not to question her about the past. But it is a question. She could have aborted me. I was born in 1977 and Roe vs. Wade made it legal in 1973. 

While I was sitting in her hospital room, I was caught off guard by a commercial about abortion, that listed reasons why the choice is important (terminal cancer, rape, poverty, etc.). I blurted out: "I'm not clear on why the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade. I'm assuming it's due to a technicality."

And she said, "They don't think about the woman. They don't think about what she has to go through when then man just up and leaves her there, wanting nothing to do with it. They don't want her to have the choice." 

I have to admit, I was a little surprised to discover that she was pro-choice. I didn't push her to elaborate. But I think that gave me a little more insight into the circumstances of my adoption. 

This is very interesting Jib!

 

It sounds like your biological Mum surprised you in quite a few ways on your visit! 
 

I always thought I would be totally cool with it, even if it meant my own decision. It turns out I wrestled with it when it came to me being the one facing that decision for myself. I still went ahead, but I rushed myself, because I wanted it as early as possible before anything started looking like a baby. It just pains me so to talk about it. I was half in shock and half selfish. My decision feels even worse now I went on to have other children and not that long after. I could have forgiven myself maybe if I’d been a homeless drug addict, but, I wasn’t. I was a spoilt panicked 23 year old brat. 
 

I know so many women who would never dare talk or admit it to anyone. I haven’t told anyone in my real life - my husband knows of course, he went through it with me but apart from that, I don’t think I would tell anyone unless I thought it would help them in some way. It is too shameful and close to home for me.

 

With all that said, I am still in favour of women being given the option. I think there should maybe be an earlier cut off date - 16 weeks, something like that. Although, I can’t say for sure because it is such a grey area for me. My emotions get quite mixed up with it, and then from a biological sense, I can’t seem to separate my feelings either, because I have been to all my children’s 12 week scans and seen “them” floating there, and we coo over them and cherish the pictures, myself included - but those scans were always privately sad for me, because as happy as I was, I also had a scan with my first that I never carried through, even though it was earlier, I still remember that scan.

 

I have often wanted to write about the process and the day, the whole ordeal was actually much more graphic and quick than I expected it to ever be. I had a chemical abortion (you take a pill that starts a miscarriage). Not only would it probably be a drudging up of emotions that I shouldn’t drudge but, the actual details - I would be putting it out there; and at the end of the day, I don’t know what good it would do for me or anyone else to have to go through that again with me.

 

If my daughters came to me in my predicament, I would not want to sway them either way, but I would want them to be un-rushed as possible and certain of their choice. You become flooded with panic and hormones from being pregnant and your emotions run riot - it is quite hard to make a straight decision objectively when in that situation yourself. I have a feeling some people would react exactly how they had expected or imagined - others may shock themselves discovering feelings they never thought they would feel. I was somewhere in between.

 

Anyway, pro choice but, I never think it should be taken lightly, or used often, or on a whim. I think having an abortion affects most women after the fact - whether they may admit it or not.

 

Some form of counselling or a few therapy sessions before making the decision might have been helpful to me. I might have gained clarity and lifted the “everything is terrible I can’t do this ever” cloud that suddenly formed over me and engulfed my life at the time. I might have still made the same decision. I think most women facing that decision would probably appreciate even one session before making their decision, just so they can say they sat down and properly thought about their options with someone neutral and objective.

 

x

[Jibralta]

Same here. I've always been pro-choice, but I would prefer not to have an abortion. Purely for the sake of my own mental health--I don't want the chance of feeling regret over it. I don't know if I would regret it, but in low moments, I do tend to ruminate over things I wouldn't ordinarily worry about. This is one of the reasons why I abstained from sex until I was almost 20. 

I thought about this a lot after I met my birth mother. I hope to write more about it one day.

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Maybe she’d had an abortion in the past. 

I don't think so. We discussed it briefly. I didn't ask her point-blank (it didn't occur to me to ask). But from my discussion with her, it sounded like she felt the same way that I did (do).

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

I know so many women who would never dare talk or admit it to anyone. I haven’t told anyone in my real life - my husband knows of course, he went through it with me but apart from that, I don’t think I would tell anyone unless I thought it would help them in some way. It is too shameful and close to home for me.

Totally understandable. It's such a complex decision. Extremely personal, and yet has the potential to affect other people enormously.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Would you join Jib? 🤣🤣🤣 My pitch was well rubbish! 🤓

I like the idea of joining a book club, but I'd never follow through lol!

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Hilary Mantle! Now why does that name to be a bell Jib! Have you mentioned her to me? Or maybe something else!

When I first started reading this book, I asked you if you'd read her. I think her writing is very similar to yours sometimes!

[mylolita]

9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I like the idea of joining a book club, but I'd never follow through lol!

When I first started reading this book, I asked you if you'd read her. I think her writing is very similar to yours sometimes!

Ohhh of course! Hilary! She obviously copied off me! 😘 Everything she knows - me. 
 

I think this is probably true especially for an online book club! We can slag off enough things here without adding books to the list ha ha ha!!!! 
 

And Jib, if I may add, 20 seems quite old doesn’t it! How responsible! I thought I was ancient losing my virginity at 18! I got real hot heels about it (not that I was gonna rush it anyway, I could have waited until 39 or been 15 it was about the right guy) but yes! Most people here in the UK pop their cherries early, in my school, definitely before the legal 16 age of consent. By 15 most of the girls had gone the full way - they looked much older than 15 and the majority of them were very mature. I wonder if any of them regretted it? It made me feel really young and behind, but then you look back and choosing to start having sex doesn’t make you anymore mature. You are more worldly wise though, I will say, the day after losing my virginity, something had changed. I think I truly became a woman, or felt like one anyway!

