Why doesn't tinder work for me?

[yeahyeahyeah]

Well first off, your opener was "Hi." Even as a GUY, I'd ignore that. (And we WANT women to message us.) It tells me nothing about her personality, it's boring, and it sounds like EVERYBODY ELSE. So if I got one girl sending me "hi", and another one complimenting my profile or something else for me to RESPOND to, which girl do you think is getting an answer first?

 

Well, women are even WORSE than us when it comes to being picky because they have more OPTIONS than we do. They get messages ALL OF THE TIME. So if they log on and have 30 messages, ask yourself if yours would stand out. Ask yourself if it was enough to be better than the other 29, or even 20. If it's not, erase it and type something else. Maybe even ask your friends how THEY get so much success. They might share some of their secrets.

 

Now, I've never used Tinder, but I've used OTHER dating sites. Be funny, creative, and INTERESTING. (Obviously it doesn't hurt if you're good looking either.) You will have a bit more success.

 

I don't have any problems lining up an actual date once a girl talks to me. It's just getting over that initial hump.

 

On the subject of race got matches yesterday and today with white women, one on tinder and the other on eharmony , tinder was a bot, the one one eharmony was not my type.

 

God it's so frustrating being matched with someone you find attractive (of all races) and responds. Literally have to go through 100s of women.

[itsallgrand]

I would try to not get too hung up on Tinder.

 

One thing that went through my mind reading your posts, since you have some success once women get to chat with you a bit but getting the hits is the problem, is wondering if you are giving some solid indications that you are culturally more British than Indian?!

 

So I'm Canadian. Where I live, there is a sizeable Indian population. It's a range and mix of First Gen, Second Gen, and even longer. When I was dating, I was open to all ethnicities but wanted someone I was culturally compatible with.

I got ALOT of hits from Indian men. Unfortunately, a lot didn't look at my preferences enough ( or didn't care) to filter themselves out when they strongly culturally identified as more Indian than Canadian. Sometimes I almost felt spammed with broken English messages and guys who on their profile called themselves 'not traditional, open' but to my mind, were a lot more traditional than they realized ( or wanted to portray). So I did start to skim past a lot that otherwise I might have taken more time on, as I developed a bit of a bias. Being honest. Meeting through non dating sites in regular life was a lot easier that way.

 

So your generic 'hi' and such might be playing a role in getting yourself filtered partially because of that. Britain too,I believe, has its long sstanding mix of people originally from India, so I imagine it may be similar for women dating there - there's a lot of mix in cultural ambiguity from just seeing a photo.

 

Just sharing hoping it may give you another perspective.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I would try to not get too hung up on Tinder.

 

One thing that went through my mind reading your posts, since you have some success once women get to chat with you a bit but getting the hits is the problem, is wondering if you are giving some solid indications that you are culturally more British than Indian?!

 

So I'm Canadian. Where I live, there is a sizeable Indian population. It's a range and mix of First Gen, Second Gen, and even longer. When I was dating, I was open to all ethnicities but wanted someone I was culturally compatible with.

I got ALOT of hits from Indian men. Unfortunately, a lot didn't look at my preferences enough ( or didn't care) to filter themselves out when they strongly culturally identified as more Indian than Canadian. Sometimes I almost felt spammed with broken English messages and guys who on their profile called themselves 'not traditional, open' but to my mind, were a lot more traditional than they realized ( or wanted to portray). So I did start to skim past a lot that otherwise I might have taken more time on, as I developed a bit of a bias. Being honest. Meeting through non dating sites in regular life was a lot easier that way.

 

So your generic 'hi' and such might be playing a role in getting yourself filtered partially because of that. Britain too,I believe, has its long sstanding mix of people originally from India, so I imagine it may be similar for women dating there - there's a lot of mix in cultural ambiguity from just seeing a photo.

 

Just sharing hoping it may give you another perspective.

 

Fact of the day: My brother is married to a Canadian white woman.

 

Anyway, that aside. I am a 3rd generation Brit, and you can probably see that from the way I write, I am very articulate which only ever comes through once I am chatting to the girl. At which point, I get dates, it's not an issue.

 

I grew up in London, so multiculturalism and diversity (hence my bro being married a white Canadian) is a big deal. I am generally unassuming when I meet women of all cultures, and do not put them into little boxes, so frankly annoys me when I see people doing that.

 

Once again, I have had little success outside of dating sites, I went on 2 dates in 15 years when not using them. I somehow met my first girlfriend through friends, but then went on a loooong drought of 5 years where I squandered a tonne of money doing 'hobbies' and pick up bootcamps to line up dates unsuccessfully. I would not say race is a factor, I will say the issue is that as a guy you have to be very confident in regular life to approach a girl and get her number, whereas women just wait for it to happen much like online. If you are a bit introverted like I am, it is not going to happen, unless I am willing to get out of my comfort zone and invest a tonne of time approaching women playing the numbers game. Trust me, after a while it screws up your mind up from the in person rejections.