 

x

[mylolita]

Just now, mylolita said:

Ohhh of course! Hilary! She obviously copied off me! 😘 Everything she knows - me. 
 

I think this is probably true especially for an online book club! We can slag off enough things here without adding books to the list ha ha ha!!!! 
 

And Jib, if I may add, 20 seems quite old doesn’t it! How responsible! I thought I was ancient losing my virginity at 18! I got real hot heels about it (not that I was gonna rush it anyway, I could have waited until 39 or been 15 it was about the right guy) but yes! Most people here in the UK pop their cherries early, in my school, definitely before the legal 16 age of consent. By 15 most of the girls had gone the full way - they looked much older than 15 and the majority of them were very mature. I wonder if any of them regretted it? It made me feel really young and behind, but then you look back and choosing to start having sex doesn’t make you anymore mature. You are more worldly wise though, I will say, the day after losing my virginity, something had changed. I think I truly became a woman, or felt like one anyway!

 

x

(I remember the morning after I walked home and my Mum commented - You seem different? What’s going on? ((HA!)) Certain spring in my step or walking on air because I was in luuuuurrrrve!) 

 

You can’t take it back, can you. My first kiss and first lay shall we say happened all within a couple of months and with the same guy I am with now.. aka THE HUBS! There is a theory that your first love or first sexual experience is special. Maybe because it is so new, memorable? People find it hard to leave the memory of their first love behind? Sometimes I think because I married mine and had all my first with him, it might explain my obsessive and very giddy teenage bond I have with my husband. But who knows, it could just be part of it or would have been like that anyway. But it’s all a bit Shakespeare. Or maybe it’s because I’m a moody nutter! 

 

x

[Jibralta]

We had our vacation a couple weeks ago. A staycation. We overindulged. Our waistlines expanded accordingly. Yesterday, Arnold said to me, "You never really lose your hourglass. But sometimes it becomes a minuteglass."

😅

[Jibralta]

 

[Jibralta]

I really like the way she bends the lyrics to the music. The timing is really good.

 

Jeanne Added

Be Sensational

make me love you, be sensational
make me fall for your mistakes, scratches and holes
make me close my eyes of ease before you
hear me saying
hear me when i try not recall
how come everything fall the way it falls
but my heart for you unless you help it
see me praying
see me when i bow in your presence
see how the love i'm wearing kills all my good sense
know you're my reason my lunacy
try me running
try me have a taste of what you miss
try and understand now's the time to kiss
oh my love, there ain't no riddle here
catch me falling
more i want you want more
more i need you need more
better stronger happier faster
always our anger beats us down
more i want you want more
more i need you need more
better stronger happier faster
always our anger beats us down
see me when i bow in your presence
see how the love i'm wearing kills all my good sense
know you're my reason and lunacy
try me running
try me have a taste of what you miss
try and understand now's the right time to kiss
oh my love, there ain't no riddle here
catch me falling

 

[mylolita]

On 9/16/2022 at 12:24 PM, Jibralta said:

We had our vacation a couple weeks ago. A staycation. We overindulged. Our waistlines expanded accordingly. Yesterday, Arnold said to me, "You never really lose your hourglass. But sometimes it becomes a minuteglass."

😅

Sure you have a glorious figure Jib, just more of it right?! Doesn’t sound like he’s complaining yeeehaaarr!

 

x

[Jibralta]

No, he is not complaining lol.

[Jibralta]

On 9/9/2022 at 8:32 PM, Jibralta said:

On 9/6/2022 at 10:39 AM, reinventmyself said:

I watched both seasons of Love is Blind.

Me too. Quite entertaining. I'm looking forward to the third season. I think it starts next week.

I'm midway through Season 3 and it's hard to continue watching. I find myself not liking these people as much as I liked the people in the first two seasons. Bummer.

[Jibralta]

Things are starting to slow down at work. One of my projects finished up about a month ago and another project is drawing to a close (in the most chaotic way--terrible contractor, unfortunately). A third project is just breaking ground, but the CA isn't going to equate to 40 hours per week of work. I have one other project in the early design phase, but at this point it's only about 4 hours per week of work. I fill in where I'm needed on other projects, and I'm consistently billable for all 40 hours.... but things are definitely slowing down.

Construction is one of the leading indicators of an economic slowdown. We are all keenly aware. They told us in our Monday morning meeting that we better start getting flexible about the kinds of work we are doing if we want to stay employed. The owners are astute. The company will survive. But some of our jobs may not. I really like working here, but I think it's time to start looking around....

[Batya33]

I think it's smart to look around.  Also what I like and hope you feel reassured by is that you and your work are valued so if you do look around it's even more of a reason to interview with confidence that any new company would be fortunate to have you.  

[mylolita]

27 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Things are starting to slow down at work. One of my projects finished up about a month ago and another project is drawing to a close (in the most chaotic way--terrible contractor, unfortunately). A third project is just breaking ground, but the CA isn't going to equate to 40 hours per week of work. I have one other project in the early design phase, but at this point it's only about 4 hours per week of work. I fill in where I'm needed on other projects, and I'm consistently billable for all 40 hours.... but things are definitely slowing down.

Construction is one of the leading indicators of an economic slowdown. We are all keenly aware. They told us in our Monday morning meeting that we better start getting flexible about the kinds of work we are doing if we want to stay employed. The owners are astute. The company will survive. But some of our jobs may not. I really like working here, but I think it's time to start looking around....

Might be a blessing in disguise Jib you just never know with these things

I feel like, economically, in the next year or so, we might be looking on much brighter days. I am feeling very optimistic about the future!

Wanna come work on a Victorian property in England? 🥲🫡

 

x