 

I do understand by the way that not all women that are not Indian will like Indian guys, and it is no different to me not finding black women attractive - that is why it is taking time probably with women that are not of my race. I am open to dating Indian girls too, I just don't find many attractive which is annoying since my life would be made easier if I did.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Been on this for 2 days, got 3 matches - all indian girls.

 

I guess race is a factor online, which sucks.

 

Got some more Bagels, same results with the exception of one Chinese girl. All of them are really unattractive.

 

Frustrating, just want to be matched with an average looking girl.

[abitbroken]

Fact of the day: My brother is married to a Canadian white woman.

 

Anyway, that aside. I am a 3rd generation Brit, and you can probably see that from the way I write, I am very articulate which only ever comes through once I am chatting to the girl. At which point, I get dates, it's not an issue.

 

 

Hence, why you should write more than "hi" when you message women. You should reference something in their profile to make a connection with them and make sure you are checking to make sure your words are not being autocorrected.

No one has a chance to know you are 3rd gen, not into arranged marriages if you just say "Hi. How are you?" Once you get past that barrier, its just a matter of you guys hit it off, etc. My guy said something that connected with my profile that sounded like he actually read it.

[abitbroken]

Got some more Bagels, same results with the exception of one Chinese girl. All of them are really unattractive.

 

Frustrating, just want to be matched with an average looking girl.

 

If you are looking for average - there are a lot of average people that are very pleasant looking in person, but because they don't have certain features - large cheekbones, large or wider set eyes, etc, they just simply don't photograph as well.

 

Some people don't photograph well - don't know what their best angles are. she sometimes looks in pictures like her head is too big for her body. its really not, but she thinks that she should stand with her head square at the camera and she stands at am angle that makes her shoulders look tiny and hence look like a cartoon character. But in person she does NOT look like that.

 

I say if all things else match up, at least meet a woman who you don't think is a knock out, but tends to look a little different in different photos. She may have just had a friend who doesn't know how to take pictures take her picture.

[ayeh422]

i think everyone has different strengths so put yourself more in environments where u can express those. sounds like u r pretty good conversationalist when given a chance to talk. how about hosting parties at your house and have friends bring friends. it's a great way to meet new friends too.

or find some other single friends and help each other setup dates

[yeahyeahyeah]

If you are looking for average - there are a lot of average people that are very pleasant looking in person, but because they don't have certain features - large cheekbones, large or wider set eyes, etc, they just simply don't photograph as well.

 

Some people don't photograph well - don't know what their best angles are. she sometimes looks in pictures like her head is too big for her body. its really not, but she thinks that she should stand with her head square at the camera and she stands at am angle that makes her shoulders look tiny and hence look like a cartoon character. But in person she does NOT look like that.

 

I say if all things else match up, at least meet a woman who you don't think is a knock out, but tends to look a little different in different photos. She may have just had a friend who doesn't know how to take pictures take her picture.

 

They have more than one picture, so you get a good idea. Plus, I think some of these girls are like the 3rd gen traditional type, which is not what I am looking for.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Hence, why you should write more than "hi" when you message women. You should reference something in their profile to make a connection with them and make sure you are checking to make sure your words are not being autocorrected.

No one has a chance to know you are 3rd gen, not into arranged marriages if you just say "Hi. How are you?" Once you get past that barrier, its just a matter of you guys hit it off, etc. My guy said something that connected with my profile that sounded like he actually read it.

 

Come to think of it, this is probably why I am doing better on apps that are not Tinder since I have an actual profile and can write about myself.

 

With that said, trouble I am having right now is getting actual hits with girls I am attracted too. Hit a bit of a dry spell recently in terms of quality of matches. Once I get a match and she responds, I have no problem at that stage from being a good conversationalist.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Come to think of it, this is probably why I am doing better on apps that are not Tinder since I have an actual profile and can write about myself.

 

With that said, trouble I am having right now is getting actual hits with girls I am attracted too. Hit a bit of a dry spell recently in terms of quality of matches. Once I get a match and she responds, I have no problem at that stage from being a good conversationalist.

 

So just been matched with 3 hot girls on Tinder Today....

 

Man, how random is this online dating crap. Seem to be going from one extreme to the other. CAN I JUST MATCH WITH SOMEONE AVERAGE! Of course the hotties didn't respond, despite sending a message about their profile.

 

Thinking about downloading Grindr and giving up on women altogether.

[mustlovedogs]

So just been matched with 3 hot girls on Tinder Today....

 

Man, how random is this online dating crap. Seem to be going from one extreme to the other. CAN I JUST MATCH WITH SOMEONE AVERAGE! Of course the hotties didn't respond, despite sending a message about their profile.

 

Thinking about downloading Grindr and giving up on women altogether.

 

I hope you're not just chasing hotties... I know you say the thing about average, but if everyone is hot, you won't have much luck (regardless of how good looking you are).

 

And if you're going for the ones with duck lips, lots of cleavage, etc... same thing.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I hope you're not just chasing hotties... I know you say the thing about average, but if everyone is hot, you won't have much luck (regardless of how good looking you are).

 

And if you're going for the ones with duck lips, lots of cleavage, etc... same thing.

 

The hotties on Tinder don't even give me a chance, whether I say:

 

'Hi' or make a comment about their profile. In this hotties case she unmatched me soon after sending the opener which was asking a question based on her Instagram photos connected to the account. LIKE WHY THE DID YOU SWIPE RIGHT YOU B*tch!

 

I am now honestly thinking about deleting Tinder, it is such a retarded app - I swear women are on there purely for a quick ego boost. Last time I was single, I remember I was experiencing exactly the same problem before switching to other dating apps with more success.

[positiveone]

 

 

Short answer: look up "cold approaching".

 

It works beautifully and is real world interaction.

[yeahyeahyeah]

 

Short answer: look up "cold approaching".

 

It works beautifully and is real world interaction.

 

Been there and done that, spent 2k on PUA bootcamps where I paid someone to go sarging with during the day.

 

The rejections can be brutal as hell.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Got some more Bagels, same results with the exception of one Chinese girl. All of them are really unattractive.

 

Frustrating, just want to be matched with an average looking girl.

 

So matched with two ok looking girls using this new app. One white, one Indian, both have responded after I asked them a question about their profile.

 

Meanwhile still no luck on Tinder. What a depressing app.

[kktang]

So matched with two ok looking girls using this new app. One white, one Indian, both have responded after I asked them a question about their profile.

 

Meanwhile still no luck on Tinder. What a depressing app.

 

If you're on Tinder for a while and not getting good match you might want to delete your account and sign up again later. The following article talks about how their match algorithm works.

 

/

[annie24]

"Hi'" is a rather lame start. I'd start off with asking them something specific or a specific comment. like, 'that photo of you on the beach is nice, what beach was that on?" or whatever.

[yeahyeahyeah]

If you're on Tinder for a while and not getting good match you might want to delete your account and sign up again later. The following article talks about how their match algorithm works.

 

]

 

Thanks will check this out.

[yeahyeahyeah]

"Hi'" is a rather lame start. I'd start off with asking them something specific or a specific comment. like, 'that photo of you on the beach is nice, what beach was that on?" or whatever.

 

I'm starting to think this is a problem with people on tinder being stuck up. Since starting this thread I have tried different openers, one of two things happen:

 

A) I get ignored and unmatched

B) I just get ignored

 

The above has always been the case with it. It's also really hard to get a match so when that happens after getting a match it feels crap .

 

If the girl is good looking she is likely to do A as opposed to b. The good looking girls are the worst.

 

Since been using the app a poster recommended on here earlier, every girl I've matched with has bothered to respond. Now talking to 3 girls in less time from there, 2 white and 1 Indian.

 

Screw tinder.

[Annia]

Did this twice with different people/organisations, depends on who you go with but it was the same for me, and I think it will be the same across the board.

 

The first person was an 'approach' coach who took me to a night club and instructed me to approach every girl and gave me tips along the way on how to grab their attention. Think Will Smith, Hitch. It was absolutely soul destroying, since many girls (and rightly so) would reject me flat out by acting as though I did not exist. I remember how the next day feeling so depressed and low on confidence following the level of rejections I was getting.

 

Second time, I did a pick up package with a PUA company who's approach was a bit more holistic in the sense that in addition to approaching girls during the day (on the streets) and at night in clubs/bars I worked with a therapist to help deal with the rejections/build my confidence. Nice idea, didn't work, I got 0 dates and was left frustrated for that reason.

 

The problem with the bootcamps in the end was simple, they were not getting me on dates and thus were not serving their purpose. It was at that point, I looked for an easier alternative, thinking to myself, god it shouldn't be this hard and felt that I was being fleeced. That was when I found online dating and everything changed for the better in terms of going on actual dates.

 

I agree that if it's too hard there's no use in trying. At least where I live, I feel that girls don't consider seriously dating guys that pick them up on the street or clubs. And if they realise that you're trying to pick up every girl in the bar or street, especially if it's in a group of men they'll be put off.

I've heard the same from men in USA when they see those "men hunt" from women in bars that come from "get the guy" sort of boot camps. It gives an aura of despair so men don't take them serious either.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I agree that if it's too hard there's no use in trying. At least where I live, I feel that girls don't consider seriously dating guys that pick them up on the street or clubs. And if they realise that you're trying to pick up every girl in the bar or street, especially if it's in a group of men they'll be put off.

I've heard the same from men in USA when they see those "men hunt" from women in bars that come from "get the guy" sort of boot camps. It gives an aura of despair so men don't take them serious either.

 

It does work, but to do it well you need to have a certain type of personality. These guys are extroverts and enjoy the process of doing it. Unfortunantly they a minority, many fail miserably where these bootcamp dating instrutors prey financially on their vulnerability. On the flip side heard cases where people's mental state deteriate dramatically from the rejections.

 

At the end of the day, online/offline it all boils down to one thing. Physical attraction + personality. A guy can be the most charismatic guy in the world in real life, but it does not mean it will go anything beyond friendship.

[Ally1194]

Ok downloaded, let's see how it goes.

 

Tried Tinder Today - no matches

 

How's it going?

[yeahyeahyeah]

How's it going?

 

No new matches, trying persistently for a month now.

 

Coffee meets bagel is the only app working right now